J O O D Quotes & Sayings

...this money goes to a war machine, a war machine that attacks its own citizens and those of other countries to force them into submission. They spend billions, even trillions of dollars on foreign aid while our own citizens cannot dig out of poverty. — J.C. Allen

How would it be," she asked them coldly as they left the classroom [Prof Binns, History subject], "if I refused to lend you my notes this year?"
"We'd fail our O.W.L.s," said Ron. "If you want that on your conscience, Hermoine ... "
"Well, you'd deserve it," she snapped. "You don't even try to listen to him, do you?"
"We do try," said Ron. "We just haven't got your brains or your concentration
you're just cleverer than we are
is it nice to rub it in? — J.K. Rowling

Capitalism, so called, is when free people accumulate capital of their own free will for use on freely determined projects. The fact of the matter is that most of these projects flop. Donald Trump, for example. Every property he touches seems to go to hell. "Fat Cat" would be the wrong epithet for Trump. If someone other than paroled former Enron accountants were keeping his books, he'd probably be shown to have a net worth less than that of your twenty-pound tabby who just shredded the drapes. What — P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody with a gun has a checkpoint in Lebanon. And in Lebanon, you'd be crazy not to have a gun. Though, I assure you, all the crazy people have guns, too. — P. J. O'Rourke

If death weren't around to 'finalize' the Darwinian process, we'd all still be amoebas. — P. J. O'Rourke

This computer-generated pangram contains six a's, one b, three c's, three d's, thirty-seven e's, six f's, three g's, nine h's, twelve i's, one j, one k, two l's, three m's, twenty-two n's, thirteen o's, three p's, one q, fourteen r's, twenty-nine s's, twenty-four t's, five u's, six v's, seven w's, four x's, five y's, and one z. — Douglas R. Hofstadter

Gambling is so pervasive in Nevada that maybe the state should just go the whole hog. There'd be gum machines that dispensed chewing tobacco if you lost. You could gamble for the toilet paper in public bathroom stalls. And fill out Keno cards in an attempt to win cancer therapy at the hospital. — P. J. O'Rourke

Imagine if all of life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. Every pair of pants, even those in a Brooks Brothers suit, would be stone-washed denim. Celebrity diet and exercise books would be the only thing on the shelves at the library. And - since women are a majority of the population - we'd all be married to Mel Gibson. — P. J. O'Rourke

I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with. — P. J. O'Rourke

But at its most official heart, the U.S. Dollar is simply the "I.O.U. a Dollar's worth of Tax credit" promise of our sovereign Federal Government. — J.D. ALT

I remember thinking cocaine was subtle until I noticed I'd been awake for three weeks and didn't know any of the naked people passed out around me. — P. J. O'Rourke

The United States of America was once a great nation... but this United States is not the one our founding fathers set out to build over 200 years ago. This United States stands for everything its citizens have fought against throughout its history: oppression, unwarranted violence against innocent and weaker countries or its own citizens, trampling of human rights, crooked legal systems, and socialism. — J.C. Allen

There was a lot about Kim and J.P. he didn't get ... he was confused by their lack of romance. As a father, he was at times grateful for that missing intensity, but as a man who liked to surprise his wife with flowers, it baffled him. Maybe he was old-fashioned, but to him a couple meant a strong bond, with positive and negative charges constantly arcing between them. He'd never seen Kim and J.P. kiss, let alone argue. — Stewart O'Nan

26In the sixth month the angel x Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named y Nazareth, 27 z to a virgin betrothed [2] to a man whose name was Joseph, a of the house of David. And the virgin's name was Mary. 28And he came to her and said, "Greetings, b O favored one, c the Lord is with you!" [3] 29But d she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. 30And the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for e you have found favor with God. 31And behold, f you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and g you shall call his name Jesus. 32He will be great and will be called the Son of h the Most High. And the Lord God i will give to him the throne of j his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob k forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end. — Anonymous

I prayed for the city to be cleared of people, for the gift of being alone - a-l-o-n-e: which is the one New York prayer that rarely gets lost or delayed in channels, and in no time at all everything I touched turned to solid loneliness. — J.D. Salinger

Did he put hands on you?"
"Not quite. I think that was going to be next, but O'Brian drew him off. Before that, Clifton got pissy I wasn't telling him whatever he wanted to know and accused me of being an ass kisser. I responded that I have yet to have the privilege of kissing your ass, which I rate as the best - female variety - in the department."
"That sounds like a pucker-up to me."
Peabody snorted. "It was worth it. He went all puce. Or is it fuchsia? Which is the weird name that means hot pink?"
"I have no idea, nor want one. — J.D. Robb

