Immature Sarcasm Quotes & Sayings

Fred coughed, which caused Sam and Ellie to look over at her. "Hey, Ellie. Watch this."
Mentally apologizing to her oldest friend, Fred seized Jonas by the shirt collar and
heaved him out of his chair and through the (fortunately open) sliding door.
Jonas was densely built ("Deliciously so," Dr. Barb might have said over the sound of
Fred's retching), but no match for Fred's hybrid strength, and the air velocity he achieved
was really quite something.
Fred ignored his wail ("My sundaeeee!"), which became easier to do the fainter it got. — MaryJanice Davidson

THE BIRD AND THE WATER
A bird which has not heard of fresh water
Dips his beak in salt-water year after year.
(Anwar-i-Suhaili) — Idries Shah

In the heavens we discover [stars] by their light, and by their light alone ... the sole evidence of the existence of these distant worlds ... that each of them is built up of molecules of the same kinds we find on earth. A molecule of hydrogen, for example, whether in Sirius or in Arcturus, executes its vibrations in precisely the same time. Each molecule therefore throughout the universe bears impressed upon it the stamp of a metric system as distinctly as does the metre of the Archives at Paris, or the royal cubit of the Temple of Karnac. — James Clerk Maxwell

We have met the enemy and they are ours. — Oliver Hazard Perry

I don't know if I'm the husky guy, but I'm the sexy guy who's a good kisser . — Jim Gaffigan

That is the great pleasure of working with great directors. You get to look at the world through many different prisms. I guess I love talent, whatever form it takes. — Isabella Rossellini

Let me say this. It was worth the whole awful, irritating time spent searching the Archives just to watch that moment happen. It was worth blood and fear of death to see her fall in love with him. Just a little. Just the first faint breath of love, so light she probably didn't notice it herself. It wasn't dramatic, like some bolt of lightning with crack of thunder following. It was more like when flint strikes steel and spark fades almost too fast for to you to see. But still, you know it's there, downs where you can't see, kindling. — Patrick Rothfuss

Your waistline is your lifeline — Jack LaLanne

We have to acknowledge the progress we made, but understand that we still have a long way to go. That things are better, but still not good enough. — Barack Obama

I have lived my life in the shelter of too many northern alliances. I have made alliance with the gentle cow, the health department, the local policeman. In the shelter of such alliances I have got out of bed in the morning with moderate assurance that I shall still be alive at bedtime. But south of the moon my allies vanish, and I have an emptiness in my stomach. I fear the cobras in the garden. I lack a treaty with the lioness. I dread the crocodiles of Lake Victoria, the tsetse fly in the Tanganyika bush, the little airplane with the funny engine, and the mosquito in the soft evening air. But most of all, I am afraid of the African street. — Robert Ardrey

You can't deal with being odd?
...

Become like them...

Become drug delear...

Live their lifes... have fun
...

and be honest... — Deyth Banger

Confession: When I went to see The Empire Strikes Back I found myself glancing at my watch. The Force is with us, indeed, and a lot of it is hot air. It's a measure of my mixed feelings about The Empire Strikes Back that I'm not at all sure that I understand the plot. The Empire Strikes Back is about as personal as a Christmas card from a bank. — Vincent Canby

[Arthur]
"Er ... Just how much did you have to drink?"
Merlin frowned at Arthur ... Both of him. — FayJay

That's because Narnia was a Christian allegory pretending to be a fantasy series, you asshole," said one of the other boys. "C.S. Lewis never went through any doors. He didn't know how it worked. He wanted to tell a story, and he'd probably heard about kids like us, and he made shit up. — Seanan McGuire

If you want big improvements, she said, chew gum. Gum? Sure enough, chewing gum has been shown to improve a person's immediate recall of learned words by some 24 percent. Long-term recall improves by a larger 36 percent. To get the benefit, you actually have to chew gum as you are studying; for some reason you can't merely move your jaw up and down. I also discovered that drinking sage tea increases one's recall of words modestly, as does the odor of rosemary. Something as mundane as coffee provides a benefit, too. Drinking two cups of coffee increases neuronal activity in the frontal lobe, where working memory is controlled, and in the anterior cingulum, where attention is controlled. — Michael Erard