Kirkman Quotes & Sayings

It's never-ever going to be okay, never-ever-ever-ever-ever. — Robert Kirkman

It's a weird thing society puts on us women. They tell us we can have careers (well, after they told us we could vote-they sort of said it would be ok if we wanted to have a career, as long as we agree to get paid less than a man for the same job), and then they tell us that we aren't real women if we have careers but no babies, and if we dare pick a career over a baby...we better at least talk about that career like its a baby in order to blend in and not call attention to the fact that we're selfish women who are not carrying on the human race. — Jen Kirkman

Mother Fuckers. They're going to feel pretty stupid when they find out.
They're fucking with the wrong people. — Robert Kirkman

We are bringing in another threat, which is nature itself. I don't really want to get into specifics too much, but I will say that there is a third uncontrollable, almost undefeatable threat that is going to come in when the characters of the show are at their most vulnerable. It's really going to be something that they have a hard time dealing with. — Robert Kirkman

The pessimist looks down and hits his head. The optimist looks up and loses his footing. The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly. — Robert Kirkman

And perhaps the best reason of all: "Kids? What the fuck am I going to do with a kid? — Jen Kirkman

Civilization is a myth. That is the truth this world has taught us. We have not risen above our baser instincts... That is what always has and always will drive us. — Robert Kirkman

I'm about as useful as a fingerless eunuch during Fuck Fest February! someone give me a gun! — Robert Kirkman

My nana was always a widow as long as I was alive; my grandfather died before I was born. All the women on my street - there were four houses in a row with all old women who lived alone who were widowed. They all had kids, but they were all widowed. My mom didn't put me in preschool; I didn't know that was a thing. I just hung out with these women all day. — Jen Kirkman

The important information you need at the beginning of an issue. Like way they did the old Frank Miller Daredevil issues in the first five pages he always had to state his origins and how he got his powers. — Robert Kirkman

It's nice to know that what you're doing is being read and enjoyed by a good deal of people. — Robert Kirkman

What they call 'alt-comedy' now is basically what comedy was like in the '80s. People tried different things, and everybody went to the clubs; there was no other place. Then somehow, the clubs became infiltrated by Dice Clay and Carrot Top types. — Jen Kirkman

I think Walking Dead is one of the friendliest new reader type books in that every time a new trade is shipped out, a new issue is shipped out at the same time. — Robert Kirkman

I am never home, and it's hard to keep up with things that are good for you to have in life like relationships, whether they be romantic or friendship. I have to work twice as hard to make sure I don't just check out. That's what I mean by vulnerability. — Jen Kirkman

I used to make albums because I wasn't touring, and so I thought, This is the best way for people to find out about me. — Jen Kirkman

It is why he got the hell out of his hometown, Waynesboro, two days ago. — Robert Kirkman

Can't you just read the directions?"
"I could if I wasn't fueled by testosterone and stupidity, but where's the fun in that? — Robert Kirkman

I have this idyllic love life, but my mind just won't accept that. I would like to bring a new guy home every night. I try to make humor out of that situation. — Jen Kirkman

We have to get women's stories out there so a guy will read it, laugh, and think, 'I'm not laughing at a chick story but a story.' — Jen Kirkman

My brain does like the idea of hosting a late-night show. My brain does like the idea of maybe having a show about me. So, I often pitch ideas and work on scripts and do that just because I may not be right about how I feel, so why not just do this, and if it happens and I got my own show, well maybe I would really end up falling in love with it. — Jen Kirkman

It's not that I can't cook. I just don't enjoy cooking. It takes too long and you have to stand there monitoring everything, which doesn't work well for me and my ADHD. — Jen Kirkman

There are a lot of things I might be good at, such as competitive figure skating, window washing from ten stories up, and being an open heart surgeon. I might also make an excellent Kamikaze pilot - except for the fact that I don't want to learn how to fly and have no interest in taking my own life on behalf of Japan. — Jen Kirkman

The women doing comedy do not even think of themselves as 'female' comedians. — Jen Kirkman

If, for some reason, everyone knew who I was without me having to have my own TV show, that's what I would do. That way, I could do less shows a year. — Jen Kirkman

I think some parents think, 'Oh, having kids is so beautiful; I want others to feel the joy I do.' — Jen Kirkman

I think people with anxiety do different things during different years. — Jen Kirkman

