Ilona Quotes & Sayings

I opened my eyes as wide as I could. "Why, of course, Your Majesty. What was I thinking? I will go and do this right away, just please don't look at me." "Kate, get in the car." "Maybe you should growl dramatically. I don't think I'm intimidated enough. — Ilona Andrews

Mishmar. Your father's hellish prison he cobbled together from the remains of office buildings from Omaha, which he destroyed. The Mishmar that's stuffed to the brink with mutated vampires. That Mishmar." "Yes." "You — Ilona Andrews

Now was not a good time, but we didn't often get to chose the time to repay our debts. — Ilona Andrews

It was one thing to be attracted to bad boys, something I usually didn't suffer from. It was another to be attracted to bad men. Mad Rogan was a really bad, bad man. — Ilona Andrews

Breaking into the house in the middle of the night just wasn't his style. He did his best work in plain view, and, usually, his tongue was doing most of it.
Now that was an interesting thought. Heh. — Ilona Andrews

It could be worse," he said finally. "Efrenia married an arsonist. Jake's wife is a kleptomaniac. I suppose, a psychopathic spree killer isn't that odd of a choice, considering. — Ilona Andrews

She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. "They're anti-inflammatories. They will dull the pain a little bit and keep down swelling and redness. Swallow the pills, don't chew."
"Well, I thought I'd stick them into my nose and impersonate a walrus, but if you insist, I'll swallow them. — Ilona Andrews

What can I do for you, Arbitrator?" I asked.
"George, please. There is no hot water in my bathroom."
"Oh really?" You don't say.
"Yes. In fact, it's ice-cold." He raised a half-filled glass. Thin slivers of ice floated on its surface. "I drew this from the tap in my sink."
"How unfortunate. When did this happen?"
"About two minutes ago."
"While you were in the shower?"
"Yes."
"My apologies. I'll get right on that."
George squinted at me, his face thoughtful, and waved the call off.
Sophie leaned back and laughed. "You really love those trees. — Ilona Andrews

Im's offspring stare at stars and make clocks that calculate useless happenings like the angle of a hawk's claws as it strikes its prey. They demonstrate their contraptions and everyone marvels. My children get drunk, confuse a herd of cows with an enemy regiment, and slaughter the lot, screaming like lunatics until the entire army panics. — Ilona Andrews

I said, I know why you're afraid to fight with me."
"And why is that?" If he flexed again, I'd have to implement emergency measures. Maybe I could kick some sand at him or something. Hard to look hot brushing sand out of your eyes.
"You want me."
Oh boy.
"You can't resist my subtle charm, so you're afraid you're going to make a spectacle out of yourself."
"You know what? Don't talk to me. — Ilona Andrews

When a lion stalks a herd, he sneaks in close, lies down, and surveys them to choose his victim. He takes his time. The deer or buffalo have no idea he's near. He finds his prey and then he explodes from his hiding place and grabs it. Even if another, perfectly serviceable animal ends up within his reach, he isn't going to alter his course. He has chosen, and he would rather go hungry than change his mind. — Ilona Andrews

The last time Assistant Principal Parker called, a girl in the school's locker room had accused Julie of being a whore during the two years she'd spent on the street. My kid took exception to that and decided to communicate that by applying a chair to the offending party's head. I'd told her to go for the gut next time- it left less evidence. — Ilona Andrews

People must make their own choices, no matter how wrong those choices are. Otherwise they can't be free. — Ilona Andrews

I was a knight," Andrea said. "I'm not just going to start shooting every dickhead who mouths off to me."
"Just making sure."
"Besides, if I shot him, I'd do it so nobody could trace it back to me. I'd shoot him somewhere remote, his head would explode like a melon, and they would never find his body. He would just vanish. — Ilona Andrews

I paused with the pen in my hand. "He burst into flames?"
"He became engulfed in fire."
"Was his buddy made out of orange rocks and at any point yell, 'It's clobbering time'? — Ilona Andrews

A forest," William said, his expression distant. "Where the ground is dry soil and stone. Where tall trees grow and centuries of autumn carpet their roots. Where the wind smells of game and wildflowers."
"Why, that was lovely, Lord Bill. Do you ever write poetry? Something for your blueblood lady?"
"No."
"She doesn't like poetry?"
"Leave it."
Hehe. "Oh, so you have a lady. How interes
— Ilona Andrews

Kate had never met a person she didn't want to protect, preferably by hacking at the hostile parties with her sword. — Ilona Andrews

Adam's eyes narrowed. I've looked you up. You're small potatoes, Snowflake. — Ilona Andrews

