Quotes & Sayings About Life Funny Quotes

Normally, she would never wish a head injury on anyone, but it might make her days in Archival Studies a bit easier. — Jaleigh Johnson

That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights) — Eve Kagan

Only about 3 percent of animal species are monogamous. A couple of penguins, some otters and a few other oddball critters. To these select few it comes natural to mate for life and never look at another member of the opposite sex. Humans are not part of that little club. Like the other 97% of species, humans are not monogamous by nature. We just pretend that we are. — Oliver Markus

We think we owe everyone something. We think we need to explain ourselves and we think too much about thinking too much.
And it is funny how we think we know it all, but the reality is this: everything we think that brings us together is everything that sets us further apart. And over thinking of how different we all are; is failing to recognize of how connected we all could really be. — Robert M. Drake

It was 10:30 in the morning and I was already running behind. This is hardly unusual, but it pisses me off every single time. — Julie Powell

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

I Take Life Very Seriously: One Joke At A Time. — Sandra Chami Kassis

My book sales are way down today. Also, I've received two scathing reviews. One of them calls me a purveyor of insipid wet-dreams. — Nenia Campbell

Nothing is worth having if it isn't worth showing off ... — Thabang Gideon Magaola

I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace. — Fakeer Ishavardas

A man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything. — E.A. Bucchianeri

Life is a circle. It spins you around. — Ljupka Cvetanova

It's not fair! (Ryssa)
Because life was ever about fairness.
Oh, to be as naive as his sister. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive. — E.A. Bucchianeri

Life at times is a bunch of crap, the nice part about crap is that it's biodegradable. — Kyle Johnson

What a funny old world,
Thinking they could cage her,
& make her fear her future;
Apprently they didn't know her well enough,
The cage, gave her wings to fly. — Nikki Rowe

I love to stalk. I love to stalk you real, real good. I took your name home after our date and we had the best Google session of my life. — Anyta Sunday

Then he asked me which one I thought was most likely to happen. I wish I knew. I really do. But I don't. You'd think that after living with these people for fifteen years I'd know a little something about them. But right now I feel like I don't know my parents at all. I guess
when you get down to it, I've never really thought about them as people. They've always been my parents. Now I have to think about them as people with feelings. What a pain.
The funny thing is, I bet they feel the same way. — Michael Thomas Ford

Lilli . . . Lilli . . . Lilli."

Sweet Jesus, she was going to kill him. She'd just gotten to sleep. Now he was running a finger up and down her spine, saying her name in an extremely life-threatening singsong voice. — Susan Fanetti

Quote from In Love of Honey, Money....and My Virgin Passport

If you think you've the most wicked sense of humour, try life! — Mita Jain

It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people. — F Scott Fitzgerald

All too often we fail to see the good in a difficult situation. Our minds are wired in such a funny way that we tend to believe just because a door closed it must be a bad thing. — Lindsey Rietzsch

Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags. — Fakeer Ishavardas

I was trying to do you a favor, you silly woman. A few more hours in the fire, and your baby boy would have been immortal! He would've grown into a fine young god and brought you eternal honor. Now you've ruined the magic. He will simply be human - a great hero, yes, strong and tall, but doomed to a mortal life. He will only be Demophoon, when he could have been Fully Phoon! Phoon the Great! — Rick Riordan

Reality Sucks, I want my dreams back. — Sandra Chami Kassis

Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all. — Matshona Dhliwayo

Life is about more that quotes about life — John Chaplin

There is no cure for madness except the madness as the cure. — Santosh Kalwar

It's funny how a hello is always accompanied with a goodbye. It's funny how good memories can make you cry, it's funny how forever never seems to last, it's funny how much you would lose if you forgot about your past, it's funny how friends can just leave when you're down, it's funny how when you need someone they never are around, it's funny how people change and think they're so much better, it's funny how some many lies are packed into one love letter, it's funny how one night can hold so much regret, it's funny how you can forgive but not forget, it's funny how ironic life turns out to be, but the funniest part of all, is that none of that is funny to me. — Auliq Ice

This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track. — Erin Mitchell

Just because a guy rings your bell, doesn't mean you have to toot his horn. — C.C. Hunter

Life and death played out before my very eyes.
You don't see these things if you clean your room regularly. — Joan Bauer

Yer a wizard, Harry! — J.K. Rowling

don't just listen to people crying, hear the reasons why they cry — Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

COFFEE! Because this body is NOT going to wake itself up! — Tanya Masse

Life is funny...we never know what's in store for us and time brings on what is meant to be. — April Mae Monterrosa

I don't want to hear what anyone has to say about my life. Living it is hard enough. — C.D. Reiss

This is what my high school life had become - a horror show of epic, mind-fuck proportions. — G.G. Silverman

If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live. — Shannon L. Alder

His son Peter Bucky happily spent time driving Einstein around, and he later wrote down some of his recollections in extensive notebooks. They provide a delightful picture of the mildly eccentric but deeply un-affected Einstein in his later years. Peter tells, for example, of driving in his convertible with Einstein when it suddenly started to rain. Einstein pulled off his hat and put it under his coat. When Peter looked quizzical, Einstein explained: "You see, my hair has withstood water many times before, but I don't know how many times my hat can. — Walter Isaacson

When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is.

