Lampanelli Lisa Quotes & Sayings

If I never saw another airport again, I'd be happy! — Emm Gryner

I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas ... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as I do! — Lisa Lampanelli

Larry the Cable Guy has everything: sleeveless shirts, stupid catchphrases. He's Mr. T without the acting chops. — Lisa Lampanelli

I've known Lisa Lampanelli for quite some time. We did the Shatner roast together. Lisa didn't know Shatner, but she's a popular roaster, so she was invited to do it, and she is fantastic. Actually, despite her public image, she's a very sweet lady and very sensitive. She cries very easily. Most people don't know that. — George Takei

Lisa Lampanelli lost 100 pounds, but that's because she was poached for ivory. — Reno Collier

The best condition in life is to be not so rich as to be envied nor so poor as to be damned. — Josh Billings

Jeff Foxworthy is a legend. Every time I see his moustache it reminds me to wax my lip and every time I hear his jokes it reminds me to wipe my ass. — Lisa Lampanelli

The house had another special feature, one that was required for an industrialist in that era. On the second floor, hidden in the second bedroom, known as the family bedroom, was a closet that served as a panic room. This closet had a call box that could be used to alert the police, the fire department, or the hospital. This was no extravagance: Wealthy men received threats of all kinds. In 1889, for example, W.A. received a letter threatening his life if he did not pay the writer $400,000. He didn't pay, but he was prepared for trouble if it arrived. — Bill Dedman

I do not need to hear people tearing into Lisa Lampanelli for liking to have sex only with black men. I'm sad that this is her famous running gag. I'm sad that I now know this. I'm sad that a legitimate rung on the ladder of making it in comedy is writing hateful stuff about total strangers. I don't know. — Mindy Kaling

Usually I'm on top to keep the guy from escaping. — Lisa Lampanelli

I always say, the greatest cost of leading is the cost of paving the way. — Kathy Giusti

There are women who are wishing that they were that piece of tape right now. — Adam Savage