Humour Coffee Quotes & Sayings

Lectures broke into one's day and were clearly a terrible waste of time, necessary no doubt if you were reading law or medicine or some other vocational subject, but in the case of English, the natural thing to do was talk a lot, listen to music, drink coffee and wine, read books, and go to plays, perhaps be in plays ... — Stephen Fry

If you can put this book down, it means you need more coffee and less sleep. After all, sleep is for the weak which is why I get 8 hours every night and 2 hours during the day and drink de-cafe. — Leviak B. Kelly

Many people claim coffee inspires them, but, as everybody knows, coffee only makes boring people even more boring. — Honore De Balzac

I order six shots.
I drink the first shot with lemon and salt and talk about Isha for 120 seconds.
I drink the second shot with lemon and salt and talk about Isha and our love for 90 seconds.
I drink the third shot with lemon and talk about future plans with wedding for 60 seconds.
I drink the fourth and blabber for 30 seconds.
I drink the fifth, I speak in a language no one can understand for ten seconds or less. I fall down.
When I open my eyes, I see Diwa helping me sit in the car and put on the seat belt. I am knocked out. — Saravana Kumar Murugan

What're you doin' up so early?"
"Says the rancher," [Lainie] replied dryly.
"Funny. Maybe me 'n' Kyle had plans for this morning." [Hank] waggled his eyebrows.
"Maybe you and Kyle should've gotten up sooner." She sipped her coffee. "The early cowboy gets to stick his worm in the cowgirl and all that. — Lorelei James

Her eyes widened. I assumed in alarm, but who the hell knew what was going on in her stubborn head. I took the coffee cup from her hand and rested it on the grass next to mine. I leaned in toward her slowly. Her eyes remained steady on mine. Just as I was so close I could feel her warm erratic breath on my face, her hand landed on my chest.
"What are you doing?" she whispered.
Maintaining eye contact I smiled, reached out, held the back of her head and pulled her closer still. "What I should have done ten years ago." ~ Preston, A Perfect Moment — Becca Lee

Well, Watson, what do you make of it?'
Holmes was sitting with his back to me, and I had given him no sign of my occupation.
'How did you know what I was doing? I believe you have eyes in the back of your head.'
'I have, at least, a well-polished, silver-plated coffee-pot in front of me', said he. — Arthur Conan Doyle

When she emerged, Keith was watching the tiny round window of the under-the-counter washing machine.
"Put your clothes in for a wash," he said. "They were disgusting."
Ginny always thought that the only way of getting clothes clean was by drowning them in scalding water and then whipping them around in a violent centrifugal motion that caused the entire washing machine to vibrate and the floor to shake. You beat them clean. You made them suffer. This machine used about half a cup of water and was about as violent as a toaster, plus it stopped every few minutes, as if it were exhausted from the effort of turning itself.
Sluff, sluff, sluff sluff. Rest. Rest. Rest.
Click.
Sluff, sluff, sluff, sluff. Rest. Rest. Rest.
"Who thought to put a window on a washing machine?" Keith asked. "Does anyone just sit and watch their wash?"
You mean, besides us?"
"Well," he said, "yeah. Is there any coffee? — Maureen Johnson

Doyle: "What is it now, then?"
Cordelia: "Isn't java supposed to be a coffee?"
Doyle: "Ready to abandon the the Web project?"
Cordelia: "No way. We have a chance here to make contact with the millions of people out there who are glued to their computers."
Doyle: "All those millions, shunning human contact. I'll never understand it. Call me old-fashioned, if you like, but I want to interface with a face, not a hunk of plastic and glass."
Cordelia: "Climb out of the Dark Ages, Munchkin man."
Doyle: "It's leprechaun, and either way, I don't appreciate the insult. — John Passarella

Because, as someone who does feng shui for a living, there's no way I could do my feng shui if I was whacked out on crack, because my business is about discerning energy fields, and if you're cracked up, or on pot, or even if you've had too much coffee, the energy field gets all wonky, believe me, I know used to smoke! — George Saunders

I'm on this diet where you're supposed to eat only fish and meat. — Lasse Hallstrom

We live in different times. I would not have described London as a city of gun-toters but that was when Londoners still said sorry when you knock them over and called cappuccinos fluffy coffees & policemen, bobbies! — Tyne O'Connell

I've got a few ideas," (Amy) admitted. "But I don't know where we're going in the long term. I mean - have you ever thought about what this ultimate treasure could be?"
"Something cool." (Dan)
"Oh, that's real helpful. I mean, what could make somebody the most powerful Cahill in history? And why thirty-nine clues?"
Dan shrugged. "Thirty-nine is a sweet number. It's thirteen times three. It's also the sum of five prime numbers in a row - 3,5,7,11,13. And if you add the first three powers of three, 3 to the first, 3 to the second, and s to the third, you get thirty-nine."
Amy stared at him. "How did you know that?"
"What do you mean? It's obvious. — Rick Riordan

All night the angelic made me gasp for breadth and dream of drowning in sand or earth or mud. I got up, my chest still racked, but glad to be finished with the phantasms which magnify a reality difficult enough in itself. Coffee so bitter it was undrinkable. A big roar. Two big roars. No relief. The mornings only consolation was of a faecal nature. Unexpectedly and impeccably i produced a magnificent turd, so long it had to curve at the ends to fit into the bowl. I contemplated fondly the fine chubby little babe of living clay i'd just brought forth, and my zest for life returned. — Michel Tournier

Our sorry idiot life, our idiot existence, idiot not because it has to be but because it is not what it could be with a little more courage and care. — Thomas Merton

Beckenbauer has really gambled all his eggs. — Ron Atkinson

Swinging the door open, I took a sip. All of the coffee in the world wouldn't help if more visitors showed up at my door this early in the morning but the caffeine fortification was a bonus. The delivery guy pushed his clipboard at me. I held up my cup and raided my eyebrows.
We had an entire conversation in the next seven seconds with our eyes and eyebrows.
I told him that I wasn't giving up my coffee for his delivery. He told me that if I'd just sign on the damned dotted line he would get the hell out of here.
I replied in turn that if he'd hold the clipboard instead of shoving it at me (I threw in a nod here for good measure), I'd sign the damned line.
He finally sighed, turned the clipboard around and held the pen out.
I braced the door with my hip, grabbed the pen and scrawled Wilma Flinstone on the paper. — Nicole Hamlett

C is for coffee. Coffee would always be there for her. — Cassandra O'Leary

I spilled my cup of coffee straight onto my crotch. Superior heat retention has its drawbacks. I grimaced as the scalding liquid reached ground zero, but as I did my best to angle my jeans away from the Resnick family's last hope, my seatmate decided to dispose of her hoodie.
I juggled two pressing needs:
1) Protect the nethers.
2) Leer — B. Justin Shier

Our fate and destiny is in our hands. Blaming others for our failures is wrong because we can independently choose our circumstances. Wake up, smell the coffee and roll up your sleeves. — Boniface Kamau Zablon

The first step to achieving all your goals is getting out of bed. Coffee and toast are optional. — Peter James West

Grace will expose the deepest issues of your heart, then point you to the Cross which covers everything that's been exposed. — Paul David Tripp

How come you like Josh so much anyway? All he does is sit around drinking overpriced coffee and bitching about how awful things are"
"He cares about the world."
"If he cared about the world, he'd donate the ten thousand dollars he must spend on coffee every year to charity. That would be doing something. — Elizabeth Scott