Lazy Humor Quotes & Sayings

It's a lazy Saturday afternoon, there's a couple lying naked in bed reading Encyclopediea Brittannica to each other, and arguing about whether the Andromeda Galaxy is more 'numinous' than the Ressurection. Do they know how to have a good time, or don't they? — Carl Sagan

I find it so liberating when other people are rude. It makes me feel mild and lazy and mean. — Sue Grafton

Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man; he is sure to find an easy way of doing it. — Walter Chrysler

I hadn't known this about love: that you did not need to deserve it. I thought there was a set of criteria, like a good sense of humor and looks and wealth. You could compensate deficiencies in one area with excellence in another, hence rich, ugly men with beautiful wives. But there was an algorithm involved. That was why I thought I was unloved: I didn't score highly enough. I had made some attempts to improve my score and also told myself I didn't care because that was what women wanted, something fake and temporary, I would rather be alone. And sometimes I was just lazy and would rather code things. But here I was soaking in a bath of my own filth with Lola scrubbing my shoulders, and what algorithm could explain that? That problem was nonhalting. — Max Barry

Oh, yes, of course," he said hastily. He gestured for Sophie to come closer. "Lance, this is Sophie. She helped me out when you and the others ran out on me, and she's been travelling with me ever since. Sophie, this is Lord Lance the Lazy. You'll never meet a person lazier than him. Watch as he asks you to come forward so he can kiss your hand."
"Don't be ridiculous, Oliver, I wouldn't ask her to come forward," Lance scoffed. And then after a momentary pause, he added to Sophie, "Incidentally, if I do ask you to come forward, would you oblige? — Zeinab Alayan

Most people who spew hatred aren't very intelligent or motivated. They tend to be lazy, and if for some reason they are coaxed into picking up a pen, their messages are mostly incoherent and largely illiterate. — Damien Echols

It's my Prom King, Brett. He's tapping at the window, wanting me to roll it down or to get out of the car - what an image that would be. How will I ever live that down? I can't even see myself laughing about it twenty years from now. If the neighbors walk past they'll probably report me to social services, I can hear them on the phone now, She's too lazy to even go to the bathroom, she just shits in her car. — P.K. Darling

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button. — Tim Vine

I like to search for class struggle in strange domains. For example it is clear that in classical Hollywood, the couple of vampires and zombies designates class struggle. Vampires are rich, they live among us. Zombies are the poor, living dead, ugly, stupid, attacking from outside. And it's the same with cats and dogs. Cats are lazy, evil, exploitative, dogs are faithful, they work hard, so if I were to be in government, I would tax having a cat, tax it really heavy. — Slavoj Zizek

You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like, you pick up your mail, you go in your house, you realize you have a letter for a neighbor. You ever just look at the letter and go "Hm. Looks like they're never getting this. It'll take too much energy to go back outside. I'm gonna get that to them later on. Right now I gotta watch some 'Love Connection.' They got some new host on there." — Jim Gaffigan

In Joey's neighborhood the blocks were short and there were stop signs on every corner. It was hard to get going more than fifteen miles an hour, and on those lazy streets Joey's refurbished 1973 El Dorado convertible got about eight blocks to the gallon. — Laurence Shames

The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly. — Jim Rohn

If you're not lazy, you're not Malay,
If you're don't cheat, you're not Chinese,
If you're don't drink. you're not Indian

To my friend I say,
I'm Chinese but I'm no cheat,
My friend's Indian but he's no drunk,
Another is Malay but he's no slob,
Chinese, Indian Malay or Others,
We are who we make ourselves to be,
Not the stereotypes we're out to be.
But if we don't buck the trend,
We'll forever be stamped. — Lydia Teh

One popular saying was, The boy who goes into medicine is too lazy for farm or shop, too stupid for the Bar, and too immoral for the pulpit. — Volney Steele

Stop saying drug use makes people lazy. Jimi Hendrix did a lot of drugs, even though he's been dead for forty years, he's still making new records. Suck on that, Partnership for a Drug-Free America! — Bill Maher

About time you woke up, lazy." Cinder glanced over her shoulder to see Thorne in the doorway. Cress and Jacin filled in behind him. "How's the hand?"
"Almost fully functional."
"Of course it's almost fully functional," said Iko. "Cress and I are geniuses." She flashed Cress a thumbs-up.
"I helped," said Thorne.
"He held the lamp," Iko clarified.
"Jacin did nothing," said Thorne, pointing.
"Jacin checked your pulse and breathing and made sure you weren't dead," said Iko.
Thorne snorted. "I could have done that. — Marissa Meyer

When you see me in a scarf you may think "Oh, she went to some trouble there." But no, when I wear a scarf it means" this grey blouse was unwrinkled and those mocha pants make my behind look fine and voila I have a vivid grey,brown and white silk scarf which means I have transformed self from bone lazy to coordinated accessory maven.
Bridget Allison (Gretchen Gallen in my book#3, "Maid in Waiting" publish date June 2014) — Bridget Allison

Sofia," I said, lowering my sandwich from my mouth. The edge of the bread had a red mark on it from my lipstick. "If you don't take that man's jacket, I'm going to set something on fire."
Cole immediately came to life.
Jeremy shook his head slowly. "No man. Not here."
He said it with such lazy, muted humor that it suddenly seemed obvious that they'd been in a band together. That he, anyway, knew Cole in a way those fangirls did not. — Maggie Stiefvater

