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Inspirational Humorous Quotes & Sayings

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Top Inspirational Humorous Quotes

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Lisa Alpine

If you are not dancing, your dead. — Lisa Alpine

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Amunhotep El Bey

Only love will attract love."~ Amunhotep El Bey — Amunhotep El Bey

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Nitin Yaduvanshi

Life is not for understanding or to known rather it is for living & only for living — Nitin Yaduvanshi

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Lailah Gifty Akita

Without craziness, there is no courage. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Christopher Hitchens

The lawbreaking itch is not always an anarchic one. In the first place, the human personality has (or ought to have) a natural resistance to coercion. We don't like to be pushed and shoved, even if it's in a direction we might choose to go. In the second place, the human personality has (or ought to have) a natural sense of the preposterous. Thus, just behind my apartment building in Washington there is an official sign saying, Drug-Free Zone. I think this comic inscription may be done because it's close to a schoolyard. And a few years back, one of our suburbs announced by a municipal ordinance that it was a "nuclear-free zone." I don't wish to break the first law, though if I did wish to do so it would take me, or any other local resident, no more than one phone call and a ten-minute wait. I did, at least for a while, pine to break the "nuclear-free" regulation, on grounds of absurdity alone, but eventually decided that it would be too much trouble. — Christopher Hitchens

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Kristen Middleton

I turned on the television and watched a movie about a girl who'd fallen in love with both a vampire and a werewolf. I'd already seen it a million times, so my eyelids grew heavy, fairly quickly. Ten minutes later I was out cold in my bed and dreaming of Duncan, who turned into a werewolf and was trying to kill my own vampire boyfriend. Every time I tried to see the vampire's face, however, it was a blur. — Kristen Middleton

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Katie St. Claire

I'm Julia Malone and nobody has the patent on me! — Katie St. Claire

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Leisenring

There's only so far we can step backward in one day — Leisenring

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Hazel Cartwright

-Have a Glass of wine & over time it will be fine. — Hazel Cartwright

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Cyma Rizwaan Khan

Don't tell me you have OCD about this?"
"OCD, ADHD - pretty sure if they come up with some new acronym tomorrow I'd have it. — Cyma Rizwaan Khan

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Chet Williamson

Now, Jasper, as a great man once said, 'A brave and steadfast heart can overcome any fear.' So don't worry. I'll be back with Benelaius shortly. In the meantime, look about for clues, only don't disturb anything.
[ ... ]
I knew only too well who that great man was whom he spoke of. Camber Fosrick. I had committed the quote to memory as well. So Lindavar, one of the War Wizards of Cormyr, was addicted to trashy literature too. I would have chuckled had I not been so scared. — Chet Williamson

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By A.E. Croft

Writing is my passion, not my job. I need to write as much as I need to breathe, if not more. — A.E. Croft

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Christina Scalise

Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor! — Christina Scalise

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By J.C. Patrick

I'm overweight, despise change, and rarely, if ever, initiate anything. Unlike my friends, I've had no drama in my life which might qualify as box office material. If a little more drama came my way, however, I would probably need to purchase some courage in order to withstand it. Oh well, if a bit of change equals a bit of drama, I'm willing to risk it. — J.C. Patrick

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Benny Bellamacina

You are only limited by your own imagination — Benny Bellamacina

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By A.J. DeJong

The pen can be just as dangerous as a sword... At least while walking. — A.J. DeJong

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By C.C. Alma

There are times when looking on the bright side takes a lot ot work. I'm taking a break from it tonight. I'll be back at it tomorrow. — C.C. Alma

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Cass Pennant

One headline read: 'West Ham supporters set light to a yacht.' Now, if that boat was a yacht, then it probably only needed two paddles to row it. But if the headlines were exaggerated, the events of that night weren't. Some nasty things happened that night. It was inevitable when you had a thousand young men down for a football match with nowhere to stay and nowhere open. [...] It was well into the wee hours before we at last found somewhere to crash out. We met a bird and bloke who were local, and for some unknown reason they offered us the use of their flat on the seafront. Needless to say, we showed our appreciation of their generosity by guzzling the spirits cabinet dry and trashing the flat. The bloke was so pissed he was half joining in while the bird, who we all thought was a bit odd, was going mental. In fact, she was like a fucking animal.