Yeh can' really remember who yeh are after a while. An' yeh can' see the point o' livin' at all. I used ter hope I'd jus' die in me sleep. . . . When they let me out, it was like bein' born again, ev'rythin' came floodin' back, it was the bes' feelin' in the world. — J.K. Rowling

We won't dispassionately investigate or rationally debate which drugs do what damage and whether or how much of that damage is the result of criminalization. We'd rather work ourselves into a screaming fit of puritanism and then go home and take a pill. — P. J. O'Rourke

Tell me what happened," he demands. "Um, well, I touched it." "You touched what?" "It. You know, his boy part." Damian snickers. "Seriously, Keats, you shouldn't be touching it if you aren't mature enough to say it. Besides, what's the big deal?" "Shut up. And it's a big deal for us. I mean, I still haven't actually seen it, but I kinda felt it." "Felt it, or did something to it?" "Fine. I did something to it with my hand." "That would be called a hand job, Keats. Say it with me now. H-a-n-d J-o-b. — Jillian Dodd

The world and those who dwell therein, 2 for he has w founded it upon x the seas and established it upon the rivers. 3 y Who shall ascend the hill of the LORD? And who shall stand in his z holy place? 4 a He who has b clean hands and c a pure heart, who does not d lift up his soul to e what is false and does not swear deceitfully. 5 He will receive f blessing from the LORD and g righteousness from h the God of his salvation. 6 Such is i the generation of those who seek him, who j seek the face of the God of Jacob. [2] Selah 7 k Lift up your heads, O gates! And be lifted up, O ancient — Anonymous

R-o-l-a-i-d-s: How do you spell relief? [10w]
J-a-c-k-i-n-go-f-f. — Beryl Dov

To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal. — P. J. O'Rourke

I'm a member of the working press; you'd think I'd know better than to listen to journalists. — P. J. O'Rourke

We need to contact NSA, CIA, anybody using initials... and the President! — J.C. Allen

I'm a what?" gasped Harry.
"A wizard, o' course," said Hagrid, sitting back down on the sofa, which groaned and sank even lower, "an' a thumpin' good'un I'd say, once yeh've been trained up a bit. With a mum an' dad like yours, what else would yeh be? — J.K. Rowling

Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free. — P. J. O'Rourke

There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed ... Trouble doesn't come from Slopes, Kikes, Niggers, Spics or White Capitalist Pigs; it comes from the heart. — P. J. O'Rourke

At least I'm not asking you to go to six o'clock Mass with me in the morning."
"Darling Eve, to get me to do that the amount and variety of the sexual favors required are so many and myriad even my imagination boggles."
"I don't think you can exchange sexual favors for Mass attendance. But if I decide to go check it out, and I get the chance, I'll ask the priest. — J.D. Robb

Well the planet I've got a chance to visit is Earth, and Earth's principal features are chaos and war. I think I'd be a fool to spend years here and never have a look. — P. J. O'Rourke

The great apologist has to have lived large and wild. If he's going to kiss the world's boo-boos and make up, he'd better plant some bruises first. A master apologizer has to be a Lord Byron, a Rick in Casablanca, a Lee Atwater, anyway. — P. J. O'Rourke

- If you fail, never give up because F.A.I.L. means "first Attempt In Learning"
- End is not the end, if fact E.N.D. means "Effort Never Dies"
- If you get No as an answer, remember N.O. means "Next Opportunity".
So Let's be positive. "Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam of feel LIFE — A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

Not only does a regular intense exercise programme elevate spirits, it enables the Type O to maintain weight control, emotional balance and a strong self-image. — Peter J. D'Adamo

It doesn't matter if you have a D, or an I or an R after your name if you have a job - a J-O-B. It really matters to people that they have an opportunity to contribute to their economy in a very meaningful way, and this is outside party lines. So we believe that these are the solutions that America is craving. — Sher Valenzuela

Oddly, she felt safe ... as if the patient would protect her because of the vow he'd given her, and Red Sox would do the same because of his bond with the patient.
Where the hell was the logic in that, she wondered. Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK.
The patient leaned down to her ear. I can't see you as the cheerleader type. But you're right, we both would slaughter anything that so much as startled you. — J.R. Ward

How d'you spell 'belligerent'?" said Ron, shaking his quill very hard while staring at his parchment. "It can't be B - U - M - "
"No, it isn't," said Hermione. "And 'augury' doesn't begin O - R - G either. — J.K. Rowling

His adolescents are displaced aristocrats who have lost their kingdom and wealth, which was childhood. [On J.D. Salinger] — Heather O'Neill

People are all exactly alike. There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian Aborigine have fewer differences than a Lhasa apso and a toy fox terrier. A Japanese raised in Riyadh would be an Arab. A Zulu raised in New Rochelle would be an orthodontist. People are all the same, though their circumstances differ terribly. — P. J. O'Rourke

