Laxative Quotes & Sayings

What are you so pleased about?"
"I only drink a little at a time, like half a cup ever four or five months, to maintain my current age. Half a cup has a mild laxative effect."
"What kind of effect?"
"Laxative. It means it loosens the bowels."
"Half a cup has ... But you just had me drink a whole pot!"
"That's why I brought you the shovel ... — Kevin Hearne

My point, exactly. Those poor women are so malnourished, they can't think straight. Take my friend Sasha. Her idea of a three-course meal is a celery stick, a cherry tomato, and a laxative. She's killing herself to fit into these clothes. Women like me can't dress like that. — Kerrelyn Sparks

POWER: The ability to make our fellow humans squirm, sweat and stammer on command. Often regarded as an aphrodisiac; actually a potent laxative that, whenever ingested by people in high places, causes everyone below to run for cover. — Rick Bayan

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. — Dave Barry

The first thing Gutenberg sought to publish, after the Bible, was a laxative timetable he called a "Purgation-Calendar." Then there is the astonishing number of anal German folk sayings. "As the fish lives in water, so does the shit stick to the asshole!," to select but one of the seemingly endless examples. — Michael Lewis

The confidence and security of a people can be measured by their attitude toward laxatives. At the high noon of the British sun, soldiers in far-flung outposts of the Empire doctored themselves with "a spoonful o' gunpowder in a cuppa 'ot tea." Purveyors and users of harsh laxatives were not afraid of being thought mean and unfriendly just because their laxatives were. But in America, the need to be nice is so consuming that nobody would dare take a laxative that makes you run up the stairs two at a time, pushing others aside and yelling, "Get out of the way! — Florence King

The problem here is that you think love will take all the pain away, like it does for characters in a book. It's not that easy, Stephen, and not that simple; despite all your bards and how much we'd like that to be true. It isn't. Love isn't going to fix me, or you. It's not a laxative that just helps you shit out all the crap you'd rather forget. — Brandon Shire

All the explanations proposed seem to be
only partly satisfactory. They range from massive climatic change to mammalian predation to the extinction of a plant with apparent laxative properties, in which case the dinosaurs died of constipation. — Carl Sagan

The psychotic clown I sent for his birthday will feel like a feather falling on a pillow atop a cloud. The laxative in my lunch? Child's play. If you think it was bad when I sent that fake resume for his open assistant position and the stripper came for the interview? No. We're talking Defcon Five, Vietcong-level mind fucking, do you hear me, Chloe? — Christina Lauren

Okay, woman. Spit that canary out and wipe those feathers off your chin. What the heck happened to you? Last night you were crying over a laxative commercial on TV. — Katherine Allred

Taking magnesium before your period may forestall the pain altogether. A series of European studies with small groups of women who suffered painful periods consistently showed relief of symptoms when they took high doses of magnesium.10, 11, 12 Take 700 mg of dietary calcium with 700 mg of supplemental magnesium Use non-laxative ReMag. Calcium — Carolyn Dean

And can you get this girl something with a laxative effect?" I add to the waitress, refusing to spare Sophie a glance as I slide my menu back into place. "My treat. I just can't stand to see someone so full of shit, you know? Especially when her boyfriend keeps feeding her more of it. — Dahlia Adler

The fact that salt is a powerful emetic as well as a potent laxative should convince the most skeptical that it is not meant to form an important part of the human diet. — John H. Tobe

He looks way too comfortable sitting there on my couch. A blond Adonis with his golden chest and sculpted muscles and perfectly chiseled face. If the hockey thing doesn't work out for him, he ought to consider going into modeling. Dean Di Laurentis oozes sexuality. He could slap his face on a laxative label and every woman in the world would be praying for constipation just to have an excuse to buy it. — Elle Kennedy

Refuting anything in this worldly life is tantamount to refuting God. Even refuting stealing is tantamount to refuting God. This Stealing is a kind of laxative. It cleanses us and leaves. — Dada Bhagwan

When we get off the plane, the fact that we are far from New York immediately becomes evident. Everything moves slower here; the change of pace feels something like relief. The Southern drawl has a laxative effect on Carl too, magically removing the stick from his ass. — Julie Buxbaum

There are men who would be afraid to commit themselves on the doctrine that castor oil is a laxative. — Camille Flammarion

I would browse for half an hour or so in the secondhand bookstores in the neighborhood. Owning my own 'library' was my only materialistic ambition; in fact, trying to decide which two of these thousands of books to buy that week, I would frequently get so excited that by the time the purchase was accomplished I had to make use of the bookseller's toilet facilities. I don't believe that either microbe or laxative has ever affected me so strongly as the discovery that I was all at once the owner of a slightly soiled copy of Empson's Seven Types of Ambiguity in the original English edition. — Philip Roth