Humor Gross Quotes & Sayings

The despicable crone known as Mombi stands accused of high witchery, gross dishonesty, untold crimes against monkeys, outrageous trespassing, and general unpleasantness. Also, she is extremely unattractive. Miss Amy, do you speak for the witch? — Danielle Paige

They stood there for a while, not saying anything. Then Eli said: 'Do you want to come in?'
Oskar didn't reply. Eli pulled on her T-shirt, lifted her hands, let them fall.
'I'm never going to hurt you.'
'I know that.'
'What are you thinking about?'
'That T-shirt. Is it from the trash room?'
' ... yes.'
'Have you washed it?'
Eli didn't answer.
'You're a little gross, you know that?'
'I can change, if you like.'
'Good. Do that. — John Ajvide Lindqvist

There's a boy who they call Pony! He's always acting gross and horny! He thinks he's got a lot down there, but he sure wears tiny underwear! — Cecily Von Ziegesar

I let it all out
my mom's date,my dad's conversation,my confusion about it all.Caleb doesn't laugh,he doesn't pull away,he doesn't talk .. He just lets me be me.
When I settle down,I lean back and witness the mess I've made on his shirt."I made ur shirt all gross," I say between sniffles.
"Forget the shirt.What's going on? I could.nt understand a word you mumbled into my chest." Now I'm half laughing and half crying. — Simone Elkeles

I gaped at what I saw next. She yanked his arm off and ate it. Gross! I knew she was hungry, but that was just ... well, against the school rules for one thing. — Imogen Rose

Kissing him last night at the pep rally had been like kissing an underpass. — George Saunders

That's brain tissue. How can you-?" Claire shut her mouth, fast. "Never mind. I don't think I wanna know."
"Truly, I think that's best. Please take it." He showed his teeth briefly in a very unsettling grin. "I'm giving you a piece of my mind."
"I so wish you hadn't said that. — Rachel Caine

I admitted. If I was going to hallucinate, then at least it was some hot dude instead of something gross. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Victor eyed the glistening tubes in the tray around Dibbler's neck. They smelled appetizing. They always did. And then you bit into them, and learned once again that Cut-me-own-Throat Dibbler could find a use for bits of an animal that the animal didn't know it had got. Dibbler had worked out that with enough fried onions and mustard people would eat anything. — Terry Pratchett

I cross my legs beneath me and trace a finger along the laces of my boot. "That dress I had on was pretty. It's a pity I had to rip it apart."

"Yeah. It was entertaining to watch though."

"To watch?" I fold my arms over my chest. "Weren't you wrestling on the floor at the time?"

A grin lifts one side of Ryn's mouth. "I can multitask, remember? And girls tearing their clothes off is something I try not to miss."

I glare at him. "Have I told you before that you're gross?"

"On multiple occasions."

(from The Faerie Guardian by Rachel Morgan) — Rachel Morgan

Moths? You're afraid of MOTHS?" Will asked incredulously.
"Yeah, so what? They're all papery and their wings are all gross! They're just..Uckkk!" Christina defended with a shudder.
"Terrifying," Will agreed with mock seriousness."That's my girl, tough as cotton balls!"
"Oh shut up!" Christina shrieked, slapping Will on the arm. — Veronica Roth

Cael, come on. Stop licking the dude. That's gross."

Letty let out a snort. "Please, like you don't lick dudes."

"That's different," Dex explained with a grimace. "None of those dudes were Ash. Besides, last time I checked, Ash was allergic to nuts. — Charlie Cochet

Hi folks, I'm Gerry Gross! — Jerry Coleman

I like gross generalizations ... I also like disgusting specifics! — Josh Stern

He humphed and grabbed a carton of milk, then chugged directly from the cardboard spout. Mallory and I watched him, the same grimace on both our faces. Sure, I did the same thing with OJ, but he was a boy, and it was milk. That was just gross. — Chloe Neill

If you've seen a crab's mouth, all foamy and gross with whiskers and snapping bits, you can imagine this one didn't look any better blown up to billboard size. — Rick Riordan

My experiences thus far had me planning to throttle the first Tudor historian I met upon my return for gross dereliction of duty. — Deborah Harkness

Eww! That's gross, Gramps. You just picked that stick up off the grass. Who knows what animal has done sick things to it. Probably chipmunks I bet; they're always doing devious stuff when you're not looking. — Joel T. McGrath

I was still a newlywed and certainly wasn't to the point where I felt comfortable yelling, "I'm going to shit my pants any second!"
But the sweating had started, which was followed by the tears. "I'm not feeling well, and need to get home," I told him.
"Ok, but I have to obey the speed limit because of all the kids in the neighborhood," he replied.
I was pleading with him to hurry up when he came to a complete stop.
I screamed at him, "Why are we stopping?"
He rolled down the window. "Retreat."
I could see the flag lowering in the distance, the beautiful orange sun setting behind it.
In the opposite direction I could see the roof line of our home - so close, yet so far away.
As Retreat played, I surrendered. I pooped my pants. I took one for the flag.
Now that's patriotism. — Mollie Gross

Once I saw Paris Hilton leaving a restaurant in Hollywood and the paparazzi cameras were all over her. It looked so unpleasant. It wasn't because she didn't look sensational - she was that perfect combination of fashionable and slutty - it was because the paparazzi guys were shouting these insanely rude and intrusive questions at her. Like, asking her who she was sleeping with and stuff. I was kind of interested in the answer, so I was glad they asked, but it was still gross. — Mindy Kaling

I'm taking a quick shower. I'm gross. I need to be clean."
"You shouldn't be doing that." The door handle jingled. It wasn't locked. "Alex!"
"I'm naked," I warned.
Silence and then, "Is that supposed to make me not want to come in there? — Jennifer L. Armentrout

