Joan Rivers Plastic Surgery Quotes & Sayings

I had a friend who was a plastic surgeon, so he would do little things. I never had, like, a full thing. So I would go in maybe once every two or three years, and he'd do a little here, a little there; tweak you, like you tweak your car. Then I became the plastic surgery poster girl. — Joan Rivers

[On plastic surgery:] My motto is: 'Anything that can be lifted should be lifted. Anything that falls should be caught. And try to catch any falling stuff before it hits the ground. — Joan Rivers

Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it. — Joan Rivers

I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware. — Joan Rivers

The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery. — Joan Rivers

With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that's what death is - without waking up to someone clapping and going, 'Joan, wake up, it's all over and you're looking pretty'. — Joan Rivers

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery. — Joan Rivers

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy. — Joan Rivers

Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on ... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet! — Joan Rivers