Handjob Quotes & Sayings

Extroverts tend to tackle assignments quickly. They make fast (sometimes rash) decisions, and are comfortable multitasking and risk-taking. They enjoy "the thrill of the chase" for rewards like money and status. Introverts often work more slowly and deliberately. They like to focus on one task at a time and can have mighty powers of concentration. They're relatively immune to the lures of wealth and fame. — Susan Cain

Step 6: Stop enjoying things ironically. Just enjoy them
Know what? I love Britney Spears and Forever 21. And I could pretend like it's this whole meta thing where I'm not actually enjoying it but rather just making this esoteric statement on lowbrow culture, but (insert handjob motion here).
The truth is that I love trashy dance pop and the garments that are its clothing equivalent. You don't need to make your tastes a self-conscious statement about who you are. Just unapologetically like the things you like. — Kelly Williams Brown

A person who gets angry at his own illness is sure to overcome it — Ivan Turgenev

Ryan said slowly, "Jamie, how much experience do you actually have?" If anything, Jamie looked even more uncomfortable. "I've been in the closet all my life." "How much?" Ryan pressed. "Until Paul, a few snogs and a handjob." It was Ryan's turn to stare. "Did you go all the way with him?" he asked at last, hoping Jamie would say no. He didn't trust that dickhead to treat Jamie right - Jamie who had practically been a virgin, Jesus. Who the hell was a virgin at twenty-two? "Yeah, — Alessandra Hazard

Relentless criticism in childhood can internalize a parental scorn that no amount of success will silence. — Bruce Watson

How is Eric?'
'Very tightly wound. Plus, a lot of stuff happened that he'll tell you about.'
'Thanks for the warning. I'll go to the house now. You're my favorite breather.'
'Oh. Well ... great.'
She hung up. — Charlaine Harris

I can recapture everything when I write, my thoughts, my ideals and my fantasies. — Anne Frank

When I was young, I worked for a capitalist twelve hours a day and I was always tired. Now I work for myself twenty hours a day and I never get tired — Nikita Khrushchev

It looks like two alpacas fucking, mostly," he said apologetically. "Of course, sometimes, the boy can't get his boy parts past the girl's furry ass, and he needs a little help, so then it looks like two alpacas fucking while their handler's giving the one on top a handjob. — Amy Lane

It was as unsatisfying as a handjob from someone wearing an oven mitt. — Paul Di Filippo

Getting a rise out of him was like trying to give a handjob to a parking meter: you were going to end up frustrated and exhausted long before a cop came along to haul you away. — Christopher Moore

I have been represented as a Protestant minister; there was not one of the canvassers of the honourable gentlemen opposite that did not represent to the people that I was not a Minister of the Crown, but that I was a Protestant minister. — Wilfrid Laurier

The weather is fine,' she said after a moment.
'Have we already run out of things to say?'
His voice was light and teasing, and when she turned to steal a glance at his face, he was looking straight ahead, a small, secret smile touching his lips.
'The weather is very fine,' she amended.
His smile deepened. So did hers. — Julia Quinn

People are happiest when they are giving, they are saddest when they are just taking. And that is the core message of community. — Kevin Rudd

I peer through the spectral, polluted, nicotine-sodden windows of my sock at these old lollopers in their kiddie gear. Go home, I say. Go home, lie down, and eat lots of potatoes. I had three handjobs yesterday. None was easy. Sometimes you really have to buckle down to it, as you do with all forms of exercise. It's simply a question of willpower. Anyone who's got the balls to stand there and tell me that a handjob isn't exercise just doesn't know what he's talking about. I almost had a heart-attack during number three. I take all kinds of other exercise too. I walk up and down the stairs. I climb into cabs and restaurant booths. I hike to the Butcher's Arms and the London Apprentice. I cough a lot. I throw up pretty frequently, which really takes it out of you. I sneeze, and hit the tub and the can. I get in and out of bed, often several times a day. — Martin Amis

Man, that's a killer strategy, that is, an awesome way to persuade the incognoscenti that we're not crazed hokum junkies, high on hackwork, trying to pimp our addled euphoria to anyone who passes. Yeah, vehement denial that we've got anything to do with the crack-whore pump-daddy beast of a thousand cocks locked in the closet. Bitter accusations of snootcocking snipewankery when they point out that crack-whore pimp-daddy beast of a thousand cocks in the closet. Offended outrage when they assume the mindfuck we're touting is a cheap handjob, just because we're, like, standing on a street corner dressed to sell our arses. And because our first words to a prospective customer just happens to be, 'Hey, big boy. — Hal Duncan

Life is like a dry handjob. Just when it starts getting good, it's already over. — Jayme K.

Look how fantastic this ring looks on my hand while it's holding your cook."
"Jesus Christ, woman. — Alice Clayton

... Turning the simple 'handjob' into something exquisitely erotic seems quite a reasonable goal."

Louise to Acacia, re her husbands immediate future, in Explicitly Sexy — Martin Rinehart

But this loneliness exists and eats away at the best parts of us because we must use all our energy to appear happy, even though we will never be able to deceive ourselves. — Paulo Coelho

Workers and their families may starve to death in the New World Order of economic rationality, but diamond necklaces are cheaper in elegant New York shops, thanks to the miracle of the market. — Noam Chomsky

For once he wanted to wake up the next day and feel something. — Samantha Sotto

Dipping his hand between the denim he'd parted, Logan thought he would feel cotton, but as his fingers brushed over wiry hair, he groaned out loud. "Commando? You came to see me fucking commando? — Ella Frank

This fellow will not go wrong again; he is too terribly frightened. Send him to gaol now, and you make him a gaol-bird for life. Besides, it is the season of forgiveness. Chance has put in our way a most singular and whimsical problem, and its solution is its own reward. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Any knowledge of homosexuality I might have had would have gone back to Victorian times. All those novels. You probably skirted under my radar, because you weren't wearing hoop skirts and high button boots. — Ivan E. Coyote

Are you there, God? It's me, Layla. I know I just jerked off some guy who is not even my boyfriend in the bathroom of this crappy, brown house. But if you could find a way to kill me quickly and painlessly within the next ten seconds, I promise to never touch another penis again. Well, I'll be dead, so, I guess I promise not to whore it up in heaven. Which, of course is where you'll be sending me, right? I mean I'd hate to think you'd deny me an eternity behind your pearly gates just because of one impetuous handjob. Thank you. Sincerely, Layla Warren. Amen. — T. Torrest

The exhausted mind is obsession's easiest prey. — Stephen King