Humor Wolf Quotes & Sayings

I was trying to decide if you still had free will as a wolf. If I was a terrible person for planning to drug my girlfriend and drag her back to my house to keep in the basement. — Maggie Stiefvater

I sheep's idea of bravery : To become a wolf's pet. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Was he hitting some type of werewolf midlife crisis? First, he'd left Wolf Town, and now he was envisioning a mate. What next? Bird watching? Board games? Retirement homes? — Rose Wynters

What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf? — Eoin Colfer

Well, isn't this just perfect," Kyle commented. "We need to go rough up a big bad wolf, and half the pack is already leaving. — Jody Morse

Well, you are a wolf, I don't think it's a good idea to start the habit of you sleeping in the bed, you know, with all the shedding and what-not. — Quinn Loftis

Ello, love. Fancy a cuppa?"
"You're not British, Isis," Naomi says.
"I can be things," I insist. — Sara Wolf

He moved forward cautiously. He circled it, sniffed it, whapped it with a paw. Then he found the product tag and stared at it for a minute. Turning toward her, he lifted a lip in something that might have been a sneer.
"I know it says it's a dog bed, but I'm sure a Wolf can use it," Meg said.
Nothing but grumbly sounds from the Wolf.
"Fine. If you want to lie on a cold, hard floor instead of something comfy and warm just because Wolf is spelled d-o-g, you go right ahead. — Anne Bishop

Brett will need some clothes if someone can drop some by."
"All we need is a bear rug," Meghan said. — Terry Spear

Yes, my style sucks. But at least I didn't bowl half a game with a nacho stuck to my ass. — Sara Wolf

Jiminy," says the old woman. The mothballs gleam with excitement and she claps her hands. "A wolf!"
"Gram!" Siobhan glares across the room. She turns to me. "You'll have to excuse her. She's real old. Wasn't a lot integrating between the species back in her day."
I pad over and put out a paw. "Pleased to meet you, madam."
She blushes, the varicose veins in her cheeks swelling with blood. Instead of taking my paw to shake, however, she turns it over as if it's a piece of bruised fruit in a market. "Hmmm ... " She pores over my palm, nodding like a fortune-teller. Her spectacles slide comically down the bridge of her nose, and when she looks up at me, her face is full of mock astonishment. "Oh, my! What big teeth you have!" She giggles and kicks her slippered feet.
"Gram!!
The old elf claps her tiny hands. "I always wanted to say that! — Robert Paul Weston

Zorro pulled her into his arms and crushed her against his body, kissing her soundly on the mouth.
"My, what a big sword you have, sir," she said, sweeping her hand over his sheathed sword.
"I'm fully armed," he said, "with that and more. — Terry Spear

'He'll probably end up angling for a threesome. Then I'll have to get my animal name so I can be a part of the group. So Native American of you white boys. I'll probably go for something like Falcon. Or Wolf.'
'Jackass suits you better,' Anna intones. — T.J. Klune

She stared at his sharp teeth and swallowed the lump
that formed in her throat. "Um, you look scary when you
show your ... uh ... teeth. They look really sharp."
He didn't get angry. In fact, her words seemed to
amuse him greatly. "The better to eat you with," he
teased softly.
Tammy's heart flipped inside her chest. "That's a bad
joke, right? Please tell me you're just kidding."
"I'm not a wolf."
"I'm not wearing red."
"I still want to eat you. — Laurann Dohner

What do you mean? Leslie's voice was cool, as if she questioned witches who were flat on their backs being threatened by werewolves every day. — Patricia Briggs

How did you find me? If you hacked into the Club's computer to look up my appointments - "
"Whoa, I think you overestimate me, shitlord. Last time I checked all I did was be in the wrong place at the right time. I saw you and had to - "
"Stalk me."
" - delicately approach you. In a sideways manner. From behind. Without being seen at all. For ten minutes. — Sara Wolf

How about if you turn over, baby?" Wolf licked his way up Tristan's back to nibble at the spot between his shoulder blades. "And we can take turns working our way through these condoms my mom brought us. — Rhys Ford

Don't come any closer!" Scarlet yelled. The chicken clucked and dawdled away. "I will shoot, you know."
"I know." A flicker of kindness passed over him and he pointed at his temple. "You'll want to aim for the head. That usually makes for a fatal shot. Or, if you're feeling shaky, the torso. It's a larger target."
"Your head looks pretty big from here. — Marissa Meyer

