Humorous Jokes Quotes & Sayings

I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace. — Fakeer Ishavardas

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman - unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes ... — Woody Allen

Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience. — Jane Austen

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes. — Mark Twain

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket. — Groucho Marx

Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Bathroom, huh? OK.' she tittered nervously. 'I'll carry you. Just don't pee on me.'
Helen laughed gratefully. Aridane was making an embarrassing situation as humorous as possible so Helen would feel more comfortable.
It was something Claire would have done. Helen was still embarrassed, but with a few jokes and little bit of tact they both made it through. — Josephine Angelini

He may wear what he likes in the future, for I shall never drive with him again. His conduct was shocking. When we passed Highgate Archway, he tried to pass everything and everybody. He shouted to respectable people who were walking quietly in the road to get out of the way; he flicked at the horse of an old man who was riding, causing it to rear; and, as I had to ride backwards, I was compelled to face a gang of roughs in a donkey-cart, whom Lupin had chaffed, and who turned and followed us for nearly a mile, bellowing, indulging in coarse jokes and laughter, to say nothing of occasionally pelting us with orange-peel. — George Grossmith

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Had a cold hummus with pita bread,
Under a delicious food, yellow or red.
Might just have the appetite to cook
Urgent dinner by hook or crook.
So that's just a humus humor spread. — Ana Claudia Antunes

There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere. — Mose Allison

My medication must be wearing off I'm starting to think my jokes are funny. — Stanley Victor Paskavich