Jeff Dunham Achmed Quotes & Sayings

All because I wanted a hug. Jeez, what kind of attention-starved female am I? — Pippa DaCosta

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Knock, knock.
Jeff Dunham: Who's there?
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Me, I kill you! — Jeff Dunham

How do you build a successful organization or culture? It's the people. The people part, in business and basketball, is huge. — Bob Myers

Shut up or i'll kill you by Achmed the dead tarries. — Jeff Dunham

So Achmed if you've been in my suitcase this entire time how have you been getting through security? Oh thats easy they open the suitcase and i say 'ello my name is lindey lohan! — Jeff Dunham

Tears unnumbered ye shall shed.... — J.R.R. Tolkien

Look to it that you do not try to do all of it, do not try to do too much, lest your spirit grow weary. Besides, a good prayer mustn't be too long. Do not draw it out. Prayer ought to be frequent and fervent. — Martin Luther

If not for tragedy, tyrants, and injustice, there would be nothing to awaken and inspire dormant heroes. There is always a balance. Always. — Steve Maraboli

There's always going to be the circumstances you can't plan for. There's always the unexpected relevance and the serendipity. — Jason Silva

Achmed: Two Jews walk into a bar...
Jeff: No no no no no
Achmed: You don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard. — Jeff Dunham

The secret of change consists in concentrating one's energy to create the new, and not to fight against the old. — Dan Millman

I don't know why togetherness was ever held up as an ideal of marriage. Away from home for both, then together, that's much better. — Carolyn Heilbrun

Tomorrow was my second chance to make things right but it never came. I'm sorry I never treasured the time we had for those regrets I take the blame. You gave everything you had. I took without giving back." Sed paused in his song, feeling ridiculous for singing it to her while they made love.
"Baby, you realize this song is about Trey's dead dog, don't you? — Olivia Cunning

In this fast paced world it is too frequently the case that people accept what society, family members and the authorities, whom nobody ever seems to question, believe regarding how to live their lives. And yet, the happiest people I know have been those who have accepted the primary responsibility for their own spiritual and physical well-being - those who have inner strength, courage, determination, common sense and faith in the process of creating more balanced and satisfying lives for themselves. — Ann Wigmore

Achmed 'Two Jews walk into a bar'
No no no no no' Jeff
You don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard' Achmed"
-Achmed the dead terrorist and Jeff — Jeff Dunham

Self-imposed limits on sovereign power can disarm mistrust, but provide no guarantee of liberty and property beyond those afforded by the balance between state and private force. — Anthony De Jasay

My dad, being a jingle writer, and my mom, being a jingle singer, they hooked me up with some people when I was a kid that worked with children's jingle singing groups. I used to sing jingles as a kid. — Reeve Carney