Have you ever tried to talk to a baby or a toddler? They never look you square in the eyes, they know about three words, and God forbid they ever ask you how you're doing. It's all about them! — Jen Kirkman

Our fine Governor called me here to ask me to talk to you
said you didn't seem too happy here. He knows we're pals. He wanted me to just
I don't know, make sure you weren't going to cause any trouble or something. — Robert Kirkman

Nick looks into Brians hollow gaze. That's what's going on here brian. The devil's figured out a way to keep peoples souls trapped here on earth. — Robert Kirkman

He closes his right eye and peers down the barrel with his left and fires. Lilly doesn't jerk at the noise - not — Robert Kirkman

My joke is a picture of David Bowie on his balcony in the '70s in a suit in Paris, and unless that's you, I'm not interested. There are very few aesthetic types that I have, and people who look like that are not always necessarily good for me. — Jen Kirkman

I don't presume to think I'm great at anything. — Robert Kirkman

I rarely have out-of-town visitors because you have to do things like take them around L.A. — Jen Kirkman

Your mouth says "No," but your eyes say, "Fuck me until your dick breaks off inside me and fuses into some kind of barbie doll crotch. — Robert Kirkman

I've always had a thing for guys who make a living doing something in public (with the exception of someone who hands out sandwich shop flyers or dresses up like Pluto at Disney World). — Jen Kirkman

Its almost Thanksgiving! A day when you get to hear your extended family use racial slurs for groups are not taking away their jobs. — Jen Kirkman

I WILL SKULL-FUCK EVERY ONE OF YOU CANNIBAL-COCKSUCKERS!!! I WILL RIP EVERY STINKING HEAD OFF EVERY FUCKING ONE OF YOU AND SHIT DOWN YOUR ROTTEN FUCKING NECKS — Robert Kirkman

He who fights too long against dragons becomes a dragon himself; and if you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss will gaze into you. - Nietzsche — Robert Kirkman

Do people think that saying the words "Isn't that" in front of "selfish" masks the fact that they just blatantly called me selfish to my face? It's like when people say, "No offense, but," before saying something offensive. Or when someone says, "I don't mean to be racist," and then tells you that they think Puerto Rican people smell like burnt hamburgers. — Jen Kirkman

Now get the fuck up off the ground so I can put you in it... like a coffin. Because you'll be fucking dead after I kill you, you fucking asshole. — Robert Kirkman

Use your passport for domestic trips, so that way you don't risk losing your license. — Jen Kirkman

Improv requires one thing I lack that I think most mothers need - the basic instinct to put someone else first. — Jen Kirkman

I'm all for selling books, but when guys are burning my house down, that's where I draw the line. — Robert Kirkman

I'm going and I'm not going to die. I'm going to prove to you that you're not the only one who survives. — Robert Kirkman

He touched her as though she were something precious and cared for. That was where the terrible power lay - not in his strength, not in some dark bespellment. His power existed because he could make her believe things she had cast away. Things that had cast her away.
Things beyond reaching.
If he could make her believe, she would be lost. She would never survive. The fear inside her head overwhelmed her. — Helen Kirkman

Childfree women are actually great assets to the planet. Our carbon footprint is smaller than a mom's! And we have enough money to write checks to organizations that help kids get vaccinations, vitamins, and educations yet have plenty of free time to advise your daughter that one day she will regret piercing her lip. — Jen Kirkman

To me, the best zombie movies aren't the splatter fests of gore and violence with goofy characters and tongue in cheek antics. Good zombie movies show us how messed up we are, they make us question our station in society ... and our society's station in the world. They show us gore and violence and all that cool stuff too ... but there's always an undercurrent of social commentary and thoughtfulness. — Robert Kirkman

I'd learned that you couldn't talk to kids about death or show them music videos of of men who sing in eyeliner. I possibly had turned one kid into an obsessive-compulsive with the urge to murder, and another kid gay. I'm not equating being a murderer with being gay, but from what I understand, either can be a difficult thing to admit to your family. — Jen Kirkman

This is Rick Grimes being pushed to his absolute limit. And if you think you've seen that before, you haven't. And the Rick Grimes that comes out of this is really going to shock people. — Robert Kirkman

I am just really focused in on what I love doing, but I would be a moron to not take some of my natural talent - I'm not saying I'm that talented, but I have enough acting and writing talent to go. — Jen Kirkman

