Hot Pocket Gaffigan Quotes & Sayings

Never follow or trust those who change their mind and behave differently every time. — Santosh Kalwar

I think art is sublimated libido. You can't be a eunuch priest, and you can't be a eunuch artist. — Anthony Burgess

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea. — Jim Gaffigan

I really feel that we're not giving children enough credit for distinguishing what's right and what's wrong. I, for one, devoured fairy tales as a little girl. I certainly didn't believe that kissing frogs would lead me to a prince, or that eating a mysterious apple would poison me, or that with the magical "Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo" I would get a beautiful dress and a pumpkin carriage. I also don't believe that looking in a mirror and saying "Candyman, Candyman, Candyman" will make some awful serial killer come after me. I believe that many children recognize Harry Potter for what it is, fantasy literature. I'm sure there will always be some that take it too far, but that's the case with everything. I believe it's much better to engage in dialog with children to explain the difference between fantasy and reality. Then they are better equipped to deal with people who might have taken it too far. — J.K. Rowling

One of my favorite sketches, and a popular comedy formula, is to put someone with a mental handicap in some kind of unlikely situation. For example: The retarded gynecologist, the retarded Jesus, the retarded Osama Bin Laden. It works. It's funny. Inappropriate? I dunno. I feel like I'm a pretty good judge of what crosses the line of good taste being that I am retarded. Socially perhaps, but severly retarded. — Bonnie McFarlane

I was excellent at English and Drama. Maths and Science I was terrible at. I didn't have any interest in them. I was happiest at lunchtime, playing with my friends. But I love science now, that's the funny thing. And I'd be so good at geography, as I've been fortunate enough to travel the world. — Peter Andre

There is just one rule about boxing: never bet on the white guy. — Lennox Lewis

You don't get it. He was all I had. Adam was it. That was it. And you all took it away."
He flinched and dropped my arm. "That's not true. I'm here for you."
Shaking my head, I backed up. "I don't know you, so that means nothing to me. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month! — Jim Gaffigan

I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, "I'm glad I ate that." I'm always like, "I'm gonna die! I paid for that? Did I eat it or rub it on my face? My back hurts." — Jim Gaffigan

I have twin six-year-old boys. Have no mojo. The closest thing to a mojo I have is five minutes of peace. — Darin Strauss

I'm trying to throw a big broad net to try to get people interested in God and believe that He's for them and has a purpose. — Joel Osteen

Unlimited power is apt to corrupt the minds of those who posses it; and this I know, my lords: that where law ends, tyranny begins. — William Pitt

When it comes to ethnic markets, most of the shoppers really are very well informed. Most of the shoppers come from cultures - including China - where food preparation receives a lot more attention than in the United States. These shoppers also are largely immigrants or children of immigrants. Either they come from cultures where most food prices are lower than in the United States, or the immigrants have lower incomes themselves, or both. — Tyler Cowen

Some people that work for Hot Pockets came to my Denver Paramount Theater show. They brought these hot pocket boxes the size of suit cases for me to sign. I wrote "these are WMD's" on the boxes. The HP people seem to have a good sense of humor about all of it. — Jim Gaffigan