Korman Quotes & Sayings

Slime him, sis," Dan urged, "Make him a redcoat. — Gordon Korman

I mean, we had on our show, we had marriages, divorces and other stuff going on. And that was just me. — Harvey Korman

As rich Cahill superstars went, Fidelio Racco was definitely on the B-list. Maybe even the D-list. Google had heard of him, but a search for his surname placed him below Racco Auto Body in Toronto and Trattoria Racco in Florence, and only slightly ahead of the Rack O'Lamb Irish Chop House in Des Moines. — Gordon Korman

But here, two thousand miles from home, there was a real shipwreck, a real hope. A choice big enough to change our lives forever. — Gordon Korman

What did Romeo and Juliet do?"
They died," I remind her gently. "Some mix-up with the poison- — Gordon Korman

Jonah peered critically up at the Renaissance masterpiece. "Man, those copies don't due it justice. This one's the truth!"
"Only a Janus," groaned Hamilton. — Gordon Korman

He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. "There," she finished, slapping Frank Zappa's Greatest Hits on top of the pile. "That should do for a start."
"You are a music lover," said the wide-eyed cashier.
"No, I'm a kleptomaniac." And she dashed out the door.
He was so utterly shocked that it took him a moment to run after her.
With a meaningful nod in the direction of the astounded Cahills, she barreled down the cobblestone street with her load.
"Fermati!" shouted the cashier, scrambling in breathless pursuit.
Nellie let a few CDs drop and watched with satisfaction over her shoulder as the clerk stopped to pick them up. The trick would be to keep the chase going just long enough for Amy and Dan to search Disco Volante.
Yikes, she reflected suddenly, I'm starting to think like a Cahill ...
And if she was nuts enough to hang around this family, it was only going to get worse. — Gordon Korman

I played Hamlet, I played Chekhov and Ibsen and all the classics. — Harvey Korman

I wish there was something that - I get all those wonderful letters and wonderful acknowledgments, and I wish I could be more appreciative of what I do. But it's hard for me. — Harvey Korman

Yeah!" shouted Jonah, twirling the much larger Hamilton around the restaurant in a victory dance.
The other diners watched in amazement. This wild display was hardly the public image of the too-cool-for-school Jonah Wizard.
"What's the matter?" Hamilton challenged. "Haven't you ever seen a happy rapper before? — Gordon Korman

Hey, things like that happen at the Academy too," I insisted, almost triumphantly. "Last year the freezers failed so there was no ice for" - the wind went out of my sails as I realized how lame this was going to sound - "the sushi bar." He nodded sympathetically. "You guys should get T-shirts made. You know: I Survived the Sushi Crisis. — Gordon Korman

Jonah spoke what everyone was thinking. "Wouldn't it be Twilight Zone if the door was open, too?"
Hamilton tried the knob. It didn't budge.
Ian stepped forward and examined the lock. "Natalie's diary has better security than this." He produced a credit card and slipped it between the latch and the jamb. There was a click, and the door swung wide. — Gordon Korman

Come on, who saw what happened?"
"I did," I volenteered.
"Well?"
"Buttwipe wanted to know what jerkface was looking at." I turned turned eyes on the bloody and dirt-smeared brawlers. "You were barely 3-inches apart. Couldn't you see that you were both looking at each other?"
The teacher's face reddened. "Who do you think you are? Jerry Seinfeld?"
"You must be confused with another student," I told him. "My name is Capricorn Anderson. — Gordon Korman

you-know-who." Amy — Gordon Korman

That Mesozoic mama's boy wouldn't have lasted five seconds in the Cretaceous period. — Gordon Korman

You asked what is the secret of a really good sketch. And it is a sketch is a small play. It's got a beginning, and a middle and an end. It should have a plot; it should have the characters, conflict. It is a little play. And in it, will be funny stuff. — Harvey Korman

Using Viagra is like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building. — Harvey Korman

If it isn't on YouTube, it might as well have never happened. — Gordon Korman

Your pants didn't get smaller, Mommy," I assured her. "Your butt got bigger. — Gordon Korman

