Humor Miracles Quotes & Sayings

A three-day-old baby is a saint?'
Willibald flapped his hands. 'Miracles happen, lord,' he said, 'they really do. They say little Rumwold sang God's praises whenever he suckled.'
'I feel much the same when I get hild of a tit,' I said, 'so does that make me a saint? — Bernard Cornwell

There are no miracles on Mondays. — Amy Neftzger

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear. — Lemony Snicket

Leaders can let you fail and yet not let you be a failure. — Stanley A. McChrystal

I do not want chemistry to degenerate into a religion; I do not want the chemist to believe in the existence of atoms as the Christian believes in the existence of Christ in the communion wafer. — Marcellin Berthelot

Laughing, Bailey still put on a little frown. "I want a man to cuddle."
Tucker stopped kissing Maddy long enough to look at Bailey. "Everyone needs love. Even the dipshit. I'll find someone for you." Tucker looked around. "How high are your standards?"
Bailey opened her mouth and I knew a tirade of profanity was coming.
Before she got started, I hugged her to me. "Tuck wants to help you. It's his asshole way of showing his love. Tell him thank you and we'll train him to be less of a jerk."
Bailey took a deep breath and nodded. "Thank you, Tucker."
A sober Tucker might have teased his sister, but the drunken version hugged her and told her that he would find someone great. Hot, big dick, money, good hair, the whole package.
Cooper frowned at both me and Farah. "You two are having an adverse influence on the family. Fucking Sawyer said thank you earlier today. What's next? Will she say please?"
Grinning, Farah cuddled up to Cooper. — Bijou Hunter

If you don't leave room for the unexpected to express itself in your life, you close yourself off from the possibility of miracles. — Robert Stikmanz

YOU'RE ONLY PUTTING OFF THE INEVITABLE, he said.
That's what being alive is all about. — Terry Pratchett

[Jem] looked from Will to Tessa and raised his silvery eyebrows. "A miracle," he said. "You got him to speak."
"Just to shout at me, really," said Tessa. "Not quite loaves and fishes. — Cassandra Clare

It all ends in tears anyway. — Jack Kerouac

Ghetto humor is the social twin of fantasy; together they sustain the powerless, who accomplish miracles through illusion. — Sheila Ballantyne

I pray not to be such a whiny, self-obsessed baby, and give thanks that I am not quite as bad as I used to be (talk about miracles). Then something comes up, and I overreact and blame and sulk, and it feels like I haven't made any progress at all. But it turns out I'm less of a brat than before, and I hit the reset button much sooner, shake it off, and get my sense if humor back. — Anne Lamott

Controversy is part of the nature of art and creativity. — Yoko Ono

You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles! — Jim Butcher

The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, I want to love, I want to live ... — David Sedaris

Keanu Reeves?" she asks in amazement. I nod. "What did he wish for?" "Isn't it obvious?" I say, waving a hand at the screen. "Fame." "That's why he's famous? Because of a wish?" "Have you seen his movies? Surely you didn't think he made it on his acting skills?" I grant wishes; I don't work miracles. Viola looks back at the screen, eyes screwed up in awe. "I guess that makes sense," she says faintly as my former master delivers a line poorly. "Wow. — Jackson Pearce

I'm not stingy. I'm just afraid of being an easy mark. People wouldn't have money long if they didn't ask how much things cost. — Doris Duke