Katja Quotes & Sayings

I say Sunshine and then she shatters.
All the pieces of all the girls go flying and I'm holding the one who's left. — Katja Millay

Josh isn't in love with me and I'm not in love with him."
"Sell it to someone who's buying, Sunshine. Have you seen the way he looks at you?" I've seen the way he looks at me but I don't know what it means. "Like you're a seventeenth-century, hand-carved table in mint condition. — Katja Millay

What'd you wish?"
"I can't tell you that!" I say indignantly.
"Why not?"
"Because it won't come true." Do I really need to say this? I'm pretty sure it's a given in wish situations.
"Bullshit."
"It's the rule," I insist.
"It's only the rule with birthday cakes and shooting stars, not pennies in fountains. — Katja Millay

Now - a profanity-spewing guttersnipe being dragged out of a crack house on Cops. I — Katja Millay

How is it that with everything that's happened in my life, this girl is going to be the thing that undoes me? — Katja Millay

I stayed in therapy long enough to know that nothing that happened to me was my fault. I didn't do anything to invite it or deserve it. But that just makes it worse. Maybe I don't blame myself for what happened, but when they tell you that something was completely and utterly random, they're also telling you something else. That nothing you do matters. It doesn't matter if you do everything right, if you dress the right way and act the right way and follow all the rules, because evil will find you anyway. Evil's resourceful that way ... They tell you it was random to make you feel blameless. But all I hear them telling me is that I have no control, and if I have no control, then I'm powerless. I would have preferred being blamed. — Katja Millay

Sometimes the most beautiful things are in front of our eyes, and we don't even notice because we're either too busy or too afraid to take a closer look. — Katja Michael

I'm not sure how long we sit in Josh's truck, holding hands, surrounded by darkness and unspoken regrets. But it's long enough to know that there are no stories or secrets in the world worth holding onto more than his hand. — Katja Millay

Personally, I'd rather shove a cactus up my ass, but apparently that option isn't on the table, so I might as well just rip the Band-Aid off now and get it over with. — Katja Millay

I let you discover my skin but you found a way under. — Katja Michael

I don't dress this way because I like it so much or because I want people to stare at me in general. But people are going to stare at me for the wrong reasons anyway, and if they are going to stare at me for the wrong reasons, then at least I should get to pick them. — Katja Millay

I like finding things no one else is looking for. Things that got lost or forgotten, shoved in a corner. Stuff I never knew existed. I don't even need to buy it. I just like to find it and know that it's there. That's the part I like. — Katja Millay

If Edna St. Vincent Millay was right and childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies, then my childhood ended when I was fifteen. — Katja Millay

I don't really care what people say about me. I'm fine with lies and rumors. It's the truth I don't want being told. — Katja Millay

Some things you just have to learn to live with. — Katja Millay

And girls always want to change the rules in the middle of the game. You can't change the rules and think everyone else is just going to keep playing. I know what her hair smells like, but I can't get close enough to press my face into it. I know how soft her skin is on every part of her body, but I can't touch it. I know what she tastes like, but I can't kiss her, I'm not allowed anymore. So why should I torture myself with being around her, just so I can say we're still friends? — Katja Millay

I am pressed so hard against the earth by the weight of reality that some days I wonder how I am still able to lift my feet to walk. — Katja Millay

What about Josh?" I think there's more to that question than she's letting on but she's testing the waters. Salvation, I write. She looks at the word and nods. And for a minute she looks as sad as I feel.
"That fits, I think. — Katja Millay

Thank You. Life is short and TBR lists are long. I know time is precious and I thank you for spending yours with this book. — Katja Millay

It doesn't matter if you do everything right, if you dress the right way and the right way and follow all the rules, because evil will find you anyway. — Katja Millay

Daylight won't protect you from anything. Bad things happen all the time; they don't wait until after dinner — Katja Millay

I would like to believe in the dream of second chances. For both of us. — Katja Millay

