Kate Daniels Quotes & Sayings

The stairs ended. I wished I knew the jackass who'd made the staircase so short. I'd throw him down the damn steps so he could count them with his head. — Ilona Andrews

Somewhere in that database my name sat in its own little niche, the name of a reject, undisciplined and worthless. Just the way I liked it. — Ilona Andrews

Ask!" the cat said.
"Ask, Kate!" Saiman prompted.
"Ask!" one of the volhvs called out.
I took a deep breath. The cat leaned forward in anticipation.
"Would you like some milk? — Ilona Andrews

When life backs you into a corner and offers you no escape, when your friends, your lover, and your family abandon you, when you're at the end of your rope, panicked, alone, and losing your mind, you know you'd give anything to make your problems go away. Then, desperate and eager, you will come to Unicorn Lane, seeking salvation in its magics and secrets. You'll do anything, pay any price. Unicorn Lane will take you in, shroud you in its power, fix your problems, and exact its price. And then you will learn what 'anything' really means. — Ilona Andrews

The phone rang. I picked it up. "Kate Daniels"
"It's me," Curran said. "I - "
I hung up. — Ilona Andrews

The last time Assistant Principal Parker called, a girl in the school's locker room had accused Julie of being a whore during the two years she'd spent on the street. My kid took exception to that and decided to communicate that by applying a chair to the offending party's head. I'd told her to go for the gut next time- it left less evidence. — Ilona Andrews

Go play your games with Jim. I'll find you both when I need you."
Arrogant asshole. "I tell you what, if you find us before those three days run out, I'll cook you a damn dinner and serve it to you naked."
"Is that a promise?"
"Yes. Go fuck yourself. — Ilona Andrews

I was a knight," Andrea said. "I'm not just going to start shooting every dickhead who mouths off to me."
"Just making sure."
"Besides, if I shot him, I'd do it so nobody could trace it back to me. I'd shoot him somewhere remote, his head would explode like a melon, and they would never find his body. He would just vanish. — Ilona Andrews

Hi. And what kind of screwed-up beastie would you be? — Ilona Andrews

You make me want to stab you."
"I have that effect on many people."
"How is it you're still alive?"
"I'm hard to kill. — Ilona Andrews

How do yo feel about her doing this?" That had to be Mahon. That low-pitched growl could only come from him.
"We let each other be who we are," Curran said. "I don't have to like all of the things she has to do. I love her. — Ilona Andrews

Andrea, in less than twelve hours, Atlanta will be full of demons. They will kill, feed, and release more demons. What emergency is more important than this one?
She hesitated. "I'm not supposed to disclose this. There's a man. His name is Roland ... "
I almost punched the wall. "What is he doing that's so damn crucial? What, is he building another tower? It will fall like all his other ones. Or did his eye finally grow back and he decided to have a battle to celebrate? — Ilona Andrews

You're like a god from a Greek myth, Saiman. You have no empathy. You have no concept of the world beyond your ego. Wanting something gives you an automatic right to obtain it by whatever means necessary with no regard to the damage it may do. I would be careful if I were you. Friends and objects of deities' desires dropped like flies. In the end the gods always ended up miserable and alone.
- Kate Daniels — Ilona Andrews

I love you," I told him. There. Nice and simple. "I knew you would find me."
He smiled at me. "I would never stop looking. — Ilona Andrews

You're going to take him on by yourself?" Curran's voice asked at my side. He sounded amused.
"If I wait any longer, I won't go in," I said. My knees tembled. My teeth chattered in my mouth.
He grabbed me and kissed me. The kiss sent a wave of heat from my lips all the way to my toes. Curran's eyes laughed. "For luck," he whispered, his breath a hot cloud on my ear.
I broke free and wiped my mouth on the back of my hand. "When we're done with the upir," I growled, "I'll give you that fight you've been wanting."
"Much better," Curran said.
"If you lovebirds are done," Nick said. "Get out of my way. — Ilona Andrews

You know anything about investigative work?"
"Sure. Annoy the people involved until the guilt party tries to make you go away. — Ilona Andrews