I saw thousands of them. A sea of the dead that roared like an ocean! You would have heard them screaming toward you. It would have taken days to steer them away. Killing them? I don't think killing them would have been possible. — Robert Kirkman

Parents talk a lot about how much strength and dedication it takes to raise a child. I think it also takes a lot of strength and dedication to carve out a life that doesn't seem normal to anyone else. — Jen Kirkman

I like good stories above all else ... and kickin' art really goes the final stretch to ensure a comic is good. — Robert Kirkman

You kill
You die.
That was probably the most naive thing I've ever said. The fact is
in most cases, NOW, the way things are
you kill
you LIVE. — Robert Kirkman

I make a lot more off the trades and Image than Marvel. — Robert Kirkman

I don't know if I don't believe in monogamy. I think I do believe in it depending on the person or situation or something. — Jen Kirkman

I find it actually the height of romance to legally bind yourself to someone because you're really taking care of someone, and letting them take care of you. I actually have no cynicism about that. — Jen Kirkman

Sitcoms are what got me excited about show business. — Jen Kirkman

Fights in real life between real people only last so long before someone gets seriously hurt. — Robert Kirkman

I don't want to have kids and so I am not going to have kids. People who want kids are going to have kids. I'm doing what I want to do and people who want kids are doing what they want to do. What about this scenario makes me selfish? — Jen Kirkman

I want to spend my time exploring the characters we've already got here. I want to give them more time to shine before the team gets to have 400 members. — Robert Kirkman

I have some pretty wonderful friendships, so that's been really good for me. In the past year, I've really worked on that. I think when I was married, I let my friendships go. I think people thought, "Oh, because she's married now, she's so happy all the time." But I really was just isolated in my house. — Jen Kirkman

I think Walking Dead is more of a stretch for me because I'm a light hearted superhero kind of guy. — Robert Kirkman

Don't be such a crybaby. The fucking world ended. Everyone's mother is dead, you pussy. Besides... we're on our way to talk to the people who cut you mom's head off... have some motherfucking perspective. — Robert Kirkman

Eventually I'm going to be too old to be on camera, and I've been doing stand-up a long time. — Jen Kirkman

I know how to use the safety.-Andrea, the Walking Dead S3 finale — Robert Kirkman

Philip doesn't let go, his eyes glinting with rage. We're gonna survive this thing,and we're gonna do it by being bigger monsters than they are! You understand? There ain't no philosophy, there ain't no grace, there ain't no mercy, there's only us and them, and all they wanna do is eat our ass! So we're gonna fucking eat them! We're gonna chew 'em up and spit 'em out, and we're gonna survive this thing or I will blow a hole through this whole fucked up world! You follow me? You FOLLOW ME! — Robert Kirkman

I'd rather be a piece of work than a piece of shit. — Robert Kirkman

Chaos theory is the impossibility of a closed system remaining stable. This town is doomed. There's nobody at the controls ... — Robert Kirkman

I'm wildly different than Maria Bamford or Sarah Silverman, and might be more similar to some male comics. — Jen Kirkman

I remember when my aunt died, the thing that pissed me off the most was going to get groceries the next day and seeing all those people who didn't care ... didn't understand why I was so upset when I saw her brand of cigarettes behind the counter. — Robert Kirkman

People said to me, "You know, when you record a special, you're going to regret it. The one thing you'll regret because you're a comic is you'll think of better tags." — Jen Kirkman

June 2005 is the five year anniversary of the debut of Battle Pope. — Robert Kirkman

Tech Jacket shares the same tone as Invincible, but the subject matter is very different. Where Invincible is about perfection, Tech Jacket is about flaws. — Robert Kirkman

I want to travel the world and enjoy things, so if you gave me $50 million and said, 'You can never perform again,' I probably would take it and be fine with it. — Jen Kirkman

Life hurts a lot more than death. - Jim Morrison — Robert Kirkman

Someone is going to tell you to get use to this. That feeling of being scared and sad. They're going to say it'll be better when you learn to ignore it. Don't listen to them. Hold on to it, remember it ... Don't let yourself forget it. It's too easy to lose.
-Carl Grimes — Robert Kirkman

