Hedberg Comedian Quotes & Sayings

When my head is in the typewriter the last thing on my mind is some imaginary reader. I don't have an audience; I have a set of standards. But when I think of my work out in the world, written and published, I like to imagine it's being read by some stranger somewhere who doesn't have anyone around him to talk to about books and writing - maybe a would-be writer, maybe a little lonely, who depends on a certain kind of writing to make him feel more comfortable in the world. — Don DeLillo

Being a reporter is one of the noblest things you can do in life. Letting the people know. It's really a holy cause. Time after time after time, in the middle of corruption and disgrace and bad politics, I've seen people come through and do for people. I write about someone in trouble and someone else rallies to help them. Through reporting, things can change. — Celestine Sibley

what I meant." Glaser — Don Donaldson

No hay problema," Orlando agreed. "But you haven't said where?" His eyes grazed over the rumpled tux, Aiden not having thought about where the tattoo might go. Isabel had an answer.
"His neck."
"My neck?"
"Tiene cojones," Orlando said slyly grinning.
"Yes, your neck. It'll be your thing, you know, when you're famous
like an insigna. It's sexy and dangerous. Aidan's going to be a famous rock star, Orlando."
Aidan admired her confidence. "From her lips ... "
"I surely hope, mis amigos, because putting that thing on your neck does not say nine-to-five employment. — Laura Spinella

The world runs on from one folly to another; and the man who, solely from regard to the opinion of others, and without any wish or necessity of his own, toils after gold, honour, or any other phantom, is no better than a fool. — Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do — Dennis Ritchie

When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?" — Mitch Hedberg

this one is a matter of personal testimony; I could put together a whole volume of tales I've been told along the lines of "I used to be an atheist, and I was [strung out on drugs] [cruel to my family] [divorcing my wife] [etc.], but then I found Jesus and became a new man of high character and deep happiness, therefore Jesus was real." The entire churchgoing people of America must once have been raving angry atheist hedonists in broken relationships - which suggests that at an earlier time in our civic life, the parties were much more fun and the libertines far more common. Unfortunately, I've never been able to identify this magical period in recent history, even though I've lived through a few generations now. Yet all the Christians today seem to be citing this mythical past of ubiquitous godlessness. I really regret that I missed it all. Having — P.Z. Myers

Food is important for me, but as a restaurant group, to expand, you know, we have to look where the best market are - where the best markets are. — Jean-Georges Vongerichten

Conservatives are fond of pointing out there are problems in this world can't be solved by throwing money at them. There are even more that can't be solved by dropping bombs on them. — Molly Ivins

Has anyone seen me on Letterman? Two million people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You might have seen this next comedian on the Late Show, but I think more people have seen me at the store. That should be my introduction. "You might have seen this next comedian at the store," and people would say "Hell yes I have!" — Mitch Hedberg

As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes. You're all happy at first, but then by the end, you're sick of 'em. — Mitch Hedberg

You sound almost bitter about it."
"I am. Life is a cheat. A tease. If you're born into a happy or comfortable existence, then you grow attached to it and some day it's taken from you for one reason or another. And if you're born into suffering, then things are that much worse. No matter how your life begins or unfolds, as Jim Morrison so poetically put it, 'No one here gets out alive. — Zack Love

Both terrorism and insurance sell fear
and business is business — Liam McCurry

When you teach her that hoe mentality, they accept that as reality. — Big Daddy Kane