Lampoon Quotes & Sayings

You remember having friends who used to lampoon the world so effortlessly, crouching at the verge of every joke and waiting to pounce on it, and you remember how they changed as they grew older and the joy of questioning everything slowly became transformed into the pain of questioning everything, like a star consuming its own core. — Kevin Brockmeier

It suddenly occurred to me that, after all that frolicking in the meadows, he hadn't kissed me. Was it because of the mold that grew in my sinuses? — The Harvard Lampoon

Germs contagious, contagious alert!
But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt! — The Harvard Lampoon

Perhaps they exist in the deepest, darkest part of the ancient caves for good reason: they make fun of someone. Perhaps someone powerful. Perhaps rather than being sacred paintings for ancient religious rituals or to ensure the success of the hunt, they are caricatures, the first political cartoons, hidden because they lampoon the leaders, castigate the powerful, and ridicule the rich. Perhaps they tell one of a timeless story - a love triangle or fear of deadly beasts - for that is what political cartoons are all about. Leveling the playing field. It does — Rick Sapp

One must avoid snobbery and misanthropy. But one must also be unafraid to criticise those who reach for the lowest common denominator, and who sometimes succeed in finding it. This criticism would be effortless if there were no "people" waiting for just such an appeal. Any fool can lampoon a king or a bishop or a billionaire. A trifle more grit is required to face down a mob, or even a studio audience that has decided it knows what it wants and is entitled to get it. And the fact that kings and bishops and billionaires often have more say than most in forming appetites and emotions of the crowd is not irrelevant, either. — Christopher Hitchens

Listen' he whispered ferociously, like a ferocious breeze or a very gentle hurricane. — The Harvard Lampoon

Suddenly I blurted out. I love you more than everything in the entire galaxy combined into one potent, delicious piece of gum! — The Harvard Lampoon

Having spent a substantial part of my career parodying religious figures from my own Christian background, I am aghast at the notion that it could, in effect, be made illegal to imply ridicule of a religion or to lampoon religious figures. — Rowan Atkinson

I loved the old stories in National Lampoon, like the original story the movie Vacation was based on. I used to laugh at them until I cried. — Drew Carey

So, Belle, what's new today?"
Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."
Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the months on them. — The Harvard Lampoon

The parody is the last refuge of the frustrated writer. Parodies are what you write when you are associate editor of the Harvard Lampoon. The greater the work of literature, the easier the parody. The step up from writing parodies is writing on the wall above the urinal. — Ernest Hemingway,

I remember reading Dave Barry for the first time and being like oh my God I can't believe you can do this. Watching Mel Brooks and Monty Python and SNL and all that stuff really informed me as a writer and then at high school I started a satire magazine and the college like The Lampoon really introduced me to like you know a lot of very like-minded people who really wanted to like comedy was the center of their lives. — Nicholas Stoller

I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, 'Did you mean vampire?' I said, 'Yes. — The Harvard Lampoon

As a former writer for the 'National Lampoon,' I've probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live. — P. J. O'Rourke

I had recently come into the possession of a Thesaurus. You would not believe how many words there are! When I opened that book, I was like, whoa! Word party! — The Harvard Lampoon

I was so attracted to him I could have peed myself right there on the spot, but I hadn't done anything like that in a while. I was older now, and harnessed my feelings in moments like these by opening and closing my fists very rapidly. — The Harvard Lampoon

I love you, Prin,' I say.
'Just shut up. — The Harvard Lampoon

Humor is a powerful tool, and some of these politicians are so far out and easy to lampoon. They just provide such delicious opportunity. — George Takei

I decided to use 'Frown Power.' This is where you socially deter people from being bigoted by frowning at their ignorant remarks. — The Harvard Lampoon

So all this time you thought I was a vampire?' Edwart whispered furiously, pulling me a few inches to the left.
'Sure,' I said, 'you know, the lion falls for the lamb ... '
'What?'
'Sorry. It's easier for me if I explain things in animal terms. — The Harvard Lampoon

This was like National Lampoon's Vacation, but with death, property destruction, and an Irish accent. — Abigail Roux

The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire. Pretty much all my crushes have been one or the other. One guy, actually, was both big and a vampire, but he turned out to be gay. — The Harvard Lampoon

He made small talk on the way about how he was abandoned as a child and will only rest easy once he is avenged. His name was Tom. — The Harvard Lampoon

You're lucky I was on that roof all day. That old man ... he was trying to sell you a Sega product. — The Harvard Lampoon