The woods grew increasingly dense as Wolf walked farther from the castle. A hoot from an owl just overhead made Aralorn-the-mouse cringe tighter against his neck. "Lots of nasties in these woods," she said in a mouselike voice devoid of all but a hint of humor.
"And I," announced Wolf in a grim voice that was designed to let Aralorn know that it was time to be serious, "am the nastiest of all."
"Are you really?" asked Aralorn in an interested sort of tone. "Oh, I just adore nasties."
Wolf stopped and looked at the mouse sitting innocently on his shoulder. Most people cowered under that look. Aralorn began, industriously, to clean her whiskers. When Wolf started to walk again, though, she said in a stage whisper, "I really do, you know. — Patricia Briggs

Are you sure that's Val?"
"No," said Freddie. "It's Lassie in a wolf suit. — Debra Doyle

:We aren't leaving here,: Cricket answered sleepily
:Oh, but we are,: insisted the wolf with confidence. :You have bigger business about you than lingering here in bird paradise.:
After everything that had happened with Neferre, Cricket knew the wolf's words were true but decided to ignore them. :They don't like being called birds,: she scolded. :And do you have gas? Ugh.:
:Just the same,: said the wolf evenly, :time will take us from here. Be prepared when that happens.: — Ash Gray

Traveling through the Dragon's Den, it has just been explained that Haroun, the Ifrit, has been caught in a mirror trap. Here is the passage that follows:
"So," said Silas. "Now there are only three of us."
"And a pig," said Kandar [the mummy]
"Why?" Asked Miss Lupescu, with a wolf-tongue, through wolf teeth. "Why the Pig?"
"It's lucky," said Kandar.
Miss Lupescu growled, unconvinced.
"Did Haroun have a pig?" asked Kandar, simply. — Neil Gaiman

Luke rose to his feet. "I'm taking five minutes for some air. I'll be back. " He felt them watching him as he made his way to the front doorsall of them, even Amatis. Senhor Monteverde whispered something to his wife in Portuguese; Luke caught "lobo", the word for "wolf", in the stream of words. They probably think I'm going outside to run in circles and bark at the moon. — Cassandra Clare

Part of being human is having a sense of humor. — Patrick Wolf

Is it? Because that picture of me was taken by my old school's yearbook club, and they put it in the section titled 'STUDENT FAILSAUCES! XD.
What's an XD?
A sideways laughing face of horrendous proportions. Don't change the subject. — Sara Wolf

Hello, I'm a human. My job is to hunt things and hope that my egotism soars after I kill countless creatures that didn't stand a chance against running away, or harming me, in the first place....Also, I stink of week old carcass. — Kyle Smith

Two closets wait to be filled with shoes or condoms or failed exams or whatever else college kids fill empty spaces with. Broken dreams, maybe. — Sara Wolf

Come! Come sit by me. It's a nice bench. Nice and lovely on the butt."
"You're drunk."
"Yeah, and you're ugly, but do I complain about it? No! Because I don't complain about things that I can't change. That's called intelligence. — Sara Wolf

Wyoming, to Annie, was represented by a blank, bleak space in her imagination. It was a place she could hide. The worst that could happen would be that she would sleep with Daniel and then get eaten by a wolf. She could live with that. — Kevin Wilson

There are some dogs which, when you meet them, remind you that, despite thousands of years of man-made evolution, every dog is still only two meals away from being a wolf. These dogs advance deliberately, purposefully, the wilderness made flesh, their teeth yellow, their breath a-stink, while in the distance their owners witter, "He's an old soppy really, just poke him if he's a nuisance," and in the green of their eyes the red campfires of the Pleistocene gleam and flicker. — Neil Gaiman

She'll be back," Ranger said. "But not tonight."
[Stephanie] "How'd you get her to leave?"
"Told her I was gonna spend the next twelve hours ruining you for all other men, and so she might as well go home."
I could feel the heat rush to my face.
Ranger gave me the wolf smile. "I lied about it being tonight," he said. — Janet Evanovich

Fortunately, he'd found that most people were easy to locate at five thirty in the morning. — Patricia Briggs

She paused and the looked at Decebel 'except you. You might as well put on a tuu, a tiara, and carry a scepter because you're the queen of the idiot procession! — Quinn Loftis

The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."
Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way. — James Finn Garner

