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Humorous Truth Quotes & Sayings

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Top Humorous Truth Quotes

Humorous Truth Quotes By Michael Moore

Back in the late '90s, I put together a humorous newsmagazine program called 'The Awful Truth' for Bravo. We helped one guy get an organ transplant whose insurance company had refused to pay. I thought, if we could save a guy's life in a 10-minute segment on cable, what could we do if we devoted a whole movie to a whole bunch of people? — Michael Moore

Humorous Truth Quotes By Ash Gray

Then perhaps you don't need it. I think the scar gives you character, even if it does mar those pretty tattoos. Would make for great tavern stories if you didn't cover it."
Neferre laughed flatly and stuck her hands in her pockets. "There's nothing great about getting mugged, Ziro."
Ziro laughed, her deep voice jiggling her second chin. "Oh, aye. But no one said you had to tell the truth now, did they? — Ash Gray

Humorous Truth Quotes By Julie Powell

It was 10:30 in the morning and I was already running behind. This is hardly unusual, but it pisses me off every single time. — Julie Powell

Humorous Truth Quotes By Jennifer Daydreamer

Jack's doctors have told him he is crazy ... but, the truth is, it's the Voices who are crazy, not him. — Jennifer Daydreamer

Humorous Truth Quotes By Vasily Grossman

Freedom is the right to sow what you want. It's the right to make boots or shoes, it's the right to bake bread from the grain you've sown and to sell it or not sell it as you choose. It's the same whether you're a locksmith or a steelworker or an artist - freedom is the right to live and work as you wish and not as you're ordered to. But there's no freedom for anyone - whether you write books, whether you sow grain, or whether you make boots." That night Ivan Grigoryevich lay — Vasily Grossman

Humorous Truth Quotes By Bangambiki Habyarimana

Prepare for a radio, for nothing is silent like the grave — Bangambiki Habyarimana

Humorous Truth Quotes By David Nicholls

The beauty of the ultrasound scan is something that only parents can appreciate, but Emma had seen these things before and knew what was required of her. 'Beautiful,' she sighed, though in truth it could have been a Polaroid of the inside of his pocket. — David Nicholls

Humorous Truth Quotes By Betsy Cook Speer

I recalled thinking ... His freakishly tidy side could be a problem.
To say that neatness was not my strong suit would be a crime against, well, the truth. — Betsy Cook Speer

Humorous Truth Quotes By Stephan Pastis

Everyone cites [Charles Schulz], but it's with good reason. He taught me timing, tone, character development, practically everything. — Stephan Pastis

Humorous Truth Quotes By Victor Borge

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth. — Victor Borge

Humorous Truth Quotes By M.A. George

I've become remarkably good at blocking impossibly bizarre happenings from my consciousness. Denial can be a beautiful thing. — M.A. George

Humorous Truth Quotes By Desiderius Erasmus

Dulce bellum inexpertis. - War is lovely for those who know nothing about it. — Desiderius Erasmus

Humorous Truth Quotes By Korey Miracle

College = A place where you spend a ton of money for a piece of paper that says you're qualified. — Korey Miracle

Humorous Truth Quotes By Ljupka Cvetanova

There is a perfect marriage. Any marriage counselor can tell you that. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Humorous Truth Quotes By Jenna Blum

My dad, Bob Blum, used to dash across Grand Central's main terminal catwalk several times daily as a young CBS correspondent, running copy from newsroom to studio and back - because CBS' first broadcasts were from Grand Central Terminal. The pictures on people's television sets used to shake when the trains came in! — Jenna Blum

Humorous Truth Quotes By Doris Lessing

Long ago I decided that at a political meeting the truth usually comes out in just such a speech or a remark ignored at the time because its tone is not that of the meeting. Humorous, or satirical, or even angry or bitter - yet it's the truth, and all the long speeches and contributions are nonsense. — Doris Lessing

Humorous Truth Quotes By Seth Shostak

Our brains are continuing to evolve, and perhaps a few tens of thousands of years from now, our descendants will walk around with five pound brains, allowing them insights that we can't imagine. — Seth Shostak

Humorous Truth Quotes By Larry Niven

I don't have a strong interest in history. — Larry Niven

Humorous Truth Quotes By Jack Flanagan

She has a particular penchant for mentally noting how much I drink, how much I eat, how much exercise I get, and the like. These specifics all fall within her purview. So in truth, I don't remember how much I drink; it's not my job. — Jack Flanagan

