Humor And Suspense Quotes & Sayings

I can remember the times when I started including humor in novels that were suspenseful. I was told you can't do that because you can't keep the audience in suspense if they're laughing. My attitude was, if the character has a sense of humor, then that makes the character more real because that's how we deal with the vicissitudes of life, we deal with it through humor. — Dean Koontz

I pulled in a soft breath. My lungs were starving, crying out for air. I lay still, and a cough tickled at the back of my throat. It always happens when you're hiding, a cough, a sneeze, something. It's stupid. The body decides to screw around with you, even though it knows being quiet is the only way it's going to go on living. — Lilith Saintcrow

Fill me in on the details of your life."

"I thought you didn't give a shit."

"It'll give me something to do while I wait for you to stab me to death. — Christina Dodd

The Boogeyman,' he said, just to be sure. 'The Boogeyman killed an employee of the President of the United States.'
The president nodded.
Some days, Zach thought, I really hate this job. — Christopher Farnsworth

Stay on my six, he said, nuzzling the hair at her ear and breathing deeply the sweet scent of her.
You remember what that is, right?
It's your ass. — Lynn Raye Harris

Well why don't you lean over this counter a little more and give me your best kiss, and then I'll tell you if I want you to take me out to dinner. — Zack Love

The moment seemed endless, but it was probably only half that. — Steve Toltz

Something can be very funny and then suddenly very terrifying-very exciting, and suddenly very ridiculous. I think that's what life is like, that's what interests me. — Joss Whedon

You call that caring?! I call it a line of crap! The only thing you cared about begins with an "F" and ends with me losing my virginity! — Maggie Adams

My motto? Don't trust someone who is just as cagey as yourself."
"What kind of detective are you?" "A lousy one and proud of it. I write, remember?"
She looked down at her hand & laughed. "Berretta doesn't make lighters." "Why I was a writer! My life revolved around fiction. I could make something up"
"She looked down at her hand & laughed. "Berretta doesn't make lighters."
"So they're not Tolstoy, they're a little shorter ... Okay, okay a lot. Go ahead, read my mystery series anyway."
"A detective has their boundaries especially me. So mine shifted occasionally ... okay a lot"
"Beat it, Buster. My temper and this mace have a hair trigger."
"Interference could be lethal." I got right up in his face, hissing, "Don't push me, I'm hormonal."
I'm not really a lousy detective, just rough around the edges. — Peggy A. Edelheit

What exactly does the I in FBI stand for?" ~Maggie Mae Castro — Beth Yarnall

Never run after a man or a bus, there's always another one in five minutes. — Cherry Adair

Brett will need some clothes if someone can drop some by."
"All we need is a bear rug," Meghan said. — Terry Spear

You have a very attractive revenge streak in you. I like it. A lot." ~Maggie Mae Castro to FBI Special Agent Clive Poole — Beth Yarnall

Close your mouth Lily, you look like a codfish."
"I can't help it. This place looks like something out of medieval times. I'm surprised there aren't rushes on the floor or half-dressed serving wenches carrying trenchers of food."
"Read Harlequin much?"
"Shut up. There's nothing wrong with romance novels. You could learn something from them you know."
Sean's mouth curved into a slow, seductive grin. He let his fingers drift casually along the side of her arm, deliberately grazing the edge of her breast. "Could I now? — Marianne Morea

Never confuse lust for anything other than what it is. There isn't a man alive that wouldn't gladly take what you are so willing to offer."
"Any but you, apparently."
-Eric to Camile, Pawn of Innocence — Chameleon

Never trust a woman hoarding a half-eaten bag of M&M's. — K.D. Harp

Zorro pulled her into his arms and crushed her against his body, kissing her soundly on the mouth.
"My, what a big sword you have, sir," she said, sweeping her hand over his sheathed sword.
"I'm fully armed," he said, "with that and more. — Terry Spear

Should we keep on the lookout for tigers?" Kenda asked his guide.

"Yes," Shahin said, his voice lowering again. "They like to pounce from behind. I've been watching our backs ever since we lost the thugs. I meant to tell you once you calmed down. Now that you know, you can help me."

"Then we are being followed?" He hoped his voice did not squeak.

"Yes," Shahin repeated gravely. "By whom or what, I do not know."

"This just gets better and better," he groaned. — Jennifer McKeithen

The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. — Oscar Wilde

But one look at Wildcard's face, and he knew there was trouble.
Problem? he signaled.
Wildcard responded with an obscene gesture that more than conveyed his opinion that not only was this a problem, but it was a big problem.
...
"Okay". That was not anywhere near the complete reaming Muldoon imagined "We'll take a different route down."
"We could", Wildcard agreed. "But they've got a prisoner.."
Oh man, that hurt. Dream op to nightmare ... Muldoon gritted his teeth and considered his options.
"Holy fuck", Wildcard said. "When I tell you that a stupid ass French photog is going to turn this perfect op into a total clusterfuck, what you say sir, is 'Oh, holy fuck'. If this isn't the time to use your full adult vocabulary, Lieutenant, I honestly don't know what is". — Suzanne Brockmann

I frown. "Can you please explain this?"