She is so tiresome. 'Am I a vampire, am I a wolf, am I a vampire, am I a wolf, I cannot decide, so I'll be both! — Melika Dannese Lux

Now why do I feel like Little Red Riding Hood?" Daisy asked.
Trav flashed a toothy smile and lunged for her neck. She squealed and squirmed, but he held on and chomped gently down her neck.
She smacked his arm because she liked that a little too much. "Back off, Big Bad Wolf. — Kylie Gilmore

She sighed, annoyed at her restlessness. "So," she said, disrupting Wolf in another backward glance.
"Who would win in a fight - you or a pack of wolves?"
He frowned at her, all seriousness. "Depends," he said, slowly, like he was trying to figure out her motive for asking. "How big is the pack?"
"I don't know, what's normal? Six?"
"I could win against six," he said. "Any more than that and it could be a close call."
Scarlet smirked. "You're not in danger of low self-esteem, at least."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing at all." She kicked a stone from their path. "How about you and ... a lion?"
"A cat? Don't insult me."
She laughed, the sound sharp and surprising. "How about a bear?"
"Why, do you see one out there?"
"Not yet, but I want to be prepared in case I have to rescue you."
The smile she'd been waiting for warmed his face, a glint of white teeth flashing. "I'm not sure. I've never had to fight a bear before. — Marissa Meyer

Don't you have a house to blow down? — Angela Parkhurst

I'll see you there little Red.' Fane's voice faded out of her mind and she could feel his humor. Oh, wasn't he just too cute, picking up on her two best friends' idea of a sick joke - to turn her into the little girl who almost wound up as the wolf's dinner.
"My, what big eyes you have, wolf-man," Jacque said out loud, unable to stop her sarcasm from boiling up.
"The better to see you with love," Jen chimed in.
"What big ears you have!" Sally continued their comic relief.
"The better to hear you with my love," Jen followed.
"What big teeth you have!" Sally mocked, her hands on either side of her face.
"The better to eat you with my love," Jen cackled, but she wasn't finished. True to Jen form she added her own twisted sense of humour. "My, what a big-"
Sally slapped a hand over her mouth, quickly realising where Jen was going with that statement. — Quinn Loftis

I made a sudden decision. "and my dog has followed me from town and cought up with us here. I left him with friends, but he must have chewed his rope. here, boy, come to heel."
I'll chew your heel off for you, Nighteyes offerd savagely, but he came, following me out into the cleared yard.
"Damn big dog," Nick observed. He leaned forward. "looks more than half a wolf to me."
"Some in Farrow have told me that. It's a buck breed. We use them for harding sheep."
You will pay for this. I promise you.
In answer I leaned down to pat his shoulder and then scratch his ears. Wag your tail, Nighteyes.
"He's a loyal old dog. I should have known he wouldn't be left behind."
The things i endure for you. He wagged his tail. Once. — Robin Hobb

The Wolf snarled, tensing his muscles, as if he wished he could climb the tree after the feline. "One day I will catch you on the ground, cat," he said through bared teeth. "And you won't even know I'm there until I tear your head off." "You have been saying that since before humans had fire, dog," Grimalkin replied, completely undisturbed. "You'll have to forgive me if I don't hold my breath."
- The Big Bad Wolf and Grimalkin — Julie Kagawa

All storytelling is a form of travel. All of the things you know you should do when traveling this world apple in Elfland as well. The Charms will open the doors to strange and wondrous lands, so some travel tips and runic etiquette may be in order: Be polite. Don't take anything without asking. Laugh at their jokes. Remember, humor is sacred: so is hospitality. Beware of the dark woods at night. Do not trust the wolf in winter. Take notes. Sing for your supper. Pack extra sandwiches. Bring fine gifts. Always tell a story when asked. Listen as if your life depended on it. Start early. Walk the land. Keep your eyes open. Travel wisely and well. Come back safe and sound. — Ari Berk

Do you believe in ghosts? — Terry Spear

Oh. Sure. It makes perfect sense. Zane is a wolf because his father is an eagle. — C.J. Milbrandt

Fishing and ear scratching the two reasons men were given hands. — Robin Hobb

Badgers swarm out of the sand;
Talk and walk, don't run or stand.
Pritaries bite and bite again;
Kick and shout and run like wind."

