Jerry Seinfeld Stand Up Quotes & Sayings

Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me. — Jerry Seinfeld

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy. — Jerry Seinfeld

Because I cannot write my native language and have no native home anymore, and am amazed by that horrible homelessness of all French-Canadian s abroad in America. — Jack Kerouac

I'm a big believer than a great bit is a great bit - if I go and see someone I love, like Robert Klein. I want to hear some classics and some new stuff. But a great stand-up bit takes a long time to really polish and perfect, and they're beautiful things when they're done. — Jerry Seinfeld

It is entirely undemocratic to continue these burdens on the people for years and years after the requirements of protection have been met and the representatives of these industries have become incrusted with wealth. — John Griffin Carlisle

Stand-up is hard. — Jerry Seinfeld

Things that make me laugh range from a wonderful stand-up like Jerry Seinfeld, Louis C.K. and Chris Rock to my son Gabe, who does great improv work. I also look backwards to the great comedic actors like Jackie Gleason, Paul Lynde and Phil Silvers. — Jason Alexander

Through persistence numerous individuals win accomplishment out of what appeared bound to be sure disappointment. — Benjamin Disraeli

Men aren't waiting to do anything besides finding a way to meet the right woman and making sure that bad dates are over in time to catch SportsCenter. — Vantile Whitfield

Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. — Jerry Seinfeld

When it comes to English stand-up comedy, Indians have only seen the best - Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Cosby and the like. So, when someone claims to be an English stand-up comedian in India, he'd better be very good if he's going to make a life of it. — Vir Das

A child's bond to her mother cannot be understated, and my bond with Helen was a ragged, baffling, disheartening, chaotic mess. I felt crazy, often, around my own mother. I grew up questioning what was normal, asking what reality was and wasn't, and not trusting the outcome of different situations. She scared me and I couldn't predict her behavior, so I was often off-kilter and worried. — Cathy Lamb

I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know more about the craft of stand-up than ever before. I thought it would seem trite. Kind of like if you know more about magicians, you wouldn't love them. — Jerry Seinfeld

You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up - it's a painful experience for the audience, and the comedian a lot of time - we miss that. — Jerry Seinfeld

I like writers who can show me worlds I know nothing about, but my favorites are those who create characters or worlds which feel realistic and familiar to me, or who can make me feel inspired. — Malala Yousafzai

Above all human existence requires stability, the permanence of things. The result is an ambivalence with respect to all great and violent expenditure of strength; such an expenditure, whether in nature or in man, represents the strongest possible threat. The feelings of admiration and of ecstasy induced by them thus mean that we are concerned to admire them from afar. The sun corresponds to that prudent concern. It is all radiance gigantic loss of heat and light, flame, explosion; but remote from men, who can enjoy in safety and quiet the fruits of this cataclysm. To earth belongs the solidity which sustains houses of stone and the steps of men (at least on its surface, for buried within the depths of the earth is the incandescence of lava). — Georges Bataille

I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication ... Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,"Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting ... Which is more important, the present or the future?" — Jerry Seinfeld

One of the things we're taught as actors is restraint - don't jump off the cliff. — Ted Lange

Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner. — Jerry Seinfeld

I love thee like puddings; if thou wert pie I'd eat thee. — John Ray

The universe will throw somebody a bone every now and then, and you win the lottery. But for the most part, you get in this life what you put in. — Arian Foster

Tis but a scratch!"
"A scratch? Your arm's off!"
"No it isn't."
"Then what's that?"
"Oh come on, pansy! — Graham Chapman

To say that from the moment her lover had left, O began to await his return would be an understatement. She turned into pure vigil, darkness in waiting expectation of light. — Pauline Reage

I tend to discourage people from calling me 'Sir Ian,' because I don't like being separated out from the rest of the population. Of course, it can be useful if you're writing an official letter, like trying to get a visa or something passed through Parliament. They're impressed by these things. — Ian McKellen