- Jimmy Smith — Cass Pennant

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Neil Leckman

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it is the burning bush, in that case the value of your bird just went up!! — Neil Leckman

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Tanya Masse

Sweetie, you don't need to drive me to the brink of insanity ... I'm close enough to walk! — Tanya Masse

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Jane Austen

To exemplify, -a beautiful glossy nut, which, blessed with original strength, has outlived all the storms of autumn. Not a puncture, not a weak spot any where. -This nut ... while so many of its brethren have fallen and been trodden under foot, is still in possession of all the happiness that a hazel-nut can be supposed capable of. — Jane Austen

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By David Byrne

I don't care how impossible it seems. — David Byrne

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Mark W. Boyer

If you constantly make it clear that you are unwilling to budge, don't get upset when no one is around who's willing to give you a push. — Mark W. Boyer

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Amunhotep El Bey

Love is as we will it to be." ~ Amunhotep El Bey — Amunhotep El Bey

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Nick Jimbanis

Buy this book , buy this book , you need this book, buy book now.'

Subliminal messaging works! — Nick Jimbanis

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Andrew-Knox B Kaniki

Today is a season for tomorrow's harvest — Andrew-Knox B Kaniki

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Terry Pratchett

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane. — Terry Pratchett

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Lailah Gifty Akita

Darkness is necessary for evolvement. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Tony Robbins

The past does not equal the future. — Tony Robbins

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Paula Wall

The only way to cull the uncommon man from the common is with his clothes off. — Paula Wall

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Kinky Friedman

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong. — Kinky Friedman

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By G.P. Burdon

Seriously, what would you prefer? To stand out from everyone else, or disappear in the crowd? Because I call the latter 'sheep. — G.P. Burdon

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Michael P. Clutton

If laughter is the best medicine, let's OD together. — Michael P. Clutton

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Pittacus Lore

Wait. Are you about to do something really stupid? -GUARD — Pittacus Lore

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Lailah Gifty Akita

Is the any model like morality? — Lailah Gifty Akita

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By D'Artagnan Bloodhawke

Marriage is the equivalent of trying to live with a bug perpetually up your nose.
D'Artagnan Bloodhawke — D'Artagnan Bloodhawke

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Lailah Gifty Akita

Not everything that is seen is visible. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By John Chaplin

Life is about more that quotes about life — John Chaplin

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Karen E. Quinones Miller

I may not be perfect, but God knows I'm trying ... and God knowing should count for something. — Karen E. Quinones Miller

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Salman Aditya

Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you. — Salman Aditya

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Ridley Pearson

Be careful what you wear to bed, because you never know where you might wake up. — Ridley Pearson

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By David Ellis

All art requires is courage and the commitment to eat lots of biscuits. D Ellis / 2016 — David Ellis

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Benny Bellamacina

Always take a compliment, even if it's not yours — Benny Bellamacina

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Morgan Matson

I saw the statue completely different now. I'd decided that he wasn't pointing to anything or anyone. Now all I could see was that he was reaching out his hand to someone. For me that explained the expression on his face that I'd never quite been able to understand before.

He was hopeful and nervous and scared and a little bit proud of himself for doing it - extending his hand to someone, not knowing if they'd take it. This was, I had realized, one of the scariest things of all, requiring much more courage than sailing across an ocean and landing on an unknown shore

At least that's what I saw. Clark and Tom's new theory was that he was a time traveler who'd somehow been transported to the past and was just trying to hail a cab. — Morgan Matson

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Rasmussen

Vegans are always wrong, but damn pleased with themselves — Rasmussen

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Nefertiti Faraj

When life gives you lemons, find a friend whose life has given them tequila and have a party. — Nefertiti Faraj

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Orson Scott Card

Do you know why Satan is so angry all the time? Because whenever he works a particularly clever bit of mischief God uses it to serve his own Rigteous purposes."
"So God uses wicked people as his tools?"
"God gives us the freedom to to do great evil, if we choose, then He uses his own freedom to create goodness out of that evil, for that is what He chooses."
"So, in the long run, God always wins?"
"Yes, in the short run though it can be uncomfortable. — Orson Scott Card