But you can only go so long being angry before you learn to hate. — Katja Millay

It's like having a ghost in my garage. I feel like I'm being haunted. With all the dead people I've got in my corner, you'd think one of them would be the one hanging around. — Katja Millay

If I'm going to be rejected, I'd like it to come complete with humiliation. — Katja Millay

I'm tired of being responsible for other people's misery. I can't even put up with my own. — Katja Millay

I can always think about cake. — Katja Millay

No one ever asks. Like they think they're doing me a favor. That if they don't bring it up, I won't have to think about it. Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean i forget. I don't talk about it because no one ever asks. — Katja Millay

Because most people are stupid." Laila's words were harsh and her gaze bitter. "They don't want to see or know the truth. And so they willingly believe all the lies they are told. — Katja Michael

I feel like grabbing my crotch and checking to see if my balls are still there because I think they may be in her pocket and I need to get them back. — Katja Millay

And maybe I'm a liar and I do need it, because being kissed by Josh Bennet is kind of like being saved. It's a promise and a memory of the future and a book of better stories. — Katja Millay

In memory of my father, because he said so — Katja Millay

Every normal family is one tragedy away from complete implosion. — Katja Millay

You are the only good reason. — Katja Millay

It's a chair. Stop overanalyzing it. I'm not selling it and I'm not giving it to someone else. I made it for you. It's yours. — Katja Millay

I should tell. I know I should. But he's mine. I don't want him getting the chance to walk away. I want him to pay and I want to be the one who decides how. — Katja Millay

It's bad enough that my brain is a cesspool; I can't imagine the hellhole my heart would be if he wasn't in it. Since — Katja Millay

My greatest love has always been words. — Katja Michael

Sarah. I smiled. I couldn't help but appreciate the absolute perfection of the name; bland, common, and wholly unoriginal. Best of all, it means princess. — Katja Millay

I haven't gotten better. I'm not even close to okay. The only thing I've done is to decide to get better. But I think that may just be enough. I'm trying to see the magic in everyday miracles now: the fact that my heart still beats, that I can lift my feet off of the earth to walk and that there is something in me worthy of love. I know that bad things still happen. And sometimes I still ask myself why I am alive; but now, when I ask, I have an answer. — Katja Millay

There's something about knowing that I broke my father's heart that makes me hate myself a little more than I already do. — Katja Millay

Congratulations, then. You wanted to be ruined? Well, you did yourself one better because you wrecked me, too, Sunshine. Now we're both worth shit. — Katja Millay

I'm under a microscope where my every facial expression is being studied. It makes me want to scream, but I can't, so I just swallow it like dirt and blood. — Katja Millay

It is difficult to move on when your surroundings stay the same. — Katja Michael

I spent every lunch period practicing in the music room and that was the only place I wanted to be. — Katja Millay

Not my fault you're distractingly pretty. — Katja Millay

Nothing else matters. If I had a penny right now I'd wish that were true; I want to believe it more than I've ever wanted to believe anything. — Katja Millay

He's so blatantly obvious, it's almost inspired. Almost. — Katja Millay

My life spontaneously combusted... — Katja Millay

When you look at her what do you feel?" "Are you fucking serious? Forget it." He can kiss my ass if he wants to start talking feelings with me. "You obviously want it for a reason." "I want a picture to jack off to. What do you care?" I keep drawing so I don't have to look at him, but I'm mutilating the sketch I'm working on. I'll have to start over, but I don't care. "Joy, fear, frustration, longing, friendship, anger, need, despair, love, lust?" "Yes." "Yes, what?" "All of it," I reply, because I'm all in now whether I like it or not. — Katja Millay

Dying really isn't so bad after you've done it once. And I have. I'm not afraid of death anymore. I'm afraid of everything else. — Katja Millay

My mother's voice. It's the first thing I remember after I opened my eyes. My beautiful girl. You came back to us. But she was wrong. — Katja Millay

Well, I suppose that consequently makes you my favorite nightmare. — Katja Michael

