Inspirational Humour Quotes & Sayings

It's not right, we should not always be second best — Tanya Thistleton

We took a bus to the nearby monastery of one of the last great Tang dynasty Chan masters, Yun-men. Yun-men was known for his pithy "one word" Zen. When asked "What is the highest teaching of the Buddha?" he replied: "An appropriate statement." On another occasion, he answered: "Cake." I admired his directness. — Stephen Batchelor

Oh, I have just had an idea - after tea I shall attack myself with sandpaper. — Dodie Smith

There is nothing we can now call our own, for what we call so is the effect of art; crimes are made by decrees of the senate, or by the votes of the people; and as here-to-fore we are burdened by vices, so now we are oppressed by laws. — Blaise Pascal

When the loneliest place on earth is in your mind, move out! — Benny Bellamacina

Do you know what I think about crying? I think some people have to learn to do it. But once you learn, once you know how to really cry, there's nothing quite like it. I feel sorry for those who don't know the trick. It's like whistling or singing. — Anne Rice

If I could split myself into five people, I would still be behind on my writing schedule. I see now why James Patterson cloned himself so many times. — Peter James West

Our Euripides the human,
With his droppings of warm tears,
and his touchings of things common
Till they rose to meet the spheres. — Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Laugh while you've got the chance, you won't laugh much when you are dead and buried. — W. Somerset Maugham

One blow in anger [would] kill, probably, a child from aged two to eight. Those over eight would take two blows to kill. — Patricia Highsmith

Darling, when things go wrong in life, you lift your chin, put on a ravishing smile, mix yourself a little cocktail ... — Sophie Kinsella

YOU are the big drop of dew under the lotus leaf,
I am the smaller one on its upper side,'
said the dewdrop to the lake. — Rabindranath Tagore

On the way home, I saw a fist fight between an adverb and a pair of parentheses.
I kept on walking. — Peter James West

What is Gornite? Why can't you heat it? Will it make you laugh? - I hope so — Lucas Riddle

Matter or energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred. Except for money. Money is imaginary. — Kevin J.J. Carpenter

If only my sunscreen was as good as my writers block! — Martin Link

I've been fighting to be who I am all my life. What's the point of being who I am, if I can't have the person who was worth all the fighting for? — Stephanie Lennox

This is 1987. A girl can be whatever she wants to be." "I know," said Ray. "My mums a plumber. — David Bischoff

You go to church to respect God, not the priest. By not going to church, you disrespect God, not the priest.
- Don Camillo — Giovannino Guareschi

You can challenge the society; But can't the time — Harishankar Kaushik

Get out. Get out NOW! — J. David Cox

Writing is a lot like sex: at first you do it because you enjoy it. Then you find yourself doing it with others. But if you're any good at all, you end up doing it for less money than it's worth. — Michael Goulding

It's good to let your mind wonder, as long as you know where it's going — Benny Bellamacina

I need new prayers, the old ones don't work anymore. — Ruchir Joshi

Mick reached backwards without breaking eye contact and ran his hand across the door behind him, "See this?" he said. "This is my door. And no-one is touching my door today." He shook his head slowly as if the issue wasn't even up for debate.

Surle said nothing, just stared.

Mick swung his sword lazily, pointing towards the floor between himself and the infamous Marshal, "See this floor here? This floor is my porch," he said. "And no-one is welcome on my porch today, especially you."

Still nothing from Surle, just silence.

"So why don't you just sod off like a good little lackey? — Aaron D'Este

Why, there's the air, the sky, the morning, the evening, moonlight, my friends, women, the beautiful architecture of Paris to study, three big books to write and all sorts of other things. Anaxagoras used to say that he was in the world in order to admire the sun. And then I have the good fortune to be able to spend my days from morning to night in the company of a man of genius - myself - and it's very pleasant. — Victor Hugo

As simple as that, Conrad had finally done it. For the first time in his life he had the right answer. It wasn't the best decision and certainly wasn't a logical one, but it was the right one. — Victoria Forester

Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall. — Alan Bennett

I don't know what exactly it is that I don't know, but I know I don't know something. — Peter James West

If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and hide behind a bush. — Peter James West

C is for coffee. Coffee would always be there for her. — Cassandra O'Leary

Life is a road you must travel all the time — Danish Sayanee

Don't Stop Believing — Journey

Be what you are, do what you want. Treat others how you want to because equality in this time is just a humour. — Andre

Writing is dream we must know the correct words to fulfill it. — Danish Sayanee

I didn't wait for Luck. I tore after it with a truck. — A.A. Bell

When you're young, you need to be careful not to bite off more than you can chew.
When you're old, you need to be careful not to bite off more than you can suck. — Peter James West