I flexed my wrist, popped a silver needle into my palm, and offered it to him.
'What's this?'
'A needle.'
'What should I do with it?'
He'd walked right into it. Too easy. 'Please use it to pop your head. It's obscuring my view of the room.'
- Kate & Saiman — Ilona Andrews

A shadow crossed Andrea's face. "I don't want to be his TWT-IHFB." "What does that mean?" "That Weird Thing I Haven't Fucked Before." I choked. — Ilona Andrews

Were you watching me sleep? Because I thought we agreed that's creepy. — Ilona Andrews

What's this "
"A needle."
"What should I do with it " He'd walked right into it. Too easy.
"Please use it to pop your head. It's obscuring my view of the room. — Ilona Andrews

The skull sat on top of an old Stop sign. Someone had painted the surface of the octagon white and written KEEP OUT across it in large jagged letters. A reddish-brown splatter stained the bottom edge, looking suspiciously like dried blood. I leaned closer. Yep, blood. Some hair, too. Human hair.
Curran frowned at the sign. "Do you think he's trying to tell us something?"
"I don't know. He's being so subtle about it. — Ilona Andrews

Why were you in a vehicle with Kate, alone? What were you wearing? What was she wearing? How long were you there? Did you do something or did you talk? What was the nature of your discussion? Could this trip have been avoided?"
I rubbed my face. "So basically you're scared that His Lordship might get his panties in a bunch?"
"That's one way to put it. — Ilona Andrews

Will you stop meddling in my love life?" I growled.
"I'm not meddling. I'm offering commentary. — Ilona Andrews

I thought of telling him that if it wasn't for Oklahoman cowboys and Mexican whores having a bit of fun, there would've been no Texans, but that would be counterproductive. — Ilona Andrews

I have a vamp body for you," Andrea said. "It's in the freezer."
I gave her a nice smile. "You shouldn't have. — Ilona Andrews

I turned to leave and paused before the gap in the ruined wall. "One last thing, Your Majesty. I'd like a name I can put into my report, something shorter than typing out 'The Leader of the Southern Shapechanger Faction.' What should I call you?"
"Lord."
I rolled my eyes.
He shrugged. "It's short. — Ilona Andrews

And Raphael will be joining us," Andrea said. "So you get twice the backup. Nobody will be killing you on our watch."
So that was what this was all about. I got a cookie after all. "Aww. I had no idea you cared. I'm touched."
"You should be." Andrea bit another bacon slice. "I'm willing to abandon the tender embrace of my future mother-in-law for your sake."
"About that," Aunt B said. "I'm coming, too."
Dear God, the cookie was poisoned."
12% in 'Magic Rises' by Ilona Andrews — Ilona Andrews

Beautiful I would never be. Striking, that I could manage. — Ilona Andrews

In there?'
She nodded.
'You want us to go into the tortoise?'
Another nod.
'It's alive.'
Another nod. — Ilona Andrews

Did you run any of this by Curran?"
"I told him I was about to do something idiotic and dangerous, and he told me to go ahead and let him know if he could help in any way."
"I don't understand your relationship. — Ilona Andrews

Desandra shrugged her shoulders. "Hey, Kate? Have you thought of walking up to Hugh and telling him that he's got the biggest dick ever?" She spread her arms to the size of a baseball bat.
"No, you think it would work?" I asked.
"It's worth a try. May be he'll be so happy you noticed his pork sword, he'll forget all about trying to kill us."
Pork sword. Kill me now. "I'll think about it."
Ascanio began patting his clothes.
"What?" Derek growled.
"Looking for something to take notes with. — Ilona Andrews

Okay," Juke said. "Your horse is a donkey, your poodle is a giant wolf breed, and your boyfriend is whatever the hell he is. You have problems. — Ilona Andrews

If I pass out face down in this water, will you fish me out?"
"Will you promise to call me Your Majesty?"
"Hell no."
"Then I'll have to think about it. — Ilona Andrews