We were screwed and he didn't even kiss us first. — Ilona Andrews

You make me want to stab you."
"I have that effect on many people."
"How is it you're still alive?"
"I'm hard to kill. — Ilona Andrews

It's not an abomination. It's a bunnycat. — Ilona Andrews

What's that?"
"That's my attack poodle. — Ilona Andrews

After I chased the werewolf and the vampire out of my office, I changed my clothes. — Ilona Andrews

You're going to take him on by yourself?" Curran's voice asked at my side. He sounded amused.
"If I wait any longer, I won't go in," I said. My knees tembled. My teeth chattered in my mouth.
He grabbed me and kissed me. The kiss sent a wave of heat from my lips all the way to my toes. Curran's eyes laughed. "For luck," he whispered, his breath a hot cloud on my ear.
I broke free and wiped my mouth on the back of my hand. "When we're done with the upir," I growled, "I'll give you that fight you've been wanting."
"Much better," Curran said.
"If you lovebirds are done," Nick said. "Get out of my way. — Ilona Andrews

No, you're not going with him."
I crossed my arms. "Who decided that?"
He put on his "I'm alpha and I'm putting my foot down" expression. "I decided. — Ilona Andrews

At heart, Curran was a cat. He liked soft things, high places, and enough room to stretch out. — Ilona Andrews

When in doubt and in need of information, find a snitch and squeeze him. — Ilona Andrews

Just reflecting on the fact that when the Universe punches you in the teeth, it never just lets you fall down. It kicks you in the ribs a couple of times and dumps mud on your head. — Ilona Andrews

I'm going to shoot him," I squeezed through my teeth. "No, that would be murder," Grandma Frida told me, her voice soothing. "You've had a long day. Let's put your magic away. You know what you need? A nice cup of chamomile tea and a tranquilizer . . ." I — Ilona Andrews

What happened?"
"You fell."
"Really? What did I fall into?"
"My fist."
"That explains the headache. — Ilona Andrews

The way she sat now, leaning forward frowning, biting her pink bottom lip, her shirt dipping to reveal a hint of her cleavage ... He wondered idly if he could get her to bend over a little farther ...
"Just what are you staring at, exactly?"
Kadar snapped back to reality. "You. You've been thinking hard for the last five minutes. It's not good for you to strain your pretty little head like that. I'm waiting for the steam to shoot out of your ears to relieve the pressure on your brain."
"Aha." Audrey glanced at Jack and George. "What you have here is a man who was caught gaping at my breasts, and now he's trying to cover it up with rudeness. — Ilona Andrews

...sometimes what you go looking for isn't as important as what you leave behind. — Ilona Andrews

We Draytons are many things: pirates, witches, rogues ... but nobody ever accused us of being ungrateful. A family has to have standards. Even in the Edge. — Ilona Andrews

He smiled at me, turning into the old Sean Evans. The transformation was so sudden, I blinked to make sure I didn't imagine it. Because you're a carebear. — Ilona Andrews

I don't snore."
He nodded with a wide grin. "It's a quiet peaceful kind of snoring. Like a small cuddly Tasmanian devil. Kind of cute when sleeping, all claws and teeth when awake."
"You snore worse. At least I don't turn into a lion in my sleep. — Ilona Andrews

Please tell me there is coffee."
Aunt B grimaced. "They're already crazy. If I let them have coffee, they'd be bouncing off the walls. We have herbal tea,"
...
I needed to find Julie, find her mom, convince a sociopath to donate some blood for the good of mankind, and deal with a tentacled atrocity swaddled in cloth and his rabid mermaids. I needed coffee. — Ilona Andrews

Desandra shrugged her shoulders. "Hey, Kate? Have you thought of walking up to Hugh and telling him that he's got the biggest dick ever?" She spread her arms to the size of a baseball bat.
"No, you think it would work?" I asked.
"It's worth a try. May be he'll be so happy you noticed his pork sword, he'll forget all about trying to kill us."
Pork sword. Kill me now. "I'll think about it."
Ascanio began patting his clothes.
"What?" Derek growled.
"Looking for something to take notes with. — Ilona Andrews

True strength isn't in killing - or ignoring - your opponent, it's in having the will to shield those who need your protection. — Ilona Andrews

You're not going to die?"
"Not right this minute." And of course, saying something like that usually resulted in immediate dying. I braced myself for a stray meteorite falling through the roof to crush my skull. — Ilona Andrews

