Quotes & Sayings About Ikea

I quickly found myself in the center of the room, trussed up to a sturdy, high-backed chair, which Joaquin happily assured me was an original Louis the Fourteenth. Oh goody. I'd hate to die bound to something from IKEA. — Vicki Pettersson

My parents, last time we went to Ikea, got into a huge fight, almost got divorced. My dad accidentally put his fist through the wood. I don't know what it was made of. Just going there it's like a maze. My mom makes me go. I get lost. It's very stressful. — Jedediah Bila

Hi! I'm Ethan, I shop at Ikea. I bought a $300 dining suite and it took me three days to assemble! — Douglas Coupland

I worked at Ikea as a customer service rep for two years and loved it. — Amber Riley

I only meant, you know, you shouldn't be wasting your time on imbeciles. I know how hard it is to find the right person, but that's no reason to exhaustively work your way through all the wrong people. You seem to be living your romantic life by some kind of process of elimination. It's like matching a Louis Quatorze armchair with one of those plastic patio tables. It simply doesn't work." "Oh, I see," Bel said. "I'm an armchair, is that it?" "A Louis Quatorze armchair," I qualified. "And my boyfriends are patio tables." "Actually," I remembered, "this one's more like one of those self-assembly Swedish wardrobes. — Paul Murray

You see, the broccoli was yours and I give it back to you. The remote control is yours but I used to use it most and so now I give it back to you. The wardrobe should've been yours on that day we argued in Ikea, so I give it to you now. And finally this ring, in your hand, which represents my heart, is, was, and will always be yours. Even if you turn me down, I can't ever take it back because it's yours forever. — Mike Gayle

I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA. — Jen Lancaster

What is good for our customers is also in the long run good for us. — Ingvar Kamprad

Waste of resources is a mortal sin at IKEA. — Ingvar Kamprad

This thing couldn't have fallen apart faster if you'd bought it at Ikea, and — Mick Herron

He had decided that if he ever returned to his old job he would create a special level of hell, an enormous inescapable shop of attractive but useless and overpriced items that the damned would wander for eternity in the cold delusion that this was what they wanted. And then Nerys had taken him to IKEA and Clovenhoof realised the humans had once again beaten him to it. — Heide Goody

The first involves streamlining operations and introducing cost innovations from manufacturing to distribution. Can the product's or service's raw materials be replaced by unconventional, less expensive ones - such as switching from metal to plastic or shifting a call center from the UK to Bangalore? Can high-cost, low-value-added activities in your value chain be significantly eliminated, reduced, or outsourced? Can the physical location of your product or service be shifted from prime real estate locations to lower-cost locations, as The Home Depot, IKEA, and Walmart have done in retail or Southwest Airlines has done by shifting from major to secondary airports? Can you truncate the number of parts or steps used in production by shifting the way things are made, as Ford did by introducing the assembly line? Can you digitize activities to reduce costs? By — W.Chan Kim

You see, Squirt, there's heaven, and then there's hell. Hell is where they send all the bad people, like criminals and con artists and parking inspectors. And heaven is where they send all the good people, like you and me and that nice blonde from MasterChef.

What happens when you get there?

In heaven, you hang out with God and Jimi Hendrix, and you get to eat doughnuts whenever you want. In hell, you have to, uh . . . do the Macarena. Forever. To that "Grease Megamix."

Where do you go if you're good and bad?

What? I don't know. IKEA? — Brooke Davis

A good horse is the best company in the world. — Katherine Cecil Thurston

As evidenced during my failed audition, I'm a thorough introvert who would completely hate living in a 'Real World' house. I would have taken my Ikea comforter to the confessional room and never come out. — Andrea Seigel

It looked rather stylish next to my wife's glass of wine, like a still from a North Korean IKEA catalogue. — Lennard Van Ree

Give me something to assemble, I won't look at the directions, I'll try to figure it out by myself. It's why I love Ikea furniture. — Dave Grohl

One thing had always confused Quentin about the magic he read about in books: it never seemed especially hard to do. There were lots of furrowed brows and thick books and long white beards and whatnot, but when it came right down to it, you memorized the incantation - or you just read it off the page, if that was too much trouble - you collected the herbs, waved the wand, rubbed the lamp, mixed the potion, said the words - and just like that the forces of the beyond did your bidding. It was like making salad dressing or driving stick or assembling Ikea furniture - just another skill you could learn. It took some time and effort, but compared to doing calculus, say, or playing the oboe - well, there really was no comparison. Any idiot could do magic. — Lev Grossman

