Quotes & Sayings About Life Humour

Try jogging when following your heart, it's healthier — Benny Bellamacina

At no point during the making of this book have I inverted my penis although I did go to Blackpool which turned out to be almost as painful. — Matt Rudd

Try patting them on the back or shoulder and telling them everything is going to be fine. Lots of times when girls cry, they don't want you to fix the problem, they just want to be consoled. — Kiera Cass

She had imagination - the muscle of the soul - and her imagination was of a particularly strong, almost masculine quality. She possessed, too, that real sense of beauty which has far less to do with art than with the constant readiness to discern the halo round a frying-pan or the likeness between a weeping-willow and a Skye terrier. And finally she was blest with a keen sense of humour. No wonder she fitted into his life so well. — Vladimir Nabokov

[L]ife is a phenomenon in need of criticism, for we are, as fallen creatures, in permanent danger of worshipping false gods, of failing to understand ourselves and misinterpreting the behaviour of others, of growing unproductively anxious or desirous, and of losing ourselves to vanity and error. Surreptitiously and beguilingly, then, with humour or gravity, works of art
novels, poems, plays, paintings or films
can function as vehicles to explain our condition to us. They may act as guides to a truer, more judicious, more intelligent understanding of the world. — Alain De Botton

Short cuts make long delays. — J.R.R. Tolkien

When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, "You can do this. You've got what it takes." The other sounds like my mother-in-law. — Carla H. Krueger

I do not at all believe in human freedom in the philosophical sense... Schopenhauer's saying, 'A man can do what he wants, but not will what he wants,' has been a very real inspiration to me since my youth; it has been a continual consolation in the face of life's hardships, my own and others', and an unfailing wellspring of tolerance. This realization mercifully mitigates the easily paralyzing sense of responsibility and prevents us from taking ourselves and other people too seriously; it is conducive to a view of life which, in part, gives humour its due. — Albert Einstein

Life is a huge farce, and the advantage of possessing a sense of humour is that it enables one to defy fate with mocking laughter. — George Gissing

When things are difficult, awful, stressful, the thing that always gets you through is a sense of humour. I don't mean - well, maybe I do - laugh at the hangman as he puts the noose around your neck. But an eye, an ear, for the ridiculous, the absurd in life, can get you through a lot. — Paul Merton

Here is a story in the worst way. I have no business being anywhere in it. It comes between me and the life I have coming. — Gary Lutz

All his faces were designed to express rage or loathing. Now that something had happened which really deserved a face, he had none to celebrate it with. As a kind of token, he made his Sex Life in Ancient Rome face. — Kingsley Amis

He's going to kill me," Peppone murmured, his jaw drooping, "or at least send out the order to have someone take care of me. Well," with a sigh, "might as well get rid of this body before the others wake up." He canted his head and mused to himself. "Maybe I should carve it up first."
"At long last," Bartleby cried, raising his eyes and wringing his hands, "somebody who has no regard for collective conscience and general morality. Oh, happy, happy morning!"
"Take care, Peppone," Danaco laughed, "if you have so little regard for life and the creatural condition, Bartleby will attach himself to you and never leave you for a moment. — Michelle Franklin

When I am alone in the forest at night-time and jump from one tree to another, I often think that life is so strange. — George Mikes

-I'm a girl, I'm his friend and I'm attractive too, so don't just ignore me like I was a pile of squid guts! She felt like saying back to them. — Andrew James Pritchard

In some company it's perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick. — George Carlin

There's only one thing in life more dangerous than a bad idea, and that's a good one. — Greg Curtis

After reading the salary, I've decided that I must refuse. The reason I have to refuse a salary like that is I would be able to do what I've always wanted to do- -get a wonderful mistress, put her up in an apartment, buy her nice things.. With the salary you have offered, I could actually do that, and I know what would happen to me. I'd worry about her, what she's doing; I'd get into arguments when I come home, and so on. All this bother would make me uncomfortable and unhappy. I wouldn't be able to do physics well, and it would be a big mess! What I've always wanted to do would be bad for me, so I've decided that I can't accept your offer. — Richard Feynman

