Quotes & Sayings About Gynecologist

It's not a big part, ... I wheel in an ultrasound machine and say to Taylor's gynecologist, 'If you have a problem with it, just give it a light tap on the side.' Then they hand me a urine sample, and I put it up to the light and say 'Hmm, looks pretty healthy, but I'll check.' — Craig Kilborn

I'd just run into my gynecologist at Starbucks and she totally looked right past me like she didn't even know me. And so I stood there wondering whether that's something she does on purpose to make her clients feel less uncomfortable, or whether she just genuinely didn't recognize me without my vagina. Either way, it's very disconcerting when people who've been inside your vagina don't acknowledge your existence. Also, I just want to clarify that I don't mean "without my vagina" like I didn't have it with me at the time. — Jenny Lawson

Well," Carole said, turning in her seat, "after being fingerprinted and being given a lie detector test, I'll never complain again about going to the gynecologist. — Stephanie Bond

A woman goes to the gynecologist but won't tell the receptionist what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor. After hours of waiting, she gets in. "Ma'am, what seems to be the problem?" the doctor asks. "Well," she says, "my husband is a compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles away. I had five hundred dollars and in order to hide it from him, I stuffed it in my vagina - but now I can't get it out." "Don't be nervous. I see this sort of thing all the time." He asks her to pull down her underwear, sits her down with her legs wide open, puts his gloves on and says, "I only have one question. What am I looking for? Bills or loose change? — Barry Dougherty

I've been at stand-up for years: after a while, you get as jaded as the proverbial gynecologist who no longer enjoys drugging and violating his patients. — Emo Philips

Never let a gynecologist put anything in your nose. — Gilda Radner

Was that a personal call, Cammie?" he asked with a shrewd glance. I had a brief moment of panic before composing myself. "Yes. It was my gynecologist. He wanted to discuss my latest pap smear. Do you want to know how the cells on my cervix are doing? — R.S. Grey

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. — Carrie Snow

One of my favorite sketches, and a popular comedy formula, is to put someone with a mental handicap in some kind of unlikely situation. For example: The retarded gynecologist, the retarded Jesus, the retarded Osama Bin Laden. It works. It's funny. Inappropriate? I dunno. I feel like I'm a pretty good judge of what crosses the line of good taste being that I am retarded. Socially perhaps, but severly retarded. — Bonnie McFarlane

I'm not a gynecologist but I'll take a look. — Tara Sivec

There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated.
Charley — Darynda Jones

I go for my completely routine mammogram and then I get a call from my gynecologist. And she says, 'Well, I have some - it's not such great news, but here it is, but it's very small and we're just going to get in there and take it right out, right away, and then you'll probably have radiation.' — Cynthia Nixon

I think Dr. Leslie's in love with me.
I certainly hope so.
Not that I want him to suffer. But I figure that if my gynecologist's in love with me, I must have a very interesting mind. — J.D. Landis

It didn't matter much what Dwayne said. It hadn't mattered much for years. It didn't matter much what most people in Midland City said out loud, except when they were talking about money or structures or travel or machinery - or other measurable thins. Every person had a clearly defined part to play - as a black person, a female high school drop-out, a Pontiac dealer, a gynecologist, a gas-conversion burner installer. If a person stopped living up to expectations, because of bad chemicals or one thing or another, everybody went on imagining that the person was living up to expectations anyway.
That was the main reason the people in Midland City were so slow to detect insanity in their associates. Their imaginations insisted that nobody changed much from day to day. Their imaginations were flywheels on the ramshackle machinery of awful truth. — Kurt Vonnegut

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood. — Dov Davidoff

One of my favorite examples involves Dr. Peter Greenspan, a Jewish obstetrician-gynecologist who also teaches at a medical school. The more he read books by critics who were trying to attack the prophecies, the more he recognized the flaws in their arguments. Ironically, concluded Greenspan, "I think I actually came to faith in Y'shua [Jesus] by reading what detractors wrote."36 — Ravi Zacharias

Barbara had really missed her calling. She should have been a gynecologist. Nothing pleased her more than having her face between another woman's legs. — Elysia N. Fields

And now there are two distinct phases to sex with Daryl: the first two minutes like an exam from an autistic gynecologist, the next ten a visit from the Roto-Rooter man. — Jess Walter

Another of Mack's patients says that the aliens have been taking eggs from her since she was sexually mature, and that her reproductive system baffles her gynecologist. Is it baffling enough to write the case up and submit a research paper to The New England Journal of Medicine? Apparently it's not that baffling. — Carl Sagan

She reached behind her to unfasten her bra, then stopped. "Do you need me to take all my clothes off, or just from the waist down?" "This isn't a visit to the gynecologist, Rachel. Everything must go." His voice was lightly mocking. — Anne Stuart

We'll go to the most posh gynecologist in New York. One who gets Harper's Bazaar for the reception room. How does that sound? — Philip Roth

He was one of the first people to complain about the increasing encroachment of the state into personal lives, but, actually, shouldn't there be a little more encroachment, when it came to things like this? Where was the protective fence, or the safety net? They made it hard for you to jump off bridges, or to smoke, to own a gun, to become a gynecologist. So how come they let you walk out on a stable, functioning relationship? They shouldn't. If this didn't work out, he could see himself become a homeless, jobless alcoholic within a year. And that would be worse for his health than a packet of Malboros. — Nick Hornby