Bring your army, little god! My sword is hungry! — Ilona Andrews

Typical sentient's psyche is a spiderweb. Pull on the right thread and you will get the desired result. Praise them and they will like you. Ridicule them and they'll hate you. Greedy can be bought, timid can be frightened, smart can be persuaded, but the zealots are immune to money, fear, or reason. A zealot's psyche is a tightrope. They have severed everything else in favor of their goal. They will pay any price for their victory, and that makes them infinitely more dangerous. — Ilona Andrews

In diplomacy, like in great many other things, the rules of engagement survive only until one remarkable person decides to break them. — Ilona Andrews

Having a fling with you doesn't appeal to me. You're handsome, but you're too inexperienced and too arrogant to be good in bed. Having ridden many horses doesn't make you a good rider; it just proves that you can't recognize a good one or don't know how to keep her. You're too young for me, and in ten years, when you improve, I will be too old for you. So let's not speak of this again. A thin, high-pitched sound came from the wall. Miko was snickering. — Ilona Andrews

Grandpa?" Declan raised his eyebrows.
"We keep him in the shed out back," Jack said helpfully. "So he doesn't eat dog brains. — Ilona Andrews

I think I've been rather reasonable about this whole situation."
"How do you figure?"
"They are still breathing, aren't they? — Ilona Andrews

It a dude and a girl, and the house and wooo scary things happen and then they kill everything. — Ilona Andrews

Bono give you any terms?"
"Me, the Crusader, and you. Tonight."
How nice. A party for the top three on the upir's most wanted list. — Ilona Andrews

He let her go almost immediately, but he'd packed so much into that one fierce hug: want, need, worry, reassurance...He'd protect her with his life. Strangely, it made her indignant. Nobody should have to be in the position of having another person give up their life for them. She didn't want the weight of Declan's death. — Ilona Andrews

The woman stared at the ruined body. Blood dripped from her arm. A fine spray of red covered her face
must've been cast off when she slammed down the cans. She wiped her face with her left forearm and kicked the stalker's corpse with her sneakered foot. Don't mess with Texas. — Ilona Andrews

Was his body made out of orange rocks and did he at any point yell 'It's clobbering time'?"
"I find your attempt at levity inappropriate."
"Consider me properly chastised. — Ilona Andrews

Curran let our a ragged snarl and punched the other wall. It burst and the entire wreck of the house came down in a fountain of dust. He shook his hand, his knuckles bloody.
"Bricks are hard," I told him patiently, as if to a child. "Don't hit bricks. No, no."
Curran picked up a brick and snapped it in half.
Idiot — Ilona Andrews

The lion opened his mouth, showing his big teeth. Yes, yes, you're bad. We know, Your Majesty. — Ilona Andrews

I don't want to play anymore ... I love you. — Ilona Andrews

He nodded. "Okay. We got it out in the open. Here it is. This is your moment to be angry at your own laziness and wallow in self-pity. A moment is all you get, because any minute Adam Pierce might set Houston on fire. Take a few minutes for your pity party. Would five be enough?"
"You're an asshole."
"Yes, but I'm a very well-trained asshole. I'm offering you the use of my expertise. So suck it up, get over this bump, and let's go. Are you with me?"
You know what? No: if he ever fell in love, it wouldn't be great romantic devotion. It would be an exercise in frustration and lust, and at the end of it his significant other would strangle him. — Ilona Andrews

Half-man, half-beast, all nightmare. The shapeshifter warrior form. — Ilona Andrews

As one, the shapechangers turned and looked at me. I wondered what they'd do if I asked to borrow a cup of sugar. — Ilona Andrews

I raised my foot and deliberately stomped on the bridge. This is my foot. I put it down. Deal with it. — Ilona Andrews

You sure you don't want me to stay? I'll make you coffee and ask you about your day. — Ilona Andrews

We would screw up our children. It was inevitable. Julie had taught me that you never get the child you want or expect. You get the child you get and you try your best to make sure they turn out to be a decent human being. That was all that mattered. An — Ilona Andrews

I know a man who is in love with my friend. He loves her absolutely.
The only thing he wants in return is for her to love him."
Saiman arched his eyebrows, imitating me. "And?"
"You're the exact opposite of him. You lack the capacity to love, so you want to smother mine as well. — Ilona Andrews

No." Roman got up off his chair. "The wedding night is for you and Curran. The wedding is for everyone else and it's the price you pay so you can get to the wedding night. — Ilona Andrews

