Golf Ball Quotes & Sayings

Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart. — Dave Barry

Bobby JonesConsidered objectively, it is quite obviously a very simple matter to propel a ball with a stick across some specially prepared ground and into a hole which is of sufficient size to accomodate it by a good margin. Simple that is, provided there is no limit upon the time or the number of strokes required. — Bobby Jones

I will say I love competing, and I was in a great era of playing with young Phil Mickelson and older Greg Norman and Nick Price. I don't know if YA Title could throw the ball these days, but you can play golf for a long, long time. — Fred Couples

I heard a delightful - and possibly apocryphal - story about what happened when the British introduced golf to India in the 1820s. Upon building the first golf course there, the Royal Calcutta, the British discovered a problem: Indigenous monkeys were intrigued by the little white balls and would swoop down out of the trees and onto the fairways, picking them up and carrying them off. This was a disruption, to say the least. In response, officials tried erecting fences to keep the monkeys out, but the monkeys climbed right over. They tried capturing and relocating the monkeys, but the monkeys kept coming back. They tried loud noises to scare them away. Nothing worked. In the end, they arrived at a solution: They added a new rule to the game - "Play the ball where the monkey drops it. — Ed Catmull

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit that far. — Jacob Braude

I still swing the way I used to, but when I look up the ball is going in a different direction. — Lee Trevino

The real key to Jack's [Nicklaus] success was his fantastic ability to score. His drives sometimes went into the rough, but he could plow the ball out of the tallest grass and get it on the green; bad lies simply didn't affect him as they did the others. Jack also got tremendous height with his one-iron and two-iron, which meant that he could stop them better than his rivals. — Gardner Dickinson

Trouble shots are surprisingly easy if you activate your imagination. You simply must be able to imagine exactly what flight the ball will take before you can play any shot well. — Walter Hagen

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. — Brian Weiss

When you make a mistake, the ocean gives you an instant reminder. You get punished. If golf clubs could shock you every time you hit the ball wrong, we'd probably learn how to play golf pretty well. — Laird Hamilton

I have to admit," I said when he finished a lengthy discussion on the types of drivers, "I've been golfing and it's about the most boring thing I've ever done. Old men drive around in golf carts pretending they're sporty and getting grouchy if there's any noise. It's like the nursing-home Olympics."
Nick's mouth dropped open. "It takes great athletic ability to know how to aim and drive the ball that far."
"I get more exercise shopping at the mall," I joked. "I don't come home and tell everyone I won at shopping." Although those red shoes I got on sale the other day felt like a win. — Cindi Madsen

The hardest shot in golf is a mashie at 90 yards from the green, where the ball has to be played against an oak tree, bounces back into a sandtrap, hits a stone, bounces on the green and then rolls into the cup. That shot is so difficult I have made it only once. — Zeppo Marx

Placing the ball in the right position for the next shot is eighty percent of winning golf. — Ben Hogan

Got more dirt than ball. Here we go again. — Alan Shepard

May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. — Ben Hogan

For the kids at Chaff, the annual Career Day, held about two weeks before the summer break, was enough to make most of them at contemplate career suicide before they'd even taken an aptitude test or a written resume. Held outdoors on the schoolyard blacktop, the assemblage of coal miners, driving-range golf-ball retrievers, basket weavers, ditch diggers, book-binders, traumatized fire-fighters, and the world's last astronaut never does much to inspire. — Paul Beatty

Hell, they'd say in the country club locker room, you know how Milt's getting his. Everybody knew, bearing testimony to the fact that suburban vice, like a peeling nose, is almost impossible to conceal. It went all over town, this talk, like a swarm of bees, settling down lazily on polite afternoon sun porches to rise once more and settle down again with a busy murmur among cautious ladylike foursomes on the golf course, buzzing pleasurably there amid ladylike whacks of the golf ball and cautious pullings-down of panties which bound too tightly. Everybody knew about their affair and everybody talked about it, and because of some haunting inborn squeamishness it would not have relieved Loftis to know that nobody particularly cared. — William Styron

I don't believe in taking much of a divot, especially with the longer irons. You want to barely comb the grass through impact. It's the only way to catch the ball on the second groove up from the bottom of the clubface. That's where you want to make contact: on the second groove. — Moe Norman

