Hookers Quotes & Sayings

Waiters are like hookers, never around when you want them. — Bernie Ecclestone

It had been a long while since I'd watched any television, and things had only gotten weirder. Beauty pageants for infants; ruddy men in trucker caps fighting over abandoned storage lockers; public shamings of compulsive hoarders and pre-diabetics; affluent suburban women made up like transvestite hookers, competing with each other in feats of coarseness and cruelty; barely literate pregnant teens with tattoos, unfocused eyes, and futures like wrecked cars; apoplectic crypto-fascists spitting bile and paranoia; a carnival midway of weight loss devices, hair growth creams, erectile dysfunction potions, and pottery from which herbs grew like green hair. It was like the day room of a surrealist mental hospital, or any big city ER on a summer Saturday night. — Peter Spiegelman

It's like a mini Bourbon Street with less culture and more disgusting hookers. — Tucker Max

Time and tide and hookers wait for no man. — Rodney Dangerfield

We got hookers with heaters that'll stray pop and put more shells in your top than Adidas. — Kool G Rap

I look like a hooker."
"A slut," I corrected. "Hookers have pastier complexions."
"The voice of experience, I'm sure. — Martyn V. Halm

What the hell were you doing with five thousand dollars on you?"
"Eight, actually. I had grand plans for today. Hookers and blow aren't cheap, but I suppose animal sacrifice will have to do. Happy birthday. — Michelle Hodkin

We're all hookers in one way or another. — Kelly Cutrone

I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers. — Bill Maher

Isn't it strange
when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan

It's like a bunch of hookers advertising their cellulite/ stretch- mark infested bodies to the highest bidder, and then claiming they deserve respect. Crawling on their hands and knees, pupils dilated on the high of greed, licking their lips almost tasting their next job of self- whoredom, and nothing is more tempting than the idea of Mr. Ellison. He could pay for tricks perform by the Pope, chandler-swinging strip-tease nuns.. No one has ever said "NO" to the idea of money and therefore no one has ever said "No" to Mr. Ellison and actually meant it... and then you have to wonder why he has no respect for people? — Avra Amar Filion

Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head. — Christopher Titus

I'm hypoglycemic and squeamish and liable to pass out at the first sign of blood. That happened this morning. I came into the kitchen and found blood on the floor, right next to a few dead hookers. — Jarod Kintz

The Strip was still lit by a million neon lights, though the crowds on the sidewalk had greatly decreased by this hour. Still, Bosch was awed by the spectacle of light. In every imaginable color and configuration, it was a megawatt funnel of enticement to greed that burned twenty-four hours a day. Bosch felt the same attraction that all the other grinders felt tug at them. Las Vegas was like one of the hookers on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. Even happily married men at least glanced their way, if only for a second, just to get an idea what was out there, maybe give them something to think about. Las Vegas was like that. There was a visceral attraction here. The bold promise of money and sex. But the first was a broken promise, a mirage, and the second was fraught with danger, expense, physical and mental risk. It was where the real gambling took place in this town. — Michael Connelly

Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream. — David Letterman

Amos will be murdered by space hookers, but at least he'll die the way he lived. — James S.A. Corey

Hookers in Times Square, God bless 'em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they'll change positions. — David Letterman

This preternatural love of rules almost for their own sake punctuates German finance as it does German life. As it happens, a story had just broken that a German reinsurance company called Munich Re, back in June 2007, or just before the crash, had sponsored a party for its best producers that offered not just chicken dinners and nearest-to-the-pin golf competitions but a blowout with prostitutes in a public bath. In finance, high or low, this sort of thing is of course not unusual. What was striking was how organized the German event was. The company tied white and yellow and red ribbons to the prostitutes to indicate which ones were available to which men. After each sexual encounter the prostitute received a stamp on her arm to indicate how often she had been used. The Germans didn't just want hookers: they wanted hookers with rules. — Michael Lewis

The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I'll tell you that much. — Zach Braff

The door swung open and three pint-sized...hookers...stared up at him, their glitter-glossed smiles slowly disappearing from their over painted faces. — Samanthe Beck