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Anne Bishop

Nathan said nothing for a moment. Then, "There's nothing in my fur, is there?"
Simon gave the other Wolf a careful look. "No boogers."
"Good. I hate washing boogers out of fur."
"Who doesn't? What comes out of human noses is disgusting ... — Anne Bishop

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Stephen King

People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble. — Stephen King

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Alexander Pope

Those half-learn'd witlings, num'rous in our isle
As half-form'd insects on the banks of Nile — Alexander Pope

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Ruth Lizana-Jackson

you don't know until you know! — Ruth Lizana-Jackson

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Jane Tara

There are stranger things out there than flying pigs. — Jane Tara

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Mark Twain

He done his level best.

Was he a mining on the flat..
He done it with a zest..
Was he a leading of the choir..
He done his level best.

If he'd a reg'lar task to do,
He never took no rest..
Or if 'twas off and on the same..
He done his level best.

If he was preachin' on his beat,
He'd tramp from east to west,
And north to south ..in cold and heat..
He done his level best.

He'd Yank a sinner outen (Hades),
And land him with the blest;
Then snatch a prayer'n waltz in again,
And do his level best.

He'd cuss and sing and howl and pray,
And dance and drink and jest,
He done his level best.

Whate'er this man was sot to do
He done it with a zest;
No matter what his contract was,
He'd do his level best... — Mark Twain

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By J.K. Rowling

Much as he detested Filch, Harry couldn't help feeling a bit sorry for him, though not nearly as sorry as he felt for himself. — J.K. Rowling

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Timothy Pina

Put down that bottle and pickup an Oreo instead ... youll live longer! #JustSaying — Timothy Pina

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Julian Barnes

Wear flannel next to your skin, and never believe in eternal punishment. — Julian Barnes

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Dave Eggers

The world, every day, is New. Only for those born in, say, 1870 or so, can there be a meaningful use of the term postmodernism, because for the rest of us we are born and we see and from what we see and digest we remake our world. And to understand it we do not need to label it, categorize it. These labels are slothful and dismissive, and so contradict what we already know about the world, and our daily lives. We know that in each day, we laugh, and we are serious. We do both, in the same day, every day. But in our art we expect clear distinction between the two ... But we don't label our days Serious Days or Humorous Days. We know that each day contains endless nuances - if written would contain dozens of disparate passages, funny ones, sad ones, poignant ones, brutal ones, the terrifying and the cuddly. But we are often loathe to allow this in our art. And that is too bad ... — Dave Eggers

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Salman Rushdie

Never make love to a woman who is bad with stained glass," the emperor said solemnly, giving no indication of humorous intent. "Such a woman is an ignorant shrew. — Salman Rushdie

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By G.D. Falksen

I like stories about supervillains. They teach children that you can accomplish great things even when the whole world is against you. — G.D. Falksen

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Nitesh Nishad

Forget your past,
Use your pain;
Accept that pain,
And Achieve the gain. — Nitesh Nishad

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Mark Winik

The person who thinks dogs can't talk doesn't want to learn a second language. — Mark Winik

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Eoin Colfer

Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese. — Eoin Colfer

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Najeev Raj Nadarajah

Why do I write? Because I like telling stories and I don't like repeating myself (insert chuckle here). — Najeev Raj Nadarajah

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Gaurav Agnihotri

A man is known by the company he keeps not by the company he works. — Gaurav Agnihotri

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By James John Tritten

Don't stop writing until someone pries the pen from your cold, dead hands. — James John Tritten

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Karen Salmansohn

Better days are coming! They're called Saturday and Sunday. — Karen Salmansohn

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Christian Michael

Leaders are ultimately there to oversee. You will find many who should do this or that. Let them do it; give them your support and authority. Don't forget to give them the credit later. — Christian Michael

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Bill Murray

You gotta want it. — Bill Murray

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Anna White

I can't say for sure if I'm better off, since I have no way of knowing what would have been. I could have traveled to exotic places and kissed exotic men in the moonlight. Or I could have ended living alone in a dumpy apartment with the flesh eating virus I contracted from a public toilet. Could haves are always a great unknown. — Anna White