People lie for many reasons: to save themselves, to get out of trouble, to avoid hurting someone's feelings. Manipulators lie to get what they want. Narcissists lie to make themselves seem grand to others and themselves. Recovering alcoholics lie to safeguard their tattered reputation. And those who love us most lie to us most of all, because life is a bumpy ride and they want to smooth it out as much as possible. — Ilona Andrews

Clothes don't have magic powers, Derek. They don't mystically protect you from three-inch claws, rapists, or murderers. If someone decides to hurt you, they will do so whether or not you have a thin layer of denim over your skin. — Ilona Andrews

They called this place Hadramout. It means 'death has arrived. — Ilona Andrews

As I walked back to civilization, I realized that for the first time in the six months I had known Curran, we had managed to have a conversation and part ways without wanting to kill each other. I found that fact deeply troubling. — Ilona Andrews

Because that's what it would catch in the wild, a boar, right? I can't wait to see a pack of bunnycats take down a wild hog with those short tiny legs. Wouldn't the boar be surprised?"
Everybody was a comedian.
"May be if I oink loud enough, it'll leap across the beam and try to devour me. — Ilona Andrews

a tyrant, and a conqueror. He was never elected to the office. He would probably laugh at the idea. And if he did somehow decide to hold elections, he would magic the masses into electing him, because he would honestly believe that he was best qualified to rule wisely. Having — Ilona Andrews

Dali elbowed Jim in the ribs. "What he meant to say was he is sorry that duties of his office and his own paranoid nature caused him to overreact." Jim looked like someone had hit him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. "Yes." "And — Ilona Andrews

So you want me to track down a supernaturally fast sniper who can disappear into thin air, retrieve your maps, and do it so nobody finds out what I'm doing or why?'
'Exactly.'
I sighed. 'I'll get the paperwork. — Ilona Andrews

It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome ... When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer P-226 at her fella and concerned members of the hotel staff, while dunking the scantily clad female's head under the water and asking, Who's diving for clams now, bitch? — Ilona Andrews

Kate& Derek
"No, Kate, you don't understand. He vanished. He was there one moment and then he was gone."
I couldn't resist. "Like a ninja. In a puff of smoke. — Ilona Andrews

When you walk a dog on a short leash, she's close enough to bite you. — Ilona Andrews

Estene aleera hesaad de viren aneda. And now, you are forever mine. — Ilona Andrews

This isn't over!" Leroy jabbed his finger at Curran. He probably meant it to look aggressive, but he was swaying on his feet.
"Yes, it is," Curran told him. "Go before I change my mind. — Ilona Andrews

How did the hearing go?" she asked.
"We won, sort of," Kaldar said. "We die at dawn."
"The court gave the Sheeriles twenty-four hours," William corrected.
"Yes, but 'we die at dawn the day after tomorrow' doesn't sound nearly
as dramatic."
"Does it have to be dramatic all the time?" Catherine murmured.
"Of course. Everyone has a talent. Yours is crocheting and mine is
making melodramatic statements. — Ilona Andrews

Any messages for me?" Usually I got one or two, but mostly people who wanted my help preferred to talk in person.
"Yes. Hold on." She pulled out a handful of pink tickets and recited from memory, without checking the paper. "Seven forty-two a.m., Mr. Gasparian: I curse you. I curse your arms so they wither and die and fall off your body. I curse your eyeballs to explode. I curse your feet to swell until blue. I curse your spine to crack. I curse you. I curse you. I curse you. — Ilona Andrews

Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty... — Ilona Andrews

He hung up and glanced at me. "I'm sorry, I have to take care of business. It can't wait, but I'll keep it short."
"Not a problem. I'll busy myself with being seen and tossing my hair. Would you like me to twirl it on my finger while biting my lip?"
"Could you?"
"No, sorry." I grinned at him — Ilona Andrews

Swore. "Barabas said you might say that. I'm supposed to tell you this." Ascanio cleared his throat and produced a remarkably accurate impression of Barabas's tenor. "Courage, Your Majesty." "I will kill him." "The Beast Lord or Barabas?" "Both. — Ilona Andrews

If you come, you better come in force because I will kill every single one of you. My hand won't shake, my aim won't falter. My face will be the last thing you'll see before you die. I jammed my knife into the table and walked out. — Ilona Andrews

Don't worry, he's coming with me to investigate things."
"In the city?" Jim asked.
"Yes."
"That's a great idea. You both should go. To the city."
Curran and I looked at each other.
"He's trying to get rid of us," I said.
"You think he's planning a coup?" Curran wondered.
"I hope so." I turned to Jim. "Is there any chance you'd overthrow the tyrannical Beast Lord and his psychotic Consort?"
"Yeah, I want a vacation," Curran said.
Jim leaned toward us and said in a lowered voice, "You couldn't pay me enough. This is your mess, you deal with it. I have enough on my plate."
He walked away.
"Too bad," Curran said.
"I don't know, I think we could convince him to seize the reins of power."
Curran shook his head. "Nahh. He's too smart for that. — Ilona Andrews

