Klune Quotes & Sayings

'God help me, yes. I don't want anything more than you. I want nothing less than you.' — T.J. Klune

Round 5: Telling him I felt bad about the puppy-shirt thing, I told him
we could go pick out a dog at the pound now that we had a yard for it.
Instead, I took him to the dentist. Winner: Bear "Rock Star" McKenna. — T.J. Klune

Later, when I'm on the edge of sleep, I hear him whisper, "You'll see. One day, you'll see what I've seen all along." And then I'm gone. — T.J. Klune

You don't get to decide what you're worth because you obviously don't know. You don't get to decide that anymore because you have no fucking idea that you're worth everything. — T.J. Klune

Hey, Sam. Want to join me in the river? We can bathe before the sun sets and it gets too cold."
"Sweet molasses."
"What?"
"Stay back, foul temptress!"
"What?"
"Er. Not you. Uh. I ... sensed the presence of a succubus. Like, near here. Ooooh. So very near."
"You can do that?"
"Yes. Yes I can. Because I have magic. And my succubus-tracking abilities. It's a thing. A real
thing. That I do all the time."
"Riiiight. Your magical succubus-tracking abilities."
"Shut up, Gary! — T.J. Klune

You don't ever doubt me again," he said hoarsely before his mouth grazed my nipples, first the left and then the right. His scruffy beard scraped the skin beneath raw as he went back and forth. "I will fucking kill you if you ever doubt me again!" he snarled.
My eyes rolled back into their sockets at the weight of his words, the desperation in his voice matching the desperation in my movements. I moaned as he bit my nipple harder, almost chewing it between his teeth. I was trapped underneath him, and even though I knew I could push him away, I also knew I wouldn't.
"You answer me when I'm talking to you! " he roared.
"I won't," I breathed, my hands in his short hair. "Oh, God, I won't."
"You won't what! "
"I will never doubt you again!"
"You're damn right you won't. — T.J. Klune

'I'll sit on him,' Otis says and laughs like it's the funniest thing in the world. He twirls a small ball of fire in one hand and a Desert Eagle .50 Caliber in the other. If Seven didn't know him, he'd probably be running away as fast as he could. It's a big gun. — T.J. Klune

And yours is brown. Like bear-shit brown. Or maybe otter shit. Or maybe bear and otter shit combined. — T.J. Klune

You were his, Ox. Even then. And he was yours." I — T.J. Klune

I don't want to know when you've been tied up in the fun way, I told him. — T.J. Klune

I said something I'd been thinking for a long while, "This guy came into work. I thought he was attractive. I check out guys sometimes." It came out fast because that was the first time I'd said it aloud. It felt like relief. And terror. Carter — T.J. Klune

And I'm a Foxy Lady," Tina said. "Because of reasons." She stared at his chest. Everyone understood her reasons. Even me. — T.J. Klune

What, the glass is half-full instead of half-empty? Bullshit. What they don't tell you is that regardless of how full the glass is, it's filled with acid, and you'll burn your face off. — T.J. Klune

Tyson," he breathes. My name on his lips is like a revelation, and I want to break. I want to shatter. I want to tell him things I can't even admit to myself. "What?" I croak. "You know I love you, right?" His gaze searches mine. "Yeah." Because I do. I've known since the beginning. It's inevitable - our word of the day, the word of our friendship. — T.J. Klune

Well, now," Mrs. Havisham said, all but purring as she leaned forward, ample cleavage on display. "You've grown up, haven't you? Tell me, Gustavo. What are your thoughts on having an experienced lover?"
"Not many," Gus said. "In fact, none at all. Also? I came out when I was thirteen. You were there. As was the whole town. Pastor Tommy announced it at the Fall Harvest Festival. On stage. Into a microphone. There was apple pie afterward."
"Still?" she said with an exaggerated pout.
"Yes," Gus said, deadpan as he could make it. "Still. Funny how that works."
"Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me," she said, dragging a pink fingernail down his arm. "My door is always open. Like my body."
"That's not even remotely healthy," Gus said with a sniff.
"Maybe that's why I need your protein," she said with a wink.
"Nope," Gus said. "Nope, nope, nope."
"You sure about that?"
"Maybe you should close that door. And your legs. — T.J. Klune

