Last Week Tonight Fake Quotes & Sayings

History proves ... that a smart central bank can protect the economy and the financial sector from the nastier side effects of a stock market collapse. — Ben Bernanke

Many have told me through the years: 'I think I'll take my chances without Jesus.' And I always come back and say, 'So what chance is that?' — Phil Robertson

With children who have never said a word, parents tend to assume, for better or for worse, that there isn't any language there. — Andrew Solomon

The vast majority is in an incredible state of mental sleep. People are not living, they are wasting their whole life. They don't even know where to put their attention, what to follow, which values to treasure... they have no ambitions, just crazy dreams that they block in themselves from working for... people are really in a mess. — Robin Sacredfire

Of Dragon born, a conqueror prevails. The chosen one fated to protect the dying race. Third of three deemed protector to the progeny. The other marked for revenge. The book of life pages turn yet unwritten. The canvas to your mortal soul. The connection to your immortal enemy. A death will come to He that breaks the barrier. Mr. Creepy/Sooth — Candace Knoebel

If you're doing something, if you're following something that is directly at odds with who you are, you've got to slow down and ask yourself why you're following that dream. — Christopher Rice

We're here for such a short period of time. Live like you're already dead, man. Have a good time. Do your best. Let it all come ripping right through you. — Jeff Bridges

I was quite cocky, but having been hailed as this great young golfer, I couldn't even make the high school golf team once I got there. I had a big dose of humble pie then, and ever since, I've always known that there is always someone out there better than you, more talented. Always. — David Chang

True love is tested when betrayed. — Toba Beta

Come rain or shine I walk short distances rather than taking my car. — Sophie Ellis-Bextor

It had all been a storm in a teacup. — David Howarth

If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail. — Tucker Max

Every man of ambition has to fight his century with its own weapons. What this century worships is wealth. The God of this century is wealth. To succeed one must have wealth. At all costs one must have wealth. — Oscar Wilde