Achieve everything and fail at the rest — Benny Bellamacina

I just think the world ought to be more sort of organized.'
'That's just fantasy,' said Twoflower.
'I know. That's the trouble.' Rincewind sighed again. — Terry Pratchett

Tony smothered the life that me and Ma had built, a furry mould growing over a sweating slab of cheese. — Kerry Hudson

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. — Elbert Hubbard

You can challenge the society; But can't the time — Harishankar Kaushik

An avalanche is just a snowflake that got pissed off. — Andi James Chamberlain

My creative hands can't keep up with my creative mind, so I think I'll sit and rest on my creative behind — Benny Bellamacina

Who's Kreacher?"
"The house-elf who lives here," said Ron. "Nutter. Never met one like him."
"He is not a nutter," said Hermione.
"His life's ambition is to have his head cut off and stuck up on a plaque like his mother", said Ron. "Is that normal, Hermione? — J.K. Rowling

All Dickens's humour couldn't save Dickens, save him from his overcrowded life, its sordid and neurotic central tragedy and its premature collapse. But Dickens's humour, and all such humour, has saved or at least greatly served the world. — Stephen Leacock

Once upon a time,
there was a Zen sign
at every small railway crossing in America

Stop. Look. And listen. — Dick Allen

Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where I might find the humour section. Peering over her granny glasses, she enquired, Humour studies would that be, sir? — Keith Waterhouse

Because we live in a world under siege," I say. "Life sucks for mages and magicians- you taught me that. Bad things happen to those of us who get involved, but if we didn't fight, we'd be in an even worse state. None of it it's your fault, any more than it's the fault of the moon or the stars."
Dervish nods slowly, then arches an eyebrow "The moon or the stars?"
"I always get poetic when I'm dealing with self-pitying simpletons. — Darren Shan

Life is difficult and those who make us laugh are angels. — Wayne Gerard Trotman

I was going to shave this morning but mislaid my chin — Benny Bellamacina

Humour is - how do I say this without sounding pompous - it's a huge part of my life. — Martin Freeman

When you reach the middle of your career ladder, turn it the other way around and slide down to the top — Benny Bellamacina

Sometimes it's better to fail with pride, than to succeed at a price — Benny Bellamacina

I had everything summed up in a nutshell unfortunately I lost the nut. — Benny Bellamacina

Life is serious but art is fun! — John Irving

Going down in history is a dead end pursuit — Benny Bellamacina

It is the most fun I'm ever going to have. I love to write. I love it. I mean, there's nothing in the world I like better, and that includes sex, probably because I'm so very bad at it. It's the greatest peace when I'm in a scene, and it's just me and the character, that's it, that's where I want to live my life. — Joss Whedon

Shit happens. You can either stand their and complain about the smell or you can wipe your shoe and keep walking. — Tommy Cotton

The doctor asked me recently how I was feeling within myself, I replied, "absolutely fine doctor, but I'm terribly lonely without myself. — Benny Bellamacina

That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: it said, 'goodbye — Richard Armour

This is no tall story. Nor is it a short story. Indeed, a story cannot be measured, for their realities stretch far beyond a page or one person's life. — Leah Broadby

Best that all mischief be undertaken behind a squeaky door — Benny Bellamacina

My philosophy in life is to eat, drink and investigate - in that order. — Mel Healy

In real life, Snow White stays dead and Rapunzel grows old, alone in her tower. In real life, you gotta have enough sense to stay away from ugly bitches offering you shiny apples and have enough balls to cut off your own hair and use it as a ladder if needs be. In real life, you gotta save yourself and the only happy endings are the ones paid for in massage parlors. — Amy Sumida

My father lived life to the fullest, even though it was cut short at a young age in 1962. He was known for his intelligence, wit, wisdom, a wonderful sense of humour, a great personality, and a genuine goodwill towards all. — Ajay Mehta

If I had followed every urge I ever had, I would have had much more sex and killed a lot more people — Tommy Cotton

What can you do if they're born stupid ,they're going to be stupid what can you do. — Lou Silluzio