Forty minutes later, my hatred for field hockey was in full bloom, courtesy of Nikki. Whoever thought it was a good idea to combine Tag with wooden golf clubs and a rodent-size ball should be beaten senseless. — K.R. Conway

When you're having trouble and topping the ball, it means the ground is moving on you. — Chi Chi Rodriguez

One travels like a golf ball, hopping from green to green. — John Gunther

I have a random array of ball markers in my bag and don't use any specific one. Many are the plastic kind you find at almost any golf course. — Matt Kuchar

I will fall in love with any golf course that you have to drive the ball straight. You understand what I'm saying? That's my advantage. My advantage wasn't putting. In fact, I wasn't even a great putter or a good putter. — Lee Trevino

I'm not a golf player. I think golf and fishing are the same, but at the end of the day, you can't fry up and golf ball and dip it in tartar sauce. So I'm a fisherman. — Daymond John

Few golfers are born with the natural talent for hitting the ball, but every player is blessed with the God-given ability to throw a club. — Henry Beard

But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. — Mickey Wright

There's more tension in golf than in boxing because golfers bring it on themselves. It's silly really because it's not as if the golf ball is going to jump up and belt you on the whiskers, is it? — Henry Cooper

The golf ball has no sense at all, which is why it has to be given stern lectures constantly, especially during the act of putting. — Dan Jenkins

A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom. — Henry Beard

You get no points for style when it comes to putting. It's getting the ball to drop into the cup that counts. — Laurie Auchterlonie

He told me just to keep the ball low. — Chi Chi Rodriguez

Hitting a golf ball correctly is the most sophisticated and complicated maneuver in all of sports, with the possible exception of eating a hot dog at a ball game without getting mustard on your shirt. — Ray Fitzgerald

The competition I played against was fantastic, but golf is a different game now. The courses have shrunk because the equipment has gotten better. They're hitting the ball 10 to 15 percent farther because of the changes in the golf ball. — Hollis Stacy

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. — Jack Lemmon

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. — Bruce Lansky

We keep on going, he continued, fostering all kinds of crazy hopes. To redeem the lost, some sliver of personal revelation. It's an addiction, like playing the slots, or a game of golf. - It's a lot easier to talk about nothing, I said. He didn't outright ignore my presence, but he did fail to respond. - Well, anyway, that's my two cents. - You're just about to pack it in, toss the clubs in a river, when you hit your stride, the ball rolls straight in the cup, and the coins fill your inverted cap. — Patti Smith

Scott goes to the computer and loads a chart that says something about global warming. Scott says, "See?" Judy says, "I don't think global warming is important, people shouldn't need to use global warming as an excuse to stop being wasteful." Scott says, "How can you not believe this?" Judy says, "There has been golf ball-sized hail storms and hurricanes for a long time, it didn't just start all of the sudden. In the movie Al Gore drives in an SUV." Scott leaves to have a cigarette. Cory says, "Al Gore owns his own farm." Judy stares at the TV. Judy thinks, "No one in this room cares about global warming, this is ridiculous, we are all smoking cigarettes and eating cheese, how can any one of us care about voting? No one in this room cares about anything. — Ellen Kennedy

You must remind yourself at all times that the golf ball is nothing. It's an object. It's something to be swatted and sometimes lost and not even looked for. — Dan Jenkins

If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course? — Larry Nelson

Out here, it's just you and the ball. — Mike Weir

Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again. — Lon Hinkle

Jenny can still suck a golf ball through a garden hose and she guns my cock like a champ since she misplaced her false teeth! — Tara Sivec

Even before you step up to the ball, have a full battle plan for the hole worked out. — Arnold Palmer

One thing I've learned over time is, if you hit a golf ball into water, it won't float. — Arnold Palmer

The smaller the ball used in the sport, the better the book. — George Plimpton

There was the man who seemed to be attempting to decieve his ball and lull it into a false sense of security by looking away from it and then making a lightning slash in the apparent hope of catching it off its guard. — P.G. Wodehouse

If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about. — Bob Hope

The putter looks like a bunch of nuts and bolts welded together, but the ball goes in the hole. — Julius Boros

My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be; An angry man is close astern- He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave-the sky is blue; Go on, old ball, we are but two-We may be down in three, Or nine-or ten-or twenty-five-It matters not; to be alive, Is good enough for me. — A.P. Herbert

There was clearly great charm and worth in a sport so quaintly perverse in its basic instructions. Hit down to make the ball rise. Swing easy to make it go far. Finish high to make it go straight. — John Updike

