Humorous Philosophy Quotes & Sayings

A comedian is better than a politician; at least there is no doubt. — Bangambiki Habyarimana

Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened? — Carroll Bryant

Oh, that's just Thud! That's easy!" yapped a voice.
Both men turned to look at Horsefry, who had been made perky by sheer relief.
"I used to play it when I was a kid," he burbled. It's boring. The dwarfs always win!"
Gilt and Vetinari shared a look. It said: While I loathe you and every aspect of your personal philosophy to a depth unplummable by any line, I'll credit you at least with not being Crispin Horsefry. — Terry Pratchett

A goat's frown cannot stop it from being taken to the market. — Nigeria

I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive. — E.A. Bucchianeri

One acronym to live by: PDADP, meaning Personal Displays of Affection Disturb People. — Michelle A. Lammers

[ ... ] for the philosophy of Square rendered him superior to all emotions, and he very calmly smoaked his pipe, as was his custom in all broils, unless when he apprehended some danger of having it broke in his mouth. — Henry Fielding

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave. — Mo Willems

If Socrates was alive today he would say : I know that I know everything. That's what contemporary philosophers do. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Never underestimate the audacity of the small minded and slightly crapulous.
A rather bleezed young neighbour decided to have a grammar battle with me. It lasted all of two seconds.
I said something slightly amicable, and he responded with, "You sure that's how you use that word?"
I put down my laundry basket and turned to him slowly and deliberately.
"Do you really want to have this discussion with me, son, or do you want to go home and rethink your life?"
He grumbled and vanished. — Michelle Franklin

The better organized the state, the duller its humanity. — David Mitchell

I strive for perfection - I settle for satisfaction — Carroll Bryant

The Church's teaching isn't an official statement, but the cumulative understanding of all the people who have loved and experienced Jesus through time. — Frederica Mathewes-Green

Men should either be clean shaven, mustached or wear full beards. "That little wisp looks like it was just the best he could do," she thought, — Margaret Mitchell

First, there was Confucius. Then, the sayings of Chairman Mao. And now the pithy, ironic, and humorous insights of Ai Weiwei. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this collection, which reflects a well-developed philosophy as well as a keen understanding of the Chinese Communist system. This is China made easy and interesting. — Jerome A. Cohen

You are an old pig!'one of them said to the other. 'And that is worse than being a young one. — Ivan Turgenev

It' s easy to weep when staying far away, doing nothing. — Steven Erikson

She has a particular penchant for mentally noting how much I drink, how much I eat, how much exercise I get, and the like. These specifics all fall within her purview. So in truth, I don't remember how much I drink; it's not my job. — Jack Flanagan

When Mr.Cunningham ran outside during the battle shouting "Hurrah for Jeff Davis!", a Union shot clipped his ear. Mr.Cunningham ran back inside his house. His cheering was over for the day. — Clint Johnson

I would rather write a book without a title if my true friend chooses to live in a million dollar home in London and acts foreign. — Duop Chak Wuol

The job market, however, proved distressingly uncooperative. All of the local barista positions had been filled by more enterprising philosophy majors, and Arthur lacked the skills to do much beyond make a cup of coffee. — J. Zachary Pike

It's hard to tread lightly when you continue to accumulate. — Craig Smedley

Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection. — Carroll Bryant

Hindsight is usually more tragic than helpful. — Linda S. Godfrey

Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win. — Jacob M. Appel

Life is about more that quotes about life — John Chaplin

And if anyone asks, you're Chinese. The boy had nodded. "Chinese," he whispered. "I'm Chinese." "And I," said the girl, "am the Queen of Spain." "In your dreams," said the boy. "In my dreams," said the girl, "I'm the King. — Julie Otsuka

Nothing optional
from homosexuality to adultery
is ever made punishable unless those who do the prohibiting (and exact the fierce punishment) have a repressed desire to participate. — Christopher Hitchens

Sicily is paradise. I live in paradise. Now pass the pasta please. — Alfred Zappala

I have this thing I say to myself that 'tomorrow can be better.' And I remember that period in my life where I never felt like tomorrow could be better. It was always dread for the next day. — Clara Hughes

President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his? — Jay Leno

The wonderful poems interpreting with equal magic the romance of strange lands and times, or the modern soul, naked and unashamed, as if clothed in its own complexity; the humorous-tragic questionings of the universe; the delicious travel-pictures and fantasies; the lucid criticisms of art, and politics, and philosophy, informed with malicious wisdom, shimmering with poetry and wit. — Israel Zangwill

Eva Stachniak has given readers a thrilling glimpse into the scandals and secrets at the heart of the Russian Imperial court. With deft prose and exquisite detail, Stachniak has resurrected one of the most compelling ages in history. Turn off the phones and lock the doors - you will not put it down. — Deanna Raybourn

A growing body of evidence suggests that humans do have a rudimentary moral sense from the very start of life. — Paul Bloom

The Greeks, it will be recalled, regarded Eros, the god of love, as the eldest of the gods; but also as the youngest, born fresh and dewy-eyed in every living heart. — Joseph Campbell

I've been coerced into free will. — Brian Spellman

This is no tall story. Nor is it a short story. Indeed, a story cannot be measured, for their realities stretch far beyond a page or one person's life. — Leah Broadby

Do you live each day as if it's your first or your last? Either way you should probably have a diaper on. — Ellen DeGeneres

The world is made up of words. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch. — Lili St. Crow