PE! This word was comprised of two single letters, which would normally not cause anyone any trouble. They were two single letters that were usually associated with the further words of "health" and "extended life" and therefore, had a positive reputation. However, for me, the P and the E put together was the worst possible combination. Every time they were mentioned, I would sigh in displeasure, my heart rate would increase and I would feel lightheaded. After all, in my mind, PE = exercise and exercise = torture! — Adele Rose

In the yard of the inn, Daffy Cadwaladyr introduced himself. "Short for Davyd," he said pleasantly.
The Londoner looked as if she'd never heard a sillier name in her life. — Emma Donoghue

LORD ILLINGWORTH: The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life.
MRS ALLONBY: And the body is born young and grows old. That is life's tragedy. — Oscar Wilde

If they succeed, you will not be packed off to some idyllic farm, where you can write bad poetry, we will both be executed. — A.H. Septimius

Sometimes the only way to succeed is to fail backwards — Benny Bellamacina

Without desire, one is a walking cadaver. — Karldon Okruta

My patience has dreadful chilblains from standing so long on a monument. — Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I don't like good habits. They strike me as being so easily broken. — Linnea Gelland

Life is like a one rung ladder, some days you can be on the top and bottom of the world at the same time — Benny Bellamacina

Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her. — Honeya

I'm not sure if you've noticed this yet, but Jenny Sullivan likes to overuse people's first names. It's a technique she read about in a book called Own It - Take Life By The Bollocks. She once said my name so many times I disconnected from it entirely. — Claire Garber

Age may catch up with you, just never let it over take you. — Benny Bellamacina

Congratulations.
You've just been demoted from the "pity" sector to the "apathy" sector.
To check the validity of this offer you can ask if anyone cares.
To cancel your subscription, go get a life.
Thank you. — Sanhita Baruah

If I wanted a life of chastity I'd live with my wife. — Thaddeus White

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one."
"Don't vote. It just encourages them ... — Billy Connolly

We all have dream cars,dream houses and jobs but as soon as we stop dreaming we wake up go take a pee. the world is waiting out here don't just dream,make it a dream. — Mohlalefi J Motsima

To refer even in passing to unpublished or struggling authors and their problems is to put oneself at some risk, so I will say here and now that any unsolicited manuscripts or typescripts sent to me will be destroyed unread. You must make your way yourself. Why you should be so set on the nearly always disappointing profession is a puzzling question. — Kingsley Amis

The executioner's argument was that you couldn't cut of something's head unless there was a trunk to sever it from. He'd never done anything like that in his time of life, and wasn't going to start now.
The King's argument was that anything that had a head, could be beheaded, and you weren't to talk nonsense.
The Queen's argument was that if something wasn't done about it in less than no time, she'd have everyone beheaded all round.
It was this last argument that had everyone looking so nervous and uncomfortable. — Lewis Carroll

Mma Ramotswe tucked the cheque safely away in her bodice. Modern business methods were all very well, she thought, but when it came to the safeguarding of money there were some places which had yet to be bettered. — Alexander McCall Smith

Life is a Game; More you play, More you learns — Harishankar Kaushik Hsk

People should think that being a writer is cool. Even if you're just a starving writer. Besides, most great writers were starving at one point or another. It comes with the title. — Zack Love

I'm not into this whole "move with the times" thing. I reckon we should just decide on a year and stick with it. — R.D. Ronald

Analyse it; chance of getting succeed are always greater than failure — Harishankar Kaushik

There is indeed a great deal of futility amongst the human race which we do not commonly see, for it all forms part of our illusion; but let a man be much annoyed by something that others do, so that he is separated from them and has to leave them, and looks back at what they are doing, and he'll see at once all manner of whimsical absurdities that he had not noticed before; and Ramon Alonzo in the shade of his oak, waiting for the noon to go by, grew very contemptuous of the attitude that the world took up towards shadows. — Lord Dunsany

Christmas comes but once a year, starts in August ends in July — Benny Bellamacina

They say life is full of shit, well hell, so am I, so bring it on — J.W. Murison

I mean really, how could an artistic individual stay grounded in the nitty-gritty of how many minutes per pound meat has to stay in the oven when trying to fathom the creative philosophy behind the greatest artistic minds of the world? — E.A. Bucchianeri

