Jim Gaffigan Pale Quotes & Sayings

A creature that never cries over spilt milk: a cat. — Evan Esar

There is nothing less scientific than to deny something because it cannot be explained. — Jean Valnet

I was a pale piece of white bread floating in a sea of ethnicity. — Jim Gaffigan

It's worth noting that you can devote your life to community service and be a total schmuck. You can spend your life on Wall Street and be a hero — David Brooks

I'm definitely hesitant wearing shorts during the summer. Like for a pale person, you know, summer - everyone in the world is so excited for summer, but pale people, we're just like, oh no. — Jim Gaffigan

I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene. — Jim Gaffigan

Once my then three-year-old son, Jack, approached some seven-year-olds playing cards at the park and just watched them. One of the boys looked at my son and said, "Go away. You're gross!" The other kids laughed. I chimed in immediately. "No, you're gross! You are the grossest gross grosser in the world!" The bully ran with tears in his eyes to his caregiver, who glared at me. I just smiled in victory. I realize I won't always be there to defend my children, but if I can trim some of the jerky behavior out of their life, maybe they won't do it to other kids. Of course, I am also getting revenge for my own victimization as a child. I was always hoping some pale giant would appear and rescue me from the bullies. Now I am that pale giant. You shall call me Thor. God — Jim Gaffigan

Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. — Theodore Roosevelt

Everything you think today will ultimately reflect in your future. So think carefully, think better. — Debasish Mridha

Archer turned back to me, and that familiar grin flashed over his face. Come on, Mercer. Me, you, the cellar. What could go wrong? — Rachel Hawkins

I have known you for an entire year now, Lord Waxillium," Steris said. "I can accept you for who you are, but I am under no illusions. Something will happen at our wedding. A villain will burst in, guns firing. Or we'll discover explosives in the altar. Or Father Bin will inexplicably turn out to be an old enemy and attempt to murder you instead of performing the ceremony. It will happen. I'm merely trying to prepare for it." "You're serious, aren't you?" Wax asked, smiling. "You're actually thinking of inviting one of my enemies so you can plan for a disruption." "I've sorted them by threat level and ease of access," Steris said, shuffling through her papers. — Brandon Sanderson

The soul is the lure of our becoming. — Jean Houston

It is my earnest desire that some of you should carry on this scientific work and keep for your ambition the determination to make a permanent contribution to science. — Marie Curie

I am not ashamed of the Gospel. — Mark Driscoll

I keep busy. That was my nickname in college, 'Iron to the Fire.' I like to keep several things going at once. — Creed Bratton

It's not just the look, the cost, and the time involved in putting sunscreen on a child, it's the battle. My kids have no idea why they would have to wait to have fun while they are smeared with chemicals all over their face and body. They scream. They cry. "It burns!" The process of applying sunscreen just highlights the preposterousness of raising pale kids on a planet that revolves around a hot burning star that emits poisonous UV rays. I can never tell if the concerned looks from strangers are because they think I am torturing my children or because I am dressed like an out-of-shape Superman at the beach. Does anyone know where I can get a red swim cape? — Jim Gaffigan

Despite their promises at the last Election, the politicians had not yet changed the climate. — Evelyn Waugh