Humorous Religious Quotes & Sayings

If god is dead, who's going to fix this mess? — Satoshi Kon

And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now. — Sarah Silverman

In short," Dolan said, "if I try to fuck with Limbus, I'll end up on the street corner wearing a tinfoil hat. — Jonathan Maberry

Two persons love in one another the future good which they aid one another to unfold. — Margaret Fuller

We had a poster of the Davis Cup in 1986. It was in Prague, the Czech Republic against Sweden, and we went to watch, so I got the poster. You couldn't get all the posters. You were lucky if you got one. — Martina Hingis

Long before the word Zionism was uttered for the first time, old religious Jews came from all over the world to die in Jerusalem. It is the finest place to die in - it has always been acknowledged. It has a joie de mourir quite its own. — George Mikes

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious
unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force. — Mark Twain

Most people have this perception that you have to be out there running for an hour and a half every day. But you don't have to give up your career and family to run a marathon. — Jeff Galloway

The trouble with me is, I belong to a vanishing race. I'm one of the intellectuals. — Robert E. Sherwood

I turned forty this year. Forty! Which is so weird because I've always been young. I've been young my whole life, as a matter of fact. No matter how I dissect this, I've aged out of the "young" category and graduated to the "middle" group. My brain feels confused about this because I am so juvenile. I make up my own words to hip-hop songs and quote Paul Rudd as a parenting strategy. Surely I am a preteen. — Jen Hatmaker

Just because you can picture something does not make it so. — Lemony Snicket

Life is about more that quotes about life — John Chaplin

Ah, sinner, may the Lord quicken thee! But it is a work that makes the Saviour weep. I think when He comes to call some of you from your death in sin, He comes weeping and sighing for you. There is a stone that is to be rolled away
your bad and evil habits
and when that stone is taken away, a still small voice will not do for you; it must be the loud crashing voice, like the voice of the Lord which breaketh the cedars of Lebanon. — Charles Spurgeon

No one knows the fear in a front runner's mind more than me. When you set off at a cracking pace for four or five laps and find that your main rivals are still breathing down your neck, that's when you start to panic. — Ron Clarke

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobbledygook than the rest of the world put together. — Peter Medawar

If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic. — Woody Allen

I basically try to visualize the team doing good things on the court the night before the game. I get shots up. There's not actually a pregame ritual that I do. I'm still trying to figure that out. I say a prayer. I go out with confidence. — Trey Burke

Being a monk was the strangest and most perverted way of life imaginable. Monks spent half their lives putting themselves through pain and discomfort that they could easily avoid, and the other half muttering meaningless mumbo jumbo in empty churches at all hours of the day and night. They deliberately shunned anything good - girls, sports, feasting and family life. — Ken Follett

I can't go back and change the hands of time but what I can do is create a new legacy. — Eric Thomas