Ghastek, why haven't you married?" I asked.
He gave me a thin-lipped smile. "Because if I were to get married, I would want to have a family. To me, marriage means children."
"So what's the problem? Shooting blanks?"
Desandra asked.
Kill me. — Ilona Andrews

Secret to what?"
"Secret to shutting you up," he said. "I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and"
he raised his hands
"blessed silence. — Ilona Andrews

Other pirates leaped over the railing. One, two ... seven ... thirteen. A baker's dozen. Wait, fifteen. Eighteen ... Twenty-one. The odds weren't in our favor.
"Maybe they just came over to borrow a cup of sugar," I said.
Andrea barked a short laugh. Curran put his hand on my shoulder. "That's a lot of sugar. Must be a big cake. — Ilona Andrews

Are you waiting for a clue to fall on your head?" Derek asked.
"Yep. Tell me if you see one coming."
"Nope."
"My super mental powers must be getting rusty. — Ilona Andrews

Kate Daniels and her deadly attack poodle. Kill me, somebody. Julie, my adopted niece, would have a field day with this. — Ilona Andrews

What is this?"
"It's a wedding invitation," Julie said.
"I didn't order any."
Julie grinned at me. "Roman."
Ugh. That's right. I waved the envelope at her. "It has flowers on it."
"Did you want gore, swords, and severed heads?" she asked. — Ilona Andrews

Please relay my greetings to the Beast Lord," I said. "I appreciate his willingness to alter his extremely busy schedule and make and appearance."
Curran show no emotion. No gloating, no anger, nothing at all. Jim looked at me, looked at Curran, looked back at me again. "Kate says hi," he said finally.
"I'm ecstatic," Curran said. — Ilona Andrews

At first glance you looked at Kate and thought "fighter," maybe merc. Five inches taller than me, she was all muscle - well, and some boobs - but mostly muscle. She moved like a predator and when she got pissed off, she exhaled aggression, like hot breath on a winter evening. Still, men looked, until they saw her eyes. Kate's eyes were crazy. It was that hidden-deep crazy that told you that you had no idea what the hell she would do next but whatever it was, the bad guys wouldn't like it. — Ilona Andrews

Diplomacy was never my strong suit and my patience had run dry. I crouched and called out, "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." [ ... ]
"Kitty, kitty?" asked a level male voice.[ ... ]
"What kind of woman greets the Beast Lord with 'here, kitty, kitty'?" he asked.
"One of a kind". I murmered the obvious reply. — Ilona Andrews

Do you have spies in Clan Heavy?"
"I have spies everywhere."
I looked at Andrea, who was hoarding bacon on her plate.
"She had tea with Mahon's wife." Andrea said.
Aunt B looked at her. "You and I need to work on your air of mystery. — Ilona Andrews

Don't do this to yourself," he said. "It's a cycle, Kate. We fight for the Pack, they fight for us. We bleed, they bleed. Sometimes people die. Everyone who came with me came of their own free will. The knew where we were going. They all knew there was a good chance that not everybody would make it out. This isn't the first fight or the last. People will sacrifice themselves for us again, and we'll do the same. I don't know how bad the future will be, but I promise you, we'll deal with it. You and I. Together. — Ilona Andrews

If you can't make it go away, wait it out. — Ilona Andrews

Nice plan. Take the gullible outsiders, walk them around for a bit, then feed them to the giant tortoise. — Ilona Andrews

I think you're confused as to the nature of our relationship. You and I, we don't get along. You're a psychopathic control freak. You order me around and I want to kill you. I'm a pigheaded insubordinate ass. I drive you mad and you want to strangle me. — Ilona Andrews

It must be very tiring for the Consort," Lorelei said next to me.
[ ... ]
"Perhaps a mount could be brought ... ?" Lorelei suggested.
Out of a corner I saw both Barabas and George freeze. Yes, I know I've been insulted. Settle down. "Thank you for your concern. I can manage."
"Please, it's no trouble at all. You could hurt yourself. I know that even something minor like a twisted ankle would present a big problem for a human ... "
Do not punch the pack princess; do not punch the pack princess ...
"We wouldn't want you to struggle to keep up."
Okay, she went too far. I gave her a nice big smile.
Curran's face snapped into a neutral expression. "We just got here, baby. It's too early for you to start killing people. — Ilona Andrews