What time is it?"
"One o'clock."
I nearly spit out some soda. "In the
afternoon?"
"No. In the morning. Don't let that damn
sunlight fool you. It lies. — Glenn Bullion

The drive to Santa Fe on I-25 is midly zen. There are public road signs that say "Gusty Winds May Exist". This seems more like lazy philosophy than travel advice. — Chuck Klosterman

An English gentleman never shines his shoes, but then nor does a lazy bastard. — Will Self

Popularity's a weird thing. You can't really define it, and it's not cool to talk about, but you know it when you see it. Like a lazy eye, or porn. — Lauren Oliver

Did someone just call me the wine dude?" he asked in a lazy drawl. "It's Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don't-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus. — Rick Riordan

He watched her as she carried the stone over to one of the walls and set it down. She exhaled and wiped her brow. Then she glared at him.
He smiled - one of his best, he thought. "You ought to bend your legs when you lift the stones," he called out. "It's better for your back."
"It's better for your back," she mimicked under her breath, "lazy, good-for-nothing, stupid little - "
"Excuse me?"
"Thank you for your advice." Her voice was sweetness personified. — Julia Quinn

Like Jesus said 'blessed are the lazy who lie on boats, for they shall inherit a suntan — Nicholas Sparks

That's so typical. You won't steal a baby, but you're too lazy to conjugate. — Jim Butcher

In New York I'd go to the movies three or four times a week. Here I've upped it to six or seven, mainly because I'm too lazy to do anything else. Fortunately, going to the movies seems to suddenly qualify as an intellectual accomplishment, on a par with reading a book or devoting time to serious thought. It's not that the movies have gotten any more strenuous, it's just that a lot of people are as lazy as I am, and together we've agreed to lower the bar. — David Sedaris

You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. — George Carlin

I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb. — Russell Howard

The brain, as busy as it can be, is actually very lazy...It sees what it expects to see — James R. Doty

We think we grow old, we grow wise and more tolerant; we just grow more lazy. — John Fowles

,dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw.
Chapter I. — Chuck Palahniuk

She held up the pen and gave him a lazy grin. "It's a rose."
He came close. "It's a pen." He tried to pluck it from her hand.
"You are seriously lacking in imagination. — Ronie Kendig

Really, these wizards! You'd think no one had ever had a cold before! Well, what is it?" she asked, hobbling through the bedroom door onto the filthy carpet.
"I'm dying of boredom," Howl said pathetically. "Or maybe just dying. — Diana Wynne Jones

But I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment. — David Sedaris

There's a lot of "fiddle-faddle" wrapped up in that word "inspiration." It is the last resort of the lazy writer, of the man who would rather sit and dream than be up and doing. If the majority of writers who depend upon fiction for a livelihood were to wait for the spirit of inspiration to move them, the sheriff would happen along and tack a notice on the front door--while the writers were still waiting. — John Milton Edwards

Sleepwalking is the perfect exorcise for lazy people — Benny Bellamacina

Procrastination is the lazy cousin of fear.When we feel anxiety around an activity, we postpone it. — Noelle Hancock

Among our articles of lazy hardware, I recommend the faucet that stops dripping when no one is listening to it. — Marcel Duchamp

It's an amusing idea to some, this feminism thing - this audacious notion that women should be able to move through the world as freely, and enjoy the same inalienable rights and bodily autonomy, as men. At least, that's the impression given when feminism and feminists are all too often the targets of lazy humor. — Roxane Gay

Are you going to tame our little Sissy, Mitchell?
Sissy rubbed her face, annoyed, and Mitch answered honestly, I'm really too lazy to try and tame anybody. If I had my way, I'd spend all day sleeping under a tree, maybe rolling out occasionally to sun my belly, and then I expect someone to bring me food. I could live like that forever! — Shelly Laurenston

When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE! — Demetri Martin

Brunch is such an odd thing. It was created by fat, lazy people who were too lazy to wake up at a reasonable hour and too fat to wait until the next proper time for dining. — Brian South

I usually avoided any form of getting ready on Saturdays-the process just took away from the magic of being lazy. — Shannen Crane Camp

What's my writing style? Lazy. — Dan Alatorre

This experiment has made it very clear that the majority of my day is spent on my phone or laptop, trying to figure out both where, and with whom, I am dining. And now, I'm reading my book on an iPad for an audio recording, so you, you lazy piece of shit, could listen to me, instead of reading the book yourself. — Aziz Ansari

I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap'n Crunch and I'd have to take a nap. — M.J. McGuire

New Rule: Stop leaving couches on the sidewalk. Besides being lazy and ugly, it's animal cruelty. You teach your dog not to pee on the couch, and then when you take him to the place he's supposed to pee, there's a couch. — Bill Maher

As if anyone in Paris would believe for a second that I was a top. Not only was I made for being manhandled, I was far too lazy to be anything but a bottom. — Nicole Castle

When two people live in one place, their individual habits get amplified.
For example: I'm not lazy. But I don't like to move a whole lot. I mean, if I am doing something, I'll do it. I'm as active as the next guy. But if I'm sitting, I don't like to get up. Even if I'm facing the wrong way.
If I'm talking to someone whose chair isn't quite facing me, I'll talk to the side of their head. If I sit down and realize the TV is angled wrong, I won't get up to adjust. I'll watch it like that. I'll sit there and wait til someone walks by and ask them to move the TV. — Paul Reiser