Humorous Truth Quotes By Stephen King

People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble. — Stephen King

Humorous Truth Quotes By Sarah MacLean

That brow arched once more. "Does it? You think people will believe it when the truth is that I ruined you on an abandoned estate before your father stormed the house with a rifle?"
She hesitated. "I would not call it storming."
"He fired several rounds at my house. If that isn't storming, I don't know what is. — Sarah MacLean

Humorous Truth Quotes By Lailah Gifty Akita

The Truth burns the heart like a hammer breaking a rock. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Humorous Truth Quotes By Julianne Hough

Well, I was in the generation of CDs, so when I moved to L.A., I think I probably brought my Shania Twain 'Come on Over' CD and that's about it. — Julianne Hough

Humorous Truth Quotes By Anna White

Truth: last week I online shopped too much. Then I ate 2 pounds of jelly beans to feel better about that. In fact, while I was trying to read soul-nourishing things all I could think about was shopping and jellybeans. Points to the monkey mind. — Anna White

Humorous Truth Quotes By J.I. Packer

You thank God [for your salvation] because you do not attribute your repenting and believing to your own wisdom, or prudence, or sound judgment, or good sense. — J.I. Packer

Humorous Truth Quotes By Mahatma Gandhi

If my nonviolence is to be contagious and infectious, I must acquire greater control over my thoughts. — Mahatma Gandhi

Humorous Truth Quotes By Mark Twain

I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but will all my heart. To me an opera is the very climax & cap-stone of the absurd, the fantastic the unjustifiable. I hate the very name of opera - partly because of the nights of suffering I have endured in its presence, & partly because I want to love it and can't. — Mark Twain

Humorous Truth Quotes By Michael Chabon

The baby, not too young to start knowing the ledge, the cold truth, the life-and-death facts of it all. 'What kind of heaven is that, you can't have your records?' The baby, understanding perhaps it was purely rhetorical, made no attempt to answer this question. — Michael Chabon

Humorous Truth Quotes By Richard Peck

I'm so far gone that I'm telling the truth. It sounds like a foreign language. — Richard Peck

Humorous Truth Quotes By Gish Jen

In truth, he had always considered the sight of men eating croissants slightly ridiculous, especially at the beginning, when for the first bite they had to maneuver the point of the crescent into their mouths. No matter what a person did, he ended up with an asymmetrical mouthful of pastry, which he then had to relocate with his tongue to a more central location. This made him look less purposive than he might. Also, croissants were more apt than other breakfast foods to spray little flakes all over one's clean dark suit. Art himself had accordingly never ordered a croissant in any working situation, and he believed that attention to this sort of detail was how it was that he had not lost his job like so many of his colleagues. — Gish Jen

Humorous Truth Quotes By Kilroy J. Oldster

We are the directors of our own life, creating our own version of truth, which can be humorous, pleasurable, miserable, brutal, or stupid. Reconciling loss and misfortune can provide a sense of sublimity or catharsis. — Kilroy J. Oldster

Humorous Truth Quotes By Thomas Jefferson

The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper. — Thomas Jefferson

Humorous Truth Quotes By Nitin Yaduvanshi

Only few moments of love has greater value than entire life — Nitin Yaduvanshi

Humorous Truth Quotes By Will Schwalbe

When you're with someone who is dying, you may need to celebrate the past, live the present, and mourn the future all at the same time. — Will Schwalbe

Humorous Truth Quotes By Bram Stoker

Then she paused, and I could hear the churning sound of her tongue as it licked her teeth and lips, and could feel the hot breath on my neck. Then the skin of my throat began to tingle as one's flesh does when the hand that is to tickle it approaches nearer- nearer. I could feel the soft, shivering touch of the lips on the supersensitive skin of my throat, and the hard dents of two sharp teeth, just touching and pausing there. I closed my eyes in a languorous ecstasy and waited- waited with beating heart. — Bram Stoker

Humorous Truth Quotes By K.J. Parker

But how do we know it's really you? I mean, I could put a saucepan on my head and call myself the God of Boiled Dumplings; wouldn't mean I was telling the truth. — K.J. Parker

Humorous Truth Quotes By Mark W. Boyer

Whenever I'm running an hour late for for work, it always makes me feel better when I can leave an hour early at the end of the day to make up for it. — Mark W. Boyer