For every person out there who says a man can't love another man, just know this: you're wrong because I have loved. I am loved. — T.J. Klune

How do you say what's in your heart if your heart is something you haven't known for years? How do you give yourself completely when all you've done is bury yourself in grief? How do you come back from the dar when it's all you can remember? — T.J. Klune

I winked at myself in the mirror and then realized that's what douchebags did, so I vowed to never do it again. I — T.J. Klune

Ryan said, What the hell? Does everything want to have sex with you? — T.J. Klune

The ass to end all asses," I said, unable to stop myself. "The Holy Grail of asses. If we lived in a world with fairies and elves, there would be epic quests to go get that ass. I wanted to bite it. — T.J. Klune

Ox," he said, a hint of his wolf poking through, eyes flashing. "Anything you'd like to tell me?" "No," I said quickly. "Absolutely not." "You sure about that?" he asked, his grip on my elbow tightening. I just barely managed to pull my arm free. "I'm hungry," I said, voice rough. "We should - " "Sure," he said. "Let's go." I blinked. He smiled at me. My heart stuttered a bit. The smile widened. No — T.J. Klune

Today has been so weird," I side-whispered to Gary.
"I think the word you're looking for is erotic," he said back. "Today has been so erotic. — T.J. Klune

If Sam were a tree, you know what kind of tree he'd be?"
"What kind?"
"A pine. Because of all the pining. — T.J. Klune

Hi, Sam!"
"Hi, Tiggy."
"You okay?"
"Yes, Tiggy."
"Tiggy smash something for Sam?"
"No, Tiggy."
"Tiggy smash something for Sam."
He smashed one of the wooden sparring dummies.
"Thank you, Tiggy."
"Tiggy smash!" he bellowed and then proceeded to smash three more. — T.J. Klune

Once something is shattered, it can never be put back together in its original shape. Undoubtedly some pieces are lost or fit into incorrect places. The whole will never be as strong as it was once before. — T.J. Klune

This is my family, and the noise around me is soothing in a way it hasn't been in quite a long time. That's mostly my doing, I know, given my self-imposed exile in the Land of Sorrow. But hearing the overlapping voices and laughter, seeing the bright eyes and smiles, does more for me than I thought it could. — T.J. Klune

I can't do it. I can't get into a philosophical debate with an archangel, knowing how ridiculous it is and how unprepared I am. — T.J. Klune

Oh no," Lartin moaned. "You're Sam of Wilds."
"Such a sexy name," Gary sighed. "Have I ever told you that? — T.J. Klune

I rolled my eyes as the elevator door opened. 'I was thinking more along the lines of Tick and Tock. You know they won't
'
'Holy shit, boss! Did you beat him up with your mouth?' Tick exclaimed loudly as he stood from his perch near the elevator doors.
'
keep their mouths shut,' I muttered.
'Jesus,' Tock whispered. 'Gay sex is hardcore.' He jumped up and stood next to me, not knowing what personal space meant. 'I think he was trying to eat you,' he told me.
'Or something,' I agreed. — T.J. Klune

He looked closely. It was very disconcerting to have your gay unicorn best friend studying your penis that intensely. Finally, he gave his verdict. "It's a very nice penis." "Thank — T.J. Klune

Honey bear," the unicorn said. "You are the gayest thing I've seen since I last saw my own reflection. — T.J. Klune

Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don't lead cows to slaughter!
I love you, and I know
I should've told you soon-a
But you didn't buy the dolphin-safe tuna! — T.J. Klune

Normal Seven went to Heaven where he immediately
tripped and fell! God said, 'Gee you're too Normal for me' and sent him straight to
hell! — T.J. Klune

But he came, when I was at my darkest. I prayed him down from the sky, and he came in a flash of blue fire that lit up the heavens. I know he came by his own choice, but he came because I called him. He came when I could no longer take the weight of the world on my own. He came when I needed him the most. He came and saved me from myself, saved me from the waters that rose up to my chest and over my head. — T.J. Klune

