Jeff Dunham Peanut Quotes & Sayings

Peanut: Come here puppet boy... make your daddy talk! — Jeff Dunham

Love is the feeling we have for those we care deeply about and hold in high regard. It can be light as the hug we give a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorrow, stoked by sex, sullied by abuse, amplified by kindness, twisted by betrayal, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor, and "loaded with promises and commitments" that we may or may not want or keep. — Cheryl Strayed

It's easy to lie with statistics, but it's hard to tell the truth without them. — Charles Wheelan

But when his parents consciously or unconsciously exploit him for their own ends or pleasure, or hate or reject him, so that he cannot be sure of minimal support when he tries out his new independence, the child will cling to the parents and will use his capacity for independence only in the forms of negativity and stubbornness. If, when he first begins tentatively to say "No," his parents beat him down rather than love and encourage him, he thereafter will say "No" not as a form of true independent strength but as a mere rebellion. — Rollo May

The only place where David Duke and I are alike is we are both wizards under the sheets. — Edwin Edwards

WHAT! WE CANT TALK AT THE SAME TIME! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, WE CAN'T DO IT! Peanut. WHAT! You said my name wrong. No it's Jeff Dun-ham. No it's dunham, No dun-ham. No dunha. No you see it says dunham jeff dun-HAM. Actually if you look at it, it say jef f dunham — Jeff Dunham

Jeff: The drive from the valley?
Peanut: Was bad as hell!
Jeff: Traffic?
Peanut: Sucked like hell!
Jeff: Drivers?
Peanut: Angry as hell!
Jeff: And you?
Peanut: Were scared as hell!
Jeff: Parking?
Peanut: Sucked more like hell!
Jeff: So?
Peanut: We're in hell! — Jeff Dunham

Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today?
Peanut: Yes we had a great day!
Jose: No we did not.
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No we did not have a good day.
Peanut: Yes we hhhaad...a great frickin' day!
What?
Jeff: Did you have a good day?
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Shut up
Jeff: A good day?
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Shut up
Jeff: You're supposed to have taken him to the spa.
Peanut: I took him to the spa!
Jose: He put me in the vegetable steamer.
Peanut: It's the same thing!!! — Jeff Dunham

There is no rational reason to doubt that the universe has existed indefinitely, for an infinite time. It is only myth that attempts to say how the universe came to be, either four thousand or twenty billion years ago. — Hannes Alfven

Peanut: Just last week I was lying in bed and I woke up sobbing 'I will never be happy until we return to SA-NA-TA-ANA!' And now we're here! Thank you for bringing me! — Jeff Dunham

I encourage people to read by encouraging them to read whatever they want. — Jane Cleland

Intellect is the virtue of ignoring one's emotions' attempt to contaminate one's opinions. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Peanut: Too much starbucks coffee, coffee, coffee!
Jeff: You didn't have coffee before the show!
Peanut: I admit it was crack.
Jeff: You didn't do crack
Peanut: Then you did! It feels like one of us did!
Peanut: Don't you do crack?
Jeff: No! I'VE NEVER DONE CRACK!
Peanut: Alright. I admit Jeff does not abuse drugs. He's an alcoholic. — Jeff Dunham

Vince is about to open the house door when it flies open and a huge black amplifier almost wipes both Paeng and him out.

"Hey, hey! Sorry! S'cuse us!" Vince yelps, backpedalling and pulling Paeng with him.

Paeng chuckles. "Somebody tries to flatten us, and you apologize to him."

Vince shrugs and grins. "How Canadian of me. — Jess Molly Brown

Every character I've had in my act - none of them have a similar creation story. I actually thought up Peanut and designed him in my head. I described him to a woman that was making soft puppets and she drew up some sketches. And the character came to be just because he popped into my head. — Jeff Dunham

Jose: Do not drop me senor
Jeff:i wont drop you,jose
Jose:then i be jose jalapeno on the floor
Peanut:do a little tap dance and we got salsa!
Jeff:Thats terrible!
Peanut:not with the right chips its not
Jeff:stop it! im sorry jose
jose:its okay
jeff: okay
Jose:ill kick his ass later
peanut:i'll turn ur ass into guacamole
jeff: stop it!
peanut: i will stir u with ur own stick!
jeff:stop it!
peanut: this is the way we stir the guac stir the guac stir the guac. OLE!! — Jeff Dunham

I take ballet class as often as possible - up to 5 times a week - and try to go to the gym on the days that I don't take class. I also do a floor barre/Pilates mat class almost everyday. — Amanda Schull

Tomorrow contains more joy than any yesterday you recall. — Mike Murdock

Jeff: There's a lot of history in this city...
Peanut: Translated: Old. As. Shit. — Jeff Dunham

The little weasel ripped all the buttons off my couch.
Ivan Petrovsky, pg 350 — Kerrelyn Sparks

Sex has become more and more attractive because of its condemnation by priests — Osho

We each have the innate ability to heal ourselves. To empower ourselves with natural solutions, instead of succumbing to life-altering chemicals. There's a time and place for pharmaceuticals, but it shouldn't be the first answer, nor the only form treatment. — Dana Arcuri

As a performer, you can't just sit around waiting for the phone to ring. You have to write and develop projects for yourself, because casting people aren't always going to see you the way you want to be seen. Write a one-person show, shoot a short film, do plays, whatever - activity breeds activity. No one's interested in a stay-at-home actress. — Wendi McLendon-Covey