When she first saw him, she took him for a ghost. His jet-black hair fluttered in the breeze as he walked, letting her see his eyes. They seemed haunted, lost in some way. He was tall and gaunt, starkly pale in his black clothes. He was the very picture of Anton, even sharing his world-weary eyes of deepest blue. She could hardly look away from this apparition, an echo of all the memories and dreams that had haunted her these many years. — Amanda M. Lyons

It amazes me how people are so afraid of what can happen in the dark, but they don't give a second thought about their safety during the day; as if the sun offers some sort of ultimate protection from all the evil in the world. It doesn't ... Daylight won't protect you from anything, Bad things happen all the time; they don't wait until after dinner. The Sea of Tranquillity — Katja Millay

She glares at me like I spend my free time murdering puppies. — Katja Millay

People believe in God because they don't believe in themselves. They need something else to depend on or to blame instead of taking responsibility for their own shit - crap, excrement, waste, mistakes, faults. — Katja Millay

I'd also believe that all teenage boys go around calling girls baby, because apparently that's the express train to romance. — Katja Millay

Girls always want to change the rules in the middle of the game. — Katja Millay

Plus, once he did the requisite double-take and recognized me, he'd probably beat the crap out of any guy who looked at me in all my Snow White meets Frederick's of Hollywood glory. — Katja Millay

Good Morning, Sunshine! Josh F**king Bennett. By now, I'm pretty sure that if I were to find his birth certificate that is exactly what it would say. — Katja Millay

You know I meant it. I am human. And male. And not remotely blind. Do you want me to say it again? You are distractingly, even if-that-is-not-a-real-word pretty. You are so pretty that I bullied Clay Whitaker into drawing me a picture of you so I could look at you when you aren't around. You are so pretty that one of these days I'm going to lose a finger in my garage because I can't concentrate with you so close to me. You are so pretty that I wish you weren't so I wouldn't want to hit every guy at school who looks at you, especially my best friend. — Katja Millay

And as much as I'm telling her to stay here, I still want her to choose to come with me. To say fuck sanity and healing and closure. To say that I am the only thing she needs to be well and whole and alive. But we both know that's not true. — Katja Millay

What is she to him?" I try not to sound jealous or like I'm fishing for information, but I am on both counts. "She," he says, looking at my chest, because he is still Drew, before pulling his gaze up to my eyes, "is a poor man's Sunshine." I — Katja Millay

There are so many things that can break you if there's nothing to hold you together. — Katja Millay

It seems like the more my body healed, the more fractured my mind became, and there aren't enough wires and screws to fix he breaks in it. — Katja Millay

If eavesdropping on someone else's nightmares is supposed to make me feel better, I'd rather stay feeling like shit. I don't think telling them about my horror story would do me any good. And besides, I'm not even supposed to have a story to tell. - Nastya Kashnikov — Katja Millay

I'd watch her, amazed at just how much a person could accomplish fueled by tea and regret. — Katja Millay

There is no love in war but there is a lot of war in love. — Katja Michael

I shrug. I'm an excellent shrugger. It's rivaled only by my ability to nod. — Katja Millay

I'm wondering if I'm allowed to hate Josh Bennett, because I'm thinking I might start. — Katja Millay

I've scared, offended or made everyone uncomfortable enough to stay away. Mission accomplished. — Katja Millay

Wonderful. Last night's dinner, the charred remains of my dignity, and apparently, now, my undergarments, too. What else did I leave on Josh Bennett's bathroom floor? — Katja Millay

There are plenty of chances in life, what's important is what you make of them. — Katja Michael

It's all my fault! Everything is my fault and no one knows it more than me. We're all in hell and I'm the one that put us here. — Katja Millay

And if there is any part of my heart left to break, it breaks with his confusion. — Katja Millay

People who have never been through any sort of shit always assume that they know how you should react to having your life destroyed. And the people who have been through shit think you're suppose to deal with it the exact same way they did. As if there's a playbook for surviving hell. — Katja Millay