You know what punk is? a bunch of no-talent guys who really, really want to be in a band. Nobody reads music, nobody plays the mandolin, and you're too dumb to write songs about mythology or Middle-earth. So what's your style? Three chords, cranked out fast and loud and distorted because your instruments are crap and you can't play them worth a damn. And you scream your lungs out to cover up the fact that you can't sing. It should suck, but here's the thing - it doesn't. Rock and roll can be so full of itself, but not this. It's simple and angry and raw. — Gordon Korman

It's cat food - it's for people like you!" Saladin — Gordon Korman

Ask yourself: 'Do I feel the need to laminate?' Then teaching is for you. — Gordon Korman

They say it's good but I didn't know what I was doing until I got into the suit and they put the moustache on me, and somehow, when I got all the drag on, it came out. It was the most amazing thing. I'm truly extraordinary. — Harvey Korman

Amy, since when do you have a boyfriend? — Gordon Korman

I love Chris Crutcher, Sara Zarr, Lois Lowry, Elizabeth Scott, Madeleine L'Engle, Gordon Korman, Michelle Magorian, Heather Bouwman. — Lisa McMann

Mr. McIntyre, friend or enemy? — Gordon Korman

They've got these things called lockers," I raved on. "The Halls are lined with them. And you won't believe what they're for! They're for locking stuff away-so other people won't steal it! Why can't everyone share?" ~ Cap — Gordon Korman

The Sixth Grade Nickname Game, by Gordon Korman, — Donalyn Miller

And it's tough traveling. You know, the hotels and the airports and all that. That part, eating and getting around to the hotel room and then going on. — Harvey Korman

We don't have to love it. We just have to steal it. — Gordon Korman

I got canceled in the middle of making the pilot. — Harvey Korman

Dan instantly recognized the angry scratch that stretched from the corner of Ian's eye all the way along the olive skin to his chin. "Have you been messing with Saladin?"
"No. Saladin has been messing with me," Ian shot back.
"He isn't big on Lucians," Dan explained. "Animals are really good judges of character. — Gordon Korman

Who's Evan?" Ian asked.
"Amy's boyfriend!"
"Amy, since when do you have a boyfriend?" Ian probed.
"Since none of your business! — Gordon Korman

I have a percription ferret. I'm not a good judge of weird. — Gordon Korman

I went to the Goodman School of Drama in Chicago. — Harvey Korman

Fiske spoke sharply to the four walls. "We need medical attention immediately. We have a gunshot wound that requires treatment."
"You're not going to get through to them by talking like an English professor," scoffed Reagan. "Hey!" she bawled. "Get a doctor down here! She's in pain, thanks to you! What are you going to do about it? — Gordon Korman

Amy hugged Sinead, and Dan scratched Saladin. Later, Saladin. Take it easy on Kabra. On second thought, don't. — Gordon Korman

Dan moved forward and replaced Jonah at the helm. "I've got a plan!"
"That's my man!" The famous grin disappeared as Jonah took in the grim determination in Dan's features. His expression was as flat and expressionless as a naked skull.
Dan steered the hurtling boat directly toward the rocky shore. "Amy, hang onto that painting!"
"That's not a plan!" Jonah shouted. "That's suicide! — Gordon Korman

And I went to New York and died; for 10 years I walked those pavements. I can't think of New York without feeling uncomfortable and feeling like a failure. — Harvey Korman

Nellie's brow furrowed. "The great Mr. Hip-Hop Mogul standing in line with the common peasants? How do you figure that?"
Dan grinned. "I'm starting to dig this 'no cars' thing. It's a great equalizer. — Gordon Korman

Wonderful. What's the point of throwing a hissy fit without friends and family on hand to hear it?
-Amy Cahill — Gordon Korman

We're all proud of you, Donnie. Your mother and me, Katie - " "Right," I snorted. "She said I'm dumber than her bladder-challenged dog. — Gordon Korman

I'm supposed to talk some sense into you," she told me. "But what I really want to say is congratulations. You did the right thing." "The police don't think so." "Typical," she clucked. "Getting hung up on the numbers on your birth certificate when you probably saved a life." "They made — Gordon Korman

After so many reversals of fortune today, they half expected a meteorite to hurtle from the sky and vaporize them if they dared to move. Finally, — Gordon Korman

Wolfram," Dan mused, a far-off look in his eye. "I've heard of that from somewhere." Amy was skeptical. "Are you sure you're not thinking of Wolfgang? — Gordon Korman