Cyclists, I work with a number of cyclists. They are great athletes; they are great aerobic athletes. If you ask them to hit a baseball or golf ball, they can't do that. — Eric Heiden

Somebody once said that good conversation should be like a tennis match, with each player gracefully sending the ball back across the net; instead, most conversation is like a golf game, with each player stroking only his own ball, and waiting impatiently for the other to finish. — Sydney J. Harris

The only thing I won't watch is darts. And I don't watch cricket. How can you like a game that requires you to take four days off work to follow a Test? And I don't really like golf. I know a lot of English footballers play, but I know that if I go with the club to play, sooner or later I will end up trying to smash the ball with my foot. — Thierry Henry

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole? — Bruce Lansky

Try to think where you want to put the ball, not where you don't want it to go. — Billy Casper

There may be a certain amount of pleasurable excitement in running up to the top of a hillock in the hope of seeing your ball near the flag, but this kind of thing one gets tired of as one grows older. — Alister MacKenzie

I've never met a golfer who has never lost a golf ball. I've never met people who have fallen in love who have never had their heart broken. And I've never met someone rich who has never lost money. — Anonymous

The best part about golf is when you hit the ball long. It feels really good. — Michelle Wie

Hitting a golf ball and putting have nothing in common. They're two different games. You work all your life to perfect a repeating swing that will get you to the greens, and then you have to try to do something that is totally unrelated. There shouldn't be any cups, just flag sticks. And then the man who hit the most fairways and greens and got closest to the pins would be the tournament winner. — Ben Hogan

Programming is similar to a game of golf. The point is not getting the ball in the hole but how many strokes it takes. — Hayley Mills

I did not see the sense in chasing a little white ball around a field. — Calvin Coolidge

I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it. — Rogers Hornsby

If he takes the option of dropping behind the point where the ball rests, keeping in line with the pin, his nearest drop is Honolulu. — Jimmy Demaret

Sometimes in New York, you're walking down the street and you realize there's a girl walking in front of you whose thighs you could hit a golf ball through, and maybe that makes you depressed. — Sloane Crosley

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. — Don Carter

Trouble is bad to get into but fun to get out of. If you're in trouble, eighty percent of the time there's a way out. If you can see the ball, you can probably hit it; and if you can hit it, you can move it; and if you can move it, you might be able to knock it in the hole. At least it's fun to try. — Arnold Palmer

I've known the thrill of winning a tough ball game and of winning a golf match on the last hole. But to me the biggest thrill is to win the big one - the spiritual battle of life. — Billy Graham

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose — Winston S. Churchill

When I was playing football, I always felt in complete control. When I play golf and come under pressure, it's a completely different ball game. — Alan Hansen

It does look like a very good exercise. But what is the little white ball for? — Ulysses S. Grant

I get pissed off. I simply do not understand someone who hits a ball that lands behind a tree and can look at it and say, "Well, that's golf". — Simon Hobday

The advent of the rubber ball was instrumental in creating an entirely different method of striking the object. The solid ball required to be hit for carry, whereas it was quickly apparent that the Haskell lent itself to an enormous run. I hold the firm opinion that from this date the essential attitude towards accuracy was completely lost sight of. This was the start of the craze for length and still more length. — Harry Vardon

The problem with art is, it's not like the game of golf where you put the ball in the hole. There's no umpire; there's no judge. There are no rules. It's one of its problems. But it's also one of the great things about art. It becomes a question of what lasts. — Richard Prince

her sensor package could track a golf ball and hit it with a torpedo from half the solar system away." "Oh, — James S.A. Corey

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it. — Buddy Hackett

The one place where I can relax is on the golf course with my teammates and buddies, assuming I'm hitting the golf ball well. If I'm not, well, that is another story. — Carson Palmer

Everybody has two swings-a beautiful practice swing and the choked-up one with with which they hit the ball. So it wouldn't do either of us a damned bit of good to look at your practice swing. — Ed Furgol

If the rest of his foursome are bunched directly behind his ball, or assume the foetal position with their backs to the tee, the golfer is reminded that his drive tends to be erratic. More cruel yet is for his opponent to stand directly in the projected line of flight, as the safest place to be. — Eric Nicol