Monsters are real. Magic is real. The world is a dark and frightening place and it's all real. — T.J. Klune

You can only get knocked down so many times before you start shying away from a raised hand, even if it's extended in kindness. — T.J. Klune

This next is my grandest sorrow, this grief I brought my own to carry, the weight of which threatened to crush all I had.
It's followed, fittingly enough, by him. While I was at my darkest, he came for me. — T.J. Klune

For want of my father, I was lost. — T.J. Klune

That's not the question you should be asking, though, if this is a dream. The question you should be asking is what you're going to do now? Because you're awake? — T.J. Klune

I googled "what to do when your future werewolf mate/boyfriend/best friend courts you and brings you a dead rabbit." First, there was a lot of porn. Then I found a recipe for Maltese rabbit stew. It was delicious. The stew, not the porn. The porn was weird. GORDO — T.J. Klune

There is beauty in the written word.'
-Kevin — T.J. Klune

I'm sorry. Were you just speaking to me? I apologize most profusely. I was distracted by the size of the sweat stains under your arms. Are you overly warm today? It seems unlikely given the cold, dead heart that surely beats in your chest. — T.J. Klune

Dammit. I hate it when my crazy is right. — T.J. Klune

Two minutes and fourteen seconds later, he'd somehow gotten trapped in a black hole on a site called Tumblr that led to porn of a most enthusiastic variety, if the faces of the six people on the screen had any measure. Gus may have shrieked slightly when one of the pornographic actors, a large Caucasian male with exuberant-looking nipples, glared at one of the females, gave a cocky smirk, and said, "I'm gonna get yo mouth pregnant." Gus slammed the computer shut just as the large pornographic actor began to do just that. For the next four minutes and seventeen seconds, he stood in his kitchen, rocking back and forth, moaning, "But you can't get her mouth pregnant, you just can't. — T.J. Klune

Okay, time in. I can yell at whoever I want!"
"You really can't," Gary said. "It's unattractive on you. Some people pull off the angry look. You're not one of them. — T.J. Klune

The Kid told me that he thought gay people were supposed to be classy, but then he looked me up and down and said that even nice stereotypes can be a detriment to society because I obviously wasn't classy. — T.J. Klune

NICK HAPPENED a year later. He came in to Gordo's all dusty from the road. The clutch on his bike had blown out a few miles outside of Green Creek. He stayed for a week. I fucked him on the last three days he was in town. He left and I never saw him again. Joe — T.J. Klune

This boy, this man was the sun, bright and all-consuming. The animal in me roared to be freed. Elizabeth Bennett whispered, "Go." I went. I — T.J. Klune

I told myself that once I was done ripping the seagull's head off, I would turn around and give a speech so saccharine that even Eddie wouldn't be able to console them when I was finished. I would destroy them, and they would drown in an ocean of their tears.
But first the seagull. — T.J. Klune

Otter pulls me up to the bar and leans over. "What's wrong? You stink!"
he shouts.
I glare at him. "I smell fine, you asshole. I used your cologne."
He rolls his eyes and comes closer, his lips against my ear. I shiver. "I
said, what do you want to drink? — T.J. Klune

You don't have to choose," he says quietly. "We chose you already. — T.J. Klune

This is for life. When the wolf attaches, it is for life." "I — T.J. Klune

Joe arched an eyebrow at me, leaning against the counter. He crossed his arms over his chest, muscles bulging from the residual pull of the moon. He was beautiful because he was Joe. He was beautiful because he was mine. "Hey, — T.J. Klune

You might be the only one Otter will listen to, but I know for a fact hes the only one you listen to. — T.J. Klune

'There are enough people out there that will be more than willing to knock you down. There's no reason for you to do it to yourself.' — T.J. Klune

I look like a gay Mormon missionary," he lamented in the mirror. "Pardon me, have you heard the word of the Lord? It's fabulous!" He — T.J. Klune

Maybe you can bring that up at the next fan club meeting too."
"Hey! I don't even know what you're talking about, okay? I hear things when I'm on my travels. I don't even care about stuff like that." I cared so hard. I had actually gone three times to the fan club meeting. They knew me as Mervin. I had a backstory and everything. It was my turn to bring muffins next time. I was considering poppy seed. Or cranberry. Fun. — T.J. Klune

