Jeselnik Stand Quotes & Sayings

Because a lake is conceived as having only two primary dimensions, you can't swim inside the lake, though that would seem to make geometric sense. Lederer asks why we say that something can be underwater or underground even though it's surrounded by, not beneath, the water or the ground. It's because water and ground are conceived as 2-D surfaces, not 3-D volumes, geologically improbable though that is. The dimensionality of an object is also the aspect of its geometry that modifiers "see" when they combine with it in a phrase. A big CD, for example, has to have an above-average diameter, not an above-standard thickness (that could only be a thick CD), and a big lake has to be one with an unusually large area, regardless of its depth; it can't be a few yards wide and a mile deep. — Steven Pinker

Every truth passes through three stages before it is recognized. In the first it is ridiculed, in the second it is opposed, in the third it is regarded as self evident. — Arthur Schopenhauer

So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, heading for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember there's always madness. Madness is the emergency exit. — Alan Moore

The way I saw it, I was fully capable of being treated with indifference that bordered on disdain while maintaining a strong sense of self-respect. I obeyed his commands, sure that I could fulfill this role while still protecting the sacred place inside of me that I knew deserved more. Different. Better.
But that isn't how it works. — Lena Dunham

Always the eternal optimist, President Reagan instilled confidence and optimism at a time both were in short supply in our country. — Jim Ramstad

Only a few millionaires with wet bottoms were very disappointed. — Tom Callahan

I can stand by a tweet. But Comedy Central said they couldn't publicly support me, unless I deleted it. I wasn't about to tell the people who work for me that they didn't have jobs anymore because I wasn't going to delete a stupid tweet. — Anthony Jeselnik

Just embrace your hair! I really feel like I am not an advocate for people doing what I do. I'm an advocate for people discovering and finding what works for them. — Tracee Ellis Ross

All of our prayers are to include thanksgiving. Like the leper, we must pause, turn back, and give thanks. We are so indebted to God that we can never exhaust our opportunities for expressing gratitude. Forgetting — R.C. Sproul

The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing for 11 years as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to be told what to do. — Anthony Jeselnik

I never knew if I would get my own show, but I knew I loved stand-up. — Anthony Jeselnik

Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately. — Anthony Jeselnik

The great thing about Twitter is, you get a lot back, and I read through a lot, and I want my fans to know that I do read a lot, and it's why I do respond or retweet clever posts, and I'm constantly amazed by the cleverness of people on Twitter. — Elizabeth Banks

I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look. — Anthony Jeselnik

I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it up in my persona. I felt like I wouldn't be able to do stand-up for a career if I was needy. I didn't want to be complaining or whining onstage. I wanted to be cool and do exactly what I wanted to do. That way I would never have to change for anybody. — Anthony Jeselnik

If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke. — Anthony Jeselnik

It will be a difficult couple of days. It's difficult now and it will be difficult tomorrow. — Gary Neville

That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka. — Chelsea Handler

The needs you have for love, respect, security, and admiration cannot be met by the desire of your heart. They are fulfilled by God - and Him alone. — Charles F. Stanley