I have something called endometriosis, and I was told by my gynecologist that I needed to go on a specific diet if I didn't want to have any more surgery. — Tia Mowry

Won't you at least call a gynecologist in to see me? You're not a specialist in this area." "I don't need you to tell me what my specialties are," he said angrily. "It would be best for everybody concerned if you have an abortion, no matter which way you have it. — Assata Shakur

before explaining that I will need to remove all my clothing including underwear. I'm not sure who attempts a gynecologist appointment with their underwear on, but I don't say anything. — Jana Aston

Ah, now my pet, you'll be callin' me, Ma. Me gynecologist calls me Mrs. McClung," Charlie's mother instructed a blushing Marian. From "A Good Girl — Mary Anne Edwards

We are still groping perhaps, but we grope intelligently, like a gynecologist feeling a tumor. — Vladimir Nabokov

I gotta tell you, Davidson, I'm impressed," he said. "That took balls."
"Please," I said with a snort, "that took ovaries. Of which I have two."
"Have I mentioned that I'm a licensed gynecologist? If your ovaries ever need anything ... — Darynda Jones

Just as I wouldn't expect a gynecologist to have a debate with somebody who believes in the Stork-theory of reproduction, I won't do debates with Young Earth creationists. — Richard Dawkins

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat. — Joan Rivers

Oh my God. My fantasy crush is a gynecologist. My gynecologist. — Jana Aston

What every girl should know: Your vagina is disgusting. It smells like the underside of a kangaroo pouch and he doesn't want to touch you because of the grossness. But thankfully, NEW brand douche, perfected by a leading gynecologist, gently cleanses and refreshes, making you feel feminine and special. Because what's more special than a vage filled with vinegar and chemical daisies? Also available in SPICY CINNAMON TACO, for the girl adventurer. — Kelly Sue DeConnick

Been thinking about having a baby. But if I want to do it, I'd have to do it soon 'cause it's getting near closing time. The clock is ticking. My gynecologist said, if I wanted to have a baby, I would have to do it - the latest - by the ended of this show. — Carol Leifer

I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, Did you know it's time for your annual check-up? No, but now my mailman does. — Cathy Ladman

Expose yourself," they said. "Let us see your deepest and your darkest."
My deepest and my darkest? What are you, my gynecologist? — Jay Asher

I have a great gynecologist who is as gifted at listening as she is at rectal exams. — Tina Fey

By today's standards, my dad wouldn't be considered the greatest dad, and I'm sure his dad wouldn't be considered the greatest dad either. I'm sure my grandfather's dad would be considered an even worse dad. It probably goes all the way back to cavemen fathers just eating their children. What I'm trying to say is, dads are getting better. Either that or we are all slowly being turned into women. At least that's what my gynecologist thinks. — Jim Gaffigan

Jasmine had endured enough parochial schooling before middle school to have a residual attachment to the beautiful parts of believing, the certainty of knowing one is loved by something beyond comprehension, but also a niggling fear of those who believed too much in anything they could not touch. Believers were the sort to wave pictures of dead fetuses at her when she went to her gynecologist for a checkup. — Thomm Quackenbush

A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth. — Daniel Tosh

At 31 years of age, Fred West was a big man trapped in a little man's body. He thought himself to be a gynecologist and Warren Beatty look-a-like all rolled into one ... the surgeon and the stud. — Stephen Richards

I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me 'sir'. — Joan Rivers

I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening. — George Carlin

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone. — Joan Rivers

WARNING: Supposedly, eating quiche isn't manly, and occasionally when I eat quiche, my gynecologist will make fun of me. — Jim Gaffigan

Randy is my gynecologist. I have had a number of gynecologists over the years, all talented in their own ways, but Randy is the best. He is an older Jewish man who, before deciding to inspect ladies down there for a living, played for the Mets. He still has the can-do determination of a pitcher on an underdog team and, to my mind, that is exactly the kind of man you want delivering your babies or rooting around in your vagina. — Lena Dunham

Jim looked into her tear-washed eyes and saw her anguish. For a moment it was as though he shared a measure of the bitter brew - and felt poisoned. She smiled sadly. "Everything was done properly. The right equipment, a sterile environment. Just like you were saying to Dynah. But it wasn't all right, Jim." "What do you mean?" "I couldn't have children. When Doug and I got married, I wanted a baby more than anything, maybe to atone for what I'd done. Or just because it was always a part of what I wanted. Every time I got pregnant, I miscarried. My gynecologist said it was because of the abortion. Dynah was a miracle." Tears slipped down her cheeks. "You told my daughter everything would be fine in a few days. Maybe, God willing, that's the way it'll be. But you know what, Jim? There's more to it than the physical part. It's been twenty-nine years, and I'm still not over it. — Francine Rivers

What's similar between 'Daily Show' and 'RJ Berger' is that people are grabbing me - not quite the groovy intelligentsia Starbucks barista, but the Latina nurses at my gynecologist's office - and telling me they love the show. — Beth Littleford

Did Gran go to a gynecologist? That is totally weird. I never thought about my grandmother's vagina before. I don't want to be thinking about my grandmother's vagina. Not here, at her funeral. In a church. While i'm doing a reading from the Bible. — Meg Cabot