One time we saw some hookers but when we got closer we realized it was Motley Crue. — James Hetfield

Just because a woman is good at something doesn't necessarily mean it's what she should do in life. If that were the case most of the women in the Belle family would be hookers. — Paula Wall

You're real pretty. Got good strong thighs. And you've got oral skills most men would kill for." Now everyone turned and looked at Sissy Mae. "That's lovely, Sissy," Marty sighed out. "I was only complimenting her." "Compliments like that create hookers. — Anonymous

Whereupon, at the tender age of thirteen, I set upon the path of playing nothing but hookers. — Ida Lupino

My friends in prison were mostly women more like myself: not historical figures who I did not relate to as peers, but hookers and addicts. — Patricia McConnell

An old interview of Arnold Schwartzenegger has surfaced where he admits to smoking a lot of pot and having sex with hookers. Finally a Republican all Californians can get behind. — David Letterman

It was better with the subs than it was with the gold diggers or the hookers. These were real people, with real lives, real jobs, real hearts. It meant something when they submitted to my demands. It meant trust, and trust meant love. I got that
I mean, I understood that. And, oh, Lisa, how I needed that - but I didn't know how to deal. I was too broken. — A. Violet End

I worked for 20 directors as a production designer, most male. I was on the set to witness firsthand a range of sometimes atrocious emotions - well-documented firings, yellings, fights between directors and actors, hookers, abusive things, budget overages, lack of preparation. A man gets a standing ovation for crying because he's so sensitive, but a woman is shamed. — Catherine Hardwicke

Who that man in the black Sedan
With two cheap hookers and a Mexican
Pumpin' white lines, sippin' warm Coors Light
Mickey Avalon, call me Mr. Right — Mickey Avalon

I don't know what to do with it. I'm very fortunate to have it, and it gives you room to maneuver. But the main thing about having money is it means you don't have to worry about it. And that for me is a lovely thing. It's not for fast cars and hookers. — Daniel Radcliffe

Money doesn't buy happiness. It buys great hookers - but not happiness. — Burt Reynolds

My town has an "Adult" store that's been there for a while, despite the fact that a lot of people protested it during the planning stages, because they thought it would bring drugs and hookers and cheap used furniture into town. Wait. That's Craigslist. Nevermind. — Rodney Lacroix

Security here in New York City is still very tight. Hookers in Times Square now are demanding two forms of fake ID. — David Letterman

Hookers, Hondas and Hollywood all approach customers with a different mindset than the rest of the business world. Whereas most businesses talk about the importance of "customer service," agents, mechanics and people of the night talk about "servicing customers."

It is an important distinction, as customer service is generally a reactive process in which professionals and businesses respond to the needs of their clients, while servicing customers involves exploration to discover what the customer needs in order to start firing all the cylinders. — Ari Gold

I dont know why everybody is giving Prince Harry a hard time. Hes like every other red-blooded American man - he wants to get drunk and go out with hookers. — Nathan Lane

That's what hookers get...
... — Deyth Banger

[When asked how he's keeping his 12-year marriage to wife Jill fresh] Hookers, drugs. We're playing the field right now. — Harry Connick Jr.

How was practice?" Shawna asked when Jet walked into the kitchen. "You must've worked hard again, you smell like a wet puppy." "We did." Jet grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. " Your buddy said she was proud of us today." "That's good." Shawna smiled as checked on their dinner. " Are you starting to like her now?" I don't want to beat her with my flagpole anymore, but I wouldn't say I like her. Now your other friend is all up in the punch. Mrs. Scofield was at practice today passing out chocolate milk and telling us what to do with our glitter," Jet said and took a drink of her water. Shawna glanced at Jet. "What're you going to do with the glitter?" "Put it on my eyelids. Personally, I think we're gonna look like sparkly hookers, but makeup isn't my call... — Robin Alexander

Women are not allowed to be [complicated] in our society. We're comfortable seeing women as great mothers, and then we're comfortable seeing them as hookers, but there's no in-between. — Charlize Theron

Everybody knows about Las Vegas. It's a state of mind. Some people want to come with their kids and have a great weekend. Some people want to shop. Some people want to find hookers. Some people want to eat. Some people just want to gamble. It's a potpourri of decadence. — Michael Douglas

