Humor Relationships Women Quotes & Sayings

You can't make a woman love you. Not even with duct tape. — J. Richard Singleton

I see no reason for calling my work poetry except that there is no other category in which to put it. — Marianne Moore

Our souls are transitory; one single life is fleeting. Based on some children's accounts, not all souls are immediately reincarnated. Sometimes the consciousness can choose rebirth. What a lovely thought to look upon your child and realize that he entrusted you to raise him. What a gift. — Shelbi Wescott

Since time immemorial any woman with half a brain has known that in the pursuit of romance she must hide it — Mavis Cheek

Even today, a majority of people surveyed say that they regret the fact that the USSR collapsed. But only 9 percent say that they would want it back. — Mikhail Gorbachev

It was this feminine conspiracy which made Southern society so pleasant. Women knew that a land where men were contented, uncontradicted ans safe in possession of unpunctured vanity was likely to be a very pleasant place for women to live. So, from the cradle to the grave, women strove to make men pleased with themselves, and the satisfied men repaid lavishly with gallantry and adoration. In fact, men willingly gave ladies everything in the world except credit for having intelligence. — Margaret Mitchell

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

When I die, I wonder what will happen to me. Is there some place like heaven, and will I be able to meet you there someday? I don't know. There's no way to know. No one knows what comes after death. But at the very least, we won't be able to talk until then.

There's a wide, deep and fast running river between the living and the dead. Once you cross that river, no matter what happens, you're never coming back. It's a one way trip. — Ao Jyumonji

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

The words, I love you, are empty without clarification. Women prefer to be told what they can expect. It is measurable like a Weight Watcher's diet, with extra points at the end of the week if you don't cheat. — Shannon L. Alder

Me Tarz-tosterone; You Estro-Jane — Tony Cleaver

You can get away with saying much more with humor than you can with a straight face — Sherry Argov

Years later, my wife, Ilusion, woke me up to the realization that you can't just "dump" your whole species simply because you've had a few bad encounters with some of its members ... Intimacy's a greater goal to seek ... That true knowledge of intimacy within our own species will allow us to pass it along to interspecies relations. — Cesar Millan

Boys dream of strippers, men dream of their women waiting for them at home. — Kathleen Brooks

The only thing that makes earth feel like Hell, or Hell feel like Hell, is our expectation that it ought to feel like Heaven. — Chuck Palahniuk

Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner. — Jacob M. Appel

Don't get mad about the infestation of fleas if you keep shopping at the dog pound. — Valerie J. Lewis Coleman

Stop looking for your better half! You need to be whole to attract your better whole, if you expect to have a flourishing relationship. — Valerie J. Lewis Coleman

That's all women need men for? Sperm, a paycheck, and free flights? — Nicki Elson

My old man taught me to never trust anything that bleeds for three days and doesn't die. — Tommy Tran

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I found motherhood a crash course in existentialism (what is my purpose in life, am I mistress or slave of my destiny, when the hell do I get some sleep?) and [ the book] ROOM was the result. — Emma Donoghue

If suddenly you get depressed, it doesn't have to throw you. You can push those emotions aside. You can cultivate happy emotions or become emotionless when you need to be very sensitive. — Frederick Lenz

We laughed together. It's so lovely laughing with a man. It feels positive. Relaxed ... — James Lusarde

Luther King gave people "the feeling that they could be bigger and stronger and more courageous than they thought they could be," Bayard Rustin said - in part because of the powerful new weapon, non-violent resistance, that had been forged on the Montgomery battlefield. — Robert A. Caro

After you have finished with the stone, the twigs and beetle, other things will suggest themselves, and you must take care of them. I see you are already tired. But you must stay. This is the pain of it all. You can't keep leaving. — Barry Lopez

Basically, all women are nurturers and healers, and all men are mental patients to varying degrees. — Nelson DeMille

you were to ask Christians around the world what God wants from the people he has saved, most would probably answer "obedience." There is great truth in that answer, but it is not enough. If the sovereign God's primary goal in sanctifying believers is simply to make us more holy, it is hard to explain why most of us make only "small beginnings" on the road to personal holiness in this life, as the Heidelberg Catechism puts it (see Catechism Q. 113). In reality, God wants something much more precious in our lives than mere outward conformity to his will. After all, obedience is tricky business and can be confusing to us. We can be obedient outwardly while sinning wildly on the inside, as the example of the Pharisees makes clear. In fact, many of my worst sins have been committed in the context of my best obedience. — Barbara R. Duguid

Because of their DNA, most men loved a damsel in distress. Every time a man sees a pretty lass in trouble, even the boorish slob-of-a-man transforms into a chivalrous knight-in-shining-armour. This was why most women (no matter how strong, competent or resourceful) were forced to act shy, demure and helpless so that their men could feel like strong grizzly bears or ferocious mountain lions. — Mallika Nawal

'It's not you, it's me.'
'Oh God. That's exactly what my last three boyfriends said when they dumped me. Is it in the Y-Chromosome User's Manual or something?'
He grinned. 'On page five. But, you know, don't tell anyone I told you.' — Kim Fielding

Can I have a glass of water?" Her voice was hoarse, probably from screaming. She'd always sounded like that after they'd-

He didn't just force the thought aside. He clubbed it unconscious, threw it into a crawl space and walled it up alive. — Jenny Trout

His latest theory about his dealings with women isn't that he's lost his reason or that women are illogical (Deb, for instance, displays exemplary thought processes;) it's just that a certain vital part of the interface between them is strongly encrypted and requires some workaround. — Adam Felber

If you only attract Mr. Wrong or Ms. Crazy, evaluate the common thread in this diversity of people: YOU! — Valerie J. Lewis Coleman

No one can be your sun, moon, or stars until you have your own world. — K.M.Docherty

My hunger and desperation, being an actor, an out of work actor - my memory of that is as fresh as an open wound. — Griffin Dunne

Some things you don't have to tell. Some things, between sisters, are understood. — Sarah Dessen

Sleeping with a man half your age can be exhausting, but if it's too much for him you can always find a younger man. — Barbara Taylor Bradford

I will never deny that life isn't fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk. — Criss Jami

The more she turned right the more I turned wrong. — Mark W. Boyer

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you. — Criss Jami

There's a cover for every pot, but I've never seen so many mismatched pots and covers in all my life. - Ellen Wasserfeldman, from Notes from Ellen Wasserfeldman by Alisa Dana Steinberg — Alisa Steinberg