Irish Humour Quotes & Sayings

Do you know that an Irishman always respond to a question with another?"
And the Irish guy replies "Who told you that? — Cathy Kelly

We lived together as kids, and now we're taking care of each other as men. — Aaron Neville

... I've a thirst on me I wouldn't sell for half a crown.
- Give it a name, citizen, says Joe.
- Wine of the country, says he.
- What's yours? says Joe.
- Ditto MacAnaspey, says I.
- Three pints, Terry, says Joe. And how's the old heart, citizen? says he. — James Joyce

It was time to take the best bits from them all and build something delicious: the spirituality of the Hindus, the community spirit and family ties of the Muslims, the ancient wisdom of the Chinese, the love of freedom and equality of the Afro-Caribbeans, the work ethic of the Jews, the bloody-mindedness and wry humour of the Australians, the blarney of the Irish, the passion of the Scots, the unorthodoxy of the Welsh, combined with our own English love of justice, fair play and democracy. Put them all together and you had a vision for the future, a direction, which Bokononism could exploit. — Bernard Hare

My palms were sweaty despite the aridity, and my heart beat at an accelerated pace. What if she had been kidnapped? Or momnapped. Fucking napped! — Laurel Ulen Curtis

Ender's Game is not simply a story of an exceptional child who must outwit aliens in order to save the human race - it is the story of an exceptional child who fears he is a monster and is tricked into doing something monstrous. — Orson Scott Card

I enjoy that the most powerful person in Hollywood is indeed a Black woman in Oprah Winfrey. I'm hoping to just transcend beyond that. — Joseph McGinty Nichol

I know few greater pleasures than holding a lacquer soup bowl in my hands, feeling upon my palms the weight of the liquid and its mild warmth. The sensation is something like that of holding a plump newborn baby. — Jun'ichiro Tanizaki

subway escalators; — Nicholson Baker

Cause my wife gets up and goes shopping. — James Garner

Gillian had bought the table and chairs and beds, the whole of the family furniture second-hand weekly down in the open air second hand stalls on Dublin quay. The women who ran these stalls were called the Shawlie Maggies and they saw her bruises and heard the stories of her husband the local drunk and gambler, the husband from hell and gave her cheaply some second hand clothes and some fruit and vegetables for the kids and herself. It was for Gillian and the kids a tough life with many disappointments. Despite this Gillian had a solid head on her shoulders and a great sense of humour and this got her through the worst of times. — Annette J. Dunlea

I only really understand myself, what I'm really thinking and feelings, when I've talked it over with my circle of female friends. When days go by without that connection, I feel like a radio playing in an empty room. — Anna Quindlen

She was emotionally retarded having no sense of humour, cold and no people skills. She was like her mother was obsessed by appearances and wealth and longed to get married to escape from home. — Annette J. Dunlea

I always find cardio the most monotonous. Running on a treadmill shows me why hamsters are so crazy. — Luke Evans

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one. — Spike Milligan

Deep within all of us there is a yearning to be brave. And like all of our deepest, truest and best yearning, it comes from how we were made.Courage-the power to do the right thing even when it is scary and hard- resonates deeply with the original shape of our soul. — Gary Haugen

I find that when people laugh it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that they hadn't considered. That's my payoff. I'm not interested in other people thinking differently. I don't care. I'm just like yeast - I eat sugar and I shit alcohol. And there's a huge culture that goes with that. Alcohol creates massive shifts in world history, and it changes people's lives. People get pregnant because of alcohol. But the yeast doesn't give a fuck. The yeast isn't going, "I really want to help people loosen up and bring passion into Irish people's lives". — Louis C.K.

The most bizarre demographics come up to me. Men in their 50s come up to me and are like, "Alison is my favorite. I hated her at first, and now I love her." I don't know what that says about people's psychology. — Tatiana Maslany

I looked him over for a second and suddenly it clicked. "Still want me to be mean to you?"
His eyes widened. "Yeah?"
"Well, come on then."
A minute later I had an oversized T-shirt that worked as a dress, a belt to shove my weapons into and a too-large leather jacket to toss over it all. I slammed out into the hall, leaving the guy tied to the desk chair by his underwear. Judging by his expression, he'd just leaned a valuable lesson about screwing with strange women. — Karen Chance

What can I say? I'm Irish, I love a good potato. — Sophia Tallon

Life was a bloody battlefield until I conquered the enemy and won the war. Now, life is a journey, and I am a warrior. Prepared for anything and weakened by nothing. There are hills and dales, mountains and plateaus, blind spots and brilliant vistas, but none of that matters. All that matters is my second chance, and the only thing capable of disrupting my path, is myself. — B.G. Bowers