Walk tall but don't bang your head on low hanging branches. — Peter James West

Life is a sentence without any fullstops. — Danish Sayanee

No Matter what you're, Matter is ; What you do. — Harishankar Kaushik

Innovation Big pain, no shame being same-to-same — Praveen Kumar

For some reason when I type the word "love" in my iPad it keeps autocorrecting to "live". I find it oddly profound. My ipad IS. My iPad is ZEN:
"Only the iPad that autocorrects can write the true thing. — Annastacia Dickerson

Life is a sexual transmission disease — Anonymous

I'm so lucky to have a family, adopted or not! I'm so lucky to be alive! Judy Ellis Taylor tells her three school-age girls ... They roll their eyes. — Shireen Jeejeebhoy

I had this terrible nightmare; I dreamt I was a politician and they were dragging me off to parliament — Rassool Jibraeel Snyman

Life is the courier of the universal brilliance. Elysse — Elysse Poetis

Telescopes and bathyscapes and sonar probes of Scottish lakes, Tacoma Narrows bridge collapse explained with abstract phase-space maps, some x-ray slides, a music score, Minard's Napoleonic war: the most exciting new frontier is charting what's already here. — Randall Munroe

Everyday has its unique blessings. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Oh, measure it all out! Acceptable levels of misery and suffering!' The cane swung down, thumped hard on the ground. 'Acceptable? Who the fuck says any level is acceptable? What sort of mind thinks that?'
Karsa grinned, 'Why, a civilized one.'
'Indeed!' Shadowthrone turned to Cotillion. 'And you doubted this one! — Steven Erikson

Never put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until next week. — Peter James West

But take heart: For every phalanx of nerds who die there are always a few who succeed. Not long after that horrific murder, a whole pack of revolutionary nerds ran aground on a sandbar on the southeast coast of Cuba. Yes, it was Fidel and Revolutionary Crew, back for a rematch against Batista. Of the eight-two revolutionaries who splashed ashore, only twenty-two survived to celebrate the New Year, including one book-loving argentino. A bloodbath, with Batista's forces executing even those who surrendered. But these twenty-two, it would prove, were enough. — Junot Diaz

If I could do it all again, I would start three hundred years ago, and write twice as fast. — Peter James West

Why be ordinary when you can be extraordinary? — Alan Dapre

People who say you can't do something should be ignored. They're probably talking to themselves. — Eliza Green

Always take a compliment, even if it's not yours — Benny Bellamacina

Let's try and pay more attention to what's around us. Look up. Look down - if only so you don't trip. Ask questions. You know how kids always ask "why?" Ask why. Then ask why again. And then ask why again. And then ask why again. And then ask why again. And then ask why again. And then ask why again. And then ask why again. Don't stop asking why until you get the answer you're looking for. Or until you're escorted away by security, whichever comes first. — Ellen DeGeneres

Turning things over and over in isolation had led me to a certain point, but I knew that to get any further I'd have to voice some ideas aloud, just to see how they sounded. But I certainly didn't go to Ellie expecting any kind of constructive input on her part. It was more that I'd hit a wall and needed someone to talk around the subject with - like when you come up against a problem that's just immune to normal logic. — Gavin Extence

Shit happens. You can either stand their and complain about the smell or you can wipe your shoe and keep walking. — Tommy Cotton

I am halfway through Hillary Clinton's latest called "Living History"...pretty lighthearted on the scale...unlike David Hick's autobiography...I had to skip a couple of hundred pages in the middle of that one because it was too distressing for me to read. Undoubtedly yours will be the same...I will read the beginning, skip all the awful bit in the middle and read your happy ever after bit at the end. — Paige Garland

Yes?" she asked, eyeing me guardedly.
I struck out a hand and said "Shake."
Arra stared at the hand, then into my unfocused eyes. "One good fight doesn't make you a warrior," she said.
"Shake!" I repeated angrily.
"And if I don't?" she asked.
"I'll get back up on the bars and fight you till you do," I growled.
Arra studied me at length, then nodded and took my hand. "Power to you, Darren Shan," she said gruffly.
"Power," I repeated weakly, then fainted into her arms and knew no more till I came to in my hammock the next night. — Darren Shan

It's not that I want to work for Williams-Sonoma, per se, it's just that you guys have the money and I don't. — FAXBoy

In an ideal world, he'd simply scrape the surface of his bottomless courage, carelessly slip off his horse, scratch his massive balls, and then stroll over to the Lair in his own good time. But this wasn't an ideal world, Rawley's courage reservoir was barely a puddle, and at that particular moment he had precious little below the belt worth scratching! — Aaron D'Este

As for 'too much description,' well, opinions differ. We write the books we want to read. And I want to read books that are richly textured and full of sensory detail, books that make me feel as if I am experiencing a story, not just reading it. Plot is only one aspect of telling a tale, and not the most important one. It is the journey that matters, not how fast you arrrive at the destination.
That's my view, anyway. Others writers differ, of course. There are hundreds of books where everything is subordinate to advancing the plot, some of them quite fine, but my work has never been about that, and never will be. — George R R Martin