I wish I could find that one person made for me so that way I can show them why I was made for them. — T.J. Klune

MARK SAID, "I knew. From the very first day, I knew that you were made for something great. I am proud to call you my friend and pack." CARTER SAID, "I hope you're ready for werewolf stamina. Like, for real. You're going to be sore. For days." KELLY SAID, "I really wish I hadn't heard Carter say that. I need to pour bleach on my brain. For days." I — T.J. Klune

I'm not jealous," he said jealously. — T.J. Klune

I'm a dragon, and maybe if you're lucky, I'll be dragon my balls across your face later. — T.J. Klune

I want Otter to run back to San Diego and go back to the stupid fucking boyfriend, who Ive never met but cannot stand. — T.J. Klune

Me and Seven, I thought as I arched my back. Me and Seven, that's all there is. That's all there needs to be. He kissed me sweetly as his hips rolled forward, and his breath became fire in my mouth. — T.J. Klune

If someone can care about me that deeply, despite all my faults, despite all my refutations, despite all my everythings, then that makes all the storms and all the oceans worth it. — T.J. Klune

The third day, he wasn't on the road. I wanted to feel relieved. Instead, I was disappointed. Until I got home. Mom had had the day off, the first in a long while. So, of course, she was home when I got there. And so was Joe. Sitting at our kitchen table. Wearing dress pants, a dress shirt. And a bow tie. Which, unbeknownst to me, turned out to be one of my greatest weaknesses. I — T.J. Klune

It'll be the Date to End All Dates," I told Gary as he nosed his way through my closet. "And yes, before you ask, it is capitalized just like it sounds. Great plans should always be capitalized. — T.J. Klune

My daddy had told me once that people were gonna give me shit all my life. The monster had told Joe that his family didn't want him anymore. We'd have to live with that, those things that were whispered in our ears. Maybe we'd never be free of those shadows. Not completely.
But we'd still fight like hell.
And maybe that's all that mattered. — T.J. Klune

More Latin? I was going to need a fucking guidebook to keep track of a language I thought was as dead as my mother. — T.J. Klune

I'm about to hug the crap out of you," I warned him. "Like, full-on feelings hug where it goes on for a bit too long and becomes slightly awkward and we both clear our throats and shuffle our feet when it's over. — T.J. Klune

Minutes later I am discovering what it's like to be driven by a woman who thinks the world will end if she doesn't keep the gas pedal firmly against the floor and that apparently there's no such thing as the "Oh My Fuck God" handle bar for me to hang onto in an early-eighties Caddy that's the color of shit. Mrs. — T.J. Klune

Creed, Im in love with your brother, and I think I fucked everything up. — T.J. Klune

He sighs and bows his head, burying his face in his hands. I touch his hair. His ears. Bear may be my rock, but Dom is the force that moves me. — T.J. Klune

Life can suck. It can hurt. It has teeth and won't hesitate to bite you. But if you pick yourself back up every time it knocks you down, it'll start to hurt less, because you'll be stronger. — T.J. Klune

I'm going to have to work out even more now tomorrow to make up for all the potatoes and bread. Okay. I feel bad. That was a lie. I'm not going to work out at all. That sounds just awful. — T.J. Klune

I'll wait for you," he said as his hand dropped to his side, as his eyes began to dim. "I think I could wait for you forever. — T.J. Klune

You guys look like you liked Mumford & Sons before everyone else did and now don't like them because everyone else does. — T.J. Klune

Gus screamed, the notecards falling out of his hand as he jumped. "Whoa," Bernice said. "That certainly was high-pitched for a man." "Gus is special that way," Betty said as she scooped up the cards off the counter. — T.J. Klune

Fifteen-year-old Sam had seen twenty-year-old Ryan for the first time and had immediately run upstairs and jerked off. It had been a revolutionary and enlightening experience that essentially answered the question that yes, I was indeed very, very gay. — T.J. Klune

