Joe Morelli Quotes & Sayings

I rushed us out of your parents' house because I didn't think I could manage two hours at the dinner table with everyone focused on Joe Loosey's joystick sitting in the refrigerator next to the applesauce. — Janet Evanovich

Does your mother know that you're carrying a gun? I'm going to tell her. I'm going to call and tell her right now.
She sent me a look of utter disgust and slammed the front door. I was 30-year-old and Mrs Morelli was going to tell my mother on me. Only in the burgh. — Janet Evanovich

Honey, Half the women in NJ have sold him their cannolli -Conie to Stephanie about Joe Morelli (One for the money) — Janet Evanovich

Suppose I lay down on the pavement and you run over me a few times with my own car ... just for old times. — Janet Evanovich

Next time I fall in love it's going to be with someone who isn't an expert in fibbing."
"You're in love with me?"
"You didn't know that?"
"I did, but it's nice to hear."
"Scares the hell out of me. — Janet Evanovich

Honey, a man can't keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn't done. — Janet Evanovich

You can run, but you can't hide, Cupcake." Morelli said. "I'll find you."
"You are such a cop."
"Tell me about it. — Janet Evanovich

Oh my God. You're going to Julie Morelli's wedding! It's true about you and Joe."
"What about me and Joe?"
"I heard you were living with him."
"I had a fire in my apartment, and I rented a room from him for a short time."
Sandy's face scrunched up in disappointment. "You mean you weren't sleeping with him?"
"Well, yeah, I guess I was sleeping with him."
"Oh my God. I knew it! I just knew it! What's he like? Is he excellent? Is he ... you know, big? He doesn't have a little twinkie, does he? Oh, God, don't tell me if he has a little twinkie. — Janet Evanovich

I'd kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag. — Janet Evanovich

It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence.
Joe Morelli — Janet Evanovich

Joe" I said. "It's Stephanie."
"Does this involve death?"
"Not yet."
"Does this involve sex?"
"Not yet."
"I can't imagine why else you'd be calling me. — Janet Evanovich

And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case. — Janet Evanovich

He lowered his mouth and kissed me. I know I should have kneed him in the groin, but the kiss was delicious. Joe Morelli still knew how to kiss. — Janet Evanovich

You're such a cupcake. — Janet Evanovich

We don't usually write up accidents involving rabbits.
- Joe Morelli — Janet Evanovich

I blink back the threat of tears, swiped at my nose and narrowed my eyes. "Listen to me, you two bags of monkey shit, "I yelled. "I am not in a good mood. My car keeps stalling. The day before yesterday I threw up on Joe Morelli. I was called a fat cow by my ex-husband. And if that isn't enough ... my hair is ORANGE! ORANGE, FOR CHRISSAKE! And now you have the gall to force yourself into my home and threaten my hamster. Well, you have gone too far. You have crossed the line! — Janet Evanovich

You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms.
Joe Morelli — Janet Evanovich

Mrs. Morelli opened the door to us and smacked Joe on the side of the head. "Sex fiend. Just like your father, God rest his rotten soul."
Morelli grinned down at his mother. "It's a curse. — Janet Evanovich

You ever get any death threats? How about ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends? You run over anyone recently?" ~ Morelli — Janet Evanovich

My sex life is okay."
"Yeah," Morelli said. "But sometimes it's fun to have a partner. — Janet Evanovich

Stephanie: "I have a list of Kenny's friends. I'm going to run through it."
Morelli: "Where'd you get this list?"
Stephanie: "Privileged information."
Morelli: "You broke into his apartment and stole his little black book."
Stephanie: "I didn't steal it. I copied it."
Morelli: "I don't want to here any of this. You're not carrying concealed, are you?"
Stephanie: "Who, me?"
Morelli: "Shit, I must be crazy to work with you — Janet Evanovich

I like the way you've let your hair go curly," he finally said. "Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,"
Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum — Janet Evanovich