He flashes us a grin. "That would ruin the suspense."

He disappears. — C.B. Cook

So much better for you to long for what you can never have, than to get it and have to face the reality of it. I assure you, when you realize the reality of this situation, there wont be a hole deep enough for you to climb into to hide the mortification you're going to feel.
- Eric to Camile in Pawn of Innocence. — Chameleon

If he sees you in this apartment he will seriously murder you and then break up with me. And I really, really don't want him to break up with me, Linc."
"But murdering me, that's all good? — Trevion Burns

Focus. She's Maddie. Your friend. Would you eyeball Keith or Dane's butt like that? ~ Zach — Monique DeVere

The right things often happen for the wrong reason. — Alex Adam

Roger said, 'I don't know about having a shrink around all the time. Are you analyzing me right now?'
Sophie rolled her eyes. 'How original. No, I'm not analyzing you. It'd take a whole team of shrinks to figure out your crazy ass, and I simply don't have the time or energy. — Jennifer Lane

Do you believe in ghosts? — Terry Spear

What's more important than recycling? Producing something to recycle. — Gordon Osmond

Writing is not always a writer's playtime. It's actually a work in progress. Few understand this and mistakenly believe we're wasting time. But it's never a waste of time when doing what you love. — David Lucero

She came through the door the moment my beer arrived. Fortyish, salon-blonde, spray tan, fake boobs and real diamonds. Anywhere else it would be a bimbo alert, but in Florida it was just protective coloration. — C.I. Dennis

Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you. — Myrna Ericksen

She shook her head. "I won't go."
His chuckle had absolutely no humor in it. "You say that
as if you have a choice."
"There is always a choice. — Aliyah Burke

There's always a bit of suspense about the particular way in which a given school year will get off to a bad start. — Frank Portman

Something you killed didn't stay dead? Wow. That must have really put some termites in your coffin. — Christopher Farnsworth

For me, suspense doesn't have any value if it's not balanced by humor. — Alfred Hitchcock

Like this book, the dictionary shows you that the word "nervous" means "worried about something"
you might feel nervous, for instance, if you were served prune ice cream for dessert, because you would be worried that it would taste awful
whereas the word "anxious" means "troubled by disturbing suspense," which you might feel if you were served a live alligator for dessert, because you would be troubled by the disturbing suspense about whether you would eat your dessert or it would eat you. — Lemony Snicket

When your ship comes in, don't be in the bathroom with your pants around your ankles."

quoted by Frank McNichols, father of Rose McNichols in A Nose for Hanky Panky, a Granite Cove Mystery — Sharon Love Cook

Unintended jealousy is merciless. — Doctor Kesi

She swore she'd never turn into her P.I. father...but that was before she ran over the body. — Lida Sideris

Meaning, yes
I don't really exist except on the page or in the back of your brain. But if you think it's weird a fictional character's telling this story, you ain't seen what happened, yet. — Kyle Michel Sullivan

I'd spent my whole career dealing with badasses taking care of my nine-month-old boy should be a lark. — C.I. Dennis

Her gaze slid up the thick muscles of his arm, imagining her hand doing the same, imagining what it would feel like to explore a body of such raw, masculine energy. No doubt about it, he was man built for battle. Yet she could seein his sharp, dark eyes, and in the glimpses of humor and caring he'd let slip, that there was so much more to him than the fight. — Melissa Cutler

Kids, if anything, are harder to write for because they are a more discerning audience. They will not stay with you if you go off on a tangent or if you give them extraneous information that doesn't serve the story. You really have to tell a tight story. You have to give them humor and suspense and believable characters. All those things that adults want too, but you have to be really on your game when you're writing for kids. — Rick Riordan

No wonder Thanksgiving was my favorite - you can't buy it, wrap it, or put it under a tree, and even the greeting card companies can't seem to make a buck off of it. It's just a meal, with people who you love and who love you back, no matter what. — C.I. Dennis

If all goes well, we will be back in time for a proper memorial service [for your father], Ben. I promise."

Ben looked up, and all the bitterness was gone from his eyes, replaced somehow by both resignation and determination.

"And if all doesn't go well?" he asked, tightening his grip on Coralee's trusting hand as he led her outside to the driveway.

Kira's flawless features morphed into something like a smile, yet wholly without happiness or humor.