Thailand has been dubbed a lustful playground where it is overlooked when a straight male foggily awakes with new tattoos, missing limbs, and a torn anus from a belligerent romp with a transsexual ladyboy. As my shipmates perpetually claimed in defending their infidelities, "Hookers don't count. They're not real people. — Maggie Young

My view on global warming is that it's a gigantic financial scam to funnel money to these countries that think they ostensibly are going to use to improve conditions in their country, environmentally and so on, but officials use - I guess apparently Tiger Woods did - to hire hookers, ride around in limos and in cases of some of these diplomats and some of these countries buy cocaine ... — Don Imus

What the fuck are you doing with your life?"
"Dating hookers, learning the gay, housing criminals, pissing off my fellow cops, and taking in what everyone says is a cat, but which I'm definitely sure is not a cat. I'm undecided on its actual species. I think it's a cross between a rat and some kind of alien life - — Dani Alexander

My songs are my hookers. I can't worry about how they are going to be treated; they just need to bring home the bacon. — Ester Dean

Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role. — Andy Borowitz

Looking about to burst into laughter, he replied, You have two male dogs in a pen which is wrapped in bright pink fishnet. They look like they're strippers. They look like hookers, Nat! — Belle Aurora

What do hookers do on their nights off, type? — Elayne Boosler

I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn't a hard 'r' cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one - she's 12, but very sophisticated so it's an unusual case. — Bob Saget

I know shit about sex that would make hookers blush, but I haven't had a lot of it that was memorable." His — Kit Rocha

Who wouldn't want to vote for a guy who was a peaceful, radical, non-violent revolutionary; who hung around with lepers, hookers, and crooks; who never spoke English; was not an American citizen; anti-capitalism; totally anti-death penalty; anti-public prayer (Matthew 6:5); but never once anti-gay; didn't mention abortion; and was a long-haired, brown-skinned, homeless, middle-eastern, Jew? — John Fugelsang

Hookers have to deliver on their promise ... unlike politicians. — Marty Feldman

Outside my window, truckers trucked, hookers fucked, cops cruised, kids smoked, elders yelled, invalids slept, spouses fought, lovers kissed, while I watched a pussycat playing with stars in a black room. — Jardine Libaire

Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life. — Dave Attell

I can pay you."
He raised his eyebrows. "I'm sure there are services for that.Maybe you can try calling 1-800-HOOKERS or something?"
"You know the number well? — Kasie West

I'm like a monk with a taste for hookers. — Moby

She was speaking in tongues?"
"What da f**k else she gonna speak with?" Veda rolled her eyes. I saw no reason to explai, so I let her go on. — Sierra Dean

Go home, talk about it together. Bake Christmas cookies and crap. Then tell me what you want to happen. Know that I'm yours. My loyalty, my soul is yours no matter what you decide. Crap, you can shoot me in the back, and I'll never want anything but to be around you hookers."
Blake stood and shook his head. "Nah, I don't need time. I appreciate the place in Hawaii, and it would be great to go to - maybe for a vacation sometime? But I'm here. I'm not leaving you. You're my family. — Debra Anastasia

I'm so pucked. There'd better be a support group for hockey hookers. — Helena Hunting

The retirees are gone from their plastic rockers on the front porches of the aging art-deco hotels. Hookers, dealers, pimps, chicken hawks, and runaways no longer stroll Ocean Drive, hustling their wares. The Yuppies have staked claims to South Beach, spiffing up the old buildings with turquoise and salmon paint, dressing themselves in bright, baggy cottons and silks, and hovering on the perimeter of perpetual trendiness. — Paul Levine

Q: What do peanut butter and hookers have in common? A: Both spread for bread. — Evelyn Beilenson

You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that. — Murray Mexted

After the old man came up for air, he said, "C-O-P-D. Never even smoked a day in my life, you believe that? My lawyer thinks some chemical at the foundry did this to me but it's impossible to prove. I don't know what good a settlement would do me anyway. It's not like I can go to Disney World. If I see any money, I'm going to be irresponsible for the first time in my life and blow it all on hookers and coke. — Evan Ronan

