Hundreds Of Hilarious Quotes & Sayings

If there are any curses left in baseball, they are all on the north side of Chicago. — Tucker Elliot

Oh, nothing can happen more than once, but all things must happen one day. — Michael Ende

My wife thinks I'm a narcissist, but I just think it's hilarious going on YouTube and seeing these covers. There are so many of them - literally hundreds! It's flattering. — Charles Kelley

Love seems to beautify and inspire all nature. It raises the earthly caterpillar into the ethereal butterfly, it paints the feathers in spring, it lights the glowworm's lamp, it wakens the song of birds, and inspires the poet's lay. Even inanimate Nature seems to feel the spell, and flowers glow with the richest colours. — John Lubbock

Me: Morning. How's the thesis coming along?

Maggie: Do you want me to sugar-coat it, or are you honestly giving me an opening to vent?

Me: Wide open. Vent away.

Maggie: I'm miserable, Ridge. I hate it. I work on it for hours every day, and I just want to take a bat to my computer and go all Office Space on it. If this thesis were a child, I'd put it up for adoption and not even think twice about it. If this thesis were a cute, fuzzy puppy, I'd drop it off in the middle of a busy intersection and speed away.

Me: And then you would do a U-turn and go back and pick it up and play with it all night. — Colleen Hoover

Someday, as an exercise, you might ask a writer to give himself the questions he wants to answer. If you really want a writer's opinions, you have to ask for them. What you read might surprise you. — John Fante

This was why trusting boys was just like drinking and driving. Sure, some people too the risk. One or two beers never feels dangerous at the time. And now everyone who drives and drinks gets into an accident. — Siobhan Vivian

I had a few fights last year, but I need to take boxing lessons. I need to, because in the NHL it's required. — Maxim Kuznetsov

Christianity agrees with Dualism that this universe is at war. But it does not think this is a war between independent powers. It thinks it is a civil war, a rebellion, and that we are living in a part of the universe occupied by the rebel. — C.S. Lewis

It doesn't matter who they vote for, they always vote for us ... — Joseph Stalin

More often than not, real life is so rich, complex and unpredictable that it would seem completely implausible in the pages of a novel. — Candice Millard