Payne checked the small clock again. "Aye," he cut in. "Black Wolf never did get that last verse right. What she should have said was, 'Pritaries like to bite your ass; best to run away real fast. — Tara K. Harper

Is there some kind of rule for when Sam should be a boy and when he's a Wolf?"
"A Wolf lifts his leg and yellows up the snow. A boy has to use the toilet."
"And that will work?"
"Only if he needs to pee. — Anne Bishop

:She still didn't have to lock you in a box,: said the wolf, emerging from Cricket's thoughts. :If she does that again, I will eat her.:
Cricket laughed. :You wouldn't do that.:
:No, I would not. But as your companion and protector, I must bristle and play the part.: — Ash Gray

Like what? Like he's the big bad wolf and you're Little Red Riding Hood? Like he wants to put your chubby ass in a hole, starve you to death and skin you to make a woman suit? — Gisele Walko

I will pull your pancreas out through your nose and feed it back to you in a drip inserted into your anus is that clear? — Sara Wolf

Unless the she-wolf agrees, there's always a chance of rejection. — Terry Spear

You can do this, Adria. Don't wolf-out on me, especially not in my lap, alright? These are my favorite jeans. — J.A. Redmerski

He makes it sound so Zen. Or Jedi. Like some kind of Wolf Yoda. There is no try. And maybe that's all there is to it. Don't over-think the shift. Just embrace the form that I want to be in. — Kat Kruger

Television is a dirty business. To survive in it you have to be part weasel, part python, and part wolf. To succeed in it, you have to be 99.9 percent great white shark. The capacity for barefaced lying also comes in handy, particularly if you are freelance. — Matt Dickinson

Most kids don't believe in fairy tales very long. Once they hit six or seven they put away "Cinderella" and
her shoe fetish, "The Three Little Pigs" with their violation of building codes, "Miss Muffet" and her
well-shaped tuffet - all forgotten or discounted. And maybe that's the way it has to be. To survive in the
world, you have to give up the fantasies, the make-believe. The only trouble is that it's not all
make-believe. Some parts of the fairy tales are all too real, all too true. There might not be a Red Riding
Hood, but there is a Big Bad Wolf. No Snow White, but definitely an Evil Queen. No obnoxiously cute
blond tots, but a child-eating witch ... yeah. Oh yeah. — Rob Thurman

He made my life hell. Him and Tonto over there." Daniel glared toward Nick. "Poor little Clay. He has problems. He's had a tough life. You should be nice to him. You should make friends with him. That's all I ever heard. All they saw was a cute little runt of a wolf cub. He bared his teeth and they
thought it was cute. He ordered us around like a miniature Napoleon and they thought it was cute. Well, it wasn't cute from where I was standing. It was - "
I held up my hand. "You're ranting."
"What?"
"Just wanted to let you know. You're ranting. It's kinda ugly. Next thing you know, you'll be laying out your plans for world domination. That's what all villains do after they rant about their motivation. I was hoping you'd be different. — Kelley Armstrong

The wolf sniffed beneath the door to be sure this was a human cottage. The scent was undeniable. No pigs, except in bacon form. The wolf thought bacon form was a very sensible way for pigs to behave. — Vivian Vande Velde

You are, however, surprisingly light of touch."
"Pardon?"
"The way you're holding my hand. I always thought you'd be more of a mauler. Like a diseased wolf chewing the knuckles off me fist."
"That's very nice."
"Not really."
"I was being sarcastic."
"Oh. I see. Where are we? — G.A. Aiken

I cannot, for the life of me, remember what we were just conversing about! Alas. I will forever remember this time we spent together affectionately and oh god I remember now you pervert!"
"You were the one who shouted 'sex'!" He hisses.
"You were the one who was born, so really I think that's the root of the problem. — Sara Wolf

I'll make it pleasurable for you, Injun, he promised. And we'll do it face to face, so your wolf won't think I'm dominating you. No doggy style. — Charlie Richards

Captain! To your left there's a Lunar guard and on your right is a doctor who's running tests on Lunars and I'm being held by one of Levana's wolf hybrids and please be careful!"
Thorne took a step back into the hallway a gun from his waistband. He spent a moment swiveling the barrel of the gun in each direction, but nobody moved to attack him.
With some surprise, Cress realized that the operative's grip had weakened.
"Er ... " Thorne furrowed his brow, aiming the gun somewhere near the window. "Could you describe all those threats again because I feel like I missed something. — Marissa Meyer

Thank God (my wife) and I were both born poor
so the concept of fidelity was allowed to take root in us. — Allan Wolf

