Humor Phones Quotes & Sayings

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important. — Rita Rudner

I borrowed a hammer and the garage and disposed of both phones. I was pretty sure that I could have just pulled the batteries, but pretty sure wasn't good enough, so I used a hammer. — Patricia Briggs

This grown man who now phones his father to say, Motherfucker, I ain't seen pussy so long, I'd throw stones at it. — David Sedaris

You ever drive up to the pharmacy window and they ask you, "Can I have your phone number?"
Sure all I get on it anymore are political calls, and people doing polls. Maybe it's difficult for people that work at pharmacy drive up windows to get phones. — Neil Leckman

Now, as a non-Amish person in the twentieth century who is not a part of the aging and thus noncoveted seventy-five-plus marketing demographic that views things like cell phones and iPads with that quaint, old-people mixture of astonishment, fascination, confusion, and abject fear, I spend as much time pawing my cell phone as members of the postpubescent marketing demographic spend pawing each other and themselves. — BikeSnobNYC

The very word mercy is derived from the Latin miserum cor, a sorrowful heart. Mercy is, therefore, a compassionate understanding of another's unhappiness. — Fulton J. Sheen

I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday." — Steven Wright

Look at the world and think about a catastrophic disaster where the cell phone towers went dead. How would you ever be able to 'TEXT your next door neighbor to see if they were okay — Stanley Victor Paskavich

The Protestants believe in the higher power through the truth they derive from the word of God. They got to know the truth and that truth set them free and they took the truth to the society and set their whole generation free. — Sunday Adelaja

The Great Malevolence had been squatting in the blackness for a very long time. He was there billions of years before people, or dinosaurs, or small, single-celled organisms that decided one day to become larger, multicelled organisms so they could, at some point in the future, invent literature, painting, and annoying ring tones for cell phones. — John Connolly

I was no longer in the mood for hamburger phones and a whacked out girl named Juno. — Alexandria Rhodes

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears. — Steven Wright

What's not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they're actually startled when the phone rings. It's like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger.
Now we answer, "What happened? Is someone tied up in the old sawmill?"
"No, it's Becky. I just called to say hi."
"Well you scared me half to death. You can't just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don't the tips of your fingers work? — Ellen DeGeneres

If I have to lose, although I am a woman, I want to lose in a manly way. — Caterina Sforza

She started dialing his cell, then hung up and tried the landline
maybe Margaret was a better bet to pick up; their parents' generation still felt morally obligated to answer phones. — Rainbow Rowell

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh ... " — Steven Wright

When it comes to texting the power of you thumbs compel you — Stanley Victor Paskavich

Think about that. Two hundred and eighty-five new or expanded programs, $2 trillion more in new spending, and not one new bureaucrat to file out the forms or answer the phones? — George W. Bush

If being an asshole was all it took to get yourself killed, you and I would have been dead long ago. — Linwood Barclay

Persuasion" requires proof. It causes us to lead with process and facts instead of stories and knowledge. The lack of immediate relevance to participants feels like a waste of their time. — Kim Erwin

Phones with numerical keypads worked best for dialing phone calls. Incidentally, phone calls tend to be the primary function of a phone. 'Smartphones' completely ignore these basic facts, resulting in some of the least intelligent devices I've seen yet. Oh the irony. — Ashly Lorenzana

Remember when only a few people had mobile phones. Generally regarded as an object of derision, you would occasionally see business types clutching those ridiculous grey bricks to their faces and mutter to yourself 'what a prick.' Nowadays, an eyebrow hardly even flutters when we see a ten-year-old child happily texting away. You probably wouldn't notice anyway; you'd be too busy downloading an app that could definitively pinpoint who it was that had just farted in your tube carriage. — Simon Pegg

Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone. — Dylan Moran

Ducking autocorrect! — Atom Yang

The Poet's leaves are gathered one by one,
In the slow process of the doubtful years. — Bayard Taylor

Big people never scare me. I am a little man. I can easily hide. — Ljupka Cvetanova