I didn't learn how to swing a golf club until late in my career. And even though I won all those tournaments, I still struggled with consistency, and I relied on my strengths, which were hitting the ball long and high, and I could chip and putt with the best of 'em. — Tom Watson

It's so bad I could putt off a tabletop and still leave the ball halfway down the leg. — J. C. Snead

Outside the golf course, I feel the pressure, and I feel what everybody else is feeling. But on the golf course, it's just the golf ball and clubs. And when I have that, it just puts a lot of pressure off of me. It just makes me very calm looking at it, yeah. — Inbee Park

From the beginning it was drilled into me that a golf course was a place where character fully reveals itself
both its strengths and its flaws. As a result, I learned early not only to fix my ball marks but also to congratulate an opponent on a good shot, avoid walking ahead of a player preparing to shoot, remain perfectly still when someone else was playing, and a score of other small courtesies that revealed, in my father's mind, one's abiding respect for the game. — Arnold Palmer

I don't mind when I hit a ball in the woods. I think of it as an adventure. That's when golf really starts to get interesting. — Michelle Wie

If the wind is in your face, you swing too hard just to get the ball through it; if the wind is at your back, you swing too hard just to see how far you can get the ball to go. — Henry Beard

I've just discovered the secret of golf. You can't play a really hot game unless you're so miserable that you don't worry over your shots. Take the case of a chip shot, for instance. If you're really wretched, you don't care where the ball is going and so you don't raise your head to see. Grief automatically prevents pressing and over-swinging. Look at the top-notchers. Have you ever seen a happy pro? — P.G. Wodehouse

Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose. — Woodrow Wilson

My caddie dared me to try it, but I didn't think it was worth losing a ball. — Ian Woosnam

In my day we simply didn't believe that it was possible to play as well as these young fellows do. We thought that strength denied touch and that you could not consistently hit the ball both long and straight. It's been proven that you can. — Byron Nelson

Golf is me and buddies out having a good time, but most of all, golf is about me and my dad. Anytime I think of golf, I think about my dad. He taught me how to hit a golf ball, and he got me playing. — Justin Timberlake

In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball. — Gene Perret

I know when I've been playing a lot of golf it takes me a while to get back into cricket again. It's not so much the different shape of the swings, more the fact that you are stationary when you hit a golf ball. In cricket you have to move forward or back, which is an instinctive timing thing. — Ricky Ponting

In order to hit a good golf shot at that moment in time when you're standing over the ball, you must believe that golf shot is the most important things in your life. — Tiger Woods

The funny thing is, last summer we were golfing together, me, him and Alonzo [Mourning]. I don't know how to golf, but it's an unbelievable opportunity to go out and golf with one of the greats. And he's out there making fun of my swing - I can't hit the ball - and I'm getting frustrated because I'm a competitor. So Alonzo pulled me aside and said, 'Man, you're getting the chance to golf with Bill Russell. How many people can say they've done that?' And I looked at him and said, 'You know what? You're right.' — Dwyane Wade

A story told me by Michael Barrie: Jesus and the Blessed Virgin go out to play golf. The Blessed Virgin is at the top of her form, drives and lands on the green. Jesus slices and lands in the bushes. A squirrel picks up the ball and runs off with it. A dog grab the squirrel, which still holds the ball in its mouth. An eagle swoops down, picks up the dog, squirrel and ball, and soars into the air. Out of a clear sky, lightning strikes the eagle, which drops the dog which drops the squirrel which drops the ball, right into the hole. The Blessed Virgin throws down her driver and exclaims indignantly, 'Look, are you going to play golf or just fuck around? — Christopher Isherwood

The only times you touch the ball with your hand are when you tee it up and when you pick it out of the cup. The hell with television towers and cables and burrowing animals and the thousand and one things that are referred to as 'not part of the golf course'. If you hit the ball off the fairway, you play it from there. — Ken Venturi

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!" — Henny Youngman

I'm a great believer that if you don't get the ball to the hole, it won't go in. — Colin Montgomerie

Golf never ceases to be a challenge, even when it really is just you and the ball out there and nobody else. — Arnold Palmer

Green synthetic practice mats are the worst thing for your golf game that I know of. You can hit six inches behind the ball and not even know it, because the ball still gets airborne. Practice nets are awful, too. Swing a weighted club instead. — Lee Trevino

I didn't miss the putt. I made the putt. The ball missed the hole. — Peter Jacobsen