Humorous Oxymoron Quotes & Sayings

I take everything with a grain of salt. — Hope Solo

If something is expensive to develop, and somebody's not going to get paid, it won't get developed. So you decide: Do you want software to be written, or not? — Bill Gates

If the Barbarians are destroyed, who will we then be able to blame for the bad things? — Angela Carter

I need to learn not just to forget but to forgive. — Haruki Murakami

I kind of feel like we're all humans; we all live on this planet. I kind of always wish there was more of a partnership - a really healthy relationship between people, working together to do things and make it good and change. — Robert Coppola Schwartzman

I enjoy sex as much as Joe Namath, only I do it with one girl. — Roger Staubach

Alan Blunt got in touch with me and asked me to put you up here for the rest of the week, to pretend that you're my son. I have to say, you don't look anything like me."
"I don't look anything like myself either," Alex said. — Anthony Horowitz

Here's what I'm going to have to say to all of you. If some of you have demons in your head who talk to you in profanity or whatever, don't let your demon shoot down your rock music, don't let your demon keep you off the joy bus. So like I say, Rock music pays off. — Wesley Willis

No matter how many scores I've written, the next project will hopefully be completely different. As hard as it is, I'm always trying to stay fresh, not repeat myself, and come up with original musical ideas and ways of scoring. — John Keltonic

I was a walking, talking hunk of human poop, — Ted Nugent

I've had jobs that allow me the flexibility to achieve work-life balance, to be there when one of the kids sinks a jump shot or for the parent-teacher meetings. I can move tasks around. If I don't get something done at the office at 4:30 in the afternoon, I can go back to it at 10:00 in the evening. — Thomas Perez

The author found participants in a study able to come up with more reasons to support their position but not anymore likely to change their minds based on contradictory evidence. In effect, they enlist their IQ on behalf of their instincts. — Jonathan Haidt

Well, good night," he said cheerfully. "Thanks for dinner."
"Oh. Right." I took a half step back toward the house. "You're welcome."
"Ella."
"Yeah?"
"You've gotta be kidding."
PECo hadn't some yet, so it was pretty dark where we were standing. I don't know how his hand found mine so fast, but one second I was thinking about how much I didn't want to say good night, and the next I was up against his chest, standing on my toes with my feet between his.
"Is this okay?" he asked, his breath chocolaty and warm against my forehead.
"Yeah," I answered, my own breath coming in quick little jumps. "Yeah."
"Good.I have something I have to tell you."
I waited.
"I hate that Klimt painting," he said. "I really hate it."
Then he was folding me into his coat and his face was right above mine, and there was only one kiss that mattered. — Melissa Jensen

[F]or academic men to be happy, the universe would have to take shape. All of philosophy has no other goal: it is a matter of giving a frock coat to what is, a mathematical frock coat. On the other hand, affirming that the universe resembles nothing and is only formless amounts to saying that the universe is something like a spider or spit. — Georges Bataille

I guess I'd never formed any hard opinions of '80s fashion, other than that it was pretty outrageous, you know. — Brendan Dooling