Darling, whose book is this to be?"
"Ostensibly yours, my sweet"
"I see
rather like my life since I met you?"
"Yes darling — John Wyndham

Dear Aunt Patty,
Thank you for coming to be part of what definitely ranks in the top five worst days of my life. While your generosity is appreciated, I am returning this gift, as forced bachelorhood necessitates total abstinence from bamboo placemats and matching napkin rings in my daily life.
Sincerely,
Emory
Too much? — Cary Attwell

I blame Doctor Who. Mr Spock. The Scooby Gang: both the ones in the Mystery Machine and the ones with the stakes. I've spent my life with stories of people who don't walk away, who go back for their friends, who make that last stand. I've been brainwashed by Samwise Gamgee. — Andrea K. Host

When the road ahead seems impossible, start the engine — Benny Bellamacina

I ain't scared to lend a hand
I ain't scared to clench it either — Mie Hansson

Sometimes being given the elbow can turn out to be the best hand. — Benny Bellamacina

Life is a circus: you go in, bow, run around, bow again and leave. — Storm Petersen

She glanced over at the twisted wreckage of the chair - (a nice, Swedish chair that had done nothing in its short life to hurt anyone — Sylvain Reynard

It was a sad place to be at war; never in all my life have I seen corn grow so fast, nor grass fatten beasts to such weight. The herders of Raphana would have sold their grandmothers for such bounty, although they might have claimed them back again as recompense for the floods that were said to
assail the land in winter. — M.C. Scott

I think I know where my life went wrong. For all the world's a stage and I'm a lousy actor! — Greg Curtis

Oh sod me, Sir, not another bloody Paddy. Even a Brummie is better than another Paddy. — Jim McGrath

Sasha snorted. "I have never in my extremely long life seen anyone take so long to answer a question. It's like you went into your brain and got lost. you need a bread crumb, buddy?" He made a noise like he was calling his pet. "Here Lassie, here. Come back girl. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

If you're given a dirty look, wash it and give it back. — Benny Bellamacina

I am halfway through Hillary Clinton's latest called "Living History"...pretty lighthearted on the scale...unlike David Hick's autobiography...I had to skip a couple of hundred pages in the middle of that one because it was too distressing for me to read. Undoubtedly yours will be the same...I will read the beginning, skip all the awful bit in the middle and read your happy ever after bit at the end. — Paige Garland

I think choosing between men and women is like choosing between cake and ice cream. You'd be daft not to try both when there are so many different flavors. — Bjork

I found I was able to relieve people not only of pain but of fear. It's strange how many people suffer from it. I don't mean fear of closed spaces and fear of heights, but fear of death and, what's worse, fear of life. Often they're people who seem in the best of health, prosperous, without any worry, and yet they're tortured by it. I've sometimes thought it was the most besetting humour of men, and I asked myself at one time if it was due to some deep animal instinct that man has inherited from that primeval something that first felt the thrill of life. — W. Somerset Maugham

I have been seeing dragons again.
Last night, hunched on a beaver dam,
one held a body like a badly held cocktail;
his tail, keeping the beat of a waltz,
sent a morse of ripples to my canoe.
They are not richly bright
but muted like dawns
or the vague sheen on a fly's wing.
Their old flesh drags in folds
as they drop into grey pools,
strain behind a tree.
Finally the others saw one today, trapped,
tangled in our badminton net.
The minute eyes shuddered deep in the creased face
while his throat, strangely fierce, stretched
to release an extinct burning inside:
pathetic loud whispers as four of us
and the excited spaniel surrounded him. — Michael Ondaatje

Humour is ... the all-consoling and ... the all-excusing, grace of life. — C.S. Lewis

Giving up drinking for life is easy.
I've done it loads of times. — Peter James West

Sleepwalking is the perfect exorcise for lazy people — Benny Bellamacina

Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle. — Carl Hiaasen

Having a sense of humour is really key. You have to have a sense of humour with these things and I've just tried to remain who I am. My life has changed. It's changed in the fact that I don't have the freedoms I did before, but I've also got a huge amount of other freedoms that came along with it. — Daniel Craig

Question everything, unless it's the answer — Benny Bellamacina

Political life is best treated with antibiotics. — Colin Tegerdine