You do realize you just insulted me, right?"
"How so?"
"You implied that I can't protect her or my people."
I looked at him. "That's not at all what I meant."
"Apologize and I'll let it go."
I kept my hands firmly on the iron rail before me. Grabbing the weight bar and walloping the Beast Lord upside the head wouldn't be the best diplomatic move.
"I'm sorry, Your Majesty." There. I was civil. It almost killed me. — Ilona Andrews

Logic said that at some point he must've been a baby and then a child, but looking at him one was almost convinced that some deity had touched the ground with its scepter and proclaimed, "There shall be a badass," and Jim had sprung into existence, fully formed, complete with clothes, and ready for — Ilona Andrews

Man can't handle the chaos. Oh, you can understand it in the abstract, as long as you don't think about it too hard. But at the core of it, whenever humans come against chaos, they deal with it in one of three ways ... Faced with chaos you will either ignore it, dance around it, or you will go mad. — Ilona Andrews

You could buy a car for fifty thousand dollars. A really nice car." Ascanio's eyes lit up. "A Hummer. You could buy a converted Hummer."
"You don't need a Hummer." I said.
"Chicks dig the Hummer."
"You don't need any chicks either."
He gave me an injured look. "I have needs."
"I have needs too and right now I need you to concentrate on tracking down Jamar's collection. Get to it."
- Andrea & Ascanio — Ilona Andrews

I am a polite, nonthreatening kind of dragon with excellent manners. Horns are hidden, tail is tucked away, fangs covered. I would never do anything cruel, like stab a man with a knife about ten times to get him to answer a question. — Ilona Andrews

Are you implying that our relationship is like a Spanish soap opera?"
"I'm not implying. I'm saying it. — Ilona Andrews

Dali blinked at me. "Would you mind making coffee while you're dancing? I smell it on the bottom shelf, either first or second jar on the left."
I opened the first jar and looked inside. Coffee. The label said BORAX. "What's up with the labels?"
Dali shrugged. "You're in the house of a cat whose job is to spy. He thinks he's clever. I'd be careful with the silverware drawer. There might be a bomb in it. — Ilona Andrews

I rode out of the stables on top of an eight-foot-tall donkey that looked like she had robbed a Holstein cow and was now wearing the stolen clothes. — Ilona Andrews

I like home. It's warm and there are books. — Ilona Andrews

He took the risk and his people had died. He blamed himself. It didn't reflect in his face, but I saw it in his eyes for a brief moment, before they went back to their icy blue. The last time we talked, I was almost completely convinced that he was a sociopath. He seemed invulnerable, as if nothing could bother him. This did. — Ilona Andrews

Why am I the expert all of a sudden?"
"Of the two of us, you have more stalking experience."
He leaned back. "Really?"
"Yes. When you let yourself into my apartment before we were dating, did you fidget while you watched me?"
"Will you let it go?" he growled.
"No."
"I didn't fidget. I checked on you to make sure you hadn't gotten yourself killed. I wanted to know that you weren't dying slowly of your wounds, because you have no sense and half of the time you couldn't afford a medmage. I didn't stand there and watch you. I came in, made sure you were okay, and left. It wasn't creepy."
"It was a little creepy."
"It worked, didn't it?"
"Worked how?"
"You're still alive."
"Yes, of course, take all the credit. — Ilona Andrews

He's come to learn that life is a bitter bitch. She is inherently unfair. — Ilona Andrews

The knocking persisted. It wasn't Derek. His knock would be careful, almost apologetic. This bastard knocked like he was doing me a favor. — Ilona Andrews

The Order of Merciful Aid provided merciful aid, usually on the edge of a blade or the burn of a bullet. — Ilona Andrews

What are you going to wear?" "My badass face." "Good choice," he said. — Ilona Andrews

He referred to you as his little snack."
"He's a sweetie. — Ilona Andrews

According to Maimonides, one should always walk the King's Road, staying away from the extremes, neither surrendering completely to one's emotions nor rejecting them entirely. — Ilona Andrews

Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?"
"You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did. — Ilona Andrews

Some things you simply accepted, the way you accepted the sunrise or the winter cold. They called it lupine fatalism, but in reality it was plain common sense. — Ilona Andrews