Humorous Yet True Quotes & Sayings

Jesus made this diagnosis a long time ago when talking about temptation. "The spirit" - notice the language again - "is willing, but the flesh [the body] is weak." This is very true and largely ignored and forgotten in our day. Habits eat willpower for breakfast. So there is the will, there is the mind, and there is the body. They are working badly, sometimes in ways that are kind of humorous to us, but often in ways that are horrible and unspeakably tragic. — John Ortberg

Mothers of America
let your kids go to the movies!
get them out of the house so they won't know what you're up to
it's true that fresh air is good for the body
but what about the soul
that grows in darkness, embossed by silvery images
and when you grow old as grow old you must
they won't hate you — Frank O'Hara

But what do you care about Qorlec?" went on Dr. Zorgone. "I heard you escaped Alsa Sif V, and immediately upon your departure," he frowned, "you set coordinates for Earth?" He laughed softly, nastily, and Quinn felt anger shiver through her to see the twinkling mockery in his eyes.

"What would your people think to know that, I wonder?" continued Dr. Zorgone, tilting his head. "The first place you ran to wasn't Qorlec, wasn't the ancient home of your 'mighty' ancestors, but the polluted shit-ball of ape people? The true home of the true empress is Earth." His eyes danced over her, searching, hungry. "You speak Roknal and English fluently, but I bet you don't know a damn lick of Aviye. The entirian princess isn't even entirian --"

"What do you want?" Quinn said abruptly.

"What do I want?" repeated Dr. Zorgone, rolling his eyes to the starry sky. "Let's see . . . What do I want? I always wanted an indoor pool."

Quinn's lips tightened. — Ash Gray

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke. — Carroll Bryant

Men never forget true love. They always remember all the women they couldn't have. — Ljupka Cvetanova

A true lover never demands a naked girl with him,rather he feels her presence all the time with him — Nitin Yaduvanshi

Ish #19 If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking? — Regina Griffin

Mom sez I like talk radio, teaching, and consulting 'cuz they ensure captive audiences. True or not (let Freudians decide), I'm driven by a "four eyed" mission to inform, instruct, intrigue, and inspire. Moreover, I like interactivity: If you're listening, I'm listening. Talk with me! — Lisa Tolliver

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick. — Carroll Bryant

Well, looks like you won't be reaching nirvana anytime soon."
She pushed a stray lock of hair off her forehead and sniffed. "Yes, I suppose that's true. I guess I'll just have to settle for a trip to Idaho. — Beth Hoffman

There was a great joke that was forever doing the rounds in the jail and it was probably funny not because it had a humorous punchline but because it was so very true at a deep psychological level. Put anyone in that jail and soon enough they'd actually become a cruel, twisted, sadistic and heartless thug. And some of the prisoners were just as bad. — H.M. Forester

Ish #1 It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles. — Regina Griffin

College = A place where you spend a ton of money for a piece of paper that says you're qualified. — Korey Miracle

Sip tea and coffee with those who say you can,
politely stuff with cookies any who say you cannot.
Because the stuff they are feeding you, be it the latter,
looks strangely a bit like the little chocolate chips. — Tom Althouse

The truckers are staring," I said after a few seconds.
It was true. They were. The whole row of them was doing a bad job of pretending not to look at us.
"We just got engaged," Lucy shouted over to them. "I just asked this man to be my wife."
The men at the counter traded confused looks. I burst out laughing.
"We're glad you and your ass cracks could share this moment with us," she went on. "Seriously. We really are. Those are serious cracks and this is a serious moment. — Nick Burd

My life is measured into two distinct phases . . . BC is before cellulite and AC is for after cellulite. Sad but so true! — Various

I could say how well he dances, but that isn't true, for he dances like that big friendly bear I saw last Christmas. — Winston Graham

A girl with plenty to do is sure to draw the interest of a man who's worth knowing. Be sure to get a hobby girls. — Barbara Jean Coast

If someone lied to you, and you positively know this is true, you may find delight in telling them they are the most honest person you know; continue flattering them, giving them the most wonderful compliments, including how you're so thankful to have such an honest person in such a deceptive world. But, then again, this may very well make you a liar too. — K.R. Royal

Love has been taken away from the poets, and has been brought within the domain of true science. It may prove to be one of the great cosmic elementary forces. When the atom of hydrogen draws the atom of chlorine towards it to form the perfected molecule of hydrochloric acid, the force which it exerts may be intrinsically similar to that which draws me to you. Attraction and repulsion appear to be the primary forces. This is attraction. — Arthur Conan Doyle

To be angered by evil is to partake of it, stupid. - Phrases of Import and Salvation, Chapter IX, The Book of Universal Truths and Other Humorous Anecdotes — Alan Dean Foster

A true Vor, Miles told himself severely, does not bury his face in his liegewoman's breasts and cry
even if he is at a convenient height for it. — Lois McMaster Bujold

Parent could embarrass their kids during the teenage years, but only a true virtuoso could embarrass them into their twenties and beyond. — Danielle Monsch

Do you like him? Ty asked. "Not that I care." "I do," I said, because it was true. Even though it didn't matter anymore. "Not that I care you don't care. Though you clearly do care, and I don't care about that either." "Well, I don't care that you don't care that I don't care. In fact i'm glad. Because, um, if I were seeming someone that I liked, I'd want you to be happy for me.""Are you seeing someone?" I asked, pretty sure he wasn't. "Not that I care. — Sarah Rees Brennan

Verily, for nine hundred years have I lost. Everyone I knew is dead, the empire gone, and who knows in what state the world is left. Should what thy sister reports prove true, much hath changed in the world."
"By the way," Royce mentioned, "No one uses the words 'tis or hath anymore and certainly not thou, thy, or verily. — Michael J. Sullivan

Mummy can we keep him?" Madeleine asked with the wide eyes of a burgeoning crush.
"Darling, little boys make terrible pets," Mrs. Masterson offered with a wink.
"That's not true at all, Mummy. They're hypoallergenic, much easier than dogs," Madeleine said cheekily, "and they almost never have fleas. — Gitty Daneshvari

What is there in the world NOT to love? Other than enemies, drugs, diseases, traffic, morning alarms, people snoring, dishes, folding fitted sheet, YouTube ads, group texts you don't want to be a part of, taxes, unknown callers ... — Me

Ish #153 Artificial plants grow best in artificial light. — Regina Griffin

A great mission by a great woman. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others — Yana Toboso

I'm past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I'd win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda. — Brian MacLearn

As to the strangest claim in the novel: that only 10 percent of the cells in our body are human (and the rest are bacteria and parasites). This is true! There is a wonderful book exploring this topic that is as horrific as it is humorous, Human Wildlife by Dr. Robert Buckman. — James Rollins