"Then you'll all be meeting up with [your father] soon enough, I expect. Either that, or you shall wish it was so. — Caitlin Rush

If I'm going down, I'm going down with lipstick on. — Beth Yarnall

Suspense is very important. Even though this is humor and they're short stories, that theory of building suspense is still there. — Sergio Aragones

You are such a wolf."
"When it comes to you? Absolutely. — Terry Spear

If I was in deep shit with Lilian before, I was snorkeling at the waste treatment plant now. — C.I. Dennis

Unless the she-wolf agrees, there's always a chance of rejection. — Terry Spear

Ryker smiled at me. "You learn quick - "

I cut him off. "If you call me grasshopper, I'm going to slug you."

"Padawan."

I shoved him. It was more like shoving a tree. He didn't even flinch. "You're such a nerd."

"Geek, Millie. I'm a geek." His lips twitched and it made me want to raise myself up on my tiptoes and kiss him.

I shot him a grin instead. "Only a nerd would know the difference. — E.M. Denning

I help others because I can, not because I expect something in return. — Amy Manemann

Damn," he said. "Have you been stuffing yourself with desserts just to prolong the suspense?"
She failed to note the humor in his tone. All she gathered from his remark was that he still didn't believe she was pregnant.
"You've found me out at last," she snapped. "I'm merely giving birth to a pastry."
"That's not funny,Becca."
"Neither was your absurd remark. Do you really think I like that my body is going to be disfigured? I hate it, but not as much as I hate you! — Johanna Lindsey

Always remember, there's no such thing as luck, nothing happens by chance, and all is by divine intervention. You're like a magnet, wherever you go, the people you have relationships with and those that are connected with them will be drawn to you. You're needed, and soon, the little ones will look to you as well. If you let God be your guide, you'll have the adventure of a lifetime. Jo, take what God gives you and run with it. — Diana Anderson

Great. This girl was going to seriously mess with my ability to stay on parole. ~Maggie Mae Castro — Beth Yarnall

You can't hold a cat and be mad at the same time. — Kevin Bergeron

Gino refilled my glass. "What a night. Booze, broads, and a barroom brawl. — Michael Murphy

So much for the bimbo alert; if she read books like that, then there was a light on upstairs, above the splendid front porch. — C.I. Dennis

Goddammit! How does the world keep spinning with women on the planet?
Ian St. John in THE POMPEII SCROLL — Jacqueline LaTourrette

Whatever the unknown in Europe, it had to be better than the known in a small town, where truth was hidden behind smiles, pleasantries, and an abundance of stretch lace at weddings. Whatever, the yet-to-be-written truth about her own life, it seemed certain to be waiting elsewhere on a blank page, somewhere people made no attempt to predict the future based upon a person's past.
Quote from: A Summer Abroad, Mrs. Duchesney's First Real Mystery
c. 2013 Peggy Kopman-Owens — Peggy Kopman-Owens

Confidence is highly erotic. — K.D. Harp

Oh, God. Not again."

Not again?

"Do you make a habit of driving into people's houses? — Christina Dodd

Hope you didn't bring any spiders into the van with you,' Simon put in. 'Hey, I'm thinking we could take you back outside and hose you down, just to make sure. You'd definitely smell better if we did, which, I mean, bonus.'
Jeremy scraped both hands through his hair again, then beat them clean against his thighs. 'Believe me, Simon, if we had access to a garden hose, I'd be the first to turn it on myself. I feel foul.'
'Hate to break it to you, Archer, but that feeling is not lying to you,' Simon said with mild relish. — M. Chandler

Damn, this op has been like a fucking Love Boat episode. — Suzanne Brockmann

The northern star changes its position every ten thousand years, but friendships can last for all eternity.
- RJPeters — R.J. Peters

Sing a song of suspense in which the players die.
Four and twenty ravens in an Edgar Allan Pie.
When the pie was broken, the ravens couldn't sing.
Their throats had been sliced open by Stephen, the new King.
The King was in his writing house, stifling a laugh
While his queen was in a tizzy of her bloody Lovecraft.
When the dead maid got the garden for her rank as royal whore,
King's shovel made it double and he married nevermore. — Jessica McHugh

He shook his head. "Did you tell him he should expand the Odessa-Brody oil pipeline up to Poland?"

I smiled. "Yes. Yes, I did. You should definitely expand the pipeline. Think of all the money you could make if you sold your oil to the EU. You could build a whole new children's hospital and a research center. You'd have enough money to buy real toilets for the university so women don't have to crouch over those holes in the floor." I shook my head. "I'd like to see you try that in five inch heels! — K.S. Ruff

The afternoon's glory was tainted by the voice on the other end. I was so very sorry not to have the pleasure of meeting you, Mr. Haines. You're not living up to your part of the bargain. — Davis Bunn