I guess in all of the obvious ways. I can afford more diapers for my children. If I want to buy a complete set of Garbage Pail Kids on Ebay I don't have to ask my wife so hard. For the most part, it's mostly the same. I keep my head down and I just work on comics for most of the time. — Robert Kirkman

I'm very big into just feeling good and doing what I want; I'm not very calculated or thoughtful about my moves. — Jen Kirkman

I thought that's what happened to women: You live alone when you're old. — Jen Kirkman

Well see, I'm a good enough writer that not everybody in my books talks exactly like I do. — Robert Kirkman

The second we put a bullet in the head of one of those undead monsters
the moment one of us drove a hammer into one of their faces
or cut a head off. We became what we are! And that's just it. THAT's what it comes down to. You people don't know what we are.
We're surrounded by the DEAD. We're among them
and when we finally give up we become them! We're living on borrowed time here. Every minute of our life is a minute we steal from them! You see them out there. You KNOW that when we die
we become them. You think we hide behind walls to protect us from the walking dead?
Don't you get it? We ARE the walking dead! WE are the walking dead. — Robert Kirkman

Sometimes I feel like if two parents were given $100, and a child-free person was given $100, everyone would assume that the parents would invest their money wisely because they're smart. And people like me would just go buy candy. — Jen Kirkman

You know who does a lot of good deeds and doesn't have kids and totally understands what's important in life? George Clooney. Unlike me, he doesn't give a fuck what you think about the fact that he's not "selfless" enough to father a kid. He's not writing a book defending his position. He's having sex with a cocktail waitress and then saving Darfur. Both are noble positions. — Jen Kirkman

Invalidating a woman's life choices by saying things like, "Oh, but you'll regret it if you don't have kids," or, "I didn't think I wanted kids either until I had one," is like me going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and telling the newly sober that eventually when they grow old, they'll want to take the edge off with a little gin and tonic and that if they could only just be mature enough to control themselves, they could go on a fun wine-tasting tour in the Napa Valley. — Jen Kirkman

I really will never understand pushing back on comedians who are like, "I'm like a politician campaigning and shaking hands with these people. They're going to be okay." — Jen Kirkman

By the time I started doing stand-up, the club scene had died. — Jen Kirkman

I have things planned for every character like what they're doing down the road and coming to different realizations but I don't have how they overlap. — Robert Kirkman

Last year I think I made more from my Image books than anywhere else. — Robert Kirkman

If I could make crazy money just doing stand-up, that's what I would do. — Jen Kirkman

Brian discovers that this first group features two bricklayers, a machinist, a doctor, a gun-store owner, a veterinarian, a plumber, a barber, an auto mechanic, a farmer, a fry cook, and an electrician. The second group - Brian thinks of them as the Dependents - features the sick, the young, and all the white-collar workers with obscure administrative backgrounds. These are the former middle managers and office drones, the paper pushers and corporate executives who once pulled down six-figure incomes running divisions of huge multinationals - now just taking up space, as obsolete as cassette tapes. — Robert Kirkman

You have a valid complaint, and I do recognize it ... but you are reading into things a little bit. Just the same, I will do my best to make horrible things happen to a bunch of white people before something else so graphic hits a minority character. — Robert Kirkman

If you put any effort into anything you do and have a strong sense of self to the point where you don't even question your choices before you walk out of the house - you're a fucking weirdo. — Jen Kirkman

... I think that childfree by choice is the new gay. We're the new disenfranchised group. People think we're irresponsible, immoral sluts and that our lifestyle is up for debate. — Jen Kirkman

I will work on Invincible until I am made to quit. — Robert Kirkman

The whole notion that I don't appeal to the demographic - all my fans are young men. Someone asked me the other day, "So are your shows just full of 40-year-old single women?" I'm like, "I would be rich if that were true." — Jen Kirkman

I realized that even I have weird intimacy issues with humans - like, I need my friendships to get deeper, I need to be locked in, I need to remember people's names. I know this sounds really stupid, but I just need to be more present in my life. — Jen Kirkman

Parenthood can be very rewarding, but let's face it, so are margaritas at the adults-only pool. — Jen Kirkman

Whatever my life looks like, I want it to be real and big and full. I want when, if I get hit by a car, I want to know that I have deep and real friendships, people to visit me in the hospital. — Jen Kirkman

I definitely have character arcs in mind for each character unless I kill them. — Robert Kirkman