Hilarious Random Quotes & Sayings

Most libels, and I have taken about 30 actions, take place at election time. It has not stuck because I am prepared to go before a court, stand in the witness box and face the most aggressive of lawyers who can cross-examine me on my personal history. — Lee Kuan Yew

Oh come on,'Pheobe continued. 'You're asking for it. Pale skin, black clothes, no lunch and that whole brooding thing? It's hilarious. You should get body glitter and go after an unsuspecting freshman.'
'You should!' Cassidy agreed. 'Tell her you're a dangerous monster. And mention how good her blood smells.'
'Wrong time of the month on that one, and I'm getting slapped,' I muttered, and everyone laughed. — Robyn Schneider

Are they fighting or having a bookclub? — Mia Sheridan

Meditation is not a means to an end. It is both the means and the end. — Jiddu Krishnamurti

I'm an exceptional artist. Trapped in the body of man with no musical — Kathleen Tessaro

Natasha Lyonne is fantastic on Twitter. She posts hilarious pictures. I don't even know where she finds some of them; it'll be like a random picture of a chinchilla kissing a lion or Bill Murray and Jim Belushi out on a boat or something. — Uzo Aduba

If I can surround myself with hilarious people every day, I will always want to go to work. — Rashida Jones

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! — Rick Riordan

Tell him why I didn't stop, Marcus." The art dealer sighed. "You never said anything about butterflies, you moron. — Joey W. Hill

I'd say," the Ranger answered after a few seconds' deliberation, "that he'll be heading south now that he has the chance. Back into Araluen."
"How do you know that?" Horace asked. He was always impressed at the two Rangers' ability to read a situation and come up with the correct answer to a problem. Sometimes, he thought, they almost seemed to have divine guidance.
"I'm guessing," Halt told him. — John Flanagan

I'm at peace, at last. I fear nothing. I yearn for nothing. I suppose you could call that happiness — Jose Eduardo Agualusa

I miss our Would You Rather conversations and your hilarious answers. I miss your laugh. I miss the way I feel when I make you laugh. Like I just won something really important. I miss just sitting with you in perfect, silent understanding. I miss the way you never judge anyone. It's such a rare find, Liv. And I miss watching how kind you are with everyone. I miss being able to call you and talk to you about random shit and important shit. I miss my best friend. I miss you. I love you. — Samantha Young

Books are the blessed chloroform of the mind. — Robert W. Chambers

Everyone calls me 'the male Jennifer Lawrence,' because I just say things because I'm random, and I do things and I don't care what people think. I think she's hilarious. — Colton Haynes

What an ugly beast the ape, and how like us. — Marcus Tullius Cicero

He openned the door that he assumed was the garage only to find himself in the pantry.
crap.
"Um ... grabbing some Pop-Tarts for the road," Nick said, covering his mistake. Still, they both stared at him as if he'd escaped Arkham Asylum. Offering them a fake smile, he grabbed the pastries, crossed himself, and hoped he got the next door correct.
Nope. Bathroom.
With a pain-filled groan at his rampant stupidity, Nick pretended to use it before he tried again. At least there were only two more doors to go.
Fifty-fifty chance.
Thankfully, third time was the charm. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Night descended on Roarhaven like a woolly blanket of blackness with holes in it that were the stars. — Derek Landy

If you fellows have been hunted from one end of the country to the other as I have been, you'll understand what a bad man's reputation is built on. I've had credit for more killings than I ever dreamt of — Doc Holliday