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By D'Artagnan Bloodhawke

Women; the supreme masters of the bait and switch.
D'Artagnan Bloodhawke — D'Artagnan Bloodhawke

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Doctor You

East or West, Home is Best
North or South, Hand to Mouth — Doctor You

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Moutasem Algharati

Time may be defined as " dimension governed by activity." Dimension diminishes with inactivity so does the value of time. — Moutasem Algharati

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Chandan Sharma

If I'll be funnier than this, I'll become a joke. — Chandan Sharma

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Aihebholo-oria Okonoboh

How beautiful would history have been if it could be written beforehand and then acted out like drama! — Aihebholo-oria Okonoboh

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Justin Halpern

Who's going to take care of it? You? ... Son, you came in the house yesterday with sh*t on your hands. Humansh*t. I don't know how that happened, but if someone has shit on their hands, it's an indicator that maybe the whole responsibility thing isn't for them. -Dad — Justin Halpern

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By M.A. George

I've become remarkably good at blocking impossibly bizarre happenings from my consciousness. Denial can be a beautiful thing. — M.A. George

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Raymond Chandler

You can crab over the morning paper and kick the shins of the guy in the next seat at the movies and feel mean and discouraged and sneer at the politicians but there are a lot of nice people in the world just the same. — Raymond Chandler

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Jennifer Hillman

What you know
and don't deny that
you don't know
and knowing this
you know
what and why
you don't know.
Right? — Jennifer Hillman

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Zoe Marriott

To ugly ducklings everywhere,
Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:
They'll never get to be swans — Zoe Marriott

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Jack Bunbury

Life is like a fondue: the best fruit ain't the best till it's been through some goo. — Jack Bunbury

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Lailah Gifty Akita

What we ought to know we never be taught in the classroom. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Anna Banks

Q: When did you realize you wanted to be a writer?
A: I hate this question, because the answer makes me look like a jerk. The answer exposes me as a jerk. But here it is: the first time I read Twilight, I thought to myself, "If this chick can write a book, then you can!"
One day, Stephanie Meyer is going to give me a bloody nose. I accept that like I accept that I will one day get wrinkles.
To Stephanie Meyer: Could you come at me from the right side?
That side of my face could use adjusting ... — Anna Banks

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Jen Lynn Anderson

Write. Write write write write WRITE. Write. Now.

(This is an inspirational writing quote.) — Jen Lynn Anderson

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Robert Ludlum

REST IS THE BEST WEAPON..BATTLES WON AND LOST" ((page 209 ))

JACKAL CHALLENGING BOURNE : " Paris, Jason Bourne! Paris if you dare! Or shall it be a minor university in Maine. Dr,Webb? ((page 276))...

JACKALS WARNING, IN PRINTED WORDS IN A BLACK BUTCHER'S PENCIL ((at an country restaurant Epernon, Paris ))
"The trees of Tannenbaum will burn and children will be the kindling. Sleep well Jason Bourne — Robert Ludlum

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Baba

If life takes you long way, take a shortcut! — Baba

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By J.C. Patrick

Professional is an apt definition for me, professional slouch, that is. I can be very professional at seeming to do work, but the real work is trying to do as little as possible, without getting caught by Trip or any nosey busybodies. — J.C. Patrick

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By J.S. Davey

The greatest trick you can teach an old dog is how to learn new tricks. — J.S. Davey

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Ed Williams

It's easy to have high morals when you'd be safe naked in the middle of San Quentin Prison. — Ed Williams

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Isaac Babel

Just forget for a minute that you have spectacles on your nose and autumn in your heart. Stop being tough at your desk and stammering with timidity in the presence of people. Imagine for one second that you raise hell in public and stammer on paper. You're a tiger, a lion, a cat. You spend a night with a Russian woman and leave her satisfied. You're twenty five. If rings had been fastened to the earth and sky, you'd have seized them and pulled the sky down to earth — Isaac Babel

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Mark W. Boyer

When it's all said and done remember, You are only as old as you look. — Mark W. Boyer

Inspirational Humorous Quotes By Sylvia Day

If you're on your back, you're not on your feet! — Sylvia Day