The second item in the liberal creed, after self-righteousness, is unaccountability. Liberals have invented whole college majors
psychology, sociology, women's studies
to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. No one is fond of taking responsibility for his actions, but consider how much you'd have to hate free will to come up with a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers. A callous pragmatist might favor abortion and capital punishment. A devout Christian would sanction neither. But it takes years of therapy to arrive at the liberal view. — P. J. O'Rourke

If I were a congressman who had voted for the American Jobs Creation Act of 2004, I'd claim it was forced on our country by a sinister international organization. — P. J. O'Rourke

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. — Fats Domino

If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I mean, if Republicans will take Al D'Amato, they'll take anybody. — P. J. O'Rourke

Tell you what we'll do," she said. "We'll drive to town and get some pickles, and some bread, and we'll eat the pickles in the car, and then we'll go to the station and get Daddy, and then we'll bring Daddy home and make him take us for a ride in the boat. You'll have to help him carry the sails down. O.K.? — J.D. Salinger

If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps. — P. J. O'Rourke

91 He who dwells in a the shelter of the Most High will abide in b the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say [1] to the LORD, "My c refuge and my d fortress, my God, in whom I e trust." 3 For he will deliver you from f the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will g cover you with his pinions, and under his h wings you will i find refuge; his j faithfulness is k a shield and buckler. 5 l You will not fear m the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday. 7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. 8 You will only look with your eyes and n see the recompense of the wicked. 9 Because you have made the LORD your o dwelling place - the Most High, who is my c refuge — Anonymous

A true superstar, [Shaquille] O'Neal is one of the most widely recognized athletes in the world, especially at waffle houses and all-you-can-eat buffets. Despite being born without the kind of body that would lend itself to being a dominant NBA center, Shaq's tireless work ethic has enabled him to become one of the game's all-time greats at the position. In his nearly fifteen years in the league he has almost managed to develop low post moves beyond backing over people, and he vows to one day make more than half of his free throws. — D.J. Gallo

The morning meal was served in traditional socialist fashion - very slowly, with the courses out of order so that the jelly arrived half an hour after the toast and the coffee didn't come until we'd called for the check. However, it was hard to be angry at a place that had ice cream, beer, and cigarettes on its breakfast menu. — P. J. O'Rourke

Walk in Love EPHESIANS 5 j Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2And k walk in love, l as Christ loved us and m gave himself up for us, a n fragrant o offering and sacrifice to God. 3But p sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness q must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4Let there be r no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, s which are out of place, but instead t let there be thanksgiving. 5For you may be sure of this, that u everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous ( v that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 w Let no one x deceive you with empty words, for because of these things y the wrath of God comes upon z the sons of disobedience. 7Therefore a do not become partners with them; 8for b at one time you were c darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. d Walk as children of light — Anonymous

I'd like to end the book a lot of ways. Except I don't have any answers. Use your common sense. Be nice. This is the best I can do. All the trouble in the world is human trouble. Well, that's not true. But when cancer cells run amok and burst out of the prostate and take over the liver and lymph glands and end up killing everything in the body including themselves, they certainly are acting like some humans we know. — P. J. O'Rourke

THE CHRISTIAN ALPHABETS
A = AMEN
B = BAPTISM
C = CHRISTIAN
D = DISCIPLE
F = FELLOWSHIP
G = GOD
H = HOLY SPIRIT
I = INSPIRATION
J = JESUS CHRIST
K = KINGDOM
L = LOVE
M = MODERATION
N = NEW BIRTH
O = OBEDIENCE
P = PRAYER
Q = QUIET TIME
R = RIGHTEOUSNESS
S = SALVATION
T = TESTIMONY
U = UNDERSTANDING
V = VISION
W = WISDOM
X = XMAS
Y = YEA & AMEN
Z = ZION
BY : ADEWALE OSUNSAKIN — Osunsakin Adewale

Farm policy, although it's complex, can be explained. What it can't be is believed. No cheating spouse, no teen with a wrecked family car, no mayor of Washington, D.C., videotaped in flagrante delicto has ever come up with anything as farfetched as U.S. farm policy. — P. J. O'Rourke

Immanuel Kant is credited with saying, "If the stars came out only once in a lifetime, we'd stay up all that night." Now we stay up late in Plato's cave just to watch the enervated stars on The Tonight Show. — William J. O'Malley

I have been told by the third grade teacher that my daughter Poppet is reading at middle school level. Yet if I leave Poppet a note in block letters telling her to feed the dogs I will come home to find the dogs have been ... given a swim in the above-ground pool, dressed in tutus, provided with hair weaves. What I will not find is that the dogs have been fed. 'I thought you wanted me to free the dogs,' says Poppet whose school district is not spending quite what D.C.'s is, thanks to voter rejection of the last school bond referendum. — P. J. O'Rourke