I was a lost cause a long time ago. — Katja Millay

These days I'm missing everything. I'm haunted by music; music I can hear, but never play again. Melodies that taunt me note by note, mocking me with the simple fact that they exist. — Katja Millay

I have a black-belt in self-pity. I was an expert in the field. Still am. It's a skill you never forget. — Katja Millay

I feel like I'm waiting here. Waiting for something that hasn't happened yet. Something that isn't yet. But that's all I feel and nothing else. I don't know if I even exist. And then someone flips a switch and the light is gone, the room is gone, the weightlessness is gone. I want to ask to wait, because I wasn't finished yet, but I don't have a chance. There is no gentle pulling. No coaxing. No choice. I'm wrenched out. Yanked, as if my head is being snapped back. I'm in the dark and everything is pain. There are too many sensations at once. Every nerve ending is on fire. Like the shock of being born. And then, there are flashes of everything. Color, voices, machines, harsh words. The pain doesn't flash. The pain is constant, steady, never-ending. It's the only thing I know. I don't want to be awake anymore. — Katja Millay

What is life if not joy? — Katja Michael

It's probably a class for guidance counselors only - How to Emit Inappropriate Joy in the Face of Adolescent Horror. I'm fairly certain they don't make teachers take it, because they don't even bother to pretend. — Katja Millay

Some people have problems and you need to learn to empathize, not judge. — Katja Millay

I live in a world without magic or miracles. A place where there are no clairvoyants or shapeshifters, no angels or superhuman boys to save you. A place where people die and music disintegrates and things suck. — Katja Millay

If self-adoration were cologne, he would be the boy you couldn't stand next to without choking. — Katja Millay

Maybe I don't blame myself for what happened, but when they tell you that something was completely and utterly random, they're also telling you something else. That nothing you do matters. It doesn't matter if you do everything right, if you dress the right way and act the right way and follow the rules, because evil will find you anyway. Evil's resourceful that way. — Katja Millay

People like to say love is unconditional, but it's not, and even if it was unconditional, it's still never free. There's always an expectation attached. They always want something in return. Like they want you to be happy or whatever and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they won't be happy unless you are ... I just don't want that responsibility. — Katja Millay

Didn't you say she lives in Josh's neighborhood? Mrs. Leighton asks. I think I actually hear her loading the bullets into that question. — Katja Millay

Maybe nobody knows how. Sometimes it's easier to pretend nothing is wrong than to face the fact that everything is wrong, but you're powerless to do anything about it. — Katja Millay

Good morning, Sunshine. — Katja Millay

I haven't started counting yet. I wonder if it's just me or if it's like that for everybody; that every time someone dies you start counting how much time has passed since they've been gone. First you count it in minutes, then in hours. You count in days, then weeks, then months. Then one day you realize that you aren't counting anymore, and you don't even know when you stopped. That's the moment they're gone. — Katja Millay

I live in the world without magic or miracles. A place where there are no clairvoyants or shape-shifters, no angels or superhuman boys to save you. A place where people die and music disintegrates and things suck. I am pressed so heard against the earth by the weight of reality that some days i wonder how am i still able to lift my feet to walk. — Katja Millay

And if my Sea od Tranquility were real, it would be this place, here, with him.
I don't say anything right away, because I just want one minute to look at him before I give him my last secret.
And then I tell him.
Your garage. — Katja Millay

My mother's hope is a weapon. — Katja Millay

Taking a picture is like giving a piece of your soul away. You allow other people to see the world through your eyes. — Katja Michael

Emilia," he says, and when he does, it warms me to my soul. "Every day you save me. — Katja Millay

We're like mysteries to one another. Maybe if I can solve him and he can solve me, we can explain each other. Maybe that's what I need. Someone to explain me. — Katja Millay

Seeing Josh is my homecoming. I didn't tell him I was coming back. He doesn't say anything when he sees me, and neither do I, because the fact that I'm here is an answer. We just look at each other and speak in the silence like we always have and no one interrupts the conversation. — Katja Millay

It's the Josh Bennett equivalent of tattooing her name across my chest. — Katja Millay