I want to make the IKEA of clothes for fat girls and boys. Cheap, affordable, basic - but ethically made. Basics, you know? Like Spanx - I'm still confused as to why retailers haven't ripped them off yet and done it well. It's because they don't understand the basics behind it. I love Spanx. I'm wearing 'em right now! — Beth Ditto

She stood in our cramped little bathroom, a bag of cosmetics in hand. Putting on her makeup while asking if we should buy a couch meant she'd already made up her mind that we were going to IKEA today, and asking me if we ought to go was her way of saying "Get your shoes on." It's dizzying, all the versions of meanings available to the listener. — Ryan Knighton

All the design companies together make 10% of what Ikea makes. — Rolf Fehlbaum

The IKEA spirit is strong and living reality. Simplicity in our behavior gives us strength. Simplicity and humbleness characterize us in our relations with each others, our suppliers and our customers. — Ingvar Kamprad

We got to his place and it looked a lot like his personality. Just a bunch of space filler, nothing to really wow you. It looked like he had bought a lot of stuff from IKEA and then decided to refinish it at home. Everything was neat and tidy, but you wouldn't want any of it for yourself. — Chelsea Handler

They studied the phenomenon at Harvard." "They studied soul-stealing at Harvard?" "What else do you think they do in business school? In any case, it's called the Ikea effect." "As in furniture? — Eliza Crewe

I can follow pretty much every programming language out there, I can make a two-hundred-year-old diary out of some really nasty ingredients, I can even make sense out of the instruction booklets that come with IKEA furniture, but I can*not* make heads or tails of this nonsense right here. — Keith R.A. DeCandido

You know what it's like when you go to IKEA and you can't believe how cheap everything is, and even though you may not need a hundred tea lights, my God, they're only ninety-nine cents for the whole bag? Or: Sure the throw are filled with a squishy ball of no-doubt toxic whatnot, but they're so bright and three-for-five-dollars that before you know it you've dropped five hundred bucks, not because you needed any of this crap, but because it was so damn cheap? — Maria Semple

The best thing about Ikea - I'm going to do a quiz here - the names. Do you know what a Floria Fin (ph) is? It's a candle. A Pogestra (ph) - table. A Bar Grick (ph) is a plate, an Eterleeg (ph) is a wine glass and a Scuggle (ph) is the name of my third nipple. — Greg Gutfeld

I have a mother,"replied Hamlet gloomily as he bowed politely and kissed my mother's hand."She shares my uncle's bed."
"They should buy another one, in that case," she replied, practical as ever. "They do a very good deal at IKEA, I'm told ... — Jasper Fforde

Look at this. A barstool, named Sven? Some old Swedish custom, the winter kicks in, weather gets harsh, after a while you find yourself relating to the furniture in ways you didn't expect? — Thomas Pynchon

So I couldn't just pack my blue IKEA sack and go - I had to do the right thing. I had to preserve what was left of the goodness in my soul. But for the record, this was exactly why I never wanted to have friends. So much for being an island. Thanks — Camille Perri

When life throws a wrench in your plans, catch it and build an IKEA bookshelf. — Tyler Oakley

I think it's our unique product selection and the idea that everything we sell only can be purchased at Ikea. — Joseph Roth

If there is such a thing as good leadership, it is to give a good example. I have to do so for all the Ikea employees. — Ingvar Kamprad

...It's not that the worm forgives the plough; it gives it no mind. (Pain occurs, in passing.) (lines 37-39 in the poem 'Fantasia on a Theme from IKEA') — Philip Gross

I live by fallacy. 'If I get enough nice Ikea furniture, I'll be a grown-up.' Then I catch myself. Or, 'If I get off by myself, away from the stress of modern life, I'll be OK.' Then I catch myself. — Chuck Palahniuk

I want to make a positive point of Ikea. It makes income inequality a minor distraction. — Greg Gutfeld

We have to still develop the Ikea group. We need many billions of Swiss francs to take on China or Russia. — Ingvar Kamprad

Simplicity and common sense should characterize planning and strategic direction. — Ingvar Kamprad

Armaeus is presently able to enter Hell bodily, as are you. Any properly equipped mortal may enter a portal at will. Once you're inside, however, getting out is trickier." I frowned. "So it's like an IKEA store?" "In — Jenn Stark

Making mistakes is the privilege of the active. It is always the mediocre people who are negative, who spend their time proving that they were not wrong. — Ingvar Kamprad

Ikea products should come free with happy meals. — Steve Fowler

Is your relationship strong enough to survive a trip to Ikea? Is their furniture strong enough to survive a relationship? Have you ever bought a bed there? — Greg Gutfeld