I'd managed to find a hobbit in the Caucasus Mountains. I wondered what he would do if I asked him about second breakfast. — Ilona Andrews

I had to give it him, to flatter and insult a woman in one propostition took talent. — Ilona Andrews

When alone in a dark forest waiting for an audience with an evil god, the most prudent course of action is to be quiet and wait. 'Prudent' wasn't one of my favourite words.
"Hello? I've come to borrow a cup of sugar. Anybody? Perhaps there is an old woman with a house made of candy who could help me?"
"Marrying for love isn't wise."
The voice came from somewhere to the left. Melodious, but not soft, definitely female and charged with a promise of hidden power. Something told me that hearing her scream would end very badly for me.
I stopped and pivoted toward the voice.
"Marry for safety. Marry for power. But only fools marry for love."
When a strange voice talks to you in the black woods, only idiots answer.
I was that idiot. "Thank you, counsellor. How much do I owe you for this session? — Ilona Andrews

Tall, with skin the color of rich coffee, and dressed all in black, Jim looked like he was carved from a block of solid muscle. Logic said that at some point he must've been a baby and then a child, but looking at him one was almost convinced that some deity touched the ground with its scepter and proclaimed, "There shall be a badass," and Jim sprung into existence, fully formed, complete with clothes, and ready for action. — Ilona Andrews

Are you sure you know where you're going?" Andrea frowned.
"Would you like me to pull over and ask that bamboo for directions?"
"I don't know, do you think it will answer?"
We peered at the bamboo.
"I think it looks suspicious," Andrea said.
"Maybe there is a heffalump hiding in it."
Andrea stared at me.
"You know, heffalump? From Pooh Bear?"
"Where do you even get this shit? — Ilona Andrews

Who is there with you?"
"Raphael"
Kate's voice snapped. "I'll be in Atlanta in three hours. Where are you?"
"I said it's nothing major."
"Bullshit. You wouldn't work with Raphael unless the Apocalypse was imminent and that was the only way to prevent it. — Ilona Andrews

Who is Hunter Becker?"
"Becker the Gory? Lighthouse Keepers? Boston?"
"I would've preferred Becker the Easiley Surrendering or Becker the Quite Reasonable, but beyond that his name tells me nothing. — Ilona Andrews

Curran growled. "Later, babycakes."
Babycakes. Asshole. "Good hunting, sugar woogums. — Ilona Andrews

If you don't explain it all to me, I might strangle somebody. Of course, Raphael might like that ... — Ilona Andrews

And men my prophet wail deride! — Ilona Andrews

What did I tell you about plastic ties?
Only for humans, Julie murmured.
If you don't listen to me, I can't teach you anything. — Ilona Andrews

A massive beast dashed along the mountain apex.
Astamur reached for his rifle. "A demon?"
"No, not a demon." I might have preferred one . "That's my boyfriend."
Atsany and the shepherd turned to look at me. "Boyfriend?" Astamur said.
Curran saw us. He paused on a stone crag and roared. The raw declaration of strength cracked through the mountains, rolling down the cliffs like a rockslide. "Yep. Don't worry. He's harmless. — Ilona Andrews

What did you tell them?"
"I don't recall. I think I mentioned your discipline and ability to follow orders. I may have said something about you being a team player."
Derek emitted a strangled cough.
"Why?" I demanded.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time." Curran resumed hammering.
"I'm sorry," I said into the phone, sticking me finger into my other ear so I could hear. "His Majesty tends to exaggerate things. I'm not a team player. I'm undisciplined and I have a problem with authority. Also, the Beast Lord can't hammer for shit."
On the roof Derek was laughing his head off. — Ilona Andrews

So how was it?" she asked. "Kissing Curran?"
"I can't let him kiss me again, because if he does, I'll sleep with him."
Andrea blinked. "Well," she said finally, "At least you know where you stand. — Ilona Andrews