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. — P. J. O'Rourke

According to Father O'Dowd's description, the seminary catered to both ends of the religious life, training the next crop of young men taking holy orders and providing a retirement home for those closer to discovering if they'd backed the right horse. — David J. Oldman

The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say. — P. J. O'Rourke

President Bush said that if illegal immigrants want citizenship, they'd have to do three things: pay taxes, hold meaningful jobs, and learn English. Bush doesn't meet those qualifications. — P. J. O'Rourke

You'd get on the plane; and every single person is somebody really, really famous. It just killed me. On one flight you'd have Linda Gray, O.J. Simpson, Robert De Niro, Carol Burnett, Loni Anderson and Burt Reynolds ... and Francis Ford Coppola. — Paul Reubens

Sing praises to the LORD, O you y his saints, and z give thanks to his holy name. [2] 5 a For his anger is but for a moment, and b his favor is for a lifetime. [3] c Weeping may tarry for the night, but d joy comes with the morning. 6. As for me, I said in my e prosperity, "I shall never be f moved." 7 By your favor, O LORD, you made my g mountain stand strong; you h hid your face; I was i dismayed. 8. To you, O LORD, I cry, and j to the Lord I plead for mercy: 9 "What profit is there in my death, [4] if I go down to the pit? [5] Will k the dust praise you? Will it tell of your faithfulness? 10 l Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me! O LORD, be my helper! — Anonymous

Then there was communism's weak-tea sister, socialism. Socialists maintained that we shouldn't take all the money away from all the people since all the people don't have money. We should take all the money away from only the people who make money. Then, when we run out of that, we could take more money from the people who ... hey, wait! Where'd you people go? What do you mean you're "tax exiles in Monaco?" — P. J. O'Rourke

In the Latina/o culture, blessing is a big deal. Growing up, I was brought up to see the blessings that surrounded me and my family. As a child, after I'd said my prayers, my mom would send me to bed with a blessing for a good night's rest. Whenever I would leave my abuelita's (grandmother's) house, she would tell me, "Dios te bendiga, mijito" ("God bless you, my little one"). In my family and in many Latina/o households, the women are the vessels of God's blessing, and thus bestowers and distributors of this blessing to their families. To this day, even though I am grown and have two children of my own, whenever I travel somewhere distant or am undertaking a major project, my mother will sit me down, lay hands on me, and say a prayer of blessing. — Francisco J. Garcia Jr.

When it became clear that nothing of the kind was forthcoming, I took more direct action. I prayed for the city to be cleared of people, for the gift of being alone - a-l-o-n-e: which is the one New York prayer that rarely gets lost or delayed in channels, and in no time at all everything I touched turned to solid loneliness.
- De Daumier-Smith's Blue Period (1952) — J.D. Salinger

I have often thought, during these conferences, about the comment that Maurice Maignan, one of the first companions of Ozanam, made after a retreat: "One thought strikes me. All the means of sanctification which the preacher proposes and develops require a strong soul...I will not profit from exercises designed for strong souls. O my God, show me the exercises designed for feeble souls. Would the saints have forgotten or disdained them? Yet even if the saints did not think of these poor souls, who are nevertheless most numerous, You, Lord, my mercy, have not abandoned them. You Yourself, Good Master, have burdened Yourself with them. I know that better than anyone. I am one of those souls, and I bless You for having revealed to the weak and the little ones what You do not always accord to the valiant and the strong. — Jean C.J. D'Elbee

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. — P. J. O'Rourke

Hey,maybe I could have a talk show, since you aren't going to be my June Cleaver anymore. I could call it the O'Neal Hour. Sounds important, doesn't it?" [Butch to Vishous]
"First of all, you were going to be June Cleaver-"
"Screw that. No way I'd bottom for you."
"Whatever. And second, I don't think there's much of a market for your particular brand of psychology."
"So not true."
"Butch, you and I just beat the crap out of each other."
"You started it. And actually, it would be perfect for Spike TV. UFC meets Oprah. God, I'm brilliant."
"Keep telling yourself that. — J.R. Ward

My Grandmother wouldn't even speak the word Democrat if there were children in the room, she'd say Bastards instead. — P. J. O'Rourke

A wizard, o' course," said Hagrid, sitting back down on the sofa, which groaned and sank even lower, "an' a thumpin' good'un, I'd say, once yeh've been trained up a bit. With a mum an' dad like yours, what else would yeh be? An' I reckon it's abou' time yeh read yer letter. — J.K. Rowling