The South Brooklyn seaside neighborhood was now showing signs of finally succumbing to the real estate developers. As the taxi wound through funky little side streets, I spotted a billboard advertising the IKEA warehouse located just off the Gowanus Expressway. Wine bars and condos wouldn't be far behind. — Nancy A. Collins

We passed through a supermarket, a clothing boutique with the latest in Viking fashions, and an IKEA outlet (naturally). — Rick Riordan

To design a desk which may cost $1,000 is easy for a furniture designer but to design a functional and good desk which shall cost only $50 can only be done by the very best — Ingvar Kamprad

If you look at the CEOs of some the most successful companies in the world like IKEA, they never fly first class. They always go economy. — Gene Simmons

You know you're in a college town when there's a restaurant called "Pancakea." The establishment was a pancake/coffee house, and Choo, Molly, Sig, and I were sitting in a booth arguing about the place and its name and their relative merits. I thought the name was a take on panacea, implying that pancakes are a cure for everything. Sig thought the owner wanted the place to become the IKEA of pancakes. Molly thought that given how large the pancakes were, the title might be a riff on Pangea, the first continental landmass. We all agreed that the owner was probably an ex-college student who couldn't get a job with his or her major, but we couldn't agree on whether that major was philosophy, marketing, anthropology, or just heavy drinking. — Elliott James

I'm a master assembler of Ikea furniture, in case anyone wants to know. — Allison Williams

Questing is hard. Fortunately, Thomas is here to spoon-feed them answers. We're one step away from him giving them an instruction sheet by Ikea, with cartoonish diagrams and a little goddess-slaying allen wrench. — Jim C. Hines

I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship. — Bill Bailey

This bullet can go straight through the couch."
He was right. Fuck Ikea for making such flimsy furniture. — Karina Halle

Want to know the key to a long-lasting relationship? Don't go with your loved one to Ikea. One psychologist says the stress of a visit to the popular furniture store can cause serious friction between couples, whether it's disputes over what to buy or spats while you assemble the items that you bought there. — Juan Williams

Maybe because I can't even put together an IKEA desk, I've never been tempted to think of my own poems as built objects - but I do sometimes imagine them as mathematical constructs. — James Arthur

But I am a big believer in "Intelligent Design," and by that I mean I love IKEA! — Tina Fey

IKEA is not completely perfect. It irritates me to hear it said that IKEA is the best company in the world. We are going the right way to becoming it but we are not there yet. — Ingvar Kamprad

I've never been good at following directions. All you have to do is look at my Ikea bureau with the crooked drawers to figure that one out. — Donna Augustine

Well they're pissed off and they're hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then they're going to IKEA, I guess — Christopher Moore

He took a trip ... up to ... Elliott's house, his mansion rather. Awful place, twelve bedrooms and swimming pool and media hall and five car garage, but cheap and shoddy all the same, like the one next door and next door to that. A row of Ikea houses, such wealthy mediocrity. His very own son. His big, bald son. Who could believe it. The bigness, the baldness, the stupidity. In a house designed to bore the daylight out of visitors, no character at all, all blonde wood and fluorescent lighting and clean white machinery.
Not to mention his brand new wife, number three, a clean white machine herself. Up from the cookie cutter and into Elliott's life, she might as well have jumped out of the microwave, her skin orange, her teeth pearly white. A trophy wife. But why the word "trophy"? Something to shoot on a safari. — Colum McCann

I wasn't a big fan of women trying to fix men, to change them. I always figured there were guys enough out there, so I should look for a total package that was already fully Ikea-assembled - or go without. — Kresley Cole

Ikea people do not drive flashy cars or stay at luxury hotels. — Ingvar Kamprad

The second prong in my revised Trinity is IKEA, the Swedish home store monolith. If you're unfamiliar, they carry every single thing you could possibly ever need to fill your home and garden at low, low prices, but in obscure Swedish sizes so those items won't coordinate with anything else you own, like, say, if you want to put a regular Target lamp shade on your IKEA lamp. Fletch thinks it's Sweden's master plan to make Americans so busy trying to construct furniture with Allen wrenches that we don't notice they've invaded us. (Personally, I think it's payback; the Swedes are pissed that we aren't buying ABBA albums anymore.) — Jen Lancaster

In the future, IKEA will become an ever more spiritual sanctuary. In the future, your dream life will increasingly look like Google street view. Everyone will be feeling the same way as you, and there's some comfort to be found there. — Douglas Coupland

The Tote End (a large and foreboding terrace at Eastville) itself was demolished in the nineties. Sadly a monstrous Ikea store now stands in it's place. Where once tribes of youths performed their rites of passage and bodily fluids flowed in the name of love, hate and pride; Justin and Kate bicker over which wood flooring they should choose. It fucking kills me. — Chris Brown