Mabley Quotes & Sayings

A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man's man only as long as he can — Moms Mabley

If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear? — Moms Mabley

If you try to impress an alarm clock, it will simply tell you the time. — Steve Pavlina

Honey, that Totie Fields is one well-fed white woman. When that gal sits around the house, she sits around the house! — Moms Mabley

I was in love with a lot of people, because I was a student of the game of comedy - Carol Burnett, Jack Benny, Red Skelton, Jackie Gleason, Don Rickles, Red Foxx, Moms Mabley - who gets no credit, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, George Kirby. I loved them all, and I used to just take a page out of all of them. — Bernie Mac

LOVE is like Playing Checkers. You have to know which Man to MOVE. — Moms Mabley

It's no disgrace to be old. But damn if it isn't inconvenient. — Moms Mabley

You know Moms has been accused of liking young men, and I'm guilty. — Moms Mabley

Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I say, 'He's dead. Good.' — Kate Clinton

Use those brains that God put in your head. — Moms Mabley

It'll be like when your parents give you the biggest present at Christmas but you unwrap it and there's a smaller present inside and that keeps happening until you have a mountain o wrapping paper, some new socks, and a lot of unresolved anger. — Jenny Lawson

Black women, white women- all of them. I'm colorblind. I don't know the difference. I only know you're a human being and you're my children. — Moms Mabley

[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage. — Moms Mabley

I don't want nothing old but some old money. Buy me some young ideas. That's what I'm gonna do with it. — Moms Mabley

[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it. — Moms Mabley

For all my life, America was the place to be. And we somehow continue to be the place where there are real opportunities to change the world for the better. — James D. Watson

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor's office and make people sick. — Moms Mabley

In truth, making films doesn't feel like hard work because I always have such a good time doing it. — Christian Slater

I take no leave of you, Miss Bennet: I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased. — Jane Austen

Advice to children crossing the street: damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain't never killed nobody. — Moms Mabley

I believe that parts of people like John Garfield and Moms Mabley, the parts of them that I needed to be able to do what I'm doing, came into me. There's a very nice feeling that there are many, many spirits inside of me looking after me ... — Whoopi Goldberg

Anytime you see me with my arms around an old man, I'm holding him for the police. — Moms Mabley

The teenagers aren't all bad. I love 'em if nobody else does. There ain't nothing wrong with young people. Jus' quit lyin' to 'em. — Moms Mabley

Ain't nothin' an ol' man can do but bring me a message from a young one. — Moms Mabley