We're gifted," I explained. — Gordon Korman

During construction, when a worker died, his body was built right into the Wall itself. No one knew how many corpses lay within the stone and mortar, but some estimates ran as high as three million souls. — Gordon Korman

He felt old at eleven. Amy — Gordon Korman

But there's a lot of 50's and a lot of boomers and a lot of kids in their 30's that grew up with us. — Harvey Korman

Ian Kabra rolled up his window. "My god, what's that smell?"
Behind the wheel, Sinead laughed. "It's called fresh air. Growing up in London, you've probably never breathed it before."
"And I hope I never breathe it again. — Gordon Korman

Global warming doesn't care what's in your bank account.
-Sinead Starling — Gordon Korman

What does it feel like to get shot?"
"I don't recommend it," said Nellie in a controlled voice. "Chocolate is definitely better. — Gordon Korman

The computer beeped as the upload completed. A moment later, Ian Kabra appeared on the screen.
Dan was surprised. "Hey, Ian, isn't it, like, two in the morning back there?"
"It's called jet lag," Ian informed him. "I'm still on London time. I don't suppose you savages have any tea in this mausoleum."
"There's a diet Snapple in the fridge."
Ian shuddered. "I thought not. — Gordon Korman

I've taken care of it," I said My father looked at me, shocked. Then I realized "taken care of" had a very specific meaning in his line of work. "No, no, I mean he's gone. — Gordon Korman

Kitchens always attract bugs because there are odors and crumbs. Even if you're clean as can be, bugs will be in your kitchen at some point whether they are ants, beetles, or even cockroaches. — Patty Korman

Hamilton dabbed a tissue at the cut under his eye. "Except for the time I met the Great Khali, that was the coolest thing I've ever done!"
The foursome, only slightly the worse for wear, stood on the tarmac of the small airfield outside Milan, transferring their luggage from the limo to Jonah's jet for the flight back to Florence.
"You didn't do anything, yo," Jonah seethed. "It was done to all of us by the freak show with the nerve to complain that the family branches are too violent! — Gordon Korman

Then I got out of the service, and I was going to be a Shakespearean actor. — Harvey Korman

The key to the city of Florence was about two feet long, and painted a garish gold.
Hamilton was fascinated by it. "Wow! How big is the lock?"
Jonah laughed. "There is no lock, cuz. It's an honorary gig. Back in my crib in LA, I've got a whole shed full of keys from different cities. Want to know the kicker? I can't get at them. The gardener lost the key to the shed. — Gordon Korman

Nellie grinned. "I always wanted to go to Venice. It's supposed to be the romance capital of the world."
"Sweet," put in Dan. "Too bad your date is an Egyptian Mau on a hunger strike."
The au pair sighed. "Better than an eleven-year-old with a big mouth. — Gordon Korman

Sinead broke in. "The cops need to know what to do with Evan, Amy. What should I tell them?"
"Shoot to kill?" Ian suggested. — Gordon Korman

Dan inched closer. "Are her eyelids moving?"
Jonah was on his feet now, cheerleading. "Get up, babysitter! Up! Up! — Gordon Korman

Don't think of it as losing a boyfriend. Think of it as gaining a stalker.
-Dan Cahill — Gordon Korman

Hamilton was bug-eyed. "Who are those people?"
Jonah held his head. "Man, I should have known it was a mistake to say I'd be leaving town soon! Why do fans have to be so literal?"
"Are they going to let us go get the faxes?" Hamilton asked.
Jonah stared at him. "You're kidding, right? — Gordon Korman

It's like living your whole life without ever looking in a mirror, Amy thought, and suddenly you see your reflection, and you're a monster. — Gordon Korman

The Bombyx mori caterpillar," her brother supplied, thinking of snack time at the Shaolin Temple. "It tastes like chicken. — Gordon Korman

Hypothesis: Intentional or not, movement to a beat = dancing. — Gordon Korman

You want me to stop and give the Wizards a chance to do it?" he shot back. Dead — Gordon Korman

Welcome to the world of Cahills. If it isn't impossible, it isn't worth doing. — Gordon Korman