I'll have AB positive', I told Josh when he returned from the dance floor, 'What's it made of? Apples and Bananas?'
-Belle Goose — The Harvard Lampoon

I want to leave all my friends and the sunlight for a small, rainy town. — The Harvard Lampoon

The first casualty of war is casual wear. — Brian Spellman

Nice one, Catpiss,' he says. That's not my real name. My name is actually Kantkiss. Kantkiss Neverclean. — The Harvard Lampoon

I took the one letter he had for us. It was from the Switchblade Gas & Electric Company. I didn't know I had admirers there too, but I wasn't that surprised. I threw it in the trash with the IRS's love letters and closed the door without reply. — The Harvard Lampoon

The next day was wonderful...and terrible. So, overall, I guess it was okay. — The Harvard Lampoon

Thus the aristocracy took their revenge by singing lampoons on their new master, and whispering in his ears sinister prophecies of coming catastrophe.
In this way arose feudal Socialism; half lamentation, half lampoon; half echo of the past, half menace of the future, at times by its bitter, witty and incisive criticism, striking the bourgeoisie to the very heart's core, but always ludicrous in its effects, through total incapacity to comprehend the march of modern history. — Karl Marx

Then, suddenly, I remembered the accident, and Edwart's snow-proof body, and his eyes that changed from I-don't-remember to green, and I knew. — The Harvard Lampoon

And don't trouble yourself too much if you don't laugh at what you are about to read, for if you perk up your pink little ear, you may hear the silvery tinkling of merriment in the air, far, far away ... It's us, buster. Ching! — The Harvard Lampoon

We began to butterfly kiss, which is when you touch your eyelashes to the other person's skin. I was going to respect Edwart's desire to wait, and he was going to respect my desire for winged creatures. — The Harvard Lampoon

I read everything, including the labels on canned food. I'm a hopeless print addict, a condition alleviated only by daily meditation which breaks the linear-Aristotelian trance. National Lampoon, Scientific American are what I read most obsessively. — Robert Anton Wilson

As soon as we were inside, Edwart's family rushed to greet me. What seemed like thirty people circled me, chattering away.
"Oh my god, you smell good."
"Good smell, good smell."
"(she really does smell good.)"
"do you mind if I put my nose right on you? Right on your arm?"
"More smelly smelly please."
"If I could destroy every part of my brain except the part that smelled your smell, I would do it. I would do it in a second."
"Let's go, Belle," Edwart whispered and grabbed my hand. We pushed through the ravenous vampires nad out the front door.
"So that went well!" I said outside in the U-HAUL. I sniffed my hair. I did smell good.
"No, no, that wasn't my house," Edwart said, starting the truck. "I don't even know those people! Sometimes I get addresses confused. — The Harvard Lampoon

Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face. — National Lampoon

And when I have to step in puddles, he lays himself down in the water so I can walk on his back to avoid getting wet. You know, normal friend stuff. — The Harvard Lampoon

When guys gnash their teeth and knit their brows in a broody, furious expression, it means they have found their soulmate. — The Harvard Lampoon

You should have seen the costumes for the last few prom themes: Pimps and their srteet ho's; CEOs and their office ho's; GI Joes and their combat ho's; Gardeners and their garden hose;Firemen and their fire hose ... If you ask me, a 'masquerade' theme isn't flattering for anyones features, nor does it define the apppropriate gender roles very clearly. — The Harvard Lampoon

They all got really quiet and started to lick their lips, closing in on Lucy. I started to lick my lips, too, because it's one of those subconcious, contagious things like sneezing, but then I stopped because it just isn't worth it if you forgot to bring ChapStick. — The Harvard Lampoon

I looked over at Edwart. It occurred to me that I had never seen him in direct sunlight. Interestingly enough, I had also never seen him sparkle. Could the two be related? — The Harvard Lampoon

How about we walk back? Through the cemetery?' One thing my mom had taught me is that it's difficult to refuse requests made in italics. — The Harvard Lampoon

National Lampoon lost its audience when it went from monthly magazine to bimonthly to quarterly to annual to just making movies. — Ricky Van Veen

I balked. Another vampire? I guess it made sense; the states of the Pacific Northwest were known for their lenient monster laws. — The Harvard Lampoon

You don't have to hide your natural inclination to boss me around. I want you to feel comfortable with me, Edwart. To the point of domination."
"Okay, okay." He took a deep breath and pointed at me. "You," he said stiffly, the words flowing straight from some primordial, bossy wordbank. "Come to the place where you want to go, which, hopefully, is my car, where I will be, God willing. — The Harvard Lampoon