I turned to the courtyard and waved at Roman and the witch next to him.
"Is that his sister?" Andrea asked me.
"No." I had spoken with both of them. "I'd asked her that. Her name is Alina, she isn't his sister, and she feels deeply sorry for his sisters, because if she had to put up with being in his presence for longer than a day, she would throw herself off the nearest bridge just to end the agony."
"Well," Andrea said. "Glad she cleared that up. — Ilona Andrews

Diplomatic," Barabas said. "Fuck diplomatic. — Ilona Andrews

People think that it's the beast that makes us lose our sanity. They think the beast takes over and we become loup. Animals don't destroy each other for pure pleasure. They don't have serial killers. They kill, they don't murder. No, it's not the beast in us that makes us lose our balance. It's the man. Of all the animals, we're the most aggressive and the most predatory. We have to be, otherwise we would've never survived. You can see it in children, especially adolescents. Life is hard for them, so they attack it and fight for their own place in it. Homo homini lupus. — Ilona Andrews

Go to the Black Sea, meet new people, see beautiful places, get killed by a mutant carnivorous kangaroo goat. One item off my bucket list. — Ilona Andrews

Strawberry Shortcake called, she wants her outfit back — Ilona Andrews

The stallion stared in my direction and bared his teeth. Now horses were giving me crap. — Ilona Andrews

Why is everyone calling me Consort?"
"Jim designated you as Consort in official papers. You don't want to be called Mate, calling you Alpha is confusing, and 'Beast Lady' makes people laugh. — Ilona Andrews

I crouched on the beam. The bunnycat shivered less than a foot away.
"Here ... " Bunny? Kitty? "Here, cute creature thing ... Don't be scared. — Ilona Andrews

Crest, that was his name, was meanwhile droning on, while Kate seemed to be only half listening. I could not hear him clearly, but I could guess at the gist of it.

"Blah blah blah, I am handsome, I make a lot of money, this suit is expensive, and my shoes are made of the finest Corinthian leather hand-stitched by virgins under the moonlight. Of course, I could have gone into pediatrics, but for one of my amazing skill, really, plastic surgery was the only option. Beauty is so important, don't you think? Oh, Kate, you are nearly as attractive as I. Why then should we not be beautiful together?" — Gordon Andrews

I saved the baby. I saved her. For you."
- Bran — Ilona Andrews

You snore worse. At least I don't turn into a lion in my sleep."
"I only did it once."
"Once was weird enough, thank you. — Ilona Andrews

Kate Daniels, deadly swordswoman and rescuer of hungry orphans. Come in. Wash your hands. — Ilona Andrews

The lion opened his mouth, showing his big teeth. Yes, yes, you're bad. We know, Your Majesty. — Ilona Andrews

Bring your army, little god! My sword is hungry! — Ilona Andrews

Estene aleera hesaad de viren aneda. And now, you are forever mine. — Ilona Andrews

Because that's what it would catch in the wild, a boar, right? I can't wait to see a pack of bunnycats take down a wild hog with those short tiny legs. Wouldn't the boar be surprised?"
Everybody was a comedian.
"May be if I oink loud enough, it'll leap across the beam and try to devour me. — Ilona Andrews

So you want me to track down a supernaturally fast sniper who can disappear into thin air, retrieve your maps, and do it so nobody finds out what I'm doing or why?'
'Exactly.'
I sighed. 'I'll get the paperwork. — Ilona Andrews

Kate& Derek
"No, Kate, you don't understand. He vanished. He was there one moment and then he was gone."
I couldn't resist. "Like a ninja. In a puff of smoke. — Ilona Andrews

Bran grabbed my hand,pulled me to a chest, and swung the heavy lid open. A white cloth covered the contents. He jerked it aside. Human heads filled the chest.
"Oh God."
He scooped a mummified head from the chest by a scalp lock and thrust it at me. "All of them are mine."
This was officially the weirdest version of "come down to my place and I'll show you some etchings" I've ever been hit with. — Ilona Andrews

The Oracle rose. As one, the three witches bowed.
"See?" Bran jerked his thumb at the three women. "That's how a woman should treat a man. Next time you see me, I want you to do just like them. — Ilona Andrews