The only difference between Las Vegas and Washington, D.C. is that at least Vegas has the decency to admit the town is full of hookers and crooks. — Glenn Beck

We're having Thanksgiving at our place," he said. "An old-fashioned Thanksgiving." "With drag queens and hookers and cranberry sauce?" I asked breathlessly. "Just like at Grandma's," he replied. — Josh Kilmer-Purcell

Hookers don't like to snuggle. — Zach Galifianakis

A valet pulled up in a sleek-lined sports car painted that particular shade of red peculiar to expensive vehicles and hookers' lipstick. — Seanan McGuire

Criminality was so widespread that its practitioners split into fields of specialization. Some became coney catchers, or swindlers (a coney was a rabbit reared for the table and thus unsuspectingly tame); others became foists (pickpockets), nips, or nippers (cutpurses), hookers (who snatched desirables through open windows with hooks), abtams (who feigned lunacy to provide a distraction), whipjacks, fingerers, cross biters, cozeners, courtesy men, and many more. Brawls were shockingly common. — Bill Bryson

I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night. — Doug Stanhope

If you were chopping up hookers or eating runaways, you'd try to look normal. — Gillian Flynn

Hookers do tricks, magicians make magic. — Dick Christian

People always look down their noses at hookers. Never give you a chance because they think you took the easy way out, when no one would imagine the willpower it took to do what we do, walking the streets night after night, taking the hits and still getting back up. — Aileen Wuornos

Hookers and governments they are both whores. Hookers sell their own body and governments, the poor people's. — M.F. Moonzajer

Vampire females are as good as extinct."
Thad was aghast. "No females?"
Natalya patted his shoulder. "You can date other species, Tiger. Don't you worry. I've already thought of some ladies to relieve you of your big V. One's a nymph - "
"Over my dead body," Regin said. "Two-bit hookers, every one of them."
Thad scratched his head. "Mr. Lothaire said every male needed a purring nymph or two chained to the foot of his
bed. As pets."
Natalya gasped. "All right, lad, no more talking to Lothaire. — Kresley Cole

So where were you?"
"Oh, hookers, blow, the usual."
"Why do I even love you? — Michelle Hodkin

Personal prejudice: Hispanic and Latino women with blond hair look like hookers to me, no matter how clean or cute they are. Somehow those skin tones that look so good with dark, dark hair just don't work for me with lighter shades. — John Byrne

I wasn't sure exactly how prostitutes determined price, but if men bought hookers by the pound, these two would be doing okay. — Janet Evanovich

Nobody spoiled for a fight like a group of Downside hookers around the corpse of one of their own. — Stacia Kane

Hey Deion, Bubbelah - maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you to acquire four of the five remaining 1932 Aston Martins still in road-worthy condition after you'd paid for life's little necessities like hookers and weed, get your medulla oblongata out of your duodenum for a few milliseconds, and make a tackle or two, okay, Babe? — Dennis Miller

Some men get the world, some men get ex-hookers and a trip to Arizona. You're in with the former, but my God I don't envy the blood on your conscience. — James Ellroy

There'd better be a support group for hockey hookers. I'm — Helena Hunting

I'm an expert in hookers. I'm an expert in doormats. I'm an expert in victims. They were the best parts. And when I woke up
sociologically, politically, and creatively
I could no longer take those parts and look in the mirror. — Shirley Maclaine

There is a cliche that men want their women to be ladies in public and hookers behind closed doors. I want my woman to be the sharper image robot so that she can be turned off. — Al Goldstein

I guess you could say there are two Slashes. There's the crazy, rock-and-roll Slash, he's wild. And then there's the real Slash- he collects miniature soaps and treats his hookers real nice. — Slash

I wanted to write a book that imagined where advances in the study of genetics might lead us. Holman was the first character who came to me: I envisaged the misshapen offspring of beautiful, wealthy parents. Then I realised that he bore a striking resemblance to Toulouse-Lautrec. I developed that, made Holman an alcoholic who lives among hookers, an artist tortured by his disability. — Jonathan Trigell