Businesses may come and go, but religion will last forever, for in no other endeavor does the consumer blame himself for product failure. — The Harvard Lampoon

About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him
which I assumed was wildly out of his control
that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he has kissed me. — The Harvard Lampoon

I'm doing comedy development at National Lampoon. — Kato Kaelin

I noticed there was garlic above the doorframe. Edwart held a stake in one hand and a 'Team Jacob' shirt in the other. — The Harvard Lampoon

I had a dejected, brooding expression on my face, and I
could tell from the reflection in the window that it was also
an intriguing expression. — The Harvard Lampoon

Not only do we mock the Eurovision Song Contest itself, but we lampoon other European countries for taking it so seriously, and they all retaliate by voting for each other every year and ignoring our (sometimes) palpably superior songs. Accordingly, Britain has become the Millwall FC of Eurovision: we are hated, we know we are hated, and we pretend we are happy to be hated. It's actually quite a sad state of affairs. — Marcus Berkmann

All of a sudden, he began to laugh. Had I said something funny? Had he? How long had I been spacing out for, slowly growing conscious that my fate was in the hands of a group of college kids who'd kill me off just for a laugh.
Little did they realize that I was organizing a revolt. — The Harvard Lampoon

That public men publish falsehoods
Is nothing new. That America must accept
Like the historical republics corruption and empire
Has been known for years.

Be angry at the sun for setting
If these things anger you. Watch the wheel slope and tum.
They are all bound on the wheel, these people, those warriors,
This republic, Europe, Asia.

Observe them gesticulating,
Observe them going down. The gang serves lies, the passionate
Man plays his part; the cold passion for truth
Hunts in no pack.

You are not CatulIus, you know,
To lampoon these crude sketches of Caesar. You are far
From Dante's feet, but even farther from his dirty
Political hatredS.

Let boys want pleasure, and men
Struggle for power, and women perhaps for fame,
And the servile to serve a Leader and the dupes to be duped.
Yours is not theirs. — Robinson Jeffers

I realised that a television show on political lampoon was one genre that was missing. — Cyrus Broacha

I went to Second City, where you learned to make the other actor look good so you looked good and National Lampoon, where you had to create everything out of nothing, and SNL, where you couldn't make any mistakes, and you learned what collaboration was. — Bill Murray

Quick, I told myself. Try to remember what you learned from Jimbo's Self Defence for Young Ladies. Jimbo was a beefy man with prison tats.
"Go into the nearest dark alley," I recalled Jimbo saying. "Freeze like a rabbit or the creature you desire your attacker to mistake you for. If your attacker shouts out to you, respond politely - maybe your optimism will change his mind. If you're about to get into an elevator with a man you feel uncomfortable spending time with in a small, escapeless room, head right in. Remember , fear i an irrational emotion, you should probably ignore it."
Armed with these tips, I hung a right into the nearest dead-end, curled into a ball and started rolling. — The Harvard Lampoon

My point of view comes more from the literature I've read and the comedy of the era. When I was a kid, coming across National Lampoon Magazine, that was a big thing. I suddenly felt like there were other people that felt the way I did, and there was a way of expressing and communicating this worldview. — Charlie Kaufman

After dinner, Edwart took me upstairs to see his room. At the top of the stairs was a giant wooden cross.
"Ironic, huh?" Edwart said.
"Why?" I asked with trepidation, imagining that, at any second, Edwart would turn into dust, which I would then sweep up and disperse over my furniture so he would always be with me.
"Because we're Jewish, of course
nonpracticing. — The Harvard Lampoon

The transformation of cities A suburban world The emerging world is becoming suburban. Its leaders should welcome that, but avoid the West's mistakes Dec 6th 2014 | From the print edition IN THE West, suburbs could hardly be less fashionable. Singers and film-makers lampoon them as the haunts of bored teenagers and — Anonymous

The Lampoon was definitely quite formative. You know there's a crazy like kind of network of comedy writers from The Lampoon that are, that kind of you know like Seinfeld and The Simpsons and a lot of shows kind of had a lot of kind of Lampoon writers and so that was very formative. I mean, to me I got interested in comedy writing at an early like reading like Dave Barry. — Nicholas Stoller

Ellison's Theorem: the further right your position, the less telling your satire. A corollary of which is that you can't lampoon anywhere near where you stand, because you'd annihilate your own troops. — Harlan Ellison