Kimmel Jimmy Quotes & Sayings

At night, I try to sneak in some of the shows that I love. I can't live without '30 Rock' - I was a fan before I joined the show in 2007 - and 'The Office.' 'Revenge' is my drama. And I love Jimmy Kimmel if I can stay up late enough to watch him. — Sherri Shepherd

It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up. — Jimmy Kimmel

People's lives are boring. — Jimmy Kimmel

Hey, it's Florida. Toss a beach ball at me, I'll empty my .45 into you and be home in time for Jimmy Kimmel. — Paul Levine

When you have kids, your castle becomes their bouncy castle. In my case, this is literally true. Jimmy Kimmel bought Sonny and Natalia this inflatable castle in 2012. It's the real deal. At first, I thought he had rented it. No, he bought it. — Adam Carolla

That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't. — Jimmy Kimmel

My definition of cursing is probably different from what other people's definitions are. — Jimmy Kimmel

I have like fifteen televisions in my house. — Jimmy Kimmel

I'm a terrible golfer. — Jimmy Kimmel

When I was on the radio, I used to be able to go a lot farther than I can now. You don't really remember until you're on the radio again, sometimes in your old radio station and sitting with the guys you used to work with and you go, 'Oh yeah, I can't say these things anymore. I'm handcuffed.' — Jimmy Kimmel

The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the reality of it. — Jimmy Kimmel

January 14, 2000, was my first time on stage, and I've been hooked ever since. I got discovered nationally in Seattle by the now-defunct HBO Comedy Festival, and that led to an appearance on 'Jimmy Kimmel Live' and a path to a professional comedy career. — Hari Kondabolu

On Letterman and Leno, it always bothers me when they go outside the studio and it's daytime. — Jimmy Kimmel

There's an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they're mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they've built to look like a temple. It's just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives. — Jimmy Kimmel

I know there are, like, 12 rules for late night: a desk, a band. Will people take me seriously if I don't wear a tie? — Jimmy Kimmel

I still love comic books. When you have a kid, that's an excuse to keep reading all the comic books. — Jimmy Kimmel

You can say Pizza Hut is terrible pizza, but they also sell more pizzas than anybody else. — Jimmy Kimmel

My aunt and uncle are clearly civilians. — Jimmy Kimmel

No matter who it is, I hate to see people losing their jobs. I really do. — Jimmy Kimmel

People know I'm smart. And people know that, whether it's SNL or Jimmy Kimmel, it's a trend to take the piss out of celebrity - just as much of a trend as wearing a gray hoodie or driving a Prius. — Kanye West

I did not have any delusions of grandeur as a kid. — Jimmy Kimmel

I don't really need to be dirty to be funny. — Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel still comes across like a guy who crashed a party and got caught at it, yet adamantly refuses to leave. — Tom Shales

I only get unusual ailments. — Jimmy Kimmel

I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldn't be the bad guy in the joke; he couldn't upset people, really. — Anthony Jeselnik

You don't need to exorcise your personal demons onstage. — Jimmy Kimmel

I go to Costco every weekend. It's my favorite part of the week. — Jimmy Kimmel

I love Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel. — Mike Birbiglia

Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get marries, essentially what you're saying is 'I will never touch another woman as long as I live, now let's put jewellery on each other and dance — Jimmy Kimmel

I describe myself as a human being. — Jimmy Kimmel

When you know someone you can make a little more fun of them without them getting offended. — Jimmy Kimmel

I can't be as flip as I once was. — Jimmy Kimmel

Honestly, a lot of the human etiquette I learned in life I learned from, like, thank-you notes and dating Jimmy Kimmel. — Roseanne Barr

If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted. — Jimmy Kimmel

I'm a creative consultant, whatever that means. — Jimmy Kimmel

Energy is what I believe all of us are. We're just conscious awareness dancing for itself for no other reason but to stay amused. — Jim Carrey

At the Emmys, you've got a bunch of people who are used to being on TV on TV. You don't have that at the Oscars. At the Oscars, you have people who are used to having 40 takes. — Jimmy Kimmel

When fans think WWE, I don't want them to think Hulk Hogan or The Rock or Stone Cold Steve Austin or John Cena. I want them to think of The Miz. I want to be on every show. When we need a guy to do Conan or Jimmy Kimmel, I want them to call me. I wanna be on the cover of all the video games. I want it all. — The Miz

For those who don't like Dave Letterman, there's Jay Leno; and for those who like neither, there's Craig Ferguson; and if you're still feeling undertained, there's George Lopez and Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel and - let's see, did we leave out a Jimmy? — Tom Shales

My forte is the music. But obviously if ya don't keep up with the business, then your kinda doing it for nothing. So I do plan on being well off doing, maximizing what I do now. I heard Jimmy Kimmel describe being in your thirties in hip-hop is like the equivalent to being 300 yrs. old; almost like a dinosaur. — DJ Quik

This weekend on The History Channel, someone digs through old plastic junk ("It's a Dukes of Hazzard wastebasket!"), someone else tries to sell a doll head ("I used to take the heads off the bodies, and I kept the heads") . . . and Larry the Cable Guy taste-tests Tabasco sauce ("I can't feel my dadgum tongue!"). The History Channel. What the hell happened to us? Jimmy Kimmel Live4 — Donald R. Prothero

I have had a lot of experience in broadcasting. — Jimmy Kimmel

I never imagined being on television. — Jimmy Kimmel

Real emotion is good - or doing a good job of faking real emotion. — Jimmy Kimmel