* If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off.
* If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zombie with a speech impediment, or a zombie that was mildly retarded in life.
* Keep in mind that it is entirely possible that you did encounter a human named "Brian. — Shamus McCarty

Life isn't over until you're dead. Another ultra-positive, ultra-motivational tweet to improve your day. You're welcome. — Carla H. Krueger

How is it that food STILL contains calories that make you gain weight in the 21st CENTURY?! It's like scientists aren't even trying! — Tanya Masse

When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket, talk nice to her, try to flirt or start crying, i bet she will save the ticket for you. — Werley Nortreus

In the morning, people have a plan for that day. Hardworking people think of what they will do during the day, and idle people on what they should do. — Eraldo Banovac

She was spoiled, but she wasn't lazy. She knew what she wanted, and because she believed absolutely that she could have everything she wanted if she tried hard enough to get it, she never stopped trying. — Cecily Von Ziegesar

I glance at him. He's looking at me, his expression every bit as expectant as I feel. I hate this little game of ours. Maybe because I'm no good at it. He won't tell me more unless I ask. Curiosity is one of my most incurable flaws
and Galen knows it.
Still, I already gave up a perfectly good tantrum for him, so I feel like he owes me. Never mind that he saved my life today. That was so two hours ago. — Anna Banks

That's the problem with best friends. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself. — Cecily Von Ziegesar

Life is as precious to us as it is for an animal. An animal is as loving, caring, and kind to her children as we are. She might not be able to tell us but she can express it through her eyes and expressions. She feels joy and happiness. She is helpless in our cruel hands and vulnerable to our vicious greed. Let us be kind to animals. Let us learn to feel their pain. Can we kill a helpless baby to feed our greed? Then how can we kill helpless animal friends that can't talk? Often we kill just for fun. How funny would it be if an animal killed a human just for fun? Let us be kind to animals as much as possible. I know we can. It is easier to love an animal than a human being. If you love an animal, it will rarely hurt you. Let us practice kindness and compassion to animals so that we may create a peaceful world. — Debasish Mridha

Play and be happy. — Lailah Gifty Akita

And there were carved hearts in the trunks of trees with the initials of couples who felt there was no more romantic thing they could do to celebrate their love than scar the local plant life — Kevin Hearne

What doesn't kill you makes you CRAZY, GRUMPY, MAD AS EVER? NO it makes you STRONGER! Yep,you'll get there eventually! — Karen Gibbs

You can't hold someone who
Wants to leave
You can't clutch a memory
As if it were today
You can't take an insult
Close to heart
You can't grasp for glory
From your chair
You can't seize life
Thinking only of loss
And you can't grab a laser pointer dot
On the wall
No matter how much you try
These hard-earned truths I give to you — Francesco Marciuliano

I find it funny when people try to brag about being younger than me ... like having lived less is an accomplishment. Makes me want to pat them on the head, lol. I'm comfortable with who I am. — Michelle M. Pillow

It was a Wednesday, I think. Yes, a Wednesday, that miserable day sandwiched between the dreadful Monday and Tuesday and the 'all right' Thursday and Friday, which ultimately gave way to what I hoped woud be a glorious weekend. — Gauri Jhangiani

There isn't a need to sugar coat life anymore,
Cant we see we live through enough lies, deciet and painful realities to create more, by stagnating the growth of the ones your suppose to make an Impact on and more importantly yourself.
Let life be funny, but never a joke. — Nikki Rowe

Vomit and shit, even your own, stink. — Sheeja Jose

Funny how things work themselves out. Things happen that split up family and friends, then things happen that bring them back together. Everyone is in your life for a reason. My hope is for all the reasons to be good. Those who love you never lose touch, are always consistent, and unquestionable. — April Mae Monterrosa

If I'll be funnier than this, I'll become a joke. — Chandan Sharma

Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. — William Goldman

My condolences, you're still alive. — Fakeer Ishavardas

Intelligent life on other planets? I'm not even sure there is on earth! — Albert Einstein

it's funny how I'm encouraged to go to school so much, but I've learned more valuable things on google then from school. — James Jean-Pierre

I've nothing against people. Just a***oles. But then, most people are. — Fakeer Ishavardas

To truly fail in life is to never try. When you fall on your face, it is an opportunity for you to find the road again. It may remind you how hard the road is, but you will never forget its presence once you make contact. — H.L. Stephens

I get a kick out of cursing people for life on Sundays. — Emily Kirby

We all have that one friend that walks into your home like its their home — Thabang Gideon Magaola

If you don't do anything stupid when you're young, you won't remember something funny when you're old. — Auliq Ice