Knees suddenly weak, she reached for his forearms to stabilize herself. "You came for me."
He beamed, looking for all the world like a selfless, daring hero.
"Don't sound so surprised." Dropping the cane, he pulled her into a crushing embrace that tore her away from Wolf and lifted her clean off the floor. "It turns out you are worth a lot of money on the black market. — Marissa Meyer

Anna followed, keeping a sharp eye out for things he might back into or over. She wondered if Isaac did this all the time-and, if so, how he avoided getting photos in the paper with captions like "Local Alpha Trips Over Child" or "Wolf Versus Street Sign, Street Sign Wins. — Patricia Briggs

Wolf hated the female tailless. He'd hated her from the first moment he'd smelt her, as she pointed the long claw that flies at his pack brother. What a thing to do! As if Tall Tail-less was some kind of prey! ... Didn't she know that he was the lead wolf? She was so sharp and disrespectful when she yipped at him in tail-less talk. Why didn't Tall Tail-less just snarl and chase her away? — Michelle Paver

You weren't afraid of me when I was Wolf," he said. "Why are you afraid of Nathan?"
"He's got big feet!"
"What?"
An insulted-sounding arrroooo came from the other side of the door, a reminder that Wolves also had big ears. — Anne Bishop

A gentleman is simply a patient wolf. — Lana Turner

I would love to slap you right now, but I'm currently wielding a nine pound ball and I'm afraid that would be called murder. — Sara Wolf

Great. The part of the lovable dog will be played by Cody the Wolf. - Cody Forester, Werewolf Asylum — Roxanne Smolen

Well, you know. Some people are like wolves and some are like bears. And bears and wolves don't go together. You don't see me trying to convince you to be a wolf? So, why are you trying to convince me to be a bear?"
I could hear him blinking on the other side of the line. "Can you translate that into English?"
"Wolves mate for life. Bears hit and run. — Candice Raquel Lee

So I know you must have a plan and this wolf - "
"Beast," Min said.
" - frog, whatever, can't fit your plan."
"He's not a frog," Min said. "I kissed him and he did not turn into a prince."He turned into a god. No,
he didn't . "Look, I'm never going to see him again, so everybody can relax. — Jennifer Crusie

Anyway, I like you but you're ruining my life. Bye. — Sara Wolf

Ugh!' snarled the Wolf, as he limped through the brushwood with his tail between his legs, 'this is perfectly monstrous weather. Why doesn't the Government look to it? — Oscar Wilde

What if the only non-humans the two-legs know," she mused, "are the Cousin-kind? How stupid they would believe all others who walk the earth to be! — Jane Lindskold

Everything happens all the time forever, and this would be a terrifying concept if I wasn't so enlightened and in-tune with the natural forces of the universe, which include but aren't limited to; A. taco salad, B. taco salad, and C. my own glorious ass (glorioass). — Sara Wolf

Little Red Riding Hood got what she deserved. You don't go walking in the woods alone if you want to avoid wolves."
I was about to say something in response, but Nicky Ballard did it for me. "You could say that about the wolf, too. If you go around attacking defenseless girls, you can expect payback. — Carol Goodman

My colleague deciphered some bits of the writing on the wolf-totem jar. He found a smattering of words and phrases that spoke of death and destruction. Nothing more."
"So basically a waning label," Painter said.
Kowalski frowned, "Why didn't they just slap it with a skull and crossbones to begin with? It would've saved everyone a bunch of trouble. — James Rollins

If you're reading this, I'm either a wolf for good, or you're Ulrik and you should get the hell out of my stuff. — Maggie Stiefvater

B, hows your aim? — Quinn Loftis

New rules. If you are smart enough to live, you won't hit Charles's mate in front of his father. — Patricia Briggs

(Wolf) shrugged, without a hint of self-pity. "I don't know what they can or can't grow in the agriculture sectors. Whatever it is, I'm sure it can't compete with Benoit Farms and Gardens." His eyes twinkled, and Scarlet - to her own surprise - started to blush again.
"You two are giving me a stomachache," Thorne griped.
"I'm pretty sure that's the meat," said Cinder, ripping a piece of dried mystery meat with her teeth. — Marissa Meyer

A wolf is clever-clever-clever, and they are as faithful as a debt unpaid. — Tad Williams

You are such a wolf."
"When it comes to you? Absolutely. — Terry Spear