I leaned forward slightly and pulled the lower lid of my left eye down.
"What the f**k?" the stocky, muscular woman behind Tremblay murmured. Not a melee fighter. She stood flat on her feet, planted like a tree, and carried no weapons.
"She's asking you if you can see the care in her eye." Saiman said helpfully. — Ilona Andrews

You're taking a nap? Come on, Kate, I need you for this fight. Stop lying around."
"You must think you're funny."
"Just saying, you have to pull your own weight. A hot body and flirting will only get you so far."
"Everything I do, I learned from you, boy toy."
"Boy toy?" Curran asked.
"Would you prefer man candy? — Ilona Andrews

Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy. — Ilona Andrews

Andrea stared at me. "You're not taking me seriously!"
"That's probably because you're not excited enough," Derek said. "You should clench your fists like they do in the movies, shake them, and yell, 'This is bigger than any of us! It goes all the way to the top! — Ilona Andrews

On the other hand it was bad manners to look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if you're getting it from an overweight cracker in a fringe shirt. — Ilona Andrews

Give me an opportunity to fail," Saiman said. "I promise my corpse won't interrupt your 'I told you so' speech. — Ilona Andrews

Did those nice church ladies come by again?"
He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else. — Ilona Andrews

Andrea turned her back to Desandra and rolled her eyes. Raphael grimaced. They both looked scandalized. Dear God, what could she have said to scandalize a bouda ...
"No, really!" Desandra nodded. "Okay, so most guys don't have a nice ball sack, right? It looks all hairy and wrinkled like some small animal died between their legs, but Gerardo's is like two plums in a velvet bag ... "
Derek, who'd been lingering in the doorway, took a careful step to the left behind the wall and disappeared from my view.
Kill me, somebody. I raised my hand. "Hold that thought. I need to borrow Andrea for a minute."
I grabbed her arm and pulled her into the hallway. Behind us Raphael growled, "Don't leave me!"
Andrea leaned towards me. "Plums."
"Listen ... "
Andrea raised her hands, imitating holding plums the size of small coconuts, and moved them up and down. — Ilona Andrews

We can get you a throne with snakes. I'll stand next to you and roar at anybody who fails to grovel. Fear Kate Daniels. She is a mighty and terrible ruler. Grendel can anoint the petitioners with his vomit. It'll be great ... — Ilona Andrews

Have you called the alphas?"
"Yes."
"The rats, too?"
He bristled. "What about the rats?"
"They think you're hiding information from them"
"I hide information from everyone. Do they think they're special? — Ilona Andrews

The good doctor put a spoon of tea into my honey." "You're drinking tea a honey badger made," Jim said. "What did you expect? — Ilona Andrews

Cute. I think I would prefer to be stabbed in the eye rather than be called cute. — Ilona Andrews

A girl half my age swept by and slammed two giant tankard filled with beer on the table. Ragnvald held his up. I smashed my tankard against his. Beer splashed. We raised the tankard and pretended to take much bigger gulps than we did. — Ilona Andrews

She had wailed loudly enough to wake the dead and make them call the cops. — Ilona Andrews

One does not simply ring Roland.
Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next. — Ilona Andrews

She swept away, putting an extra kink into her walk. I would not have thought that a woman with an ass that bony could make it wiggle so much but she proved me wrong. — Ilona Andrews

Okay, pull me up."
The rope didn't move.
"Ascanio?" What was it now? Did he see a butterfly and get distracted?
The rope slid up, as fast as if wound by a winch. I shot upward. What the ... ?
I cleared the edge and found myself face to face with Curran.
Oh boy.
He held the rope with one hand, muscles bulging on his arm under his sweatshirt. No strain showed on Curran's face. It's good to be the baddest shapeshifter in the city. Behind him Ascanio stood very still, pretending to be invisible.
Curran's gray eyes laughed at me. The Beast Lord reached out and touched my nose with his finger. "Boop. — Ilona Andrews

Kate Daniels, deadly swordmaster. Fear my twitching pinkie. — Ilona Andrews