Horoscope Humor Quotes & Sayings

Every city has a village in its heart. You will never understand the city, unless you first understand the village. — Gregory David Roberts

Strange, her horoscope hadn't mentioned to beware of crazy kidnappers or demented desert sheikhs this week. — Lora Leigh

I can't live without a good scrub or concealer. Concealer could give you 8 hours sleep instantly. I also love lipstick, for everyday a berry tone that resembles the natural lip color. — Maria Canals Barrera

I'm underrealized," Lula said. "I gotta lot of untapped potential. Yesterday my horoscope said I gotta expand my horizons." "You expand any more in that dress, and you'll get yourself arrested," Connie said.
Twelve Sharp — Janet Evanovich

Why do you haunt me? You, like a tattoo on my tongue, like the bay leaf at the bottom of every pan. You who sprawled out beside me and sang my horoscope to a Schubert symphony, something about travel and money again, and we lay there, both of our breaths bad, both of our underwear dangling elastic, and then you turned toward me with a gaze like two matches, putting the horoscope aside, you traced my buried ribs with your index finger, lingered at my collarbone, admiring it as one might a flying buttress, murmuring: Nice clavicle. And me, too new at it and scared, not knowing what to say, whispering: You should see my ten-speed. — Lorrie Moore

HOROSCOPE:
Today is a good time for making new friends. A good deed may have unforeseen consequences. Don't upset any druids. You will soon be going on a very strange journey. Your lucky food is small cucumbers. People pointing knives at you are probably up to no good. PS, we really mean it about the druids. — Terry Pratchett

Europe's experiment with multiculturalism, or the side-by-side existence of different cultures, has failed throughout the continent. Integration requires a minimum basis of shared values, that is, a culture of mutual tolerance and respect - in other words, what constitutes the heart of European culture. — Walter Kasper

None of the evils which totalitarianism ... claims to remedy is worse than totalitarianism itself. — Albert Camus

The quest for Love changes us. There is no seeker among those who search for Love who has not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for Love, you start to change within and without — Elif Shafak

FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there's a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue. — S.J Perelman

Beyond the first few thousand words of English, many words are expansions of more basic words through the addition of morphemes — Grabe

If the individuals who compose the purest circles of aristocracy in Europe, the guarded blood of centuries, should pass in review,in such manner as that we could, at leisure, and critically inspect their behavior, we might find no gentleman, and no lady; for, although excellent specimens of courtesy and high-breeding would gratify us in the assemblage, in the particulars, we should detect offence. Because, elegance comes of no breeding, but of birth. — Ralph Waldo Emerson