I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid I'll never get a chance to live! — A.A. Bell

Today I plan to smile a lot, only so people who know me will be freaked the fuck out. — R.D. Ronald

Analyse it; chance of getting succeed are always greater than failure — Harishankar Kaushik

All worthy work is open to interpretations the author did not intend. Art isn't your pet
it's your kid. It grows up and talks back to you. — Joss Whedon

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character! — Anne Frank

I'm on a roller coaster which only goes up my friend — Augustus Waters The Fault In Our Stars

Form is temporary; I'm permanent. — Hsk

The executioner's argument was that you couldn't cut of something's head unless there was a trunk to sever it from. He'd never done anything like that in his time of life, and wasn't going to start now.
The King's argument was that anything that had a head, could be beheaded, and you weren't to talk nonsense.
The Queen's argument was that if something wasn't done about it in less than no time, she'd have everyone beheaded all round.
It was this last argument that had everyone looking so nervous and uncomfortable. — Lewis Carroll

The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things — Terry Pratchett

Life is a Game; More you play, More you learns — Harishankar Kaushik Hsk

What did I hope to gain from my game and from putting my parents through all this? The truth is that I loved to play. My body was fit and my mind raring to go. But I also hoped that I would get a government job through the sports quota. — M.C. Mary Kom

Someone once told me that we move when it becomes less painful than staying where we are. — Anne Hines

He discovered in his heart the first faint whispering of pure Christianity, and in some way he continued to keep his virtue intact by keeping his vices active. — Thorne Smith

Laughter can be a form of forgiveness - a gift, cathartic. — Briar Kit Esme

I ain't scared to lend a hand
I ain't scared to clench it either — Mie Hansson

I am the sum of my past experience.
Some people have got a lot to answer for. — Peter James West

People throw stones at you and you convert them into milestones. — Sachin Tendulkar

Losing your parent at a tender age is like losing everything thing. The love, care, support and what have you. It only takes determination, strong will and the love, care and support from others to make a difference in the lives of these ones as they grow to face their future. You and I can impact in their lives ... Just a little love, a little care, a little support can make a huge difference in a child's life. Support an orphan today! — Oziohu Sanni

All good writers are weird. Proudly weird. — Margo Rabb

In real life, Snow White stays dead and Rapunzel grows old, alone in her tower. In real life, you gotta have enough sense to stay away from ugly bitches offering you shiny apples and have enough balls to cut off your own hair and use it as a ladder if needs be. In real life, you gotta save yourself and the only happy endings are the ones paid for in massage parlors. — Amy Sumida

I am unable to believe in a God susceptible to prayer. I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits, and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds. — Quentin Crisp

Some battles don't have a winner. Sometimes the best a good general can hope for is a ceasefire — Emma Chase

We can't all be bakers or chefs. Many of us have modest ambitions. But we can all buy a piece of the pie. — Amah Lambert

But I've had floating heads for slaves,' Zayne answered.
'Their choice to look like that. Some do it for the humour, but it soon wears off.' Penteluck explained. 'Suddenly they realize they can't pick things up and throw them with just a head, and the other spirits usually use floating heads as footballs anyway. — Keisha Keenleyside

God is funny. He had a funny day when he made me. A funny, thoughtful, crazy day. He gave me a physique by which I would be so easily and so quickly judged, then gave me a mind by which I would so deeply magnetize, He put within me a heart with small, fast wings that I can hardly, barely handle, and then gave me a voice that hides behind everything in whispers. Oh, and also put a pen in my hand which writes me into madness! How can anyone possibly understand me? But I don't think God cared about that thought, when He made me! How ridiculously unfair! — C. JoyBell C.

Let me put it more artistically, with greater sophistication:
They left us in the toilet. In the deepest pile of shit. And we're coated in the crappy residue of their desicions. But that does not mean we are the one who pooped, Moritz. And neither are we the poop.

Never think that. We're not the poop. — Leah Thomas

The best thing to learn from any government is that it does not get affacted by what other people talk or think about it. — Amit Kalantri

All of my favourite quotes to live by are in my book, I wrote it for a reason — Blake Joy

The main causes for divorce
are marriages. — A.J. Beirens

Follow your dreams but stop if you come to a cliff edge. — Peter James West

The search for a life-style involves a journey to the interior. This is not altogether a pleasant experience, because you not only have to take stock of what you consider your assets but you also have to take a long look at what your friends call "the trouble with you." Nevertheless, the journey is worth making. — Quentin Crisp

Twelve dead?" I said. "Jesus. — Dennis Lehane

Drafting is like painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
The closer you get to the end, the more you start to worry about the beginning. — Peter James West

The first step to achieving all your goals is getting out of bed. Coffee and toast are optional. — Peter James West

Going down in history is a dead end pursuit — Benny Bellamacina

I don't like good habits. They strike me as being so easily broken. — Linnea Gelland

Without desire, one is a walking cadaver. — Karldon Okruta