NIGHT, I dreamt of him. He was waiting for me on the dirt road, the sun filtering through the leaves, little splashes of light on the ground like puddles of rippling water. He smiled so brightly as I reached my hand for his, our fingers curling together like they always had. We walked slowly toward the house at the end of the lane. We didn't speak. We didn't have to. It was enough just to be. ROBBIE — T.J. Klune

Gary laughed. Yeah, but then people meet you and you're all skinny and adorable, and they're all like whaaaa? — T.J. Klune

So he pressed his forehead against mine and breathed me in and there was that sun, okay? That sun between us, that bond that burned and burned and burned because he'd given it to me. Because he'd chosen me. And I got to choose him back. — T.J. Klune

It's Helena Handbasket. — T.J. Klune

Had I known then what I know now, I would have clung to him. I would have looked him in the eyes to see that spark of mischief, that undying intelligence that belied his gruff exterior. If I'd known the inevitable, I would have said everything I felt in my heart and soul. I would have told him thank you for being my father. I would have said that if I'm ever going to be a good man, it's going to be because of the way he'd raised me ...
... I would have told him I loved him.
But I didn't. I didn't because I didn't know. I didn't even say goodnight. Or goodbye. — T.J. Klune

Wait until you meet the therapist.
That bad?
Let's just say i can't believe he's a real person.
Like Santa Claus?
More like if Santa Claus and Ron Jeremy had a child and then that child had a child with Richard Simmons.
So, like a leprechaun?
Yes, Otter, exactly like a leprechaun.
I'm going to tell him I believe in Santa Claus, just to see what happens.
I dare you. — T.J. Klune

If the inspirational calendar had been a person, Gus would have punched it in the face. — T.J. Klune

Eric's ass is so loose it sounds like wind blowing over a cave entrance when he walks. — T.J. Klune

You took something from the King," I said.
"Did I?" the dragon growled. "And what might that be?"
"You know."
"Say it."
"The Prince."
"Ah," the dragon said. "I'm sorry, but your prince is in another castle."
"What?" I was confused. What other castle?
It sighed. "You young people today. Never respecting the classics. — T.J. Klune

Please let it be known that from this day forward my working title for the business is now 'Queen of the Fuck Palace! — T.J. Klune

He put his finger guns away. He should not be allowed to carry weapons of mass humiliation. — T.J. Klune

I don't think this is working out between us," I told him. "You and I want different things. It's not me, it's you. — T.J. Klune

Look. This has been ... fun." Lie. This had been nerve-racking and I needed to go masturbate. "But I have to go. I've got stuff to do before I head out again." Masturbate. "Wizard stuff. Like ... secret wizard stuff." Masturbate. — T.J. Klune

Sorry," he muttered as he pulled it away. "Sure," I said faintly. "Sure." I wondered how to go about asking him to poke me with his sword again. — T.J. Klune

Gross. I just agreed internally with something Tina said. I reminded myself to run tests when I got home to make sure I hadn't just been possessed by a demon. — T.J. Klune

I thought I was mad, but I also thought I was really turned-on. — T.J. Klune

There is beauty in the written word, — T.J. Klune

It doesn't matter. I've moved on from something that was never there to begin with. That's one of the dire things about escaping from childhood. Eventually you grow up and realize the things you wanted when you were young weren't really yours to ask for.
I know that now. — T.J. Klune

Well, then, Otter, of course I don't like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don't see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you? — T.J. Klune

Ix-nay!" I hissed at him. "Ix-nay!" I didn't know why I resorted to Pig Latin right then. It just seemed like the thing to do. — T.J. Klune

AND HE was just so amazing," I said as I braided Gary's hair. "Like so selfless and awesome and he smelled like leaves and I think his eyebrows should be declared a treasure of the Kingdom. — T.J. Klune

He groaned. "Don't talk about my dad while I'm trying to seduce you." "Stop talking," I begged him. "Please." And then, of course, Carter and Kelly appeared, on their run. They stopped and stared at us. We stared back. I felt guilty. Because their underage brother was shirtless and it probably smelled like a whorehouse where we stood. Kelly said, "This is awkward." I said, "Nothing happened!" Carter said, "Oh my god, it stinks like sex." Joe — T.J. Klune