Amy was profoundly shocked. "A little over an hour ago, our bus was attacked by three men in ski masks. They definitely knew me, and probably Dan, too. We fought them off, but it could've gone either way."
"Like if they'd used a cookie truck instead of a gas tanker," Dan added. "Nobody's scared of Oreos. — Gordon Korman

In our family, you don't get a childhood. We're too busy trying to dominate the world. — Gordon Korman

Although in Abbott and Costello, and straight man was first. That's a very interesting concept. — Harvey Korman

Tape Seinfeld for me. — Harvey Korman

You have to have a certain persona to be a star, you know, and I don't have that. I'm a banana. — Harvey Korman

Don't have to see," the pilot grunted. "Olga knows the way."
"Funny name for an aircraft," Grace commented. "Is it after your wife?"
"My gun."
Grace stared at him. "You named your plane after a gun?"
"It was a very good gun. — Gordon Korman

Hypothesis: Brothers and sisters forge family bonds through a complex byplay of accusations and insults. — Gordon Korman

We didn't stow away!" Dan protested. "You sunk our boat and pulled us out of the canal!"
"Good point," Ian agreed. "Return them to the canal. Roughly, please. — Gordon Korman

I'm starving. When we check into our hotel, let's ask the desk clerk where we can find one of those vast pizzas."
"What are you talking about?"
"Your guidebook says Florence is a city of vast pizzas. Look it up yourself."
"Those are vast piazzas, not pizzas! It means public squares!"
Dan's face fell. "Oh."
Amy sighed. "I honestly thought the clue hunt took the dweeb out of you. No such luck. — Gordon Korman

The phone rang in the comm. center. Ian consulted the monitor. "It's Dan." He pressed a button. "Kabra here."
Dan's voice crackled through the attic. "Don't say it like that," he complained. "Your name still gives me heartburn. — Gordon Korman

Funny is when you're serious. — Harvey Korman

People who become comedians ... come from pain, come from conflict. — Harvey Korman

What's a starbuck? — Gordon Korman

Men, you are about to embark on a great crusade to stamp out runaway decency in the west. Now you men will only be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor. — Harvey Korman

The au pair was bug-eyed. "What happened back there?"
"It's not our fault!" Dan babbled. "Those guys are crazy! They're like mini-Darth Vaders without the mask!"
"They're Benedictine monks!" Nellie exclaimed. "They're men of peace! Most of them are under vows of silence!"
"Yeah, well, not anymore," Dan told her. "They cursed us out pretty good. I don't know the language, but some things you don't have to translate. — Gordon Korman

Art theft gave a guy an appetite. — Gordon Korman

That's the most sexist idea I've ever heard," Nellie said harshly. "I'm female, so I have to be clueless. He's male, so he's got a great sense of direction. — Gordon Korman

There's always a way," his sister lectured. "We'll need help, though."
"What help?"
Amy grinned. "Sometimes it doesn't hurt to be a part of the most powerful family in human history. — Gordon Korman

They crested a rise, and there it was, in the hollow between rolling hills - a low, square building, ghostly gray in the moonlight.
"Is that it?" asked Hamilton.
"It probably isn't the local opera house," groaned Ian. — Gordon Korman

The test! It was as if they believed the test was an infallible superbeing that had descended to earth on a great space ark surrounded by thunderbolts of perfection. — Gordon Korman

The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the cover. Trust me, that dog is going down. — Gordon Korman

the yard. When Ben knocked on Griffin's door the next morning on his way to school, he was surprised when the door was answered by Mrs. — Gordon Korman

If the cake fits, eat it! — Gordon Korman

I hate France. It's like the whole country's on a diet — Gordon Korman

Never trust a Cahill." They — Gordon Korman

Be the Ambulance. Make toast. — Gordon Korman

Ask me. I'm a cow expert. — Gordon Korman

You don't get Billie Joe Armstrong's autograph on your forehead without following your instincts. — Gordon Korman

It's a shame that money has to enter into everything. — Gordon Korman

On with the chase. — Gordon Korman

How you are in this place that has been sealed since the time of Caesar Augustus?" one of the archaeologists demanded in amazement.
"I was looking for my sister," Dan quipped.
"Your sister?"
"Oh - here she is." Dan reached through the opening and hauled out an equally grubby Amy. — Gordon Korman

The thing about a cavity search is this: it has nothing to do with the dentist. — Gordon Korman