We have always had gross humor. But we try for funny, not gross. — Shawn Wayans

Do you think Bubbles wants Chinese food
because it's made out of cats?" Genevieve questioned, shoveling a big bite into her mouth.
"Genevieve, that's just gross and wrong. Don't say things like that. Bubbles is a dog, and their stomachs are bottomless pits. They'll eat anything and
everything in sight."
Genevieve quickly swallowed. "Well, Bobby said in China they eat cats."
"Gen, I assure you, we.are.not eating cats," I responded slowly trying to make sure another food wasn't crossed off her 'will eat' list. It was ever growing shorter.
"All lies!" Genevieve proclaimed, sticking her fork high in the air with a piece of chicken, only to have it fall, never touching the floor. "See? Cat! — Ottilie Weber

I gave the Rayna back the phone and shook my head. "Ben and I are like brother and sister. That's gross."
"Hey, I read Flowers in the Attic. It was kind of hot. — Hilary Duff

I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points. — Zach Galifianakis

Refrigerators are good for keeping homemade moonshine less gross. Freezers are good for keeping rattlesnakes less angry. Garages are good to hide in when your wife finds either. — Jenny Lawson

The traditional gross anatomy lab represented a sort of sink-or-swim mentality about dealing with death. To cope with what was being asked of them, medical students had to find ways to desensitize themselves. They quickly learned to objectify cadavers, to think of the dead as structures and tissues, and not a former human being. Humor--at the cadaver's expense--was tolerated, condoned even. — Mary Roach

that's too small! i swear. — Jorge

I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable. — Bob Newhart

All of a sudden it seemed as if I could smell the brain, and not in a oh-how-gross way, but as if someone had taken the lid off a pot of gumbo to let the aroma fill the room. And I knew it was the brain that smelled so utterly enticing - knew it with every single cell of my being.
What the hell was wrong with me? — Diana Rowland

Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there's nothing sensible you can do with it. — Andrew Smith

- My little brother craps himself."
I laughed. "- Well, maybe it's because he's, like, only one?"
"- Whatever, it's still gross. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

If you sense that someone feels disconnected, reach out to them," the speaker urges. "buy them a soda. Compliment their new hairdo. It'll make them feel better, and you'll feel better knowing you've been a channel of grace."
Jolene leans over and whispers, "My pen is feeling disconnected. Will you be a channel of grave and get it for me?"
**********
Chelsea, quit picking at your scab," a girl in front of me says to her friend as we file out. "It's gross." Then she gasps in mock horror. "Or maybe it's a cry for help! Be strong, Chelsea! Stay with the living! — Lauren Myracle

An interesting difference between African-American humor and Jewish humor, in it's kind of basic or maybe most austere type form is, African-American humor, some of it comes out of playing the dozens in which you insult the other person or insult the other person's mother, and so much of Jewish humor is like, you're insulting yourself. It's totally self-deprecating. — Terry Gross

Gross. That girl is a slutty, slutty skank bag. — Shealy James

His pasty, white wang. Gross. — Penny Reid

A room - full of detached feet - like hundreds of them. Maybe thousands! And I saw the king in there. He was having an orgy with them. It was the most horrible thing I've ever seen. Like a bunch of insects crawling all over his naked body. Except they weren't insects. — Colleen Chen

How are you feeling?"
I leaned away from him. "Gross."
Aiden frowned. "Gross?"
"I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don't come near me."
He laughed. "Alex, come on."
"Seriously, I'm gross." I put my hand over my mouth.
Ignoring my protests, he leaned over and brushed my string hair back. "You're as beautiful as always, Alex."
I stared at him. He must not get out much. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

The girl slid into the back seat of the town car, tugging at the hem of her dress like she was afraid she might leave a stain on the upholstery. — John McNee

You're impossible." I sighed. "And really weird. No wonder Jared likes you."
"Is that a good thing or not?"
I shrugged. "You two have bittersweet panty-dropping connection."
"Gross. — Rea Lidde

Bill was wrestling with his undercooked chicken. "Wow," I remarked while examining my own plate. "I don't think I can eat this."
"I know. It's gross," he conceded. "But it's free, so I scarf down seconds each night."
"As a dog returneth to his vomit," I said, while making the sign of the cross in the air in front of me.
"Amen," he agreed with his mouth full, and toasted me with his 7Up can. — Hope Jahren

SOUNDS GROSS," he said. "SALAZAR PREFERS WOOD. TAPESTRIES ARE ALSO ACCEPTABLE. — Mirriam Neal

Catfish always drink alcoholic ether if begged, for every catfish enjoys heightened intoxication; gross indulgence can be calamitous, however; duly, garfish babysit for dirty catfish children, helping catfish babies get instructional education just because garfish get delight assisting infants' growth and famously inspire confidence in immature catfish, giving experience (and joy even); however, blowfish jeer insightful garfish, disparaging inappropriately, doing damage, even insulting benevolent, charming, jovial garfish, hurting and frustrating deeply; joy fades but hurt feelings bring just grief; inevitable irritation hastens feeling blue; however, jovial children declare happiness, blowfishes' evil causes dejection, blues; accordingly, always glorift jolly, friendly garfish! — John Green

Bombs Away!" he yelled, swooping low over StregaSchloss. He saw little figures on the ground fleeing from the large green projectile that was speeding their way. "And a direct hit, if I'm not mistaken," he observed to himself. With a tremendous slapping sound, Ffup's digestive overload landed on a human target. There was a scream, a ghastly choking sound, and then silence. — Debi Gliori

I think there's a little confusion between humor and 'gross' passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable, because they aren't the same thing. — Bob Newhart

I don't have enough gross words in